Delight and pastime, or, Pleasant diversion for both sexes consisting of good history and morality, witty jests, smart repartees, and pleasant fancies, free from obscene and prophane expressions, too frequent in other works of this kind, whereby the age is corrupted in a great measure, and youth inflamed to loose and wanton thoughts : this collection may serve to frame their minds to such flashes of wit as may be agreeable to civil and genteel conversation / by G.M.

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Title
Delight and pastime, or, Pleasant diversion for both sexes consisting of good history and morality, witty jests, smart repartees, and pleasant fancies, free from obscene and prophane expressions, too frequent in other works of this kind, whereby the age is corrupted in a great measure, and youth inflamed to loose and wanton thoughts : this collection may serve to frame their minds to such flashes of wit as may be agreeable to civil and genteel conversation / by G.M.
Author
Miege, Guy, 1644-1718?
Publication
London :: Printed for J. Sprint ... and G. Conyers ...,
1697.
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Subject terms
Quotations.
Aphorisms and apothegms.
Cite this Item
"Delight and pastime, or, Pleasant diversion for both sexes consisting of good history and morality, witty jests, smart repartees, and pleasant fancies, free from obscene and prophane expressions, too frequent in other works of this kind, whereby the age is corrupted in a great measure, and youth inflamed to loose and wanton thoughts : this collection may serve to frame their minds to such flashes of wit as may be agreeable to civil and genteel conversation / by G.M." In the digital collection Early English Books Online 2. https://name.umdl.umich.edu/A50811.0001.001. University of Michigan Library Digital Collections. Accessed May 6, 2024.

Pages

Page 110

EPITAPHS.

I.

UPON King HENRY I. Who being dead, his Heart and Brains were bury'd in Normandy, and his Body in England.

HENRICI, cujus celebrat Vox publica Nomen, Hoc pro parte jacent Membra sepulta Loco. Quem neque viventem capiebat Terra, nec unus Defunctum potuit consepelire Locus. In tria partitus, sua Jura quibusque re∣signat Partibus, illustrans sic tria Regna tribus. Spiritui Coelum, Cordi Cerebroque dicata est Neustria, quod dederat Anglia Corpus habet.

Page 111

II.

Another Poet made him this flattering Epitaph;

Rex HENRICUS obit, Deus olim, nunc Dolor Orbis; Numina flent Numen deperiisse suum. Mercurius minor Eloquio, vi Mentis Apollo, Jupiter Imperio, Marsque Vigore gemunt, &c.

III.

MAƲD the Empress was Daughter to the foresaid King, Wife to Henry IV Emperour, and Mother to King Henry II. Happy in her Poet, who in one Distich thus expressed her Princely Parentage, Match, and Issue.

Magna Ortu, majorque Viro, sed maxima Partu, Hîc jacet HENRICI Filia, Sponsa, Parens,

Page 112

IV.

Upon King HENRY II, who by his own Right annexed to the Crown of Eng∣land the French Provinces of Anjou, Maine, and Touraine; by his Wife, Aqui∣tain; and by Conquest, Ireland.

Sufficit hic Tumulus, cui non suffecerat Orbis, Res brevis ampla mihi, cui fuit ampla brevis.
V.

Upon King RICHARD, surnamed Coeur de Lion, renowned for his Conquest of Cy∣prus, and great Exploits in the Holy Land.

Hîc, RICHARDE, jaces. Sed Mors si cederet Armis, Victa timore tui cederet ipsa tuis.
VI.

This Epitaph was also made upon him.

Istius in Morte perimit Formica Leonem. Proh dolor! in tanti Funere Mundus obit.

Page 113

VII.

Queen JANE, who died in Child-birth of King Edward VI, and used for her Device a Phenix, being her paternal Crest, had this alluding thereunto for her Epi∣taph;

Phaenix Jana jacet, nato Phaenice, dolendum Saecula Phaenices nulla tulisse duos.

VIII.

The said King EDWARD, being snatched away by Death in his Youth, had this Distich made upon him;

Rex, Regis Natus, Regum Decus, unica Regni Spesque Salusque sui, conditur hoc Tumulo.

IX.

Upon the Removal of Queen ELIZA∣BETH's Body from Richmond (where she died) by water to Whitehall, there were written these passionate doleful Lines.

The Queen was brought by Water to Whitehall, At every stroke the Oars Tears let fall,

Page 114

More clung about the Barge; Fish under water Wept out their Eyes of Pearl, and swam blind after. I think the Barge-men might with easier Thighs Have row'd her thither in her Peoples Eyes; For howsoe'r, thus much my Thoughts have scann'd, She'd come by Water, had she come by Land.
X.

Upon Prince HENRY, eldest Son of King James I.

Reader, Wonder think it none, Thô I speak, and am a Stone. Here is shrin'd celestial Dust, And I keep it but in trust. Should I not my Treasure tell, Wonder then you might as well, How this Stone could chuse but break, If it had not learnt to speak. Hence amaz'd, and ask not me, Whose these sacred Ashes be. Purposely it is concealed; For, if that should be revealed,

Page 115

All that read would by and by Melt themselves to tears, and dy.
XI.

On Queen ANN, the said Prince's Mo∣ther, by King James.

March with his Wind has struck a Cedar tall, And weeping April mourns the Cedar's Fall, And May intends no Flow'rs her Month shall bring, Since she must lose the Flow'r of all the Spring. Thus Marches Wind has caused April showers, And yet sad May must lose her Flow'r of Flowers.
XII.

Upon the great GƲSTAVƲS, King of Sweden, who died Victor in the Field.

Seek not, Reader, here to find Intomb'd the Throne of such a Mind As did the brave GƲSTAVƲS fill, Whom neither Time nor Death can kill.

Page 116

Go, and read all Caesar's Acts, The Rage of Scythian Cataracts, What Epire, Greece, and Rome has done, What Kingdoms Goths & Vandals won. Read all the World's heroick Story, It is but half this Hero's Glory. They got their Victories living, But our Hero got this dying.
XIII.

This short one also was made upon him.

Upon this Place the great GƲSTAVƲS died, While Victory lay weeping by his side.
XIV.

The following Epitaph was made upon Pope LƲCIƲS, born at Luca; who of Bishop of Ostia, became Pope of Rome, and died at Verona.

Luca dedit tibi lucem, LUCI, Pontificatum Ostia, Papatum Roma, Verona mori. Imò Verona dedit tibi verè vivere, Roma Exilium, Curas Ostia, Luca mori.

Page 117

XV.

For Theobald of Bloys, Earl of Cham∣pagne, Nephew to our Henry I, Giraldus Cambrensis made this.

Ille Comes, Comes ille pius Theobaldus eras, quem Gaudet habere Polus, Terra carere dolet. Non Hominem possum, non audeo dicere Numen; Mors probat hunc Hominem, Vita fuisse Deum. Trans Hominem, citraque Deum; plus hoc, minus illud, Nescio quis, Neuter, inter Ʋtrumque fuit.
XVI.

William Earl of Pembroke, and Marshal of England, being buried in the Temple-Church, had this Epitaph made for him.

Sum quem Saturnum sibi sensit Hibernia, Solem Anglia, Mercurium Normannia, Gallia Martem.

Page 118

XVII.

Something like it was that for Richard de Clare, Earl of Glocester and Hartford, who died in 1602.

Hîc Pudor Hippoliti, Paridis Gena, Sensus Ulyssis, Aeneae Pietas, Hectoris Ira jacet.
XVIII.

The Duke of Suffolk and his Brother, Sons of Charles Brandon, who died of the Sweating Sickness at Bugden, were buried together with this.

Ʋna Fides vivos conjunxit, Religio una, Ardor & in studiis unus, & unus Amor. Abstulit hos simul una Dies, duo Corpora jungit Ʋna Ʋrna, ac Mentes unus Olympus habet.
XIX.

Upon the first Seven Archbishops of Can∣terbury here's a joint Epitaph, as it is taken out of Gervasius Dorobernensis.

Septem sunt Anglis Primates & Protopatres, Septem Rectores, coelo septemque Triones,

Page 119

Septem Cisternae Vitae, septemque Lucernae, Septem sunt Stellae, quas haec tenet Area Cellae.
XX.

Upon Stigand Arch-Bishop of Canter∣bury, this bitter Epitaph was made by some of his Enemies.

Hîc jacet Herodes Herode ferocior, hujus Inquinat Infernum Spiritus, Ossa Solum.
XXI.

A special Favourer of Thomas Becket, Arch-bishop of Canterbury, (who was slain at Christmass, in Christ-Church at Canterbury) made this Epitaph upon him, expressing the Cause, Time, and Place of his Death.

Pro Christi sponsâ, Christi sub Tempore, Christi In Templo, Christi verus Amator obit. Quinta Dies natalis erat, Flos Orbis ab Orbe Carpitur, & Fructus incipit esse Poli. Quis moritur? Praesul. Cur? Pro Grege. Qualiter? Ense. Quando? Natali. Quis Locus? Ara Dei.

Page 120

XXII.

Vitalis, Abbot of Westminster, who died in the Reign of William the Conqueror, had this Epitaph.

Qui Nomen traxit à Vitâ, Morte vocante, Abbas Vitalis transiit, hîcque jacet.
XXIII.

One Peter, a Religious Man, had this.

Petra capit Petri Cineres, Animam Petra Christus, Sic sibi divisit utraque Petra Petrum.
XXIV.

Upon fair Rosamond, King Henry the Second's Concubine, one Mr. Daniel made this.

Hâc jacet in Tumbâ Rosa Mundi, non Rosamunda; Non redolet, sed olet, quae redolere solet.

Page 121

XXV.

The next was made upon Jacobus Triul∣cio, a restless Man, always in action while he lived.

Hîc Mortuus Requiescit Semel, Qui-Vivus Requievit Nunquam.
XXVI.

Upon a Gentleman named None, buried at Wimundham, who gave nothing to the Religious there, this following Epitaph was made.

Hîc situs est Nullus, quia Nullo Nullior iste; Et quia Nullus erat, de Nullo Nîl tibi, Christe.
XXVII.

At Geneva there's an Epitaph in these Words;

VIXI ƲT VIVIS, MORIERIS ƲT SƲM MORTƲƲS. SIC VITA TRƲDITƲR.

Page 122

XXVIII.

One without Name had this Inscription on his Grave;

VIXI, PECCAVI, PAENITƲI, NATƲRAE CESSI.

XXIX.

Which is as Christian as that was pro∣phane of the Roman,

Amici, dum vivimus, Vivamus.

XXX.

Another did set down for his Epitaph this godly Admonition.

Look Man before thee, how thy Death hasteth; Look Man behind thee, how thy Life wasteth; Look on thy right Side, how Death thee desireth; Look on thy left side, how Sin thee beguileth;

Page 123

Look Man above thee, Joys that ever shall last; Look Man beneath thee the Pains without rest.
XXXI.

Diego de Valles made this Inscription for his Tomb at Rome;

Certa Dies nulli est, Mors certa, incerta sequentum Cura; locet Tumulum qui sapit ante sibi.

XXXII.

Dr. Caius a Learned Physician of Cam∣bridg, and a Cofounder of Gonvil and Caius Colledg, has only on his Monument there,

FƲI CAIƲS.

XXXIII.

Julius Scaliger, only this;

SCALIGERI QƲOD RELIQƲƲM.

Page 124

XXXIV.

And Cardinal Pool's is as short, but more savouring of Christian Antiquity. These are the Words,

DEPOSITƲM POLI CARDINALIS.

XXXV.

Mr. Burbidge, the Tragedian, had one fit for his Profession;

EXIT BURBIDGE.

XXXVI.

And Mr. Weymark, a constant Walker in Paul's, was as well fitted with this;

DEFESSƲS SƲM AMBƲLANDO.

XXXVII.

Upon Sir Philip Sidney, I find this;

England had his Body, for she it fed; Netherland his Blood, in her Defence shed;

Page 125

The Heavens have his Soul, the Arts have his Fame; The Souldier the Grief, the World his good Name.

XXXVIII.

Upon a Young Man of great hope, a Student of Oxford made this;

Short was thy Life, Yet livest thou ever; Death has her due, Yet diest thou never.

XXXIX.

Upon Sir Francis Vere.

When Vere sought Death, arm'd with his Sword and Shield, Death was afraid to meet him in the Field; But, when his Weapons he had laid aside, Death, like a Coward, struck him, and he died.

Page 126

XL.

Here is a short one, but without any stress of Wit, upon an ancient Knight, Sir..... Jernegan, buried cross-legged at Somerly in Suffolk.

Jesus Christ, both God and Man, Save thy Servant Jernegan.
XLI.

This following was made for a bad Li∣ver, who was buried in the Night under the Name of Menalcas, and that without any Ceremony.

Here lieth Menalcas, as dead as a Log; Who lived like a Devil, & died like a Dog. But I mistake, here he doth not ly, For from this Place he parted by and by; Making from hence his Descent into Hell, Without either Book, Candle, or Bell.
XLII.

Pleasant was the Epitaph made upon an ignorant French Abbot, in these words;

Cy gît un ignorant Abbé, Qui ne savoit ni A, ni B.

Page 127

XLIII.

A drunken Man, Elderton by Name, had this made upon him;

Hîc situs est sitiens, atque ebrius Eldertonus, Quid dico, hîc situs est? hîc potiùs sitis est.

XLIV.

Upon an old Miser, Sparges by Name, this was made;

Here lieth Father Sparges, That died to save Charges.

XLV.

Upon a capricious Man, this;

Here lieth Willing Wills, With his Head full of Wind-mills.

XLVI.

Upon another, who was ever out of hu∣mour;

Here lieth he, Who with himself could never agree.

Page 128

XLVII.

On a litigious Man;

Here lies he, who in his Life With every Man had some Strife; And now he's dead, and in his Grave, His Bones no quiet Rest can have. For lay your Ear unto this Stone, And you shall hear how every Bone Doth crack and beat against each other. Pray for his Soul's Health, gentle Brother.

XLVIII.

One, who had a Shrew to his Wife, writ upon her this Epitaph;

We lived one and twenty Year, As Man and Wife together; I could not stay her longer here, She's gone, I know not whither. But did I know, I do protest, (I speak it not to flatter) Of all the Women in the World, I swear I'd ne're come at her.

Page 129

Her Body is bestowed well, This handsom Grave did hide her: And sure her Soul is not in Hell, The Devil could ne're abide her. But I suppose she's soar'd aloft; For in the late great Thunder, Methought I heard her roaring Voice, Rending the Clouds asunder.

XLIX.

He was more happy in a Wife, who wrote this Distich upon her, after her De∣cease;

Quae pia, quae prudens, quae provida, pulchra fuisti, Ʋxor in aeternum, Chara MARIA, vale.

L.

Upon a notorious Liar, basely extract∣ed, yet by reason of his Name claiming Kindred of a most noble Family, this Epi∣taph was made.

Here lies M. F. the Son of a Bearward, Who would needs bear Arms in spight of the Herald;

Page 130

Which was a Lion as black as a Jeat-stone, With a Sword in his Paws instead of a Whet-stone. Five Sons had this Liar, 'tis worth the revealing; Two arrant Liars, and three hang'd for Stealing. His Daughters were nine, never free from Sores; Three crooked Apostles, and six arrant Whores.
LI.

Upon a Dier;

He that died so oft in sport, Died at last, no colour for't.

LII.

Upon a Puritan Lock-smith.

A Zealous Lock-smith dy'd of late, And did arrive at Heaven's Gate. He stood without, and would not knock, Because he meant to pick the Lock.

Page 131

LIII.

On a Gold-smith that Tipt Stone-Jugs with Silver;

He that did tip Stone-Jugs about the Brim, Met with a black Pot, and the Pot tipt him.

LIV.

Upon a Wrestler;

Death to this Wrestler gave a fine Fall, That tript up his Heels, and took no hold at all.

LV.

On a Butcher that marry'd a Tanner's Daughter;

A sitter Match has never bin, The Flesh is marry'd to the Skin.

Page 132

LVI.

Upon Cosier, the Cobler;

Come, gentle Reader, gentle Friend, Come, and behold poor Cosier's End. Longer in length his Life had gone, But that he had no Last so long. O mighty Death! whose Art can kill The Man that made Soles at his will.

LVII.

On a Child drowned, catching of an Apple;

Disce meo malo, posse carere Malo.

LVIII.

Upon two beautiful Children, Brother and Sister, who wanted each of them an Eye;

Lumine Acon dextro caruit, Leonilla sinistro, Et potuit Formâ vincere uterque Deos. Parve Puer, Lumen quod habes concede Sorori; Sic tu caecus AMOR, sic erit illa VENƲS.

Page [unnumbered]

LIX.

U•••••• troublesom, talkative Woman;

Here at lat doth she lie in quiet, Who whilst he lived was ever unquiet. Her Husband prays, if by her Grave you walk, You'd gently tread; for, if waked, she'll talk.

LX.

I conclude with that Ingenious Epitaph made upon Lot's Wife by Count Emanuel Thesaurus, in these Words.

Quam stupes muliebrem statuam, Tanto artificio fictam, Artifice caruit. Genita fuit, & sine Scalpello sculpta; Et, quod impensiùs mirere, Olim spirabilis, & loquuta. Brevi, Foemina fuit. Dicerem, est; Nisi prodigium videretur, Foeminam esse, & tacere. Sola Mortalium, nec Imaginis egens, nec Se∣pulchri, Ipsa suae stupiditatis Imago,

Page 134

In semita haeret, Et in suâ Statuâ tumulatur. Licet igitur intra Metamorphoses numerare Foeminam ex verâ fictam; Imò nunc veram, quia fictam; Nam quid in Foeminis videas, nisi fictum? Itaque mentiri solita, se ipsam mentitur. Mortua Vivam simulat, vel Viva Mortuam. Magis mirêre, Quòd insulsa salsum migravit in Lapidem; In sale mortua, quo viva carebat. Sic solent Foeminae, sapiunt cùm percunt. Ah! fuge hunc salem, si sapis, Viator.
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