The motley assembly, a farce. : Published for the entertainment of the curious.

SCENE, At the House of Mrs. FLOURISH.

Enter Mrs. FLOURISH and Esq. RUNT.

Runt.

IT is a very great mortification to the gentlemen Ma|dam,—your not permitting Miss Flourish to go to the Assembly.

Mrs. Flourish.

I mean it as such Mr. Runt;—if your sex are so weak and undiscerning, as to prefer the fading, short lived, perishable trifle beauty, to the noble exalted, mental accomplish|ments, which only are of intrinsic value, Mr. Runt;—it is fit they should be mortified.— O why has Heaven permitted our passive sex to be so long deceived and misled by the idle and ground▪ less opinion of the superior wisdom of the male sex!—in ani|mal strength I grant their superiority;—and I have found some capable of pleasing; —but few—very few indeed capable of informing me.—

Runt.

But madam you will be pleased to consider, that few ladies are so accomplished as you are allowed to be.

Mrs. Flourish.

Say no more Mr. Runt;—I am almost sick at the bare mention of the word;— it is so horribly prostituted and misapplied upon almost all occasions.

Runt.

I beg your pardon madam.

Mrs. Flourish.

I do not mean in this instance Mr. Runt:— but pray Mr. Runt how comes it that you are one of the managers of this motley assembly?

Runt.

I was advis'd madam—both for my interest and safety.

Mrs. Flourish.

By one of your own sex,—I dare say—

Runt.

It was madam▪—Mr. Turncoat advis'd me.

Mrs. Flourish.

To keep him in countenance I suppose;— well what appearance do they make, compared to our assemblies in the seige?

Runt.

I wish you had been there the last evening madam, only to have seen the contrast.

Mrs. Flourish.

Contrast indeed! I dare swear:—O Mr. Runt!—when shall we see such happy times again? Will they ever return Mr. Runt.?

Runt.

Turncoat says he has long been afraid they never would return;—and wishes all the friends of government would do as he has done;—tack about, and make fair weather with the other side.

Mrs. Flourish,

How versatile is man▪ have you known any one of my sex on the side of government to change their opinion Mr. Runt? nay more—have we not openly, in the face of day, and in defiance of our present mock rulers—frequently visited our dear, distress'd friends in Cambridge. While the men!—you dastard men!—meanly stole there under covert of the night; and some of the highest Whigs, who in some companies have exclaimed against us, have been glad to make use of our interest for you know what purposes;—and their wives who have sometimes accompanied us, have returned more than half converted, by the gentility, address, politeness, and generosity of the Convention troops.—O my God! my heart bleeds whenever I think of the poor distress'd Convention troops:—What will become of them Mr. Runt? It is impossible they can endure such a horrid match: —Enough almost to kill our Yankies.

Runt.

It is very cruel treatment; and it is a wonder if we don't suffer for it in the end; I never could learn the cause madam.

Mrs. Flourish.

The French! The cursed French! Mr. Runt, are the cause of all our misery:—This Rebellion would have been crush'd long before this, but for them—We could not have held out much longer, when they step'd in; but must have sub|mitted to such terms as our gracious sovereign would have conde|scended to offer; which all who know his goodness Mr. Runt, are convinced would have been just and merciful

Runt.

Your observations are very just madam, and I am entirely of your opinion:—And as to the French—every body says they are a treacherous crew:—I know when I was in England it was the general opinion there; and that they never would fight▪ and I don't despair but Old England will give them a drub|bing yet.—But as to us, I think we are in a worse box than ever;—out of the frying-pan, into the fire; and all this for a trifling duty on tea.

Mrs. Flourish.

Well we must wait with patience Mr. Runt; I have still hopes, notwithstanding what Mr. Turncoat says;— I never thought him much of a politician.—It was rather unfortunate for him, that he would not even suffer his daughters to go to a Whig-Assembly as it was called the winter before last; and now so warmly to engage in it; because these people are very apt to remember; and may possibly assign this miraculous change to the true motive.—

Enter Miss Flourish,

Miss Flourish.

O Mr. Runt, I am exceeding glad to see you; I wanted to ask you a thousand questions:—What sort of an assembly had you?—Who was there?—Were the ladies very much dress'd?—How did the He-Bears (as Miss Doggril calls them) behave?—How did they handle their paws?—Could you keep your countenance?

Mrs. Flourish,

Stop! stop! stop! Miss Volubility,—not quite so fast; who do you think can answer so many questions at once?— Now Mr. Runt, can you think it possible, after all this seeming contempt for the company, that this girl cried a whole day because I would not let her go to the assembly?—Assembly! Good Heavens! It is a burlesque upon the name of an assembly:— I have no patience when I think of it:—Yet there's my sister is fool enough to go; tho' she told me she would not dance, because she could not bear to give her hand to such cattle.

Runt,

I observ'd Mrs.—refuss'd to dance; but did not know

the reason before:—Well I think she is quite right.—But Miss Flourish how comes it that you are so anxious to go?

Miss Flourish.

Because there is a sett of us who agreed to go on purpose to make our remarks on the droll figures, for our diversion and entertainment when we got home.—

Runt.

Ha! ha! ha!—You are a rogue, Miss Flourish —

Mrs. Flourish.

Did you observe Mrs. Bubble's behaviour Mr. Runt? It seems to me that creature tries how ridiculous she can make herself;—the town rings with her silly speeches;— She has not a single advocate in our little polite circle. And is laugh'd at by the very creatures whom she affects to despise, but has not sense enough even to distinguish the ridiculous part of their cha|racter.—Excuse me a moment Mr. Runt.—

Exit Mrs. Flourish.

Enter Miss Taxall and Miss Doggril.

Runt.

How do ye do ladies? Give me leave to take your cloaks:—What do you hear abroad ladies?

Miss Taxall.

We hear nothing talk'd of now, but the assembly, and Mrs. Bubble's pretty speeches.—O Miss Doggril! I wish you had been in town in the seige;—then you would have seen assemblies!—Don't you remember one evening Miss Flourish? —Well tho' they are so impudent sometimes; yet they are so genteel, so easy, so careless, and so agreeable, that one can hardly be offended at any thing they say or do:— If you had been with us then Miss Doggril, you would not wonder at my turning off my Yankie sp••••k▪

Miss Doggril.

Kind fortune! bring them back—

or let us drink of Lethe's fountain, and forget to think.

Re-enter Mrs. Flourish in a Hurry.

Mrs. Flourish,

Take care girls what you say now:—Capt. Aid is coming in;—remember he is an officer in the reb, I had like to have spoke treason—in our army.

Enter Aid—a little gay.

Aid.

Ladies your most obedient;—Mr. Runt. I am Your's.

Runt.

Your humble servant Sir;—How do you do Mr. Aid? Capt—I beg your pardon Sir.

Mrs. Flourish.

Take a chair Captain Aid;—will you drink a glass of wine?

Aid.

With all my heart madam.—Ladies your health; Mr. Runt your health:—And long life, health, and prospe|rity, to His Most Christian Majesty; and Godlike, glorious WASHINGTON.

Mrs. Flourish.

Thank'ee Sir.

[Speaking very faintly.]

Runt.

With all my heart Captain:—I really take that WASHINGTON to be a very clever fellow.

Aid.

Let us be silent on that subject Mr. Runt:—We have neither time, nor talents, to do it justice

Mrs. Flourish.

Why? He is no more than man; Captain Aid.

Aid.

Then all mankind beside are less; madam.

Mrs. Flourish.

You have not seen all mankind Sir,—I believe Mr. WASHINGTON;—or General WASHINGTON if you please,—is a very honest, good kind of a man; and has taken infinite pains to keep your army together; and I wish he may find his account in it:—But doubtless there are his equals;— to say no more.

Aid.

If you meant that as a compliment, madam; it is really so cold a one; it has made me shiver;—I will therefore with your leave, drop the subject; and take another glass of wine.

Runt.

Ay, ay, that's right Captain▪ I think there are more fit subjects for a young gentleman's contemplation in this room.

Aid.

Still gallant Mr. Runt:—But the ladies must pardon me if I cannot readily assent to the justice of your rebuke; when I assure them, that I think such charms as theirs, would justify my

in attention to every other object, but what concerns my General, or my country.

Miss Taxall.

I beileve we are are all very ready to pardon your inattention to us at all times.

Aid.

Curse your impudence▪—

Aside.

Knowing my inclina|tion, and particular attention to please and oblige the ladies; you say what you please without the hazard of offending:—And as you seem disposed at this time to be merry at my expence; I am extremely sorry to deprive you of the opportunity, by being oblig|ed to leave you.

Exit Aid.