The life of a satyrical pvppy, called Nim who worrieth all those satyrists he knowes, and barkes at the rest / by T.M.

CHAP. X.

NIM being desirous to make thee laugh, doth in this Chapter report a notable merry accident, which befellhis man Oliver Bunge.

A Certain young Gentlewoman (enrîcht with a compudent Portion by her dis∣ceasod Fathers Will) grew carnally acquaint∣ed with a wealthy Ward: one that did not long enjoy her to himself, because he was not alwaies sufficiently provided to please her insatiable Appetite: for 'tis with Maids as with Tobacconists, who having once tasted in delight, what before with Pain they did a∣void, they cannot live without it: which made her stray for fresh pasture. At last her Fancy lighted on a Drummer, whose name was Peel: a Fellow limm'd for prodigality in action: made to people Countries, to beget more Men, then the Plague devours. Her greedy Passion could not attend upon formality, or tedious Time, till Occasion might present her with an acci∣dent that would excuso her immodesty, in dis∣covering such dishonest Love: but boldly she sends for him to her Fathers House, where first she saw him (in the company of a Ser∣ving-man)

and unfolds to him her mind, which he admir'd, and likld: so that the next Morning he stole her from her Friends, brought her to London, and married her. The ward hears of it, pursues them thither; and by a politique inquisition found out their Lodging. Of late time she had made his foo∣lish dotage her mirth, wherefore now he en∣tends she shall be served with the like Sawce: purposing to send her a Copy of Verses, wherein he would bitterly deride, her & Peel the Drummer. Of these Verses I became Au∣thor by this chance.

Bunge passing through Fleet-Street about my businesse, met with an old Master of his, who accompany'd the Ward, and hath here∣tofore been: visited with my Papers. After a little talk between them he acquainted him with what thou hast read, desir'd him that he would procure me to write some Verses upon that subject, and bring them to the wards logding before night. Bunge presently return'd home to tell me the Plot, on which I wrote thus.

(1)

Whore, wonder not I write to thee In Verse; like some lyrick Poet: ▪Tis 'cause thou hast rejected me. Yet thinkst not, that I do know it:

But know, I know that thou art come; To know Peel's Drum-stick, he thy Drum.

(2)

Perhaps thy Folly may admire (Since heretofore my bashfull mind Did make me dumb) how I aspire, So soon to Thunder in this kind: But know, I know that my great wrong Would make him speak that had no Tongue.

(3)

With fierce Alarum you intend To summon every Sense to come Before this bawdy Night shall end Trembling full faint about thy drum: As how? I know not, but in this They guesse aright, that guesse amisse.

(4)

Peel will suppose thy skin is tough And his Stick too weak to break it Unlesse his blow be too too rough, As gladly so thou wouldst bespeak it. But (alas) 'tis plaid upon, and worn By three Drum-sticks besides my own.

(5)

Not till Plagues are hot in house, & field, Till all men die, do thou accord

With him; to venture for a Child, 'Cause whores Issues are so abhor'd That 'twere not fit the Brat should meet A Swadling-Clout, but Winding-Sheet.

(6)

Give Peel the Lie; thou mangy Drab, Not that I deign with him to fight, But 'cause the Lie deserues the Stab, Which to receive it thy delight. Now wonder not I sing so hoarce what thou hast read, For, whore, thou knoust that thou hast had my Maiden-head.

These being fairly written; Bunge con∣vey'd unto the young wards Lodging, who was privately inform'd, that the Drummer, and his Wife knew of his being in Town, therefore (to avoid his company) chang'd their aboade: but whither went they? even into Turnball-Street: just the politique shift of a poor Souldier, whose necessity is so well accommodated, with convenient assistance, to raise him to the height of a good Fortune, that he often falls in climing, but so low, as he can never reach it again. The House was pol∣luted with a bawdy Tenant: whose acquain∣tance my Drummer bought dearly on a Satur∣day Night: reeling into the Door with a con∣sort

of base Companions. His love-sick Wife was easily perswaded to believe the Rawd his Mothers own Sister: and the place very convenient to conceal this stoln Marri∣age. Now those who before enform'd the ward of their first lodging, dogg'd them also to this, and presently brought him word, in what a stately Palace the poor Drummer en∣tertain'd her. Out of a politique prodigalitie he gave Bunge three Pounds for the Verses: thinking to buy a gratitude so potent in him, that he should suppose no second service full in requitall, no though he ventured a beat∣ing by it. So whilst the Gentleman (Bungs old Master) entertain'd him with impertient discourse, the ward enclos'd the Verses in an other Paper, which he seal'd and superscrib'd in the true name of his quondam Mistresse, lodging at the Sign of Sun and Moon in Turn∣ball-Street: knowing, though Bunge had heard of the name of Peel, yet with hers he was wholly unacquainted: besides to prevent all motives of suspition, he gave it him in pri∣vate; saying, we are all mortall, Flesh and Blood: Young men must be tamed when they are lusty. I am now sick of too much health, but that superscription wil direct thee to a shee Galon, one that will purge the Body of all rampant humours: wholsom she is, though poor. My own Man is a Country-Cockney, ne∣ver

came within the smell of a City, never saw the Cities Face; much lesse the secret parts of it, therefore is unfit to be employ'd in this businesse. Now if thou wilt go, and bring her to me, by the virtue of that Letter, I shall exceed in a gratuity: but make haste back, for you must presently also assist us in the delivery of our Verses. The Rogue Bunge suspected nothing, but did impudently steal a modest laughter: turn'd aside, not as if he were ashamed of what he heard, but of what he was about to speak: Quoth he (as though lost in complement) O Lord Sir! you shall not need to take care for that necessarie implement: I'le provide one against Night; but not out of Turnball-Street: that place cannot afford a Creature worthy your Worships embraces. The ward was glad that he insisted in strengthning a mistake, thank'd him for his kindnesse, and said he would use none but her: he knew she was wholsome, but many of your brave, glorious whores are like Tedu∣la Quinces; the fairer on the outside, the rotner within. Bunge being greedy of sudden imployment, took his leave, well satisfied with that reply.

He vvas no sooner come vvithin the reach of their Tongues, vvho border in that hot Continent: but every one (as their fashion is) lured him into their Kennell, there to coole

him according to a Philosophicall rule, Heat expells Heat. The Sunne attracts not Cloudes faster then these Whores Passengers: in vvhom Beauty dravves corruption to defile it selfe. Bunge needed not enquire for the signe of the Sunne and Moone, because the properties of both (heate and inconstancie) did possesse a Wench, which stood in the same Doore: and thinking that he was some star∣ved Customer, enticed him to enter: vvhilst his Eies looking on the signe; found it expe∣dient her request should be accomplished.

After two Oathes sworne in defiance of her secret-parts, and three Busses given in sa∣tisfaction for such honest unkindnesse; he en∣quires for that Gentlewoman, to whom his Letter was directed. The Whore being wholly unperfect in the knowledg of her Name, did expresse (by a forgetfull admira∣tion, or an inquisitive forgetfullnesse) small acquaintance; and that very young to: where∣fore Bunge thought the Gentlewoman to be a wanton Country Wench, but not yet of re∣sidence long enough to know the French∣disease: a rare ignorance! which made his Ap∣petite resolve to taste her, before him, that sent him to her. Up Staires he mounted, and the Wench led him through a Labyrinth of darke Clossers: which the Workman seem'd subtitly to hide from his owne discovery: or

from every Eie, as ashamed to acknowledge the making of such sinfull Cabinets; where aged. Beds oppose each other in envious seituation. Having (I say) passed this reall Purgatory, she directed him to a Chamber; wherein he entered, and found the Drum∣mer, and his Lasse warming the Fire. Beleeve it Reader, even so: for though the Fire would not warme them, they sat by it to keepe away the Winde, or to enclose the heate to a nar∣row dispersion, that so it might reflect upon it selfe. Though t'is a question whether there were any Fire at all? for Bunge svvore he could not discerne enough to warme his Eies. Which makes me think she was enflamed with burning Love, that for his sake could be content of such cold entertainment.

Bunge liked her face well, but suppos'd the Drummer to be some learned Pander; that sat expounding to her, the mystery of that call∣ing. When he step'd in, they both stood up (an usuall complement at the first sight of Strangers) and gazeing upon one another with speaking Eies; did (as it were) dumbly aske, whether he vvere knowne to either? vvhilst he took her aside and kiss'd her. The Drummer did not like that, yet durst not ex∣presse anger, lest a Quarrell might call up the Bawde, and Whores; so consequently, his Wife discover the conditions of the House,

who was yet ignorant of them. But this his sufferance did turne Bunge's likely conjec∣ture (that she was a Country Whore) into a strong beliefe: for now he convayes her with an intreated force, and the mentioning of a Letter, into the next Chamber: Peeles creepes after them in search of the event, and fastening his Eie in a Key-hole; per∣ceaved Bunge labouring to make him Cuck∣old: whilst the Gentlewoman oppos'd his de∣sires, more with a new wonder, then an old defence, as shreekes, or loud acclamations.

The Souldier lost his Patience, but with a considering. Eie found it againe: yet so thred∣bare that he scorn'd to weare it. Therefore through the Dores he went: demanding him, how he durst offer his Person that dis∣grace? Bunge knew no safer answer then a deniall: & suppos'd by these proceedings that Peele was some blunt Gentleman, who had lately undertaken to be her Lover. There∣fore he deprives his Pocket of the Letter, and gave it her: telling him, how he knew the Gentlewoman would acknowledge him better wellcome, when she had read that.

Thus whilst he retyr'd him selfe asside, in consideration how he might enjoy her Body, they unsealed the Letter: found that blanke, but the Paper therein enclosed, fill'd with Verses. Peele being loath to degenerat from

his Brethren of the Sword (who in this kind love to expresse more will, then they can abi∣litie) undertooke to read them: but indeed could not in any reasonable time. And spying his own name by chance, was greedy to understand the cause of its being there, resolving to tickle Bunge below, because af∣ter her help was joyn'd to his, he descried the wrong, and entreated her to stay there: least Bunge (urging the base custom of the House for his excuse) might disgrace him for bringing her to such a Lodging. But she, poore Soul, was willing to be commanded, whilst Bunge at his entreaty, and promise to answer the Letter, walks with him downe the Staires. Having descended one Paire, Bunge entreated him to dispatch the Letter in the next Chamber: in the meane time he would goe up, and discourse with her about it: for he remembred now he was so commanded by the Gentleman that sent him. Peeles fin∣gers itch'd to be at his face: but the Roome being towards the Street, agreed not with that purpose. Therefore he entreated him to visit the Celler: where (quoth he) having drunke a Health to the Gentleman, you shall goe up and commit your pleasure. The phrase lik'd him well; so down they went. Just upon their entring into the Seller Dore,

Bung desired to be acquainted with his name that he might tell the VVard to whom he was so much beholding. He answered, his name was Peel, by profession a poor Drummer: at w^ch Bung step'd back whilst his Breech made as many Buttons, as he thought to have broke with drinking. His rescue (which most com∣monly consisted in the dexterity of his Heels) was barr'd from him by Five strong Dores. Therefore he pulls up his Spirits, even unto his Tongue: thinking to fright the Drummer with big words.

Just in such a Celler as this (quoth he) this—let me see a little—I, in such a one as this, did my weak Arm beat Nine Rogues; that would needs enforce me to pledg my Enemies Health. The Drummer thought that a fearfull Ly, and presently saluted him with a Box upon the Ear, seconded that with another; which fell'd him to the Ground, and there kikt him. Bung scorned to resist, but cryed Murder! murder! help ho! help! The Bawd came thundering down with a brace of Whores, to know what the matter was. Peel having acquainted them with the cause that motiv'd this revenge, they all cryed out, Geld the Rogue, geld the Canniball. Bung ap∣plies himself once more to be rescu'd by an old Friend (his Tongue) and beggs mercy

from them, swearing he knew not those Ver∣ses were inclosed in the Paper, which pacifi∣ed the Whores: who brought him up to the Street dore, and thrusting him out, did shut it after him. Homewards he creeps with his Face muffled in his Cloak. Beating he did never greatly love: therefore wholly dedi∣cates his Studies, how to revenge himself on the young Ward, and Peel the Drummer, which afterwards he did: but Preserve the manner how to be related in the next Chapter.