Essays of love and marriage being letters written by two gentlemen, one dissuading from love, the other an answer thereunto : with some characters and other passages of wit.

II.

PRethee, dear Friend, do not burn Diana's Temple only to be talked of: Modern wits (like spirits of the lower Region) once conjured up, must be set on work, though of mischief. I must confess thou venturest hard on the parado∣xology of thy brain, that darest en∣ter the Lists Athanasius-like, contra mundum; disputing that with thy pen, which the world from Adam, and thy self by thy practice provest undeniable. What is said in case of Religion, a little Philosophy makes men Atheists, but enough confirms them in the truth, is true of thee in point of love; of which and its objects thou art no more a compe∣tent Judge, than a Red-coat is of a

Moot-case. Did I not know that all wonder proceeded of ignorance, and that people most admire what they least understand, I should wonder at thy wonder, that a man of thy parts and complexion, and born of a Mother, should call that stumbling, which is so graceful and natural a motion; fall out with love and women, yet by thy own con∣fession, understand neither. Thou turn'st Andabate and fightest blind∣fold, not knowing against whom or for what. I prethee, Friend, what Countrey-Girl has slighted thy Madrigals, and disentertained thy affections, that thou quarrel'st and fall'st at defiance with the whole Sex? He that said all Cre∣tians were liers, was himself a Cre∣tian: and thou condemnest all Lo∣vers as mad, yet art thy self a Lo∣ver, and consequently mad, or else

more mad that thou art not a Lo∣ver. I never yet knew any despise Monarchy, but those that could not be Monarchs. Every man in this is a Huntsman, who coming short of the Hare, cries, Hang her, 'tis dry meat. Among the rest of thy wonders, thou mayst put this for one, that I who am unconcerned, should at this distance take up the cudgels in defence of a friend, whom thou hast laught into silence; but the Proverb excuses me, He whom sorrow makes dumb, deserves double pity. For my part, I must confess I love to sleep in a whole skin, and not to engage in anothers quarrel, unless he will lend me his skull to bear the blows: but this being the common cause, 'tis pity truth should be out-worded, and her innocence be suspected to want clearness, merely for want of clearing There

is no man more unfit for this work than I, having been ever as athei∣stical in Love as thy self; and so far from being an Opponent to thy Thesis, that I have ever been a no∣ted Assertor of thy Doctrine, till ex∣perience reformed my judgment, and makes me look on my former error with regret and disdain. 'Tis so far from being a wonder to me, that one pleasant, affable and so∣ciable, one that has view'd variety of beauties, should fall in love with one woman, that I wonder how it could be otherwise; none being fitter for Love than one so qualifi∣ed, nor can any find a best, that have not view'd all. That Love per se is the ruine of its subject, I deny; yet I allow it may be accidentally true, and be a passion not the less noble. And as I would not have it only restrained to woman for its

object: so I would not have them totally excluded. And truly I am so far from believing that Sex not an object of love, that I can hard∣ly admit of any besides. That Love has several objects, as Heaven, Vir∣tue, and the rest which you reckon up, with many more, I deny not. But all they, as oblique objects, are so far from being adequate, that they draw Love in several denomi∣nations, as piety, duty, friendship, &c. And but that seriousness would be thrown away on thee, and any thing here but sophistry useless, I could tell thee from the learned, that Love is only an expansion of the soul to its object; which is, what∣ever is attractive: and that natural∣ly man loves himself best and first, and all other things in subordination to himself; and that whatever is most like man in nature and habit,

is the properest object of his Love. Then 'twill follow (whether you will or no) that no object is so pro∣per as woman. But thou'lt laugh at these old-fashion'd grounds, and ac∣count them like Harry's codpieces. To abstract Love from sensuality in a natural sense, is both impossible and needless, it deriving a greater influence from the sensitive soul, and being a Passion from which Brutes are not exempt. Nay that very thing which you call sensuali∣ty, and will allow it to derive its legitimation only from an Ordi∣nance, may shew an antienter coat than Ordinances, it being the only way chalked out by nature for pro∣pagation and preservation of every species. So that your Epithetes and Synonyma's of concupiscence and carnal appetite, &c. I attribute to the luxuriance of your fansie; and

must tell you, we can easily give you & your ways the like terms without the help of a Sylva. But your main hesitancy is, What are your causes of Love? 'Tis not bare red and white, that are either causes of, or colours for it, but the situation and contexture of both. I never loved my Mistris face, because fair, but because I liked it, and thereby thought it so, and I therefore thought it so, because hers: so that should time or accident (from which no face has a Protection) al∣ter the complexion in the eye, I'd re∣tein the same Idea still in mine. Next, for the Gentlemans change (with which you upbraid him) much may be pleaded in excuse: for besides the great delight in va∣riety, I know no reason why, if a man find himself in an errour, he may not repent and take a new course. Nor may you call it prodi∣gality

of affection; he that grounds his Love right is above uncertain∣ties, in regard the true cause of Love, which is sympathy, cannot perish before its object. And be∣cause you say, Beauty is a Chymaera, and every man a Pygmalion that carves to himself a Mistris; will you from thence infer, that because all men do not think one face beauti∣ful, no man should think any so? And I appeal to the Synod of Di∣vines, whether for a Lover to chuse his own Mistris, and love her, or court her be a piece of ignorance or paganism. Nor can you deny that manners, carriage and virtue are in∣centives to Love; and that these things are really visible in that Sex by any that look not through spe∣ctacles of prejudice. But he that has an ill sight dislikes all objects. Thou hast an humour in thine eyes,

whereby thou canst not discern action from behaviour; I like it not the worse if acquired; no more than I do a good Scholar that speaks Latine by the Grammar. That there are arcana imperii among them, as well as us, is undeniable; for if all were as they appear, they would be rather angels than women. 'Tis true much action and deceptio visus is in both sexes in point of Courtship, whereby they recipro∣cally draw their expectations to an height unobteinable, and succeeding enjoyments convince both Sexes of a handsom (but commonly an equal) cheat. I shall not only allow of that Doctors charity, that held, That 'tis possible some virtue may be found in some women: but also shall experimentally add, That much vir∣tue may be found in many. 'Tis not for nothing that all virtues are de∣clined

by Grammarians with haec, and fansied by Painters in female shadows. Virtues are like Dia∣monds rare and small; nor should we esteem them were they to be bought by the pound. I take virtue and beauty to be causes of affection; but I mean not by beauty the mere superficies of a visage, but the sym∣metry of parts; and he that grounds his affection rightly on that, finds a becoming beauty even in old Age. Virtue also I conceive a cause of love, and love a motive of copulation. Nor is generation for the commu∣nion of virtues, but propagation of issue; since 'tis an undoubted law of nature, that all creatures desire and endeavour perpetuation. You call lust the cause of love; 'tis true, if you take all altitudes by your own Jacob's staff, 'tis so to you: so the Wolf conceives all creatures to

eat raw flesh, because he does. I cannot imagin such a Stocial apathy in men, unless in Eutopia, but that we do and may make that which you call lust a part of love. Nor is that Passion itself blameable, but circumstances may make it so: for the Stoies themselves got children, and did not deny the being of de∣sires in men, but their domineering over Reason. Nor is it the work of a wise man to be without passions, but above them. Consider man as with a soul compounded of Will and Reason, the conquest of the will in this life can be but by synec∣doche; which being considered, it will follow, That men abstracted from desires of this nature, are ra∣ther to be looked for, than found. And for your erratical Love, that is so planetary and unfixed, it shews its own weakness, but not your

strength; though it be peripareti∣cal, it makes not you a Philoso∣pher; since Love, like Sun-beams, being diffused, are but faint: but contracted to one object, are fer∣vent and calefactory. Wives are not Quelque choses, in whom only variety breeds delight, but are solid food which never nauseate sound stomachs. For a man to love Vir∣tue abstracted from its subject, is to fansie a Chymaera; but Virtue in a woman is an undoubted motive. As to your similitude of Joan and my Lady; take the whole Proverb, put in (in the dark) and you are answered. 'Tis not want of diffe∣rence, but due discerning; nor is she as good, but seems so. The Cuckow once sang better than the Nightingal; but remember who was Judge. Times swift motion and youths transitoriness are com∣mon

places in the beaten roads, where ever travelling wit baits and refreshes himself in his pilgrimage. But yet desires being part of the soul, and so immortal, do not decay in age, but only alter their motives and object. Nor is the world bar∣ren of examples of aged men, ea∣gerly desiring and performing rites of conjuncture with women. As for those changeable and quick silver minds which love and loath in a moment, 'tis their Vice, and may give you this notion, That as their love can so soon and easily change into disdain: so your present scorn may turn to a dotage on the like ground. And though perhaps you have not yet been in love, 'tis commune ma∣lum (since you will call it so) like the Small-pox, every one hath been or must be troubled with it; and bo∣dies unacquainted with lesser dis∣cases,

are irrecoverably swallowed up of greater. Your wary advice to your friend, to love with discre∣tion, I allow and commend; and for my part were I to love again, would not go a foot further than my counter-part should meet me; but where I found real love, I would scorn to be out-vied, being of Ale∣xander his resolution, No creature should conquer me with love or hatred. 'Tis not good to play the Butcher with that naked Sex that have no Arms but to embrace with, nor Empiric-like, kill them by whole∣sale. I never yet met any of either Sex good at the sport, but at last they met with a requital. 'Tis within the memory of man since a pregnant Spark furnished with two of your Cardinal Virtues, wit and disdain, flung his fire-balls of con∣tempt on the whole Sex, courted

some into dotage, and then jeer'd 'um; who at last fell foul on a Kitchin-wench, and doted, who repaid him with the same devices; and which was worst, at last in despight married him. Homicida is of both Genders, and belongs to both Sexes. Your other points of marrying for wealth and yoke-fel∣lowship, I shall agree to with si∣lence. But I would not make wealth my Mistris's Master, while woman stands by like the Chamber∣maid with a broom to attend her. Let my Mistris be a figure, and her portion the cyphers, which added to her, advance her much, but of themselves signifie nothing. Pas∣sionate Courtship should, but cannot be avoided by all; every one is not Hercules: but dissimulation may and must be shun'd by all. There is no Soldier beleaguers a Garison,

but with hopes to come off untouch∣ed: no Lover attempts a Mistris, but hopes for fruition without bloudshed; yet the Soldier may re∣ceive a shot, and the Woer a repulse; and that which he intends for a sin, oft proves a punishment. He that lives a Catholic Woer, may at last come to the Purgatory of a general contempt. But methinks, Friend, you wheel about and approve that which at first you decried; there might be some hopes of agreement and band shaking between us. Al∣low love and marriage, and I will join with thee against dotage; and would have Love sequestred from dotage, as much as thy mind from this obstinacy. But I see the Devil has always a cloven foot; you would now allow of Marriage without Love, and confound love and dotage as if the same. To wed

without Love, is to be tied by the loins like a Monkey to a bed-post, neither is it possible to court or marry without love, as you write, for that want of love turns court∣ship to flattery, and marriage to a bargain. That Women are Natures Errata, with Aristotle I acknow∣ledge; and that they study tempta∣tions, is undoubtedly true; but yet that they do it not alone, your own example proves; who by this fan∣sie of Anti-womanism tempt the sex so much, that I could wish my self one to dote on thee. Do not call the lawful and necessary intermix∣ture of both Sexes to be a base pro∣stitution of the Reason, Soul and Gallantry of a Man; 'tis so false and groundless, it deserves no an∣swer but the lie. Let thy friend alone with his choice, and if he think her so, she is peerless; only

I admit your caution, While he seeks to win her, let him not lose himself; nor shoot away all his shot at one volley, but keep a reserve for a fresh encoun∣ter; tis but discretion. And now to answer your similitudinary Que∣stion, Why a woman cannot be viewed with as little ardour as a Statute? it is because a Statue is not a Woman, nor directly like a Woman; if it could be, Pygmalion will tell you there may be like affection, nor is the influence different as to the eye, but the power that actuates it; if a man view a thousand Pi∣ctures, he generally likes one best, and having perused all, returns to that; and though the Market be free, and Wares various, a good Chapman sticks to what he best fansies, and deals in it. Neither is all perfection thereby impaled in one Creature; but there may be

enough supposed in one, to con∣tent one. That your self hath ever loved, I question; but that you have fansied and mist, may be true; but you cannot thereby go out a com∣petent Tutor. Nor should I ever take that Mariner for my Pilot, who hath no other experience than splitting his own Ship: first guide your own Vessel to the Port, before you take another to your manage∣ment and steerage. What it is to be sick of Love or the Plague, you know much alike, and so shall be believed, having studied both but in shape; for my part, I have known many sick of Love, and yet reco∣vered; but the Plague I have no skill in. My desire is, that you participate of your own counsel; suspend your severe censure to your friend, and sit first a strict Judge on your self, till time and experience

ripen your judgment and change your mind. Which I hope I shall not longer expect, than until you have seriously perused and weigh∣ed the experimental directions and wholsom advice of,

Thine, and thy Friends Friend, A.B.