The Complaisant companion, or, New jests, witty reparties, bulls, rhodomontado's, and pleasant novels

A French Noble-man Cuckolded by his Servants.

IT is customary among the Nobility, and persons of great quality in France to lye in Chambers apart from those of their Ladies. Now there was a Lord (shall be at present nameless) who notwithstanding his Lady was as eminent a Beauty as most was in France, yet he must (forsooth) follow the humour of the Countrey; now when at any time he had a desire to enjoy the sweet embraces of his lovely con∣fort, rising from his own bed he would steal out in the dark in his Shirt, making no noise, and knocking at his Ladies Chamber do••e softly, she knowing his custome gave him admittance; now besides the Mode he had another reason (as he said) to approve there∣of, because it lookt so like Whoreing. Having per∣formed the necessary, and obliging duty of the Mar∣riage Bed, he returned to his own Chamber there to spend the residue of the Night in an undisturbed re∣pose. One of this Lord's Valet de Chambre taking notice of this humour, concluded that he might have the same admittance into his Ladies Chamber, and participate of the same Pleasures by the same means his Masters humour had inculcated into his thoughts. Upon a serious consultation with himself, he conclud∣ed that Night best for the accomplishing his Design in which his Master had visited his Lady; about an hour after resolved to put his Lustful Project in Practice; which he did so well by imitation that he got entrance: Your own thoughts may inform you how they spent their time, without my putting the mo∣dest to the extravagant expence of blushes. All I

shall say is, That this Fellow performed and repeated his part so vigorously and so often, that when he went from her, he left her all wonder and amazement: and that which encreased her admiration was his profound silence although she urged him to speak to her with all the melting Rhetorick she could devise: whilst she was thus ruminating with her self; her Husband, stimulated more then ordinary by some provocatives, he had taken the day before, returns and with his ac∣customed knock and whisper demanded a re-entra••ce, she knowing her Lords voice arose and let him in; as he was about to renew his former enjoyment, his Lady beg'd him to forbear, urging that he was much too blame to be so inordinate in his desires: what (said she) Could not you my Lord (since you find in your self so great an alteration) be content to lye all Night here but that you must expose your Body to the cold thrice in less then two hours? Nay, nay sweet∣heart indeed it was but twice, you wrong me indeed said he: To which she replyed, That she was not mi∣staken, for assuredly it was so often. Hereupon this Gentleman began to pause upon it; and from what he had already heard ••nd ga••hered from other cir∣cumstances he verily believed that he had been abused by one of his Servants; but kept all close from his Lady (for she was a vertuous Gentlewoman) to avoid the ill consequences such a discovery might produce. Having lain a while (in which time he studied to di∣vert his Lady as well as he could) he got up, and be∣ing come into his own Chamber he could not rest there long but putting on his Breeches and a Gown went into all his Male-servants Chambers that were about him making (along as he went a str••ct enquiry

with his Nose into every Bed, for it seems this Lady was well sented. There was one of whom he at length might have some grounds of suspition; because besides his Complection which never fail'd of an ar∣dent inclination to the Female Sex, he was besides both a handsome and a very subtle Fellow, but he could not tell which Bed he lay in; by chance groping up and down in the dark he found his Bed, and pul∣ling up the Cloathes smelt a perfume he was very well acquainted with; and from thence judged this must be the Rogue that had done him this dishonour; wherefore that he might be sure to know him the next day, he took out of his Pocket a pair of Sizers, and snipt off one of his Whiskers, for then it was the Fashion to wear them. This Fellow was awake, and by this knew very well his Master, and his De∣sign, first by smelling, and then by marking him, that he might be known the next day, to prevent which as soon as his Master was gone, he instantly starts up; and going into all the Chambers aforesaid cuts off from every one that had any that Whisker that was on the same side of the Mouth that his was on, and returns to his own Bed. The Servants getting up next morning, and seeing each others right Whisker gone stood stareing one upon another like so many distracted Bedlamites, not knowing what to say, or whom to accuse. In short, one that was known suffi∣ciently to be an arch Rogue was suspected, and there∣upon some of the more passionate fell upon him and abused him most pitifully, others took his part, by which means they were all engaged by the Ears: at the noise hereof the whole House was alarm'd and running to see what was the matter, they were so

surprized with the strangeness of such a Comical sight, that laying aside all respect to their Lord and Lady, that they laught beyond measure. Sure it must be very pleasant to see two such contrary Passions, in one entire Company, proceeding from one and the same cause. These poor Semi-barbarians finding themselves laught at by their fellows, whom they ob∣served not so abused as they were, imagining them the Plotters of this mischief, and without examining whe∣ther it was so or no, diverted the quarrel among themselves upon the others. Now did the Cumbat be∣gin afresh, with more eagerness than before, which caused one to run and tell the Lord, that there was a Civil War Commenced among his Servants, and that if he came not quickly and decide the Contro∣versie their fury would utterly leave him destitute of his present Attendants. Hereupon his Lordship commanded a Cessation of Arms, and that they should presently come before him, hereupon they went and cleansed themselves from the Blood each Face, by Fighting, had contracted; for as they then were, one Face could hardly be distinguisht from the other, and then came and appeared before their Lord in the great Hall. In the mean time he ordered his Lady to be there. Upon the appearance of the men, my Lord and Lady were possest with the same different Passions as their Servants were; for the first was in a Fury to see that Traitor who had abused him; whilst the other fell into the greatest laughter imagi∣nable: after a little time the half Whiskers made a bitter complaint against the whole whiskers, as to the injury they had sustained in the abuse of their beards; the Defendants aledged that they were guiltless of

the Fact, and that for their good will in coming to part them they were Assaulted by them. To end the Controversie, in short, said my Lord, it was I that cut off one Whisker whosoever is the owner thereof I will have his Head off too for an irreparable inju∣ry he hath done me, their former passion was con∣verted into another of that fear, so that now their Knees wag'd more then their Hands before: look here (said my Lord) whose remaining Whisker match∣eth this in Colour, he is the Subject of my revenge. Hereupon Carrats fell on his knees, and beg'd his Pardon, confessing the whole Truth; for this witty indeavour of concealment he gave him his Life with the loss of his Ears, and delivered him over to the abused Semi-whiskers who got a Blanket and tost him so long in Revenge, that they had like to tost his bones out of his skin as well as out of his Lord∣ships.