A knights coniuring Done in earnest: discouered in iest. By Thomas Dekker.

CHAP. VII.

A Vsurer describ'de: his going downe to Hell: The Post to him a strange at scourse doth tell: Hee teaches him the waye, and doeth discouer What Riuers the departed Soules goe ouer.

HIs warrant beeing thus sign de, the messenger departs, but be∣fore hee could get to the vtter∣most Ferrie, he met with an old, leane, meagre fellowe, whose eyes was sunke so deepe into his head, as if they had beene set in backward, his haire was thinner then his cheekes, and his cheekes so much worne away, that when he spake, his tongue smoak't, and that was burn't blacke, with his hore and valiant breath, was seene to mooue too and fro so plainely, that a wise man might haue taken it for the Snuffe of a ca••dle in a Muscouie Lant-horne, the Barber Surgions had beg'd the body of a man at a Sessions, to make an Anatomie, and that Anatomy this wretched crea∣ture begged of them to make him a body, Charon had but newly landed him: yet it seem'd he stood in pittyfull feare, for his eyes were no bigger then pinnes heads, with blubbring and howling, kee∣ping a coile to haue some body shew him the nea∣rest way to hell, which he doubted he had lost, the other puts him into a pathe, that would directlie

bring him thither, but before he bid him farewell, our blacke knight inquired of him what hee was: who answered, that he was sometimes one that li∣ued vpon the Lechery of mettals, for hee could make one hundred pound be great with child, and be deliuered with another in a very short time, his mony (like pigions) laid euery month, he had bin in vpright tearmes, an Vsurer; And vnderstanding that he fel into the hāds of the hel•• post, he offered him after a penny a mile, between that & y^e townes end hee was going too, so he would be his guide.

Which mony, when the watermen came to ri∣fle him, he swallowed downe, and rakte for it af∣terwards, because hee knewe not what neede hee should haue, the waies being damnable: But the goer of the diue••s errands told him, if he would al∣low him Pursiuants sees, he durst not earne them, hee would doe him any Knights seruice, but to play the good Angells part, and guide him, he must pardon him. Doctor Diues request him (in a whining accen••) to tell him if there were any rich men in hell, & if by any base d••udgery which the diuell shall put him too, & which beele willingly moile in, he shuld scrape-any muck togither, whe∣ther he may set vp his trade in hel, & whither there be any brokers there, that with picking strawes out of poore thatcht houses to build nestes where his: twelue pences should ingenner, might get fethers to his backe, and their owne too. To all which questions, the vaut curier answers briefly, that he shall meete a number there, who once went in

black veluet coats, and welted gownes, but of Bro∣kers, theres a Longer lane in He••l, than there is in London. Marry for opening shops, and to keep a Bawdy house, for Lady Pecunia, Ho•• sifata negant, If the Bay liffe of B••rathrum denye that priuiledge to those that haue serued twice seuen yeeres in the Freedome, theres no reason a Forrayner should taste the fauour.

This news tho it went coldly down, yet as those that are troubled with the tooth-ache, enquyre of others what the payne is, that haue had them drawn out, & think by that means they lessen their owne, So it is some ease to Syr Timothy, thirtie per centū, to ha••ken out the worst that others haue en∣dured, he desires therfore to know how far it is frō the earth to hell; & being told that hel is iust so many miles from Earth, as earth is from Heauen, he stands in a brown study, wondring) sithens: the length of the iournies were both alike to him, how it should happen, that he tooke rather the one path then the other. But then cursing himself that euer he fell in loue with mony, and that which is contrary to na∣ture) hee euer made a cracke French Crowne, beget an English-Angell, he roar'de out, & swore that gold sure would dambe him. For sayes hee, my gree∣dinesse to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 mine eye with that, made me starue my belly, and haue vndone those for sixe pence, that were readie to starue. And into such an A∣poplexie of Soule, fell I into, with the lust of mo∣ney, that I had no sense of other happinesse: So that whil'st in my Closet I sat numbring my bags,

the last houre of my life was told out, before I could tel the first heap of gold, birdlime is the sweat of the Oake tree, the dung of the Blackbird falling on that tree, turnes into that slimie snare, and in that snare, is the bird her selfe taken. So fares it me, mony is but the excrement of the earth, in which couetous wretches (like swine) rooting continu∣ally, eate thorowe the earth so long, till at length they eate themselues into hell. I see therefore, that as Harts, being the most cowardly and hartlesse creatures, haue also the largest hornes. So we that are drudges to heapes of drosse, haue base & leane consciences, but the largest damnation. There ap∣peared to Timotheus, an Athenian, Demonijvmbra, and that gaue him a net to catch Cities in, yet for all that he died a begger. Sure it was Vmbr ae daemo∣nis that taught me the rule of Interest: for in get∣ting that, I haue lost the principall (my soule). But I pray you tel me, saies my setter vp of Scriueners, Must I be stript thus out of all? Shall my Fox-furd gownes be lockt vp from me? Must I not haue so much as a shirt vpon me? Heers worse pilling and polling then amongst my countrey men the Vsu∣rers, not a rag of linnen about me, to hide my na∣kednesse.

No, sayes the light Horse-man of Lymbo no lin∣nen is worne heere, because none can bee wouen strong enough to hold, neither doe any such good 〈◊〉〈◊〉 come hither as to make cloath, onely the Destinies are allowed to spinne, but their yarne serues to make smockes for Pr••serpina, You are

now as you must euer bee, you shall neede no cloathes, the aire is so extreame hot; ••esides, there be no Tailors sufferd to liue here, because (they as well as Players) haue a hell of their owne,) (vnder their shopboard) & there lye their t•• t••ered soules, patcht out with nothing but rags.

This Careere being ended, our Lansquenight of Lowe-Germanie, was readie to purspurres to his ho••••••, and take leaue, because he saw what disease hung vppon him, and that his companion was hard at his heeles, and was loth to proceede in his iourney.

But he, Qui nummos admiratur, the pawn-gro∣per, clingde about his knees like a Horsleech, and coniurde him, as euer he pittied a wretch eaten to the bare bones, by the sacred hunger of gold, that he would either bestowe vpon him, a short Table (such a one as is tide to the tayle of most Alma∣nacks) chalking out the hye-waies, be they neuer so durtie, and measuring the length of all the miles betweene towne, and towne, to the breadth of a hayre, or if this Geographicall request tooke vp too much conceald land to haue it granted, that yet (at last) he would tell him, whether he were to passe ouer any more riuers, and what the name of this filthy puddle was, ouer which hee was lately brought by a dogged waterman, because sithence he must runne into the diuels mouth, hee would runne the neerest way, least hee wearied him∣selfe.

Of this last request, the Lacquy of this great

Leuiathan, promisde he should be maister, but he would not bring him to a miles end by land, (they were too many to meddle with). You shall vnder∣stand therefore (saies our wild Irish footeman) that this first water (which is now cast behind you) is Acheron, It is the water of troub••e, & works like a Sea in a tempest (for indeede this first is the worst) It hath a thousand creekes, a thousand windings, and ••u••••ings, It vehemently boyles at the bottome (like a Caldron of molten leade,) when on the top it is smoother then a still streame: And vpon great reason is it calde the Riuer of molestation, for when the soule of man is vpon the point of departing from the Shores of life, and to be shipt away into another world, she is vext with a conscience, and an auxie us remembrance of all the parts that euer she plaid on the vnruly stage of the world: She repeats not by roate, but by heart, the iniuries done to others, and indig∣nities wrought against her selfe: She ••urnes ouer a large volume of accountes, and findes that sh••ees runne out in pride, in lustes, in ••iots, in blasphe∣mies, in irreligion, in waslowing through so many enormous & detestable crimes, that to looke back vpon them, (being so infinite), and vpon her own face (being so fowle) the very thought makes her desperate. She neuer spake, or delighted to heare spoken, a••y bawdie language, but it now ••••ngs in her ••are, neuer lusted after lu••urious meates, but their taste is now vpon her tongue, neuer fed the sight witl any licen••ious obiect, but now they

come all into her eye, euerie wicked thought be∣fore, is now to her a dagger, euery wicked word a death, euery wicked act a damnation: If shee scape falling into this Ocaean, she is miraculously saued from a shipwracke, hee must needs be a churlish but a cunning Waterman, that steeres in a Tempest so da••gerous: This first Riuer is a bit∣ter water in taste, and vnsauou••y in sent, but who∣soeuer drinks downe but halfe a draught of his re∣mem••red former follies, Oh it cannot chuse but be 〈…〉〈…〉 Gall is hony to it, Acheron like is a thicke water, and howe can it otherwise choose, being stirred with so m••ny thousand figh∣ting perturbations.

Hauing passed ouer this first Riuer (as now you are) you shall presently ha••e your waie stopt with another, Its a little cut by l••••d thither, but a tedi∣ous and dangerous voyage by water.

Lies there a Boate readie (quor•••• my rich Iew of Malta) to take me in so so••ne a•• I cal? No, saies the other, you must wait your mariners leisure, the same wrangling fellowe that was you•• first man, is your last man: Marry you shallie at euery Hauens mouth for a wind, til Belzab••••s hale you for Ach••∣ron (after many circumgirations) fale i•• to the S••i¦gian Lake (your second Riuer carries that name) It is the water of Loathsomnes, and runnes with a swifter Current then the former •• f•••• when the soule sees deaths Barge tarrying for her, shee be∣gins to be sorie for her ante acted euil••, and then shees sayling ouer Acheron, but when sh•••• drawer the Curtaine, and lookes narrowly vpon the pic∣tures,

which her own hand drew, and findes them to be vgly, she abhorres her owne work-manship, and makes haste to hoyste vp more Sayles, and to bee transported swiftlie ouer the Stygian Torrent, whose waters are so reuerend, that the Gods haue no other oath to sweare by.

The third Ryuer is Cocitus, somewhat clearer then both the other, and is the water of Repen∣tance, beeing an Arme of Styx: Many haue heere bene cast away, and frozen to death, when the Ri∣uer hath waxen cold, (as oftentimes it doth,) ney∣ther are all sortes of Soules suffred to saile vpon it, for to some (as if the water had sense, and could not brooke an vnworthy burden,) it swells vp into tempests, and drownes them, to others more loue cannot appeare in Dolphins to men, then in that does smoothnes.

Besides these, there are Phlegeton and Pyriphle∣geton that fall in with Cocytus (burning Riuers,) In which (tho they be dreadfull to looke vppon,) are no vtter danger: If the Ferry-man waft you safe∣lie, ouer the waters of Repentance, otherwise those hote liquors will scalde you.

But what a Traytoram I, (to the vndiscouered Kingdomes,) thus to bring to light their dearest Treasury? sworne am I to the Imperiall State In∣fernall, and what dishonour would it bee to my Knight-hood, to be found forsworne?

Seale vp your lips therefore I charge you, and drinke downe a full bowle of this Lethoean water,

which shall wash out of you the remembrance of any thing I ha••e spoken: Be proude thou Grand∣child of Mammō, that I haue spent these minutes vppon thee, for neue•• shall any breathing mortall man, with tortures wring our of mee so much a∣gaine. There ••yes your way: Fare well.

In such a strange Language was this vltimum Vale sent forth, that Mounsieur Money-monger stood onely staring and yawning vpon him, but could speake no more: yet at the last (Coniuring vp his best Spirits, he onely in a dumb shew, (with pittifull action, like a Player, (when hee's out of his part,) made signes to haue a Letter deliuered by the Carryer, of condemnation, to his Sonne, (a young R••ueller, prick't downe to stand in the Mer••ers bookes for next Christmasse,) which in a dumbe shewe, likewise beeing receyued, they both turn'de backe the Vsu∣rer, looking as hungrilie, as if he had kist the post.

Notes

• The picture of a Vsurer.
• How ••surers get into bell.
• The Ri••••rs which ••he s••u•••• passes.
• Remēbrance of the sinnes, the first water.
• L••athing of our 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the second 〈◊〉〈◊〉.
• Repentance of our sinnes, the third Water.
• Vnlesse you saile safety o∣uer the wa∣ters of Re∣pentanc, you are in danger to be drownd in Dispaire.