“It’s the Choices You Make That Get You There”: Decision-Making Pathways of Childfree Women

Abstract

Using qualitative in-depth interviews with U.S. women, we examined how and why women make the decision to remain childfree. First, we show how women’s decision-making pathways were the result of complex factors. Second, we illustrate why the women chose to be childfree, highlighting the benefits of being childfree, the costs of motherhood, and the constraints women felt they faced. Although an exploratory study, our interviews suggest diversity in how women make the decision to be childfree, partly shaped by age, relationship status, and race. Yet our analysis of why women chose to remain childfree did not reveal patterns by their individual characteristics. The women were consistent in the belief that motherhood would disrupt their lifestyle and they would risk not living up to societal expectations of a “good” mother. We argue this shows the power of the social construction of motherhood.

Keywords: childfree, gender, motherhood, pronatalism, reproduction

Sociopolitical and cultural forces shape women’s decision-making pathways regarding having and rearing children. Macro-level changes like reproductive advancements, the women’s rights movement, and increased workforce participation have opened new opportunities for women, influencing their choices about when and if to become mothers (Bartlett, 1995; Blackstone & Dyer Stewart, 2012; Clark, 2012; Gerson, 1985; Gillespie, 2003; Ireland, 1993). The normative model of men as breadwinners and women as caregivers has declined as more women enter the paid labor market and stay after having children (Avellar & Smock, 2003; Jacobs & Gerson, 2004). In fact, 71% of women with children younger than 18 are employed outside the home (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2013). Shifting ideas about women’s roles at work and in the family mean more women may choose to remain childfree. In 2008, about 18% of women age 40-44 had never had a child, almost double the rate than when the U.S. first measured childlessness in 1976. This trend is rising among women age 25-29, from 31% in 1976 to about 46% in 2008 (U.S. Department of Commerce, 2011). The data do not differentiate between women who cannot have children versus those who choose not to mother, but declining infertility rates suggest that more women choose to remain childfree (Blackstone & Dyer Stewart, 2012; Clark, 2012; Somers, 1993).

The purpose of this article is to explore how and why women decide to be childfree. Using data from 20 in-depth interviews with heterosexual, childfree women in the Detroit metro area, we analyzed their pathways and reasons to remain childfree. First, we show how the women’s decision-making followed two distinct pathways: Some women made an active and certain decision to be childfree, whereas other women were passive and framed by ambivalence toward motherhood or acceptance of the childfree life. Second, women explained their decision by reflecting on the benefits of being childfree, the costs of motherhood, and personal and societal constraints, suggesting they were hesitant to profoundly change their lives by giving up freedom or taking on emotional and financial risks of motherhood. By examining the micro-processes of women’s decision-making, our exploratory study suggests race, age, and relationship status partly shape the women’s pathways to childfreedom. However, the reasons the women identified as to why they chose to remain childfree did not differ by their individual characteristics. Instead, their interpretations of motherhood were similar, reflecting the powerful message on what is a “good” mother.

The Social Construction of Motherhood

Motherhood is socially constructed through interactions and relationships within sociopolitical and cultural contexts (Arendell, 2000; Ridgeway & Correll, 2004). It is dynamic in its reflection of the prevailing gendered belief system, revealing how motherhood is created and recreated over time (Bartlett, 1995; Gillespie, 2000; Kelly, 2009; Nakano Glenn, Chang, & Forcey, 1994). In a pronatalist culture, the expectation for women to have children is so strong that motherhood appears as the only normal path, making it difficult for women to be childfree (Brown & Ferree, 2005; DeLyser, 2011; McQuillan, Greil, Shreffler, & Tichenor, 2008; Mezey, 2008; Vesper, 2008). Russo (1976) calls this societal pressure “mandatory motherhood.” Whereas mothers are celebrated, women who are not mothers are viewed as unfulfilled (Morell, 2000).

The specific ideals associated with mandatory motherhood are not universal and differ by race, class, and sexuality. Societal expectations encourage white, heterosexual, middle class, and college-educated women to fulfill the idealized model of motherhood. Conversely, policies and practices have denied women of color and poor and working class women the ability to preserve family life, excluding them from the so-called “cult of domesticity” (Nakano Glenn et al. 1994). Societal expectations assume lesbian women will not become mothers, so when they do their ability to be “good” mothers is questioned because they challenge heteronormative views on family life (Mezey, 2008). Societal views also portray teenage mothers, waitress moms, and welfare queens as unfit, undereducated, and a “significant problem,” particularly for women of color (Parker West, 2002, p. 14). Even deviations from the “ideal” family size of two children prompt critique, primarily for lower-income women; affluent women are rarely questioned in the same way. In short, for women who fit the desirable model, motherhood should be central to their adult identity and position in society (Gillespie, 2003; Ireland, 1993; Letherby, 2002; Nakano Glenn et al., 1994). Women who do not fit the “ideal” mother model experience vilification, stereotyping, and critique.

While the ideal of mandatory motherhood is not the same for all women, overarching societal pressure suggests all women should at least want to mother. Thus, women’s choice to defy motherhood comes with the burden of not fulfilling their expected role as women, disrupting traditional notions of family. The scholarship on childfree women illustrates complexity surrounding women’s choices and challenges. Some women “drift into” being childfree, rather than making the conscious decision, and never revisit the issue (Bartlett, 1994; Ireland, 1993; McAllister & Clarke, 1998). Other women are ambivalent toward motherhood or simply know at an early life stage that they do not want children (Callan, 1986; Gillespie, 2003; Kelly, 2009; Lisle, 1999; McAllister & Clarke, 1998).

Micro-level factors influencing why women choose to be childfree add another layer of complexity (Table 1). Research demonstrates that some women’s explanations for choosing childfreedom include obstacles to marital happiness (Callan, 1986) and advantages linked to a childfree lifestyle like higher education, a career, or other adult freedoms (Gillespie, 2000; Kelly, 2009; McAllister & Clarke, 1998; McEvoy, DeVellis, Strudler, & Acker, 1984; Morell, 1994). Women may want adventure or personal development, act on their reproductive choice, lack a pull toward motherhood, or reflect on their childhood (Gerson, 1985; Lisle, 1999; Mezey, 2008; Morell, 2000). Economics may influence the choice to be childfree as women compare the costs of raising children to socially prescribed benefits (Gerson, 1985; Gillespie, 2003; Ireland, 1993; Morell, 2000). Rather than a simplistic negation of motherhood, the decision to be childfree results from many intricately woven factors.

Most research has focused on childfree women who are white, married, college educated, and upper-middle class, with little religious affiliation, and who hold nontraditional gender beliefs (Abma & Martinez, 2006; Bartlett, 1994; Heaton, Cardell, & Holland, 1999; Kelly, 2009; McAllister & Clarke, 1998; McEvoy et al., 1984; Somers, 1993). Few studies explore the experiences of women of color, unmarried women, or lower-income women (Clark, 2012). Further, most research tends to compare childfree women to those who have children (Callan, 1986; Feldman, 1981; Letherby, 2002; Veevers, 1973), reifying childfree women as deviant and homogenizing their experiences. If we base motherhood or the decision to be childfree only on the experiences of white, middle-class women, we may miss important differences in women’s experiences.

This article contributes to the literature in three ways. First, the research is timely, given the increasing number of childfree women. Our study updates the research on childfree women, building on the few more recent studies (Blackstone & Dyer Stewart, 2012; Clark, 2012; DeLyser, 2011; Tomczak, 2012). Second, the exploratory qualitative study examines the complexity of the decision to remain childfree. Our study shows women follow distinct pathways to be childfree, highlighting how women do not decide in the same way or at the same life stage as one another (Blackstone & Dyer Stewart, 2012). Third, our findings suggest that research should broaden its focus to examine more closely how race, class, and sexuality shape women’s choice to be childfree (Clarke 2012; Hill Collins, 1997; Lisle 1999; Nakano Glenn et al., 1994).

Methods

This article is based on an exploratory qualitative study of 20 in-depth interviews with childfree women. The literature has defined childfree as “women of childbearing age who are fertile and state that they do not wish to have children, women of childbearing age who have chosen sterilization, or women past childbearing age who were fertile but chose not to have children” (Kelly, 2009, p. 157). We based our inclusion criteria solely on the women’s articulation that they did not want or had never wanted to bear or raise children. We did not ask women about their fertility status. Thus, it is possible that some women in this study may not have been able to have a child, even though they expressed their choice to be childfree.

Existing research uses many terms to describe childfree women: voluntary childless (Callan, 1983; Heaton et al., 1999; Kelly, 2009; Majumdar, 2004; Morell, 2000; Park, 2002), intentionally childless (Feldman, 1981; Morell, 1994), voluntarily childfree (Koropeckyj-Cox, Romano, & Moras, 2007), childless by choice (Park, 2005), and childless (McAllister & Clarke, 1998). We use childfree and childfreedom because childless connotes a loss of something (Bartlett, 1994; Clark, 2012; DeLyser, 2011; Gillespie, 2003; Ireland, 1993; Lisle, 1999; McEvoy et al., 1984; Tomczak, 2012; Vesper, 2008; Vinson, Mollen, & Smith, 2010). In this study, women focus on what their lives have gained as a result of choosing to be childfree.

The data in this article are part of a larger study to explore women’s decision-making processes for choosing childfreedom and their experiences as childfree women. In-depth interviews focused on (1) the reasons to be childfree, including circumstances that shaped when and how women made the decision, (2) management strategies related to stigmas associated with women who chose not to become mothers, and (3) experiences as childfree women, focusing on how they believed their life was different than those who had children, as well as when they felt their decision was negatively judged or reaffirmed by family, friends, and acquaintances. This article focuses only on the women’s pathways and reasons to remain childfree. The first author conducted all interviews, which took place in coffee shops, restaurants, participants’ homes, and one of the author’s homes. Two women were interviewed over the telephone but were recorded. Interviews lasted 30 minutes to 2.5 hours, most about one hour. The recorded conversations were transcribed for data analysis. We use pseudonyms to protect the women’s identities.

We recruited participants through purposive and snowball sampling strategies. Ten women were in their childbearing years (18-39), and 10 women were near the end of their childbearing years or beyond them (40+). While women may give birth after age 40, only 18% of women aged 40-44 do so. Increased risks for chromosomal abnormalities, loss of pregnancy, and health problems during pregnancy also make childbearing more difficult for women in their 40s (Burd, 2012). We purposively constructed the sample by age because we wanted to compare women’s experiences given the distinct sociopolitical context within which younger and older women have lived. The women’s ages ranged from 20 to 66, with an average age of 40. Fourteen women were white, four were African American, one was Hispanic, and one identified as white and Arab. Fourteen women were single, two cohabitated with their partners, and four were married. All women identified as heterosexual. All women worked full-time. The nine professionals included positions like lawyers, educators, IT, and management. The nine semi-professionals were in clerical or low-level administrative positions, and the two non-professionals were restaurant servers. While these demographics are important to understand the women in this study, we only found patterns by race, age, and relationship status.

We used focused and open coding techniques for data analysis to identify emergent themes for the women’s decisions to be childfree (Emerson, Fretz, & Shaw, 1995). Focused coding centered on questions specifically about the decision-making process (see Appendix). We asked, “Can you tell me about the reasons for your decision to not have children?” and “Can you tell how you came to this decision?” We also asked, “When you think of pregnancy and childbirth, what comes to mind?” and “Have there been moments when you second-guessed the decision or when you thought you made the right decision?” We open coded the transcripts to identify descriptions of the women’s decision-making process and reasons for their childfree status embedded elsewhere in the interviews. We looked for narratives that described daily life, future hopes, and careers or hobbies that the women identified as not conducive to motherhood. Emergent themes included active and passive decision-making pathways, freedom of lifestyle, children as disruptive, and motherhood as risk. Similar to Gillespie (1999, p. 47), we defined active deciders as women who “had a strong sense of having chosen childlessness in order to concentrate on opportunities other than motherhood and to avoid the activities motherhood entailed.” Passive deciders described their decision as happenstance or just the “way it worked out” (Gillespie, 1999, p. 46).

Decision-Making Pathways of Childfree Women

This study revealed that the decision to remain childfree was the result of several factors rather than one particular moment in time (Gillespie, 1999; Kelly, 2009). Women made the decision to be childfree through active (n=11) and passive (n=9) pathways. Active decider women were certain they did not want children, many deciding early in their lives, or believing they would be mothers but later changing their minds. Some passive deciders had a desire to have children, but without a partner decided against single motherhood, while others felt no push toward or pull away from having children (Gerson, 1985; Mezey, 2008). Within these pathways, our data suggests the women’s age, relationship status, and race had some bearing on their decision.

Reasons for Remaining Childfree

In this study, women believed the costs and constraints of motherhood outweighed the benefits. Women attributed the benefits to enhanced autonomy and the ability to make choices about education, career, or personal development. Women framed children as disruptive, stressing the costs of motherhood like the loss of independence, identity, finances, and career (Lisle, 1999; Morell, 1994); women imagined the “losses” of motherhood but not the rewards, characterizing motherhood as a sacrifice, a duty, and a burden. Women identified constraints like the lack of a partner or the lack of emotions that women presumably embody, an overlooked aspect of the decision-making process to remain childfree, as reasons to be childfree. Unlike the women’s decision-making pathways, individual characteristics like race, age, and relationship status did not differentially shape why the women choose to defy motherhood; the consistency in their framing illustrates the power of the social construction of motherhood.

Discussion and Conclusions

This article analyzes how and why women chose a childfree life. Our findings show two pathways to childfreedom: active and passive deciders. Some women “always knew” they did not want to be mothers; other women assumed they would have children, drifting until they took proactive steps to avoid motherhood. Still, other women were ambivalent or accepting of their childfree life. Our evidence suggests race, age, and relationship status shaped, at least in part, how women came to the decision to be childfree. Active deciders were mostly white; in fact, all certain women were white. Women of color drifted, then were active or accepted their childfree life. Ambivalent women were still in their childbearing years as were most active deciders; accepting women were all older than 40. All accepting women and those who drifted, then were active were single. However, our analysis of why women chose to remain childfree did not reveal patterns by their characteristics. Instead, the women similarly articulated their understandings of what motherhood would mean for their lives, valuing their childfree lifestyle, framing motherhood as a sacrifice, and viewing motherhood as a risk if they did not live up to societal expectations of a “good” mother.

We expected the decision to be childfree made in early adulthood might be different from a decision made toward the end of women’s childbearing years (DeLyser, 2011; Gillespie, 1999; Ireland, 1993; Kelly, 2009; McAllister & Clarke, 1998). We suggest three reasons for how age shaped the women’s pathways. First, the focus on “just how life turned out” by women older than 40 may reflect how the meaning and interpretation individual’s give to previous experiences can change over time, suggesting fluidity in how women frame their choice of a childfree life. Second, attitudes toward motherhood are shifting, so younger women may be more comfortable voicing their decision to be childfree. Thus, the women’s framing of their childfree life as “how it turned out” masks structural constraints that shaped older women’s decision to be childfree. Third, ambivalent women were firm with their intent to remain childfree, but given they were still of childbearing age acknowledged the possibility their circumstances could change. That later in their life these women may also retrospectively frame their childfree life as “how it turned out” is a distinct possibility. In fact, related to age was the women’s relationship status: All women beyond childbearing were single. Most followed a passive pathway, highlighting constraints that led to their childfree choice; even active deciders recognized life circumstances played a major role in their decision not to mother.

We also expected there would be racial differences. All women of color either accepted their childfree life or had drifted, initially thinking they would be mothers, but then actively maintained childfreedom. We suggest that white women occupy a privileged position in society and the choice to be childfree may reflect that privilege. It may also reflect the expectation of white women to prioritize motherhood over any other identity like a career. In contrast, women of color have viewed motherhood and work as cohesive parts of women’s identity (Hill Collins 1997; Lisle 1999; Nakano Glenn et al., 1994). Women of color may feel more social pressure or have greater access to familial caregiving arrangements (Clark 2012). All women of color were also single, avoiding motherhood based on a desire to share parenting with an intimate partner (Gerson 1985; Mezey 2008). This raises questions on the perceived (or real) eligibility of men, or men’s comfort with women who choose not to mother or prioritize their career over family. For instance, Faye reflected on her dating life and thought her childfree lifestyle and focus on career intimidated black men. Conversely, white women were either sure they never wanted children or simply did not feel a strong draw toward motherhood. Acceptance of childfreedom reflected constraints women experienced, rather than choices. However, future research needs to tease out the relationship between race and how and why women chose to be childfree.

When women discussed the reasons for choosing to be childfree, they overwhelmingly focused on the benefits of their freedom and autonomy. Confirming other research, we found that childfree women interpreted motherhood as a “barrier to self-fulfillment, personal freedom, and marital happiness” (Callan, 1986, p. 180). In this study, women desired a “get up and go” lifestyle so they could travel, “hang” with family and friends, and learn new things. They cited obtaining a higher education, focusing on careers, and retaining other adult freedoms (Bartlett, 1994; Gillespie, 1999, 2000; Ireland, 1993; Kelly, 2009; Lisle, 1999; McAllister & Clarke, 1998; McEvoy et al., 1984; Tomczak, 2012). When women compared the benefits of a childfree life to socially prescribed benefits, they chose not to mother (Morell, 2000).

The women’s framing of the costs associated with motherhood focused on the many different ways their lives would change permanently. They understood motherhood as a lifelong commitment, some recognizing they still relied on their parents. Women interpreted children as disruptive and motherhood as sacrifice. Women believed they would have to abandon their career aspirations if they were mothers (Bartlett, 1994; Gerson, 1985; Gillespie, 1999, 2003; Ireland, 1993; McAllister & Clarke, 1998; Park, 2005). Their reflections on work-family conflict are well supported in the literature. Women increasingly enter the paid labor market and stay after having children, but they experience a wage penalty for motherhood (Bartlett, 1994; Budig & England, 2001; Correll, Benard, & Paik, 2007). The women’s financial concerns were also accurate. According to the USDA’s report on Expenditures on Children by Families (Lino, 2011), the cost to raise a child is nearly $400,000 from birth through age 18 (for households earning over $100,000), not including college education or health insurance after 18 years of age.

The benefits of childfreedom and the costs of motherhood were related to constraints that the women perceived mothers had to navigate. Women expressed concern they would not be “good” mothers because they did not have that “mother instinct” (Park, 2005). Or women did not believe they could find balance among caring, hovering, and patience. The emotional risks motherhood entailed reaffirmed societal expectations of women as nurturing. The women’s choice to remain childfree was not a rejection of children overall, but to defy motherhood in their everyday lives. Many enjoyed children but appreciated the “quietness” of their life. They admitted part of their choice was driven by selfishness, believing their identity would shift from “an interesting friend who has all these hobbies” to “mommy,” revealing societal expectations of motherhood as women’s primary identity and exposing them to the risk of living up to all that mothering required.

The increasing number of childfree women warrants further investigation. Based on our findings, we suggest a few avenues for future research. First, scholars should expand beyond white, heterosexual, middle-class women who are college-educated to capture how race, ethnicity, sexuality, and class shape women’s choices and perceptions of motherhood. Childfree research has largely ignored both women of color and lesbian women. Our study was limited based on education (all but three were college-educated) and sexuality (all women identified as heterosexual), but there was some diversity by race, allowing us to identify preliminary patterns for future investigation. Second, there has also been a dearth of research on childfree men. By focusing exclusively on women, we ignore men’s choices and perceptions of childfreedom and the dyadic practices many couples experience while making such an important decision. Last, examining women’s decision-making over time could yield some interesting patterns in how age and life course status shape women’s decision-making processes.

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Appendix: Interview Guide