Delight and pastime, or, Pleasant diversion for both sexes consisting of good history and morality, witty jests, smart repartees, and pleasant fancies, free from obscene and prophane expressions, too frequent in other works of this kind, whereby the age is corrupted in a great measure, and youth inflamed to loose and wanton thoughts : this collection may serve to frame their minds to such flashes of wit as may be agreeable to civil and genteel conversation / by G.M.

Of PRINCES.

I.

GREAT was the Freedom the ancient Greeks took with their Princes, even to the Reproach of their Vices; and some of these were wise enough not to take it ill: Witness the Story of a Grecian Lady, and PHILIP King of Macedon. Which King newly risen from Table, his Head intoxicated with the Liquor he had drunk, wronged the Lady in a Concern she brought before him. Whereupon she ap∣pealed from his Judgment, To whom? said the King; To Philip, reply'd she, when Sober. This made him Recollect himself; and upon due Consideration, finding him∣self

in the wrong, he altered his Judg∣ment in the Lady's behalf.

II.

The same King, having some Courtiers about him, who endeavoured to perswade him to punish a Man of great Worth, as having spoken ill of him, I must first exa∣mine (says he) whether I have deserved it, or not. At last he found, that the Party had never receiv'd any Favour from him, thô he highly deserved it. Upon which he sent him great Presents; and 'twas not long before he heard, that the same Man spoke much to his Praise. You see, then said the King to the same Courtiers, that I know better than you do how to silence De∣traction. To which he added, that Prin∣ces had it in their Power to get the Love of their Subjects when they pleased; and, if they were not beloved, 'twas their own Fault.

III.

PHILIP contending with an able Musi∣cian about an Air, 'Twere great pity (said the Musician to him) that you should be so Ʋnhappy as to know this better than I do. A proper Lesson for Men in Dignity, not to affect excelling in some sorts of Know∣ledg.

IV.

King Philip's Wife, Mother of Alexan∣der the Great, hearing that her Son called

himself the Son of Jupiter, and was wor∣shipped as a God, did put a shrewd Jeer upon him, For she sent him word, and pray'd him, not to bring her into Trouble with the Goddess Juno.

V.

ALEXANDER, being at Delphos to consult the Oracle, forced Apollo's Priestess into the Temple, upon an unlawful Day. She cry'd out, and made what Resistance she could, but in vain. At last says she to Alexander, Thou art Invincible. This Ora∣cle, answered he, will serve my Turn, and so let her go. Thus the Priestess's Words, extorted by his Violence, passed for an Oracle.

VI.

Darius, King of Persia, having offered his Daughter, with half his Kingdom, to ALEXANDER, Parmenio his Favourite told him, Were I Alexander, I would ac∣cept of Darius his Offer. So would I, re∣plied Alexander, if I were Parmenio.

VII.

When ALEXANDER lay dying, some of his Courtiers asked him, where he had laid up his Treasures. You will find them, says he, in my Friends Purses. Whereby he insinuated, that he had got no Trea∣sures, but what he had freely (as fast as he had got them) disposed of amongst

his Friends; and that he did not question but they would supply therewith one ano∣ther, when Occasion served.

VIII.

King ANTIGONƲS, having made a strict League with the Athenians, they offered one of his Servants the Freedom of their City. By no means, said the King, I will not suffer him to accept of that Honour, lest that being some Day or other in a Passion, I should be so unhappy as to beat an Athenian.

IX.

King PIRRHƲS, having twice over∣come the Romans, and finding his Army much weakned by such Victories, I am un∣done, says he, if I get a third Victory.

X.

Dionysius, Tyrant of Syracusa, was a Prince who freely ridiculed the Supersti∣tion and Idolatry which reigned in his Time amongst the Greeks. He was for making use of those Offerings that were made to the Idols, which they had no Occasion for. The Cloak of Gold which Hieron sent to the Statue of Jupiter Olym∣pius he took, and gave instead of it one made of Wool, saying, That a Cloak of Gold was both too cold in Winter, and too warm in Summer. Aesculapius his Statue had a Beard of Gold, which he clipt off, say∣ing, That it was not decent for the Son to

have a Beard, being his Father Apollo had none.

XI.

Dionysius had a Son, who had violated a Lady of Syracusa. Upon which he ask∣ed him, with an angry Look, whether he had ever heard that in his Youthful Days he had committed such Actions. You were not, answered he, born a King's Son, as I am. Thou shalt never be a King's Father, replied the Tyrant. And so it proved in effect. For young Dionysius, being expel∣led from Syracusa, became of a King a Schoolmaster in the City of Corinth.

XII.

Then it was that Diogenes, seeing him in that Station, began to sigh before him. Upon which young Dionysius spake to him in these Words; Be not troubled, Diogenes, at my Misfortunes, 'tis the Fate of humane Affairs. That is not, answered the Cynick, the Thing which troubles me; for I am vexed, to see thee still happier than thou deservest.

XIII.

Memorable is HANNIBAL's Answer to King ANTIOCHƲS. Who, having set forth unto him the Magnificence of his Army, asked him, whether he thought it would be sufficient for the Romans. No doubt of it, answered Hannibal, were the Romans never so Covetous; Meaning,

that it was sufficient to make 'em rich with the Spoils, but not to overcome them.

XIV.

'Tis said of JƲLIƲS CAESAR, that having took Shipping at Brundusium in Italy in Pursuit of Pompey, and a Storm arising, which frighted his Pilot from set∣ting Sail, he undauntedly cried out to the Pilot, Caesarem vehis & Fortunam ejus, Re∣member that thou carriest Caesar and his Fortune.

XV.

WILLIAM RƲFƲS, upon the like Oc∣casion, shewed his greatness of Courage much after the same manner. Who go∣ing to take Ship for Normandy, in order to Relieve Coutancaes then straitly besieged by the French, the Wind then proving contrary and boysterous, the Mariners told him, it was not safe for him to take Sea. But the King eager for the Relief of that Town, and having no Time to lose, bad them hoise up Sail in God's Name, Was it ever heard (says he) that a King was drowned by Tempest?

XVI.

To this purpose was the Answer of CHARLES V. Emperor, and King of Spain, at the Battel of Tunis. Who, be∣ing advised by the Marquess of Guasto to

secure his Person, when the great Ord∣nance began to play, Marquess, said he, did you ever hear, that an Emperor was slain with a great Shot?

XVII.

JƲLIƲS CAESAR, being gone to Conquer Africk, hapned to fall off his Horse. 'Tis a good Omen, says he, that I find Africk under me; This is not a Fall, but Taking of Possession.

XVIII.

Much to the same purpose was that Say∣ing of an Officer of WILLIAM the Con∣querour, whose Foot (upon his Landing in England) chanced to slip, so that he fell into the Mud, and bemired all his hands over. Which Accident being lookt upon by the said Officer as a lucky Pre∣sage, Now (said he to the Duke) thou hast taken Possession, and holdest of the Land in thy band, whereof thou shalt be shortly King.

XIX.

A young Grecian favoured very much AƲGƲSTƲS; who, inquiring into the Cause of so great Resemblance, asked the Young Man whether his Mother had ever been at Rome. No, answered the Young Man, but my Father has several times. Thus, by an apparent Simplicity which sheltered his Boldness from the Emperor's

Anger, he made him sensible by his own Argument, that the Resemblance pro∣ceeded rather from the Wantonness of the Emperor's Mother than his own Mo∣ther's.

XX.

The Trojans having sent Deputies to Compliment AƲGƲSTƲS, upon account of a Palm-tree that grew on an Altar they had erected unto him, told him, it was a certain Presage of the Conquests he should make. To me, answered Augustus, 'tis ra∣ther an Argument how little Fire you Kindle upon the Altar, to consume the Victims. Apparet quàm saepe accendatis.

XXI.

Admirable is that saying of a wise Ro∣man, upon the Death of AƲGƲSTƲS. 'Twere (says he) to be wished, that either Augustus had never been born, or that he had never died. By which few Words he gave a just Idea of the whole Life of that Prince. The Beginning of whose Reign was full of Violence and Cruelty, whereas the Progress and Conclusion of it was at∣tended with all the Blessings of Justice, Clemency, and Moderation.

XXII.

When the Trojans sent Embassadors to TIBERIƲS, to condole the Death of his Father-in-Law Augustus, it was so long af∣ter

Augustus his Death, that Tiberius thought it proper to fit them with this Re∣turn. And I am, says he, sorry, that you have lost so valiant a Knight as Hector; who was slain above a thousand Years be∣fore.

XXIII.

SIGISMƲND the Emperor, being told by one of his Courtiers, that he wonder∣ed at his Maxim of obliging his Enemies, and putting them in a Condition to hurt him, when it was in his Power to take a∣way their Lives. Do not I, says he, suffi∣ciently stay 'em, when by my Benefits I make them of my Foes my Friends.

XXIV.

LEWIS XII, King of France, when he was Duke of Orleans, had been very much disobliged in the foregoing Reigns by two Persons then in great Favour at Court. When he came to the Crown, a Confident of his did his utmost to induce him into a Resentment. By no means, answered King Lewis, 'tis below a King of France to re∣venge the Wrong done to the Duke of Orle∣ans.

XXV.

No less memorable is the generous An∣swer of JOHN II, Duke of Bourbon, who was an Hostage in England for King John of France. Whilst he was here, several

of his Subjects taking an advantage of his Absence caballed against him, and in∣vaded his Rights. One of his Officers took an exact Account of it in writing, which he presented to the Duke upon his Return, in order to bring the Offenders under the Lash of the Law. The Duke asked him, whether he had took an Ac∣count of the good Service they had done him formerly. That I have not, said the Officer. Then, said the Duke, it is not just I should make any Ʋse of this; and so threw it into the Fire, without any further notice.

XXVI.

HENRY IV, of France, walking one Day, was followed by the Duke of Mayenne, a burly fat Man, and conse∣quently a bad Walker; who had con∣tended with Henry for the Crown. And now the King took pleasure in tiring of him. But, after the Walking was over, Now Cousin (said the King to him) I am satisfy'd, and you may assure your self I shall take no further Revenge.

XXVII.

LEWIS XIII, Son and Successor of the foresaid Henry, being addressed unto by a Deputation from his Protestant Subjects, for the Continuation of their Privileges, according to the Edicts of his Predeces∣sors

Henry III, and Henry IV, the King made them this Answer. You had, says he, those Privileges granted you by Henry III, who feared you; and you had them con∣firmed by my Father, who loved you; but for my Part, I neither love, nor fear you.

XXVIII.

The late Prince of Condé, making his first Visit to LEWIS XIV, after the Bat∣tel of Seneffe, the King stood at the Top of the Stairs, whilst the Prince was get∣ting up but slowly, having the Gout upon him. Which made him say to the King from the middle of the Stair-case, Sir, I beg your Majesty's Pardon, if I make you stay. Cousin, answered the King, take your own Time; a Prince loaded with Laurels, as you are, cannot move so nimbly.

XXIX.

A petty PRINCE of Italy, being in∣formed, that a Frenchman in his Court had put some Jokes upon him and his Designs, ordered him to go out of his Dominions in three Days. 'Tis too long a Time, an∣swered the French Gentleman, three quar∣ters of an Hour will serve to obey him. By which Answer he pleasantly reflected up∣on the small Extent of the Prince's Domi∣nions.

XXX.

A KING of Spain, unfortunate in War, having lost several Places and Coun∣tries of Consequence, his Courtiers never∣theless gave him the Title of Great. Which one carping at, his Greatness (says he) is like that of Ditches, which the more is taken from them, grow the greater.

XXXI.

After the Battels of Fleury and Staffar∣de, a Minister of the Emperor at the Court of Portugal insinuating to the KING, that France must yield at last, being surrounded with Enemies on all Sides. Ay, but (answered the King) she has newly made two vigorous Sallies; Meaning the aforesaid Battels, in which the French had the Advantage.

XXXII.

WILLIAM the Conquerour, having created his Half Brother (Bishop of Bayeux) Earl of Kent, ordered him after∣wards to be Imprisoned, on some just Displeasure. For which being quarrelled by the Pope, (the Clergy being then ex∣empted from the Secular Power) he re∣turned this Answer, That he had commit∣ted the Earl of Kent, not the Bishop of Bayeux.

XXXIII.

WILLIAM RƲFƲS, the Conquerour's Son and immediate Successor, made com∣monly as it were Portsale of the Spiritual Livings. One Day two Monks out-bid∣ding each other for an Abbey, he asked another of their Company, (whom he spy'd standing in a Corner) what he would give to be Abbot? Not one Far∣thing, said he, for I renounced the World and Riches, that I might the more sincerely serve my God. Which Answer did so take with the King, notwithstanding his Co∣vetousness, that he judged him most wor∣thy to be made Abbot, and accordingly bestowed gratis the Abbey upon him.

XXXIV.

Philip, the warlike Bishop of Beauvais in France, being taken Prisoner by our King RICHARD I, the Pope wrote in his behalf to the King, that he would Re∣lease him as a Churchman, and one of his beloved Sons. The King, to vindicate himself, sent to the Pope the Armour in which the Bishop was taken, with these words ingraven upon it, Vide an haec sit Tunica Filii tui, that is, See whether this be thy Son's Coat, or not; being the Words which Jacob's Children spake to him, when they presented him with the Coat of their Brother Joseph. Which the

Pope viewing, swore, that it was rather the Coat of a Son of Mars, than a Son of the Church, and so left him wholly at the King's Pleasure.

XXXV.

The said King RICHARD, being told by one Fulke, a Priest in great esteem for his Holiness, that he kept three Daugh∣••ers, which if he did not dismiss, they would procure him God's Wrath; How so? said the King, all the World knows, I never had a Child. Yea, said the Priest, you have three; and their Names are Pride, Covetousness, and Lechery. Well, said the King, you shall see me presently dispose of them. The Knights Templars shall have Pride, the White Monks Cove∣tousness, and the Clergy Lechery. Thus you have my three Daughters bestowed amongst you.