Nugæ venales, or, Complaisant companion being new jests, domestick and forreign, bulls, rhodomontados, pleasant novels and miscellanies.

PLEASANT STORIES.

A Noblemans Revenge on a bold Serjeant.

IN Poictiers in France a Nobleman ow∣ing a considerable summ of Money, his Creditors were resolved to Arrest him, let it cost them ever so much; they soon met with a fellow for their purpose, one who was as impudent as Valiant, for he would venture upon the greatest difficulty. One day he met with this Lord, and boldly com∣ing up to him, told him what he was, and his business; the Lord made no resistance, but smothering his displea∣sure and revenge bid the Serjeant come along with him (it being about

noon) he said, he would first dine, and then consider what was to be done. The Lord went to a Cabaret, or Ta∣vern, and having bespoke dinner he privately sent away for some of his Ser∣vants and then fell into discourse with this Serjeant, who began to mistrust some mischief ensuing, and therefore made a thousand simple excuses for enterprising that bold attempt; the Lord said little to him till he had din'd and then he called to one of his Gen∣tlemen to bring him a pair of Sissers, being brought, go now said he, and pair that fellows nails very close, pointing to the Serjeant; he seeing there was no avoiding it, patiently endured it, although the Gentleman cut his Nails to the very quick; this being done, the Lord came to him, saying, Now, Sir, I am assured you cannot scratch me, and I am resolved you shall not be able to bite me neither, so forcing him in∣to a Chair he caused his Teeth to be drawn out one by one; Now, Sir, (said he) have a care of abusing the next time any of my rank and quality; yet now, Sir, I will be kind to you after all this, I will sweeten your sauce for you••; so causing him to be

stript stark-naked, he commanded Honey to be brought, with which he annointed him all over and roll'd him in Feathers: never did African Monster appear so strange and ridiculous; Last∣ly, he caused a Label to be fixt to his back, wherein were written these words, This is Anti-Christ. Now said the Noble-man, I shall take my leave of you, not without extending my Civility farther in your behalf, I doubt you may be indisposed, and therefore you shall ride home; hereupon this Poor Devil in Feathers was mounted, with his Hands tyed behind him, and his Face to wards the Tail of his Horse, and so led through the Streets to the great wonder and laughter of the Peo∣ple.

The Contented Cuckold.

A Nobleman of France did very late∣ly fall in love with a Citizens Wife of Paris, and left no means unattempted till he had made her all compliance: This Lord being one day at Court saw the Husband of this Female Friend come into the Palace 〈◊〉〈◊〉, and by en∣quiry

sound that his business would not quickly be dispatcht, where∣upon away he slunk out of the Court, and got privately (as he thought) into the house o this Citi∣zen, but it seems he was discovered by this Citizens Brother, who detest∣ed the debauchery of his Sister, and therefore presently dispatcht away a Messenger to Court to acquaint his Brother what unhappily he had discovered. The Citizen presently takes his Alarm, and thinking his feet too flow, took Coach and drove Je••∣like, to hinder what was allready past prevention. His Wife hearing a Coach come in that Furious manner to her door, imagin'd she was betray'd, and therefore advised the Lord that was in bed with her to rise and abscond himself in a place she had provided, in case any such discovery should hap∣pen: hearing as he thought some body coming up stairs, for hast left his Cloaths on the bed, which shee seeing, in as great haste and confusion, threw them into a Chest, but so unadvisedly, that the embroidered sleeve of the Doublet hung out, of which she took

no notice, but fell to dressing her self as little concern'd, as if she had no more harm in her than in a little Fe∣male Devil newly arrived at the Teens, Her Husband entring the Chamber, said, Madam, I understanding that my Lord came to visit you this morning, I thought he might also have some business of great importance to whis∣per in my ear, and this made me re∣turn sooner than you expected. The Gentlewoman confidently replyed, that he was mis-informed, for there had no body been with her that day. Her Husband looking about the Room espied the Lords embroydered sleeve hang out of the Chest, and ask't whose it was, and how it came thither, this subtle Woman, who like the rest of her sex, never wants an excuse in time of extremity, replyed, (but trembling) Sweet heart, I beg your pardon, for my forgetfulness; A•• Gentle∣woman, wanting money brought it me to shew you, defiring to have but forty Crowns lent upon it; let mee see it (said he) and looking upon it presently knew whose it was, and without discovering any passion, pull'd off his own Coat, and

put on that Embroydered with Gold; when he had so done, come come said he, I must examin your Wardrobe, and looking into the Chest found what appertain'd thereunto, as Hat, Cravat, Breeches, &c. which he took up and habited himself therewith from top to toe; being thus gallantly, nay, nobly attired, ••he struts to and fro the Chamber, admiring himself in his Walk, and when he had left off adore∣ing himself, said he, now prethee Wife tell me, don't I look like a Lord? have not I his very Mein? I cannot believe but I am one now; do thou believe so to, and we shall hug one the other oftner; but all this while I pitty the poor Gentleman that owns them, for doubtless he hath been at Play to Night, and losing all, is for∣ced to deposit his Garments, and is it may be now a cold for his heat of Fan∣cy. This Noble-man being in a strange confusion, knew not what to do, nor say; at length collecting a little cou∣rage, she had the confidence to say, Sir, you strangely impose upon me; for why is it not as-Lawful for me to go to the Court of Aids, as for you to go so often to the Ex∣change?

No, replyed he since you have fitted me for the Court, I'••e no more to the Exchange; and thereupon instant∣ly went down stairs, and calling for a Coach, ordered the Coach-man to drive him instantly to the Palace Royal, where dismounting, he betook himself to the long Gallery, where the Nobi∣lity usually frequented, at his ap∣proach, the Eyes of all the Court were upon him, every one wondering what this Fine thing should be, after several opinions were spent upon him, it was concluded by the most, that as he was a stranger, he could by his ha∣bit be no less than a Nobleman; at length a Courtier, drawing near to Caress and Complement this Noble stranger, looking steadfastly in his face, knew him, and cryed out aloud, O the Devil, is it you Mr. Coqu••lineux; and thereupon made all the haste from him he could to inform his Majesty first of a strange sight was newly come to Court, viz. his Mercer as fine as any Lord. His Majesty commanded him to be brought in, which was as the o∣ther designed and desired. At first fight the King knew the Person, and

to whom those fine Cloathes properly belong'd, and was strangely surprized at the fight of both so improperly con∣joyn'd. At length says the King, Co∣quelineux, prythee thy meaning for this thy phantastical appearance: wouldst thou by this Garb (because I am in thy Books) perswade me to make thee what thou dost personate? Though I owe thee Money, yet Iowe thee no such honour; besides, if thou wouldst only barely represent a Lord, thou art mi∣staken in the time, for this is no day of State. The Mercer heard his Majesty with great attention, and perceiving an Answer was expected, replyed, May it please your Majesty, my intent of coming hi∣ther, was to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 other ••nd then to restore to the right owner his due. This splendid Suit with the appurtenances I found in my Wives Chamber, and discovered where she ••ad laid them by the sle••ve of this embroydered Coat hanging out of the Chest carelesly: upon a full view, I asks whose they were; she very ingeniously told me, A Gentlewoman brought them to her to shew to me, to know how much I would lend upon them, but I mistrusting they may be stoln from some person of Quality, thought fit to put

them on, and walk publickly at Court, for by that means the right owner may come to a better knowledge of his goods by sight, than any discription. The King could not forbear laughing heartily to see so much seeming honesty, and simplicity in his Mercer; and that which added to his further mirth was the consideration of what a condition the Lord was in, whom he concluded to be left without Garments: now that his Majesty might not lose so brave an opportunity for delight, he caused two Pursuivants to be sent immediatly to the Mercer's House, and there search for this Noble-man, and, if found, to bring him instantly to Court, sans all excuse of going any where else. This Lord fearing some such design, thought any delay danger∣ous in staying, cloath'd himself in the habit of the M••rcer, and as an assistance to his disguise, he put on a black Gown which he found hanging up, which be∣long'd to a Doctor of Physick then lying in the House; and in this Equipage thinking to go home undiscovered, as he was sneaking out of the doors he was met by the Pursuivants, who knowing him by his Countenance, told him in

few words, what his Majesty had com∣manded them, and that without excuse or delay he must instantly appear before His Majesty: he seeing there was no a∣voiding it went (not without great dis∣order in his thoughts) with the Officers. The King and several of the Nobles see∣ing this Lord in such an Antique dress, fell into such a Laughter, that they ut∣terly forgot the civility that was due to the Royal Presence; The King having laught his sides sore, had at last leisure to say; how now Cozen, whence came you? the Nobleman, who was very facetious, presently replyed, from Hell I think an't please your Majesty, for I came from a bottomless pit: Indeed (said the King) by your Garb you look as if you had been a Conjuring somewhere. You are in the right Sir (said the Lord) for I can assure your Majesty this Morning I raised the Devil, and laid his Damm: in short, I will tell your Majesty the whole Truth; a Friend of mine was in a high Fever, and wanted a cooling Clyster, and would have none to administer it but my self: I pittying her condition, in compliance to her desires performed this Morning the part of a Cha∣ritable Physitian. The King by these words

very well understood what his Cozen had been doing, and in railery checkt him: saying, indeed you are to blame to give any Woman Physick without the consent of her Husband; for the time to come forbear such practices, if for no other cause than to shun making such a Metamorphosis as you have done already: for see there, a Mercer chang'd into a Lord, and here a Lord chan∣ged into a Conjurer; and so dismist them, allotting the Mercer that gorgeous Suit in part of satisfaction of the wrong he had received, whilst the others shame was a sufficient punishment.

A French Noble-man Cuckolded by his Servants.

IT is customary among the Nobility, and persons of great quality in France to lye in Chambers apart from those of their Ladies. Now there was a Lord (shall be at present nameless) who notwithstanding his Lady was as eminent a Beauty as most was in France, yet he must (forsooth) follow the hu∣mour of the Countrey; now when at any time he had a desire to enjoy the swear embraces of hit lovely consort,

rising from his own bed he would stead out in the dark in his Shirt, making no noise, and knocking at his Ladies Chamber dore softly, she knowing his custome gave him admittance; now besides the Mode, he had another reason (as he said) to approve thereof, because it lookt so like whoring. Having performed the necessary and obliging duty of Marriage Bed, he returned to his own Chamber there to spend the residue of the Night in an undisturbed repose. One of this Lord's Valet de Chambre taking notice of this humour, concluded that he might have the same admittance into his Ladies Chamber, and participate of the same Pleasures by the same means his Masters humour had inculcated into his thoughts. Upon a serious consultation with himself, he concluded that Night best for the ac∣complishing his Design, in which his Master had visited his Lady; about an hour after he resolved to put his lustful Project in Practice; which he did so well by imitation that he got entrance: Your own thoughts may inform you how they spent the time, without my putting the modest to the extra∣yagant

expence of blushes. All I shall say is, That this Fellow performed his part so vigorously and so often, that when he went from her, he left her all wonder and amazement: and that which encreas'd her admiration was not only his profound silence, although she urged him to speak to her with all the melting Rhetorick she could devise, but the coming of her husband twice as she supposed; whilst she was thus ru∣minating with her self being left alone, her Husband stimulated more than ordinary by some provocatives he had taken the day before, comes and with his acustomed knock and whisper demanded entrance, she knowing her Lords voice arose and let him in; as he was about to prosecute his accu∣stomed enjoyment, his Lady begg'd him to forbear, urging that he was much to blame to be so inordinate in his desires: what (said she) Could not you my Lord (since you find so great an alterati∣on) be content to have out done your self this night by so many repetitions, but that you must again expose your body to the injury of the cold in so short a time again; and com∣ing a third time, in less than two hours?

Nay, nay sweet-heart this is but twice, you wrong me indeed said he: To which she replyed, That she was not mistaken, for assuredly it was so often. Hereupon this Gentleman began to pause upon it; and from what he had already heard and gathered from other circumstances he verily believed that he had been abused by one of his Servants; but kept all close from his Lady (for she was a ver∣tuous Gentlewoman) to avoid the ill consequences such a discovery might produce. Having laid a while (in which time he studied to divert his Lady as he could) he got up, and being come into his own Chamber he could not rest there long, but putting on his Breeches and a Gown went into all his Male-ser∣vants Chambers that were about him, making, along as he went, a strict en∣quiry with his Nose in every Bed, for it seems this Lady was well sented. There was one of whom he at length might have some grounds of suspition; because, besides his complection which never fail'd of ardent inclination to the Female Sex, he was both a handsome and a very subtle Fellow, but he could not tell which Bed he lay in; by chance

groping up and down in the dark he sound his Bed, and pulling up the Cloathes smelt a perfume he was very well acquainted with; and from thence judged this must be the Rogue that had done him this dishonour; wherefore that he might be sure to know him the next day, he took out of his Pocket a pair of Sizers, and snipe off one of his Whiskers, for then it was the Fashion to wear them. This Fellow was a wake, and by this knew very well his Master, and his Design, first by smelling, and then by marking him, that he might be known the next day, to prevent which as soon as his Master was gone, he in∣stantly starts up; and going into all the Chambers aforesaid, cuts off (from every one that had any) that Whisker that was on the same side of the Mouth that his was on, and returns to his own Bed. The Servants getting up next morning, and seeing each others right Whisker gone, stood staring one upon another like so many distracted Bedla∣mites, not knowing what to say, or whom to accuse. In short, one that was known sufficiently to be an arch Rogue was suspected, and thereupon

some of the more passionate fell upon him and abused him most pitifully, o∣thers took his part, by which means they were all engaged by the Ears; at the noise hereof the whole House was alarmed, and running to see what was the matter, they were so surprized with the strangeness of such a Comical sight, that laying aside all respect to their Lord and Lady, they laught beyond measure. Sure it must be very pleasant to see two such contrary Passions, in one entire Company, proceeding from one and the same cause. These poor Se∣mi-barbarians finding themselves laught it by their fellows, whom they observed not so abused as they were, imagining them the Plotters of this mischief, and without examining whether it was so 〈◊〉〈◊〉 no, diverted the quarrel among themselves upon the others. Now did the Combat begin afresh, with more eagerness than before, which caused one to run and tell the Lord, that there was a Civil War Commenced among his Ser∣vants, and that if he came not quickly and decided the Controversie their fury would utterly leave him destitute of his present Attendance. Hereupon his

Lordship commanded a Cessation of Arms, & commanded they should come before him; and having cleansed them∣selves from the Blood, each Face by Fighting had contracted; (for as they then were, one Face could hardly be di∣stinguisht from the other) they appear∣ed before their Lord in the great Hall. In the mean time he ordered his Lady to be there. Upon the appearance of the men, my Lord and Lady were pos∣sest with the same different Passions as their Servants' were; for the first was in a Fury to see that Traitor who had abused him; whilst the other fell into the greatest laughter imaginable; after a little time the half Whiskers made a bitter complaint against the whole whis∣kers, as to the injury they had sustained in the abuse of their beards; the Defend∣ants alledged that they were guiltless of the Fact, and that for their good will in coming to part them they were Assault∣ed by them. To end the Controversie, in short, said my Lord, it was I that cut off one Whisker, whosoever is the owner thereof I will have his Head off too for an irreparable injury he hath done me; their former passion was now converted

into another of that for fear, so that now their Knees wag'd more then their Hands before; look here (said my Lord) whose remaining Whisker matcheth this in Colour, he is the Subject of my re∣venge. Hereupon Carrats fell on his knees, and beg'd his Pardon, confessing the whole Truth; for this witty in∣deavour of concealment he gave him his Life with the loss of his Ears, and de∣livered him over to the abused Semi∣whiskers who got a blanket and to••t him so long in Revenge, that they had like to to••t his bones out of his skin, as well as him out of his Lordships service.

A mad Wooer well sitted.

ONE Wooing a Widow, more to satisfie his Friends, than to oblige his own inclination; told her, that he had three qualities which she must be acquainted with before he married her. The first was, when he went abroad, and returned home he should be angry with∣out a cause; Secondly, he must eat his meat alone; And Thirdly, that he should lye with her but once a Month. If this be all (said she) I care not; for as to the first,

you say, you shall be angry without a cause, I will take came to give you cause e∣nough, never fear. And for the second in eating your Meat alone, do and spare not; but it shall be after I have din'd. And as for you Lying with me but once a Month, take your course; if you will not, another shall, for in that time, I shall have a Months mind to another.

A great noise to little purpose.

IN the latter end of Queen Elizabeths Reign, there was a great rumour of an Invasion, where upon great numbers of Horse and Foot were rais'd about London, insomuch, that the whole Kingdom was terribly affrighted; but all coming to nothing, a Countrey Gentleman then in the City askt his Friend, to what end was all that Mustering in London and Middle∣sex. To what end (quoth the other?) why to Mile-End; for there was the general Muster. And to what end were so ma∣ny Barges, and Liters sent down to block up the Thames? To what end? why to Gravesend, quoth the other. I but said the Gentleman to what end was the great hurley-burley by Land and Water? To

what end (quoth the other?) why in troth as far as I understand to no end at all.

The Amorous Contest.

THE Duke of Lerma used, by way of Magnificency and State, when he washt before Dinner, to give a Ring to him that held the Bason, and another to him that held the Ewer: One time above the rest, having a Diamond Ring on his Finger, he made this publick propositi∣on, that whosoever of the Company could relate the saddest story in Love Affairs should have the Ring: where∣upon a Gentleman there present under∣took the task, and thus began.

May it please your Grace to under∣stand; that I along time served two Mi∣stresses, of different Form and Feature, the one as foul as the other fair; the one loved me, whom out of meer gratitude I was obliged to shomsome respect; the other hated me as much, as I lov'd the other be∣yond expression. Being utterly destitute at last of all hope and Comfort, I dedi∣cated my whole time to solitude, which in a

little time brought on me a desperate Fe∣ver, which in the opinion of my Physicians would not end, but with my Life. The re∣port hereof coming to my cruel fair ones ear, made her come to visit me, who seeing to what weakness I was reduced, smothered no longer her flame (having for some Rea∣sons hitherto, concealed her soft Passion) but professed how endearedly she lov'd me, and how sorry she was her coyness had brought me to this condition. No Cordi∣al could so revive my Spirits, neither J••lip so allay my unnatural heat, as did these sweet and melting expressions, so that in a short time I recovered my strength. Her Father hearing of her Love, vow'd to cross it, and thereupon lockt her up from my sight; but finding (do what he could) that we privately conveighed Letters to one another; he animated my Rival to fight me: In short we fought, and by the happy Influence of Heaven, I gained the Victory with my Rival's Death: Now the Law of my Countrey being very severe against Duels, I was forced to flye, hoping in time

my friends would procure my Pardon. But now to make my Misery compleat, the cruel Fa∣ther of my Mistress forced her in my absence to Marry an old Count his Neighbour, the Corrup∣tion of whose Body rendred him fitter for a Grave than a Marriage Bed. Now, if your Grace do judge my Calamity can receive addi∣tion, and that my Afflictions lay not claim to your Ring, be pleased to bestow it on some more wretched than my self.

He had no sooner ended his Speech, but another thus began.

Great Prince,

J Must begin my mournful Story where this Gentleman ends his. He received at once, both a Pardon for the Murther and a Letter from his Mistris to make haste into her imbra∣ces; the Count her Husband being gone a long Journey, he desired me to Associate him in this pleasing journey, and I willingly yielded to his invitation. Arriving at the Old Count's Castle his Mistress met him with the same joy, and gladness with which the Spring the Sun doth entertain. Long did their Kisses inter∣rupt their Speech, which at length brake out in∣to unfained protestations, how much their past

miseries had indeared each to other. When they had chatted their fill, to Supper we went, which finisht, a Banquet succeeded, ravishing both to Eye and Palat. This ended, one comes in, and whispering the Lady in the Ear, she in∣stantly chaug'd Colour, and cry'd out, she was undone for ever, unless I did her one friendly Office, which should eternally engage her to me; having told her, I desired no greater honour than to dye in her Service, she then inform'd me, that the old Count her Husband was re∣turned, and newly gone to Bed being very weary and expected her coming. Now Sir, said she, not daring to trust any of my Maids, with the Secret of my Friend's being here, but you and my Sister, do me the favour about an hour hence to put on one of my Coives, and one of my Smocks and go to bed to my Husband who with∣out doubt will be asleep before you come; if he be not, all he will do is but to hug you about the middle or kiss you, for other dalliance you need not fear him; besides Age hath not yet brusht your Chin, so that it seems to me as smooth as mine; ••this means shall I and my dearest beloved own all the fruition of loves de∣lights to you alone. In short, Sir, I was not on∣ly attentive, but obedient to her request, and into the supposed Bed of the old Count I went, where I was no sooner laid, but I heard him

breath, and felt him stir and move towards me, whereat I shrunk away to avoid his loathsome touch; but he mov'd still onwards, and I farther, and farther, till I lay half naked out of bed. In the morning as I was shrinking out of Bed to be gone, on a suddain my Friend and the Countess came dancing into the Chamber, he in his Shirt, and she in her Smock: my Soul hereat was strangely divided betwixt fear and wonder, fear of my own detection, and amazement at their boldness, thinking that excess of pleasure had made them run distracted. At length com∣ing to the Bed-side drawing the Curtains, each of them with a Tapour in their hand shewed me the most lamentable and unpardonable errour that ever man committed, for instead of the old rotten Count, there lay by me the Sister of the Countess, who for sprightful youth, and charm∣ing beauty Nature never yet produced her like. Now, when with the highest admiration I beheld this Miracle of her Sex, and what a Heaven of happiness I, by mistake, bad lost, I hardly could refrain from laying violent hands on my self: my friend reaped his enjoyments, which I am never like to do; for being forced to leave the Castle in a very little time after I heard she is removed I know not whither, so that I must now languish and dye in the Tyranny of restless desire.

This Spech being ended, the Duke confessed that they both deserved much, but he questioned whether the Counts Sister deserved not as Much as both, nay, more, for she knew who was in Bed with her, and knowing her self so near a good turn and miss it, aggravates vexation to the very height, and therefore said, the Ring to her did properly belong.

A Story of Purgatory.

THe Pope gave a Priest a Silver Bason and indued it with this vertue, that whosoever dropt a French Crown into it, or to that value, his Friends Soul should instantly upon the sound of it be deli∣vered out of Purgatory. In the Town where the Priest liv'd dwelt a mad de∣bauch'd fellow, whose Uncle had left him a good estate. To him this priest came, and offer'd for a French Crown to free his Vncles Soul from Purgatory. The young man replyed, it was a reasonable proposition, whereupon he took out a Crown, and dropt it into the Bason, then askt the Priest if his Uncles Soul was yet out of Purgatory? I dare lay upon my life it is freed, said the Priest; which

words were no sooner said, but the young man took up his mony again, and put it into his pocket, wherat the Priest displeased said, if you take your mony again, his Soul will again enter into Purga∣tory. Nay said the young man there is no fear of that, for if my Uncle be as obstmate an old Knave, dead, as he was, living, if he be once out all the Devils in Hell cannot get him in again.

The Cheater Cheated

A Comly Matronly Woman (whom I shall forbear to nominate) lately lived in the Burrough of Southwark, who wanting things necessary both for the Ornament of the body, and furniture of a house, held a long consultation with her self how she might effect her desires by a well contrived credit. Ma∣ny plots she laid, but found none of them firm enough to build the structure of her designed advantage, till she chan∣ced to bit upon this stratagem. She had a Daughter which was more ha••some than honest, and much more witty than wise, in short, both Mother & Daughter were as right as my leg, and as good as

ver twang'd. These two consulting together, concluded thus, that they should in the first place change their habitation, but before they did it, the Daughter went to one of the Devils Factors, alias a Tally-man (with whom the was acquainted) and took up all the Materials belonging to man's Ap∣parel, which she said was for her Hus∣band, who was returned home to receive what pay was due to him for serving his Majesty by Sea, against the Hollander. She told her story so plausibly, express∣ing so much joy for his escape, and what great advantages were like to accrue to her by the Valour of her Husband, that the Tally-man did, not only trust her with a Suit of mans apparel, but fur∣nisht her self with many necessary things she wanted. Being laded with credit, home she came, and having removed all their goods to a place convenient for their future projects, the old Gentlewo∣man plaid the changling with her sex, by throwing off her Female weeds, and cloathing her self, in every respect like a man; the young Baggage for a while pretended her Mother was lately dead, and that being left to the wide world,

she knew not what course to steer for want of advice; there was a young man who belonged to the Sea, did court her, but she was fearful of engaging; she at length and that in a little time had so wrought upon the affections of di∣vers of the Neighbours, partly by her good face and notable smooth tongue, that they undertook not only to advise but assist her. Whereupon understand∣ing that her Sweet-heart lay as a Lodger in her house, some of them came to en∣quire into his estate, and being very well satisfied therein, they then inquired in∣to his resolution of marrying this young woman, he protested he loved her be∣fore any in the World, and if she would they should be marryed the next day, it was agreed upon, and accordingly the Mother in a Masculine habit went to Church where they were marryed ac∣cording to form; great was the jollity that day, and night approaching they went to bed together, but without any hopes of reaping the sweet enjoyment of a Marriage bed, but by a dream or the strength of imagination. The next day their mirth increased, neither was there any diminution of it for one

whole week. Having spent time enough in rejoicing, they now pretended to mind their business, the one for the house and the other abroad, who carry∣ed her business so craftily, that she was not in the least suspected to be any o∣ther than she seemed to be, for she was a Woman of an undannted Spirit, and ha∣ving a nimble Tongue and quick inven∣tion, she had learned to bounce and huff with any Bully-Ruffin in the Strand, Hol∣bourn, or Convent-garden; besides as a further qualification to that boystrous occupation, she could Smoak, Drink, and Swear with any Damme, within twenty miles of London; but when she returned home, and was amongst her Neighbours, she always wore the Vizor of temperance and sobr••ety, never Swear∣ing, nor seldom Drinking more but what might be the Oyl to cheerfulness and hilarity. Having gotten the good opinion of her Neighbours, she was now resolved to make use of their Purses, which she might easily do, by pretend∣ing she had a great deal of mony due from the Navy Office, and which she had not received, but should speedily; and to confirm their belief shewed them

several counterfeit Tickets. This so wrought with some, that they lent her mony, and though not every one much, yet many a little makes a Mickle. Having enriched themselves with the spoils of others, and not during to stay any longer in that place, they secretly re∣moved and took a house remote from the former to prevent discovery; in this house they intended to sell all sorts of Liquors for the entertainment of men, and Women, and therefore the old one thought it requisite to appear in a Garb suitable to that profession, which was very plain, and that she might possess the People with an Opinion that she was (as so drest) an innocent harmless Cuc∣kold she behaved her self so simply to her supposed Wife, that every one judged him what he seened, and thereupon made addresses to the young one at such con∣venient times as the old one went abrod on purpose, or was more than ordinary busie below; by this means they had a very great Trade, especially by that Venery which was winkt at as aforesaid; in this manner they continued a good while, and I have been credibly inform∣ed, that the Mother, (and supposed

Husband to her own Daughter) when she had a desire to the same satisfactions the had pimpt for her Daughter, she would put on her own Female Habit, and sitting in the house as a customary Plyer, the Daughter frequently by way of a kind return, did play the Bawd for the Mother so long till they were ap∣prehended, for keeping a disorderly house, and being carryed before a ju∣stice upon Examination were found guil∣ty of what was alledged against them, and so were committed to Bridewell, the Keeper viewing the Faces of them both very strictly imagin'd he had seen before the Face of the elder which personated the man, but could not for the present tell where; at length he verily believed she had been formerly under his Juris∣diction, hereupon he seized her doublet, and striping it open, found by her Breasts what he had suspected; the for∣mer Justice was informed hereof, who sent for them both to appear before him, upon further examination the seeming man was found to be only a lusty woman, and Mother to that young woman she had marryed; likewise it was proved

against the young woman that she had frequently drest her self in mans appa∣rel to enjoy her Amours with the great∣er security abroad, for which, they were both sent back again to Bridewell, where they were severely lasht for their cheat∣ing Metamorphosis.