The disappointment: or, The force of credulity. A new American comic-opera, of two acts. / By Andrew Barton, Esq; ; [Four lines of verse]

THE DISAPPOINTMENT: OR THE FORCE OF CREDULITY.

ACT I.

SCENE I. A Tavern.

Scene opens and discovers Hum, Parchment and Quadrant▪ seated round a Table with Wine, &c.

[Parchment, pouring out a Glass of Wine sings, Sing tantara rara, rogues all, rogues all, sing tantara rara, rogues all.

COME, success to us

[drinks. all drink.]

Well gen|tlemen! How goes our scheme? Have you made any new proselytes since our last meeting?

Hum.

Why, really, while credulity and the love of money prevail, I think it no merit to make proselytes of one half the town: but that you know is not our purpose; we only want to draw in four or five. I baited the hook for the old shaver; he gap'd▪ snapp'd and swallow'd it as voraciously as a cringing cour•••••• would a pension. As for Raccoon, I just threw out a few hints; he soon discovered the foundation, and rais'd the fabric himself.

Quadrant,

Oh! if he smells money, as great a cow|ard as they say he is, he'll venture to the gates of hell for it. He, he, he.

Hum.

I've hitherto kept him in suspence; he haunts me like a ghost; he thinks something, but knows no|thing: He'll be here presently, and I have contriv'd matters so, that he shall make the discovery himself.

Quad.

So far we have sail'd before the wind, and I've not been idle, for I've drawn in Trushoop and M' Snip: they've been with me these three nights, consulting proper measures for obtaining the treasure; and are so elevated, that I'm afraid they'll run crazy. He, he, he. Trushoop talks of building a chapel at his own expence, and employing a score of priests, to keep up a continual rotation of prayers for the repose of the souls of those poor fellows who buried it. As for M' Snip, he intends to knock off business, home to England and purchase a title. He, he, he. They'll both be here in half an hour.

Parch.

The devil they do! then I suppose they'll not be in a humour for work till this affair is over—I'd some thoughts of a new suit of cloaths; but I must drop them, till these chimeras are out of M' Snips brain.

Hum.

That's one reason, why I want the business dispatch'd; for, tho' I like the diversion, I wou'dn't hurt their families. Mr. Parchment, have you prepar'd the papers?

Parch.

Yes, yes, I have 'em here in my pocket.

Quad.

Do let's see 'em? He, he, he▪ for they are the foundation of all our undertaking.

Parch.

[Pulling out the papers]

Here they are, all plac'd in regular order, and inclos'd in a letter to Mr. Hum.

Hum.

Aye, aye, let's see.

[reads]

the letter will do to a tittle—but what the devil's this?

Taking hold of the parchment.

Parch.

That's the will.

Hum.

Why, it looks as if it had been preserv'd in the temple of Apollo, or the tower of Babel.

Quad.

Egad, you might have said Noah's ark, He,

he, he, for it looks old enough.—And pray what's this old weather-beaten piece?

Parch.

Why, that's the draught of the place where the treasure lies: together with the memorandum, sign'd by all present at the time it was deposited.

Quad.

He, he, he, droll enough.

Sing••.

AIR I. I am a brisk young lively lass.

In all the town there's none like you, When you're on mischi••f bent si••s; With pen and ink, one well can write, What you do both invent sirs. It's you, my boys, it's you can do it, Parchment you are my darling; Raccoon may curse, and Washball burst, We value not their snarling. Tol, lol, &c.

Hum.

Well, I must take these into my care, as they are directed to me:

[Gathers up the papers.]

but I wonder what detains Jack Rattletrap.

Quad.

Oh! I'll be bound for his appearance—I was at his house just now, and found him poreing over the canto of Hudibras and Sydrophel, in order to furnish himself with a set of hard words, which added to his knowledge in the mathematicks, will sufficiently qualify him for a modern conjurer— but here he comes! He, he, he— talk of the devil and his imps appear.

Enter Rattletrap, singing.

AIR. II. The Bloom of May.

Behold you my magic phiz, How solemn and grave I look; Here, here, my good friends, here i•• My brass bound magical book. This book wonders contain, 'Twou'd deceive the de'el himself, And puzzle a conjurer's brain, That knows no more than myself. That knows, &••.

Your servant gentlemen.

(All say.)

Your servant Mr. Rattletrap.

Quad.

Take your chair—Come, Sir, my service to you.

All drink.

Parch.

We began to look for you with impatience▪ Well, are you almost prepar'd for your office?

Rattle.

Yes, dress and books are already provided; but for tools, I must apply to Mr. Quadrant.

Quad.

Yes, yes, I••ll cut you a hazel-rod off our cherry tree; a magnet, nocturnal and forestaff shall be all ready— and I can furnish you, as Hudibras says, with a

Moon dial, and Napier's bones, With store of constellation stones.

He, he, he.— But say, Have you seen the papers?

Rattle.

Yes, I saw them this morning at Mr. Parch|ment's office— But, hark'ee, we want a fifth person, to act as demi-devil, or familiar spirit.

Hum.

Leave that to me; I'm acquainted with an old artillery-man, he's a snug dry dog— I'll introduce him to you; with his assistance, and a proper habit, you'll cut as droll a figure as old Merlin.

Rattle.

Well, well, but we must have a place pro|vided for his reception, under ground—Mr. Quadrant and I will see that done—drop the conversation, here comes old Raccoon.

Enter Raccoon.

Raccoon.

Your servant gentlemen—Broder Hum, I'm bery glad to see you— Mr. Quadrant, Mr. Parchment, Mr. Rattletrap.

He salutes them all.

Parch▪

Leave ceremonies, and take hold of the bo••|tle.

All drink.

Hum.

Brother Raccoon and gentlemen all, I must beg your patience for a few minutes—I'll be with you instantly.

Exit.

As he goes out, he drops the papers; Raccoon picks them up, steps aside and looks over them▪

Rac.

[Aside.]

Ah! broder Hum, have I found you secret— I tought dere was someting in de wind— dis is a lucky bout— now my dreams out— Dad, I'll keep dese papers, dey shan't hab dem, unless I get de share.

He crams them in his bosom.

Parch.

Come, Mr. Raccoon, sit down.

Raccoon sits down.

Re-enter Hum.

Hum.

Did you see any thing of a bundle of papers, gentlemen?

Parch

No, I saw none.

Quad.

Nor I — you didn't leave them here.

Hum.

Speak gentlemen— if you've got them, pray don't keep me in suspense?

Rattle.

Upon my honor, I saw nothing of 'em.

Hum.

Pray put me out of my pain gentlemen?

[They all rise, shake their clothes and look about for them.]

If they are not here, the damn'd drawer must have pick'd my pocket when he brought up the wine— Damn the villain!

He knocks.

Drawer

(below.)

Coming Sir!

Enter Drawer.

Drawer.

Sir, here's some gentlemen.

Enter Washball, Trushoop and M' Snip.

Hum.

[Locks the door and speaks to the drawer.]

You scoundre••, where's the papers you took?

Draw.

Sir I didn't take any.

Hum.

You lie, you rascal!

Washball▪

What's the matter? what's the matter, neighbour Hum?

Hum.

We're ruin'd, Mr. Washball— the villain! has stole the papers.

Wash.

Deliver the papers— Deliver the papers, you dog!

Draw.

Upon my honor gentlemen! I didn't see any.

Trus.

Damn your honor, you tief; I hope it's no de|fence gent••emen

M' Snip.

Onor! What, a drawer in a tayvirn have 'Onor?

Wash.

You lie, you lie you dog!

He lifts up his cane to strike him.

Quad

His countenance condemns him.

Draw

Indeed, indeed, gentlemen, I saw no papers at all.

Hum.

You rascal! you've got 'em: I'll send for a constable immediately.

Draw.

For God's sake gentlemen!

Trus.

O! you teif of the world— when I fish for the devil. I'll bate my hook wid you.

M' Snip.

Gin I come to him, I'll cut his throt.

Draw.

Oh L—d! Oh L—d!

M' Sn.

Produce the pappers this enstant, or by St. Andra I'll sacreseese ye!

He seizes and shakes him.

Draw.

Oh L—d! gentlemen have mercy? don't kill me?

Wash.

Kill the dog, kill him.

He strikes at him with his cane.

Draw.

(On his knees.)

As I hope for mercy I'm in|nocent gentlemen!

M' Sn.

You've but ane moment to live, deliver or I'll—

Rac.

Come gentlemen! be merciful don't kill de poor fellow— Search him.

They search him and find none.

Hum.

They're not about him— What shall we do?— Come, come my lad—look'ee— be ingenuous with us—the'yre of no service to you, and if you'll pro|duce 'em in half an hour, we'll give you something handsome—Perhaps I've dropt 'em—do my lad! step down and look about.

Draw.

I will Sir, I will make what search I can.

Exit drawer.

Rac.

Come, come—make yourselves easy gentle|men—I did pick up de papers at de door—broder Hum drop'd dem as he went out—I see de contents of dem, here dey are, and I hope gentlemen, dat you will let me come in for de share.

He gives the papers.

(All say.)

Agreed, agreed, agreed.

Hum.

We always intended you shou'd have a share brother Raccoon— Well, now the papers are safe, we're all right again—come sit down gentlemen, Very lucky! very lucky indeed!

All sit down.

Parch.

(To Washball.)

What can these papers mean.

Wash.

Oh dear! Oh dear! how my heart beats for joy.

Trus

So do mine— I tought it wou'd tump my liver out.

M' Sn.

An I had na been stopp'd, I shou'd a cut his throt— I'm glad you prevarted me—let••s call him up and ge him samthing.

Hum.

Aye, aye, by all means.

He knocks.

Re-enter Drawer.

Draw.

Did you call, gentlemen?

M' Sn.

Weel lad, we've foond the pappers; and hare's samthing to mak ye ameends for the freeght ye got,

[He gives him money.]

and meend ye tall na ane, but keep it to yoursel.

Draw.

Thank'ee kindly sir! God bless you sir— thank you kind sir.

Bowing.

Wash.

Aye, aye, a close tongue, makes a wise head▪ remember that young man.

Exit drawer.

Parch.

(To Trushoop.)

I say, Mr. Trushoop, what are the contents of these papers?

Trus.

The devil a hair do I know about it, at all, at all.

Hum.

Well gentlemen— I look upon you all to be men of honor: I suppose you're not strangers to the bu|siness in hand—you've all been inform'd of it, except brother Raccoon and Mr. Parchment, who are both present, and shall soon be inform'd.

Parch.

(Starting up suddenly.)

Gentlemen! I expected when I was sent for here, that I was to meet as usual, to take a chearful glass with my old friends: I knew of no secret to be divulg'd not I— And I earnestly request, that if it is any scheme, plot, combination, rout, riot or unlawful assembly—In fine, if it is any thing against his most sacred majesty, George the second, of Great-Bri|tain, France and Ireland, king, defender of the faith, &c. whom God preserve! or the lords of his majesty's most honorable privy council, or any one of them—Or the lords spiritual or temporal, or either of them—Or the honorable the house of commons of Great-Britain; that standing bulwark of British freedom, or either of them— The lord-lieutenant or parliament of Ireland, or either of them —The church of England, as by law establish'd; or the

government under which we live— I say gentlemen, if it is any scheme, plot, combination, rout, riot or unlawful assembly as aforesaid—keep it to yourselves— don't let me know a tittle of it—I wash my hands of it: for, if I know it, I'll be a swift witness against you— for as I hope to be sav'd, I'll immediately to the at|torney general; lodge an information against you; and hang you every mothers son.

Wash

Dear, dear sir! Mr. Parchment, don't think of such a thing.

Parch.

Don't tell me sir!

Wash

Sir, sir, you've known me these many, many years; I've liv'd peaceably, and never was concern'd in any of these disturbances you mentioned.

Parch.

Mr. Washball, I have nothing to charge you with, but sir, my suspicions are—

Wash.

Lord! Lord! sir, sir!

Rattle.

Sir, I believe there's not one in this company, but has as much loyalty as yourself.

M' Sn.

By my saul mon! I ha as great a regord to to the illuustreus hoose of Hanaver, as ye ha.

Parch.

It may be so sir▪

Quad.

I'm surpris'd at you, Mr. Parchment.

Trus.

The devil burn me but so am I too.

Rac.

Come, come, Mr. Parchment—consider—

Hum.

I hope, Mr. Parchment! you don't suppose any of us capable of conspiring against his majesty or his go|vernment— No sir, I answer for myself, his majesty hath not a more loyal subject. The whole business, that you were desired to attend upon here, I'll instantly communicate, if you'll hear, but if not, why sir—

Wash.

Aye, do hear, do hear, Mr. Parchment.

Trus.

A••ra my dear, and have a little pashence, and we'll tell you all, and more too.

Parch.

If it is none of those things, gentlemen, I have mentioned, I am ready to hear.

Hum.

Well then, you must know that I have very unexpectedly, and to my very great joy, receiv'd a let|ter from my loving sister-in-law in England (who is heir

to the famous capt. Blackbeard) inclosing sundry papers, such as plans, draughts and memorandums, of a great quantity of treasure, that was buried by the pirates— Here are the papers

[Pulling them out of his pocket]

gen|tlemen; please to look over them.

They took over them▪

Parch.

I beg your pardon gentlemen, since it's an affair of this nature; I joyn you with all my heart.

Trus.

The devil doubt you my dear honey.

Rac.

(Pointing to one of the papers in Parchment's hand.)

What's dat' do Mr. Parchment read it, I can't see widout my spectetles.

Parch.

Why, I find (but I'll omit the preamble) it's a particular account of the treasure, which I'll read— Imprimis, 17 golden candlesticks, chalices and cruci|fixes; 30,000 Portugal pieces; 20,000 Spanish pistoles; 470,000 pistereens; 7•• bars of gold; a small box of diamonds; 60,000 pieces of eight; and 150 pounds weight of gold-dust.—This instrument is sign'd by Edward Teach, alias Blackbeard, captain; Moses Brim|stone, first lieutenant; Bryan Fireball, second lieute|nant; Judas Guzzlefire, gunner, and Jeffery Eatdevil, cook.

Wash.

Oh! what a treasure—What do you think of our plot now Mr. Parchment? He, he, he.

Parch.

I like it extremely well sir—I wish I had been concern'd in such a plot twenty years ago.

Trus.

The devil a word a lye in all that again, O hone acree.

Hum.

Aye! well here's enough for us all.

Trus.

By my shoul! it's a very fine shight, if a body cou'd but feel it.

M' Sn.

By my saul! I'll awa we all me dranken joor|neymen; and keck the shap-boord oot a the wandow.

Wash.

I'll shave no more—no not I—I'll keep my hands out of the suds.

Rac.

Dis will make me cut de figure in life, and ap|pear in de world wid de proper impotance: and den I'll do someting for my poor friend.

Rattle.

Our business must be carried on with secrecy

and dispatch; besides, it will be attended with some expence—I believe gentlemen, it will be necessary to appoint Mr. Parchment our secretary and treasurer, if it is agreeable to him.

(All say.)

With all our hearts.

Parch.

Gentlemen, you have already laid me under many obligations, and this appointment, I look upon as a further proof of your esteem: I accept it with grati|tude; and heartily thank you for your kind information, and the great confidence, you have reposed in me, and you may depend on the utmost secrecy, faithfulness, accuracy, dispatch and punctuality.

Trus

Fait my dear that's a very fine spache, by my showl! father Duffy never made a better.

Quad

Mr. Rattletrap, what do you imagine will be the expence to each individual?

Rattle.

Oh! trifling, trifling— I suppose about two pistoles a man.

Wash

Well, I've money about me; I may as well pay it now—Here, Mr. Parchment, is a doubleloon, for my neighbour Trushoop and myself.

Trus.

Mashah, my dear! and I'm very much oblig'd to you.

Rattle.

Before I make use of my art to discover this treasure, I must insist that each individual of you, go to Mr. Parchment's office and be sworn to secrecy and honesty to each other, and you who have not paid, leave your respective quotas.

(All say)

Agreed, agreed.

Hum.

Well gentlemen, it grows late, we'll break up —I expect to see you all to-morrow at six: mean while let it remain a profound secret—remember we're now going to be sworn; so don't let your wives or nearest friends know it.

They all rise.

Parchment sings.

AIR III How blest has my time been.

I.

Now let us join hands and unite in this cause; 'Tis glorious gold, that shall gain us applause:

How blest now are we, with such treasure in store, We'll clothe all the naked, and feed all the poor. We'll clothe, &c.

II.

How happy for me to this country I came, You all, my dear friends, now can witness the same; In wealth to abound—Oh! the thought is most sweet, No more will I write for one farthing a sheet. No more, &c.

M' Sn.

New, my brae lads, let's aw stand true.

Trus.

Arra fait we will, that's true for you.

Exeunt.

SCENE II. A Street.

Enter Trushoop.

Trus.

Now, and what the devil wiill I say to my wife? or what excuze will I make? By my showl! she look'd wery black at me t'oder night, when I come home in the morning— By the holy stone! I'm very fraid to to knock at the dure—but I can••t stand this way, lying out in the cowld all night—By my showl▪ this shitting up all night, will be the det of me—Fait, I'll tell her all the sacret—but that won't do nather, for I'm book-sworn— I'll not fall my showl to the devil for a few scouldings—Well, if I had the wasdom of the holy Saint Dominick, St Patrick, St. Kullumkill, and all the pi|ous saints of Ireland, I wou'dn't be able to tell ••at to do—But fait I must come in some how or t'oder.

Knocks at the Door.

Mrs Trushoop

(at the window)

Who's there?

Trus

Who else, my dare, but your own Trushoop? open the dure, if you plaze my dare.

Mrs Trus.

Not I, by my conscience!— go to the hoores, where you come from—I'll not be disturb'd this way by you ev'ry night

Trus.

Open the dure, my dare, if you plaze, the na|bours will make a great tawk, my dare, if you don't— for nabour Glibtongue's paple are all up.

Mrs. Trus.

Fat do I care for the nabours—they know

I'm an honest vartuous woman—and that's all they can say of me—it's no matters how soon they know of your goings on—if you stay out ev'ry night till day.

Trus.

Well, if you won't open it, my dear, yoursalf, why then call Tarance, if you plase.

Mrs. Trus

Indeed and I'll call up Tarance—if you want Tarance, why call him yoursalf; I'll not be stay|ing up in the cowld, killing my life this way, so I won't.

She retires from the window.

Trus.

(Knocks at the door.)

Tarance, Tarance, Ta|rance.

Terence

(within answers)

Coming sir!

Trus.

Well then, cum away, and fait I and you will go to work togeder, so we will—for by my showl, the shap will be the stillesht plaashe in the howshe for me, for I'd rader hare the kooper's march, than the sound of my wife's tung the day.

(Knocks again)

Tarance.

Ter.

(within.)

Coming.

Trus.

Augh! dis oat—dis day will be a bad night to me—Well, the devil a hair do I care—fen I get the money, she'll soon make it up wid me, for I'll make her as great as the earl of Portleydown's own wife— Lady Barrymoore hersalf, shan't be finer den she.

(He knocks again and calls)

Tarance—why you teif of the world! if you don't cum down in a minute, I'll give shelaley—Why, Tarance.

Ter.

(within the door.)

I'm just here.

Trus.

By my showl! this fellow is enough to warey the pashence of saint Ignatius, or the holy pope him|salf—Tarance!

Ter

(opens the door and enters the street.)

Shure, I'm just here.

Trus.

You teif of the world! why didn't you let me in when I tumpt?

Ter.

Shure I cum, fen I heard you.

Trus.

You lie you teif.

Ter.

(scratching his head and grumbling.)

Shure if you com'd home in time, we'd not have all this noyse, so we wou'dn't

Trus.

Give us none of your gum, you spalpeene of perdition! by my showl, I'll give you shelaley, so I wou'd

He beats him, Terence bawls aloud.

Ter.

Oh! murder! murder!—master dare! don't kill one.

Mrs. Tru

(returns to the window.)

Arn't you asham'd to be making a great noyse all night in the strate, this morning, and killing the poor boy for noting.

Ter.

Arra, mistress dare, spake to him—Master dare laave off, for shure I was aslape when I heard you coll.

Trus.

(pushes Terence from him and says)

To the devil I pitch all liars—Go to your work, you teif of the world, and if you don't make me five tight caggs the day (that will hould no vater) I'll bate you as long as I am able, and longer too.

They cross the stage and exeunt.

SCENE III. A Room in Moll Placket's House.

Enter Raccoon, with a Spit, Pick-axe and Spade.

Rac.

What shall I do wid dese things? dad, I'll put dem under the bed.

(he steps into the next room, puts them under the bed and returns)

But where's Mrs. Plac|ket? She'll be oberjoy••d when I tell her— Dad I'll dress her off as fine as de queen of Shebe, when she come to see broder Solomon—She shall go to de play ebery night; a coach and two footmen to attend her— Do' I'm an old man, dad I've strengt in de back, and marrow in de bone, and as bigorous as some young fellows of twenty-five; dat Mrs. Placket can testify.

(He calls)

Placket, pet, pet.

Pla.

(within)

Pet's a coming, pet's a coming, dear Cooney—

(Enter Placket.)

here's pet.

Rac.

Buss me, my dear, and I'll tell you someting, dat will make you happy.

Plac.

What, is your wife dead? say— tell me— for I know that will make us happy.

Rac.

No, but it's bery near so good—but you'll tell.

Plac.

No, indeed, indeed, indeed I won't, my dear Cooney.

Rac.

Well den, I'll not keep my dear pet in suspense any longer, but you must buss me, when I say any ting dat pleses you.

Plac.

Well, so I will then.

Rac.

Well den—Mr. Hum has rec•••••• a letter from his sister in England, wid an account 〈◊〉〈◊〉 two or tree hundred tousand pound, dat was buried by old Black|beard de pirate; wid de draught where it is hid—and we know de bery spot

(She kisses him)

and I'll gib you £. 500 a year for pin-money;

(Kisses)

and we'll ride in de coach togeder;

(Kisses)

and we'll go to de play togeder

(Kisses)

and den we'll come home and go to bed togeder

(Kisses)

and den we'll— a you little rogue you.

(Kisses again.)

Plac.

And do you really think you'll find it?—Why, if you knew where all the treasure in the world was bu|ry'd, you'd never obtain it without a conjurer.

Rac.

Yes, my dear, but we hab a conjurer—we'b got Mr. Rattletrap; he understands 'strology and de magic-art, better den any man in de guberment—and dis night we intend to make de tryal— and I must go dis instant, and settle de place of meeting.

Plac.

Can you leave me so soon, my dear Cooney?

Raccoon sings.

AIR IV. Yankee Doodle.

O! how joyful shall I be, When I get de money, I will bring it all to dee; O! my diddling honey.

Exit, singing they chorus, yankee doodle, &c.

Plac.

By'e, b'ye Cooney—There he goes, and good luck attend him—poor old fool; he thinks I have a prodigious fondness for him—and so I have for his better part, that's his money—He has been deficient in payment for sometime past; but he thinks he makes that up with soft language; for he calls me his pet, his dove, his poor ting, and a thousand such soft names; and I keep pace with him, as well as I can; for I call him Cooney, cock-a-pidgeon, sugar-plumb, cock-a-dandy, and all

the sweet things I can think of— Was any one to over|hear us, they'd think we were two little children, play|ing baby—and really we do but little more—but thank fortune, I'm not at a loss for a friend, to make up his deficiency—tho' he thinks me as innocent as a dove: and indeed I'm like a dove in one respect, for when I lose one mate, I mourn till I get another—but I hope the worst is past.

She sings.

AIR V. Shambuy.

Tho' I hate the old wretch, full as bad as Jack-Ketch, My necessities tell me to please him; I will ogle and whine, till I make the gold mine: For that's the best method to ease him. I'll simper and leer, and I'll call him my dear, And be loving as ever I can be, Then hasten dear Cooney, and fetch me the money, For that will exact to my plan be.

Exit, singing the chorus, laral, &c.

SCENE IV. A Street.

Enter Rattletrap and Quadrant, meeting Hum.

Hum.

Hey! Mr. Rattletrap, which way.

Rattle.

I'm just return'd from the place of action— we go on gloriously—Quadrant and I must set out half an hour before the rest, to have all things in readiness— I've left Spitfire there, and given him his proper cue.

Hum.

What do ye think?—Ha, ha—I just now saw brother Raccoon, with a long catalogue of all his military atchievements, both in Jamaica and on the continent— together with a treatise he wrote on military discipline, last war, for the instruction (not only of our militia offi|cers) but the regular officers likewise—the same that he sent to the coffee house— you remember it— I could scarcely forbear laughing, while he was explaining de hollow square, and de ebolutious, as he calls it —He's gone in great haste to lay 'em before the governor, to procure his recommendation to the se|cretary of state, for a colonel's commission.— I find nothing less than a regiment will satisfy him — which he

thinks his merit alone, entitles him to—But whether or not he swears he'll make his gold subservient to his ambition, when he obtains it.

Quad.

Bravo! He, he, he.

Hum.

I'm at a loss to know how he'll bear up under his disappointment—Sure nothing can equal hi folly, but his vanity—But, I'm in great hopes this experi|ment will cure him.

Rattle.

No matter how much he's disappointed—I'm doubtful fellows of his turn are incapable of proper reflection.

Hum.

True; but it's a very great pity for all— Well, remember we are all to meet at the Ton, pre|cisely at six,

(Looks at his watch)

we've but half an hour to spare; adieu, adieu.

Exeunt.

SCENE V. A Taylor's Shop.

Taylor's at work, some singing and some whistling.

Enter M' Snip, with his broad-sword.

M^r Sn.

Awa, awa, we ye aw— awa— begone ye scoondrels—oot o' my hoofe thas menute, or by St. Andra I'll chop the heeds off ev'ry vullain of ye—oot ye vele scum—na a word oot o' your heeds, or Ise ma•••• a sacrefeeze o' ye aw.

(He makes a cut at the brass knob on the door, with his broad-swor••, and cuts it off: the taylors all run off the shop board in confusion, tumbling one over another, with their stockings about their heels.)

nae mai•• my hoose sil be a resaptacle for thieves, ye prack-loose sins of hoores—These therty years post I'se been a sleeve to ye aw; Awa, awa, Ste-tepe, bookrum, moo|heer, guze, shares and aw,

(He kicks and throws them about the stage)

na mair accasion ha I for ye—New I'se clear'd the shap-boord, the naxt thing es to cleare holl o' its rubage.

(Kicks the skirts of cloth and rags about the stage)

I'se fot up this rume for the resaption of jontlemen o' the foorst ronk—than gang to Breetain—be a teetle and occept a pleece at coort— It shall be nathing less than

loord chaumberlin, or meester o' the waardrobe—than I'se be a gu••e freend to Amereca, and new I've ez'd my meend o' the parplaxity o' buzness—New for the trazure—I'se gang and mate my coompany.

AIR VI The bon••y Broom.

(Sung with a Scotch accent.)

I'se cut out political claith, To patch and mend the state; My bodkin and my thamble baith, Combine to make me great. I'se meesur'd oot a pleece at cort, That best woth grondeur su••ts; I'se scorn ane of the meaner sort, Like ••il•••• paultry brutes. Oh! the gold▪ the bonny, bonny gold! That's buried near the mill; Oh! could I get ane grup of thee, Then I shou'd ha' my will.

Exit.

SCENE VI. A Room in Washball's House.

Enter Meanwell and Lucy.

Meanwell.

My dear Lucy! I can't conceive the meaning of your uncle's displea••ure, hi churlish beha|viour, for some days past, gives me great concern.

Lucy.

He never utter'd a syllable to your disadvan|tage, till within these three days past, during which time, he has been frequently dinning in my ears, that, if I marry agreeable to him, he'll give m £ 0,000 to my portion—and further declar'd, that if ever I spoke to you, or kept your company again he'd disown me.

Meanw.

Strange! but pray, where's he to get the money.

Lucy.

Oh! he's certainly beside himself, or he cou'dn't entertain such notions—He told me last night, he in|tended to sail for France, the first opportunity; and there get himself dubb'd a Knight of the Golden Fleece.

Meanw.

Unaccountable why, he must be out of his senses, or he never cou'd act so inconsistent—appoint to|morrow

for the celebration of our nuptials— make the necessary preparations—then of a sudden change his mind— I can't account for it.

Lucy.

I hope this humour will shortly change—then we shall bring matters to a conclusion: for I had rather our marriage shou'd be solemniz'd with, than without, his consent.

Meanw.

Certainly, it wou'd be most agreeable to us both—but consent, or not consent, it must be done.

Lucy.

Our affair is carried too far, for us to retract, without subjecting ourselves to the laughter of the town —you know my dear Meanwell! a girl's character un|der these circumstances, seldom escapes censure.

Meanw.

True—my dear Lucy! the world's very cen|sorious, and slander like a snow-ball, always gathers by rolling—whatever malice can invent or envy suggest, shall never lessen you in my esteem—my affection for you, is too firm, to be shaken by the blast of scan|dalous tongues.

Lucy.

Be assured, your generous love shall be re|paid ••ith virtue, tenderness and respect—and if I had the £ 10,000 my uncle shadow'd out for me; I shou'd esteem it as so much dro••s—'Twou'd only serve to make me miserable without you.

AIR VII. My fond Shepherds, &c.

Meanwell sings.

My dear Lucy! you ravish my heart, I am blest with such language as this; To my arms then, Oh! come, we'll ne'er part, And let's mutually seal with a kiss.

Lucy sings.

Ten thousand sweet kisses I'd give, O! be you but contented with me, Then for you my dear Meanwell I••ll live, And as happy as constant I'll be.

Lord! here's my uncle.

Enter Washball, Meanwell bows to him.

Washball.

Hey dey! here's fine doings—how dare you enter my house, after I forbid you? Ha, sirrah!

Meanw.

Sir your neice and—

Wash.

And what sirrah, have you to do with my neice out of my house directly— you're a pretty fellow indeed—marry a girl with £. 10,000 portion.

Meanw.

Sir, I beg—

Wash

Beg what? I keep no beggars ••n my house, you rascal! get out of my house I say—what, do you want to rob me—out of my house, or I'll break your head sirrah!

Lucy.

Dear uncle! be patient—

Wash

Patient, ha! what, you want him to stay, do you? get to your room you baggage! to your room this instant

(he attempts to strike her, Meanwell interposes, and receives the blow.)

get out of my house, you villain; —away to your room baggage! out of my house you rascal.

Exit Meanwell one way and Lucy another.

If I ever find you here again, I'll send you to the work-house sirrah! £. 10,000 ha—to an upstart young fellow, who hasn't so much as a coat of arms—Meanwell—I'm sure there's no such name to be found in all the books of heraldy—no, no—I'll match my neice to a noble|man, who can trace his genealogy up, as far as William the Conqueror: and can settle a good joynture on her —I'll away to France, get myself created a Knight of the Golden-Fleece—then I shall have a greater coat of arms than any peer of Great-Britain—I shall be call'd Sir John Washball, Knight of the most noble order of the Golden Fleece—Oh! how I exult in the prospect— but I must away and meet my friends: the lucky hour approaches, when gold, diamonds and rubies, shall make their appearance;

Which now lye dormant, in our mother earth, But I must labour hard to give them birth.

Exit.

SCENE VII.

Scene opens and discovers Rattletrap, Hum, Parchment, Quadrant, Raccoon, M' Snip, Trushoop and Wash|ball, seated round a table, drinking wine, &c.

Parch.

My old friend, Mr. Trushoop, how are you?

Trus.

O hone! my dear, at your sharwis, but I don't care how I am, so you are well.

Shake hands.

Hum.

Are we all here, gentlemen?

Quad.

We're all here, Mr. Hum.

Hum

Well gentlemen things seem to go on pros|perously, and bear a favourable aspect; I think myself happy, in not having discover'd this secret, to any of the vain or profligate part of mankind—but to you, gentlemen, who by a long series of acquaintance, I've found to be men of strict honour and integrity, and my very good friends: which leaves me no room to doubt, but the treasure we're about to discover and divide amongst us, will be so disposed of, a•• to render each of us useful members of so••••iety, and shining ornaments to the government under which we live—It would grieve my heart, to see any of us act contrary to the character of a man of piety, and a gentleman.

Trus.

Arra, my dare, that's true for you—Don't you all hear that wery fine spache he made just now▪ a little while ago—By my shoul! he's a ghantelman of grate learnedness, fait is he.

Rac.

We tank broder Hum, for his kind admonition —What he says is trute, and seems to spring from de bery fountain of sense; and as m•• talent lies in de mili|tary, I intend to go to Lond••••, and buy de••••e••••ment— den I'll show dem what de Americans can do.

(Rises and imitates the salute of the pike with his cane.)

Sa••e bind, safe find ha broder ••um—I hab engag'd wid Mr. Trappick, and I hab it under his own hand, for a bill of exchange of tree tousand pound, at 65, at de rate of twenty-seven thilling de pistole, and gold dust at six pound de ounce.

Hum.

It's very commendable, brother Raccoon; you have to be ••are, an excellent notion of honor and ••••a••e.

M' Sn.

In troth, I'se gang awa and be a teetle

Wash

I am far advanc'd in years, and have lost that sprightliness and activity, I possest in my youthful days —But I hope to do some good with my money— I pro|pose to go over to France, get myself knighted, then to London, and marry my neice to a nobleman—I've no am••ition, ••ot I, but to be call'd Sir John Washball, and have a coat of arms.

Trus.

The devil a ••air do I care, for a coat of arms, or a coat of legs, myself will build a shapple, and help the poor preasts, who havn't a tootful to put in their mouts; and the devil a beggar shall lave my dure wid a hungry ••ally, and when I'm dead, shure they'll make a shaint o me.

Parch.

I applaud your pious resolutions, Mr. Trus|hoop; your intentional charity is certainly disinterested, and worthy of none but yourself.

Trus

The devil a word a lye in all that.

Rattle.

Well gentlemen, 'tis time to enter on busi|ness; have you seriously considered what you are going about? Our warfare i•• not with men of this world; we have to engage with principalities and powers of dark|nes, with invisibles and demons, far more powerful than the united legions, of the most invincible monarchs on earth: therefore, the greatest exertion of your cou|rage will be necessary.

Trus

Fait my dear, and you're right, and I think so too.

Parch.

The thoughts of these things shock me so, I can scarcely help trembling.

Rac

I tink I hab courage enough.

Hum.

Aye, brother Raccoon, you're a happy man— your courage is constitutional.

Wash.

Aye, so it is, so it is; but as for me—O dear! —O dear!

M' Snip sings.

AIR VIII. Over the h••lls and far away.

'Tis money makes the coward brave, And freedom gi•••• to ea'ry slave; My gud•• bro•• s••••••••d I••••l soon a••••••ay, And drive those warlocks far away,

And drive those warlocks, &c. And drive those warlocks, &c. My gude brod-sword I••ll soon display, And drive those warlocks far away.

Trus.

By my showl! but I don't like the toughts of these dolloughons.

Rac.

Come, don't be faint hearted den—put your|selbes under Mr. Rattletrap's care and mine.

Hum.

We will so, brother Raccoon, it's happy for us, we have you with us—your example no doubt, will inspire us with some degree of resolution.

Rattle.

Well, are you all furnish'd with tools?

Rac.

I've provided de pick-axe, and de spade and de spit— I forget to bring dem wid me; I left dem wid a friend, but I can hab dem for calling for▪

Rattle.

Now gentlemen, let's fix on a watch word, whereby we may know one another in the dark.

(All say)

By all means.

Parch.

The papers inform us, that the treasure was carried up the creek, on board a canoe.

Wash.

A very good watch-word! Mr. Parchment— then let it be canoe; as it has a reference to the con|cealment of the treasure.

Hum.

For my part, I like the word well.

M' Sn.

Troth, I'se na objection, sae we can uunder|stond ane another.

Trus.

The devil a hair myself cares how it is, or what it is, canew or bote, so we get the money.

Sings.

AIR IX. Chiling O Guirey.

I.

By shaint Patrick, dear honeys, no longer let's stay, But take laave all togathar, and bundle away, To the plashe under ground, where the trasure's expos'd, And bring that to light, which shall ne'er be disclos'd; And when we have got it, my jewel's, O hone! For keeping it snug, arra let us alone, We'll sing p••whillalew, at the shight of the palf, And as for the sharing, laave that to mysalf. Sing laral lal, &c.

II.

Arra, feel how I'll work, wid my peck axe and spade, For shure I was nurs'd to the turf cutting trade, In bright Tipparara, and smiling Tyrone, And if you'll all help me, we'll all dig alone: Come, come than away, to the plashe we'll retr••••e, If the devil shou'd mate us, he'll surely get bate; I'll fasten my leg wid a pair of good brogues, And I••ll follow before, all the way my sweet rogues. Sing laral lal, &c.

III.

And now we have got it, we'll roar and we'll bawl, And sing, fait, like locusts, in winter or fall; With shamrough in hat, de'el a down will we lay, But dance all night long on St. Patrick's day; The bagpipes shall fiddle Gramudgey Gramaugh, While we swill down skolrankey, or good usquebaugh; When I wauk in the strate, I'll be led by a troop Coming after, long life to dear maaster Trushoop. Sing laral lal, &c.

Rattle.

Well gentlemen, at eleven o'clock we're to meet at the stone bridge: it will not be prudent to go all together, lest we be discovered—Whoever arrives there first, let him wait for the rest; and as they come up, hail them with the word canoe—they must answer with the same word: by observing this, we shall prevent all dis|covery.

Hum.

Aye, aye, the utmost care and circumspection are necessary—we can't be too cautious.

Trus.

Fait and I'll hollow canew and canew, all night long, till day-light, if you plase.

Rattle.

Except you are determin'd to follow my di+rections, when we come to action, 'twill be in vain to proceed.

Wash.

The spirits won't hurt us, I hope.

Rattle.

Take no rash steps, don't be afraid, follow my directions, and not a hair of your heads shall be injur'd.

Wash.

I'll do nothing but what you order, Mr. Rat|tletrap.

Trus.

You're right, my dear, and by my showl! and so will I, and more too.

Rattle.

'Tis needless to say any more— Remember, eleven o'clock at the stone bridge. Each of you repair home, and bring all your tools with you—Be punctual at the hour—we'll break up for the presen — I'll away home and put on my magic habit; otherwise I shall have no power over the invisibles.

Rac.

I'll go and get de tools; and I'll bring a little refreshment wid me.

Trus.

Fait and I'll bring my gaaging rod, and all the tools in the shop, if you want them; becaze why—I'll have no occasion to use them after this.

M' Sn.

I'se feetch me andra wie me; and then I'se feece the de'el h••m••el, gin he appears.

Quad.

I'll bring the instrument, they are all in good order, and well prepar'd.

Rattle.

Now gentlemen, let's go with good hearts; there's nothing like putting a good face on the••e mat|ters—If you'll bear a chorus, I'll sing you a song before we set off—come fill your glasses.

(All say)

With all our hearts.

They fill their glasses.

Rattletrap sings.

AIR X. The Jo••ly ••oper.

I.

The merchant roams from clime to climes, Regardless of his pleasure; To hardships and fatigue resigns, When in pursuit of treasure. And a digging, &c.

They drink and fill.

II.

See! now the lucky hour it comes, With pick-axe and with spade; A little digging, Oh my sons! And then our fortune's made. And a digging, &c.

Drink and fill.

III.

Let's boldly venture on the ground, And seize the glorious chest; No joy on earth like gold is found, To ease the human breast. And a digging, &c.

All drink, huzza and exeunt.

End of the first ACT.

ACT II.

SCENE I. A Room in Moll Placket's House.

Enter Topinlift and Moll Placket.

Top.

What cheer Moll? let'•• taste your head?

[Kisses her.]

How stands the wind? Is the coast clear? No danger of the enemy?

Plac.

No, no, we're safe enough, for three or four hours; he has no certain time of coming, except after church on sundays, and then he never fails—If the old fellow succeeds in this night's enterprize, Ill make your for|tune for you, my boy.

Top.

Why, what the devil's Raccoon spy'd now? Is there a galleon in chase, or is he going to turn pirate?

Plac.

No, no, but he may thank the pirates for it.

Top.

How, how Moll? tell me you little dear dog you?

Plac.

Tell you indeed— Well can you keep a secret?

Top.

If ever I blow you, blast me! you know me better—If one word goes thro' my head-rails, the devil blow me to jill-kicker! aye Moll, the next hur|ricane blow me off the main-yard, three leagues a stern▪ that's enough— and now I'll kiss the book on it.

Kisses her.

Plac.

Well then, I'll tell you—You must know, that Mr. Hum has receiv'd a letter from his sister, in En|gland; giving an account where there's a deal of money that was buried by the pirates.

Top.

Money buried by the pirates? the devil!— I've often heard that Blackbeard hid his money, near the river side somewhere— But how the devil came she by the papers?

Plac.

Why, she's Capt. Blackbeard's grand-daughter— the papers were preserv'd in the family, till they were sent to Mr Hum—and you must know Raccoon is a free-mason, so he is to assist him, and they are to go shares.

Top

How the devil do you know that Hum's a free-mason.

Plac.

Why I suppose so, for they always call one another brother—and they keep this business as secret as their masonry—but I wheedled him out of it, in spite of all their cunning

Top.

I shou'dn't l••ke him on board the Europa—he'd make a damn'd fist in the Killecranky trade— he'd throw out a signal, and the custom-house officers wou'd soon bear down on us—away goes ship and cargoe by the mast—He'd soon make my owners scratch a beg|gar's a—e—But tell us Moll! how the devil did you pump it out of him?

Plac.

That's none of your business, sauce-box: wo|men like me, have always a lure to catch the men's secrets.

Top.

True Moll—but this sort of chit-chat keeps us at long-shot— I thought to have grappled with you by this time—let's step into the state-room, and turn in: you know the old saying, time and tide wait for no one.

Plac.

Softly— don't be too hasty— let's make the door fast first:

[She locks the door.]

tho' I love your lit|tle finger, better than Raccoon's whole body; yet I must keep in with him.

Top

Aye, that's true Moll— I should be loth to quarrel with an owner, because he didn't understand navigation.

Plac

You know he maintains me, finds me a house to live in fathers all my children— and a husband can do no more.

Top.

Right Moll; now we're all snug; the hatches are all secur'd.

Sings.

AIR XI. Nancy Dawson.

No girl with Placket can compare, She is so charming sweet and fair, Her rosy cheeks and nut brown hair; There••s none like Molly Placket. When e••er from sea I do return, For my dear Placket how I burn; Good luck Raccoon, 'tis now my turn: Come, come, my lovely Placket

(Chorus, &c.)

Come Moll, now I'll try what the clues of your ham|mock are made of.

As they walk towards the upper part of the stage, a scene opens, and discovers a bed, table, and two bottles on it, with a broken glass over one of them and a candle stuck in the other.

A knocking at the door.

Top.

So—the devil has ow'd me a spite this good while, and now he's brought the enemy upon me, when I'm landlock'd.

Plac.

Who's there? Who's there?

Raccoon

(without.)

It's me my dear little pet, open de dore.

Plac.

Oh! curse his head!—Pet's a coming, dear Cooney; pet's a coming

Top.

Where the devil shall I stow myself?— shew me where to hide.

Plac.

Creep under the bed, and you're as safe as a thief in a mill.

Topinlist goes under the bed she opens the door.

Enter Raccoon.

Plac.

What brings my dear Cooney back so soon? no misfortune I hope.

Rac

No, no, no misfotune my dear pet— only I left some tings under de bed.

Plac.

Curse your contrivance! now I'm blown

Aside.

What things my dear Cooney, did you leave there?— O invention! thou darling genius of my sex! assist me, or I'm ruin'd.

Aside.

Rac.

Noting▪ my dear pet, but de spade, de pick axe and de spit—But what make you look so suppris'd child?

Plac.

Why, I was afraid you'd catch me; and indeed you'd like to have done it. He, he, he.

Affects a laugh.

Rac.

Cech what▪ cech how? what de devil do you mean by cech▪ egad, I begin to tink, it isn't all lyes dat I hear of you Mrs Placket—tell me instantly, who you ••ad wid you; or I'll shake you to atoms

(He shakes her and she bawls.)

what de devil, do you tink to impose upon me wid your he, he, he,—I'll know d•• trute before I done ••ussey.

Plac.

Oh, my dear Cooney! do let me go and I'll tell you the truth.

Top.

(Peeping from under the bed.)

Oh! the brim|stone where! I wish I was on board the Europa.

Rac.

Well come, let's hear: confine yourself to de trute hussey.

Top.

(Peeping)

By the Lord! the storm gathers— we shall have soul weather soon—I must bowse taught my rolling tackles.

Plac

La sir, I'm afraid to tell you, you're so angry: I'll tell you in the morning, when your passion's over.

Rac.

I'll know it instantly, you vile strumpet! or I'll—

Shakes her again and she bawls.

Top

(Peeping.)

It comes thicker and faster.— Here's a damn'd stink of bilge-water a long side.

Plac

I'll tell, I'll tell you all, if you won't hurt me.

Rac

Well, tell den.

Plac

Look at this book

Gives him a Dutch almanack.

Rac.

Dis book—what of dat? It's High-Dutch.

Plac.

Can't you read it?

Rac

Not I, indeed.

Plac.

I'm glad of it.

(Aside)

Why then you must know, when I was about fifteen years of age, I liv'd with my uncle, at Germantown, a High-German doc|tor; who cou'd tell fortunes, detect lost maidenheads, lay spirits, raise the devil, find stolen goods, and disco|ver hidden treasure; and all his whole art is contain'd in this little book.

Rac.

Well, what's all dat to de puppose?

Plac.

Nothing, but I'd just taken the book in my hand, and was about to raise a familiar spirit, to in|form me if you'd succeed in your undertaking; and he was just rising thro' the floor, when you knock'd at the door.

Rac.

(Starts, changes his tone and trembles.)

I declare you supprise me—let me get de tings and I'll go.

Plac.

No no, 'tis as much as your life's worth to touch any thing, before I've drove him off.

Top.

(Peeping.)

By my soul! she acts her part well—

she'd out face truth, and out brazen the devil; a girl after my own heart, faith.

Rac.

Can you lay him den, my dear pet?

Plac.

Why, I••ve rais'd and laid 500 in my time— don't be afraid.

Top.

(Peeping.)

That's true for you my girl—I'll swear for fifty—But I'll secure the spit, for fear of the worst.

Aside.

Plac.

Wou'd you like to see him?

Rac.

No, no, a, a, dere's no 'casion.

Plac.

Well but there's no avoiding it now.

(She places his back towards the bed)

Well, stand you here; don't stir an inch; bend your head a little that way, and keep your eyes shut—He's visible—but don't be afraid.

Rac.

[trembling]

O, O, I wish he was gone.

Plac.

[Beckons to Topinlist; he comes from under the bed, she meets him and puts an old petticoat over his head and shoulders: she reads]

Dunder schlemer hoont, shize|treek, un caleyreva, rizum, tenealis amisce.

Topinlist runs oversets old Raccoon drops the spit, and runs off.

Rac.

[Looking frighten'd.]

Mercy on me; bere am I?

Plac.

Get up my dear! did you see it? you an't hurt I hope, my dear: let me help you up;

[she takes hold of him]

don't be frighten'd; he's gone far enough now; he'll not trouble you any more.

She applies a smelling bottle to his nose, he starts and smells.

Rac.

Oh my dear! I neber was so frighten'd in all my life—Is he gone?

Plac.

Didn't you see him?

Rac.

I had de glimp of him, as he goed by—I tought he had a, a, carried de corner of de house away wid him.

Plac.

(Runs to the bottle and brings a dram to him.)

Will you have a dram, my dear Cooney? here drink it my dear, and you'll recover your spirits.

Rac.

(Trembling drinks.)

Oh, I was'n't a, afraid my dear! a, a, only—

Plac.

Courage man; come rise:

(She helps him up.)

you'll see ten times more before morning.

Rac.

Oh! I'm not afraid, a, I seed him—I tink he look like de sailor.

Plac.

Why, he's the apparition of one of Capt Black|beard's crew; and as a confirmation that you'll obtain the treasure, he threw that spit on the floor as he flew off.

Rac.

[Takes up the spit.]

Why, dis is de bery spit, dat I put under de bed.

Plac.

If so, you must lose no time, but begone.

Rac.

Well, I'll get de pick axe, and de spade, and den I'll go.

[He goes to the bed and takes them]

Now one buss, my dear pet, and den—

Sings.

AIR XII. The lass of Patie's mill.

Oh! when I get de welt, dat's bury'd by de mill; Insur'd long-life and helt, and pleasure at my will. What store of gold I'll bring my lovely pet to dee, Den none but my poor ting, shall sh••re de same wid me

Exit.

Plac.

Well it's an old saying "when poverty comes "in at the door, love flies out of the window'—Realy I've experienc'd the truth of it lately—Had'n't it been for Topinlift, and a few transient friends, I believe I should have b••••n in a poor situation by this time; for I'm sure he's ••ng about him that can please me, but his money—He promises what he will do—this thing, and t'other thing; but I'll no longer trust to ba••e pro|mises—he has deceiv'd me long enough—I should have been better off, if I had never seen his face—yet had he dealt honorably by me, I should have done the same by him: but when a woman finds herself deceiv'd, basely treated, abused and deprived of real necessaries, she has it always in her power, and she must be a fool, if she don't take her revenge, in a way the most pleasing to herself.

Sings.

AIR XIII. Black-joke and band so white.

Sure gold is the ••••wel, that kindles the fire▪ And serves for to fan up a woman's desire, To a fumbli••g fool, that's decrip••d and old:

For in all scenes of life, from the great to the little, The bench, bar and pulpit, it suits to a tittle; You're surely condemn'd if you havn't the gold: But if you have money, ne'er mind what your cause is, But tickle their palms, and you'll gain their applauses; No statesman so great, so cunning and bold, But will truckle to you, for the sake of your gold; But if you lack that▪ you are certainly sold.

But hang this disappointment, then—

Let women of business take care of their men, If one won't suffice them, why let them have ten.

Exit.

SCENE II. The Place of Action, near the Stone Bridge.

Scene opens and discovers Rattletrap, dress'd in his magic Habit, with a dark Lanthorn and candle; Spitfire, with a dark Lanthorn and Candle; Quadrant, with a Magnet, Red and Wand; a Chest, and a figure repre|senting the Head and Shoulders of Blackbeard.

Rattle

Well that's right—the holes I see are made.

Spit.

Yes, I've not been idle since you left me.

Quad.

We must lose no time 'tis near eleven O'clock.

(They poke in the chest two or three rusty pieces of silver.)

Come, come bury it at once.

They all assist and bury the chest.

Rattle

(to Spitfire.)

Now we've nothing more to do, than to see you safe in your hole—step down, step down, and mind when I give you the signal, throw fire-balls— and when they come to a sight of the chest, push up the figure—now besure you act the devil, as if you were go|ing to deceive the devil himself; and we'll reward you devilishly well.

Spit.

And the devil take me if I don't.

Spitfire goes down the hole, and takes the figure, and the lanthorn and candle with him.

Quad.

Now I think we're right—we're ready to receive

them—and if our devil plays his part well, I think we shall make a devilish merry night of it He, he, he. Egad here's some of them.

(he halloos)

Canoe.

They answer without Canoe Canoe.

Enter Hum and Parchment, hallooing Canoe.

Rattle.

Where are the rest of you?

Parch.

They're all coming; I heard them as we came down the Hill

Different voices without hallooing canoe, one after another, they on the stage answering them with the same word

Enter Washball, Trushoop, M' Snip and Raccoon, with Pick axe, Spades and Spit shouldered.

Wash.

I tore my shins unaccountably, coming thro' the briars.

Trus.

Fait and I tumbled up the hill, 'till I got my fut in the boggs and if I hadn't held fast by the vater, I'd be drown'd.

Rac.

Don't mind gentlemen— what is de broken shin, or de cold foot compar'd wid de prospect of dese riches.

M' Sn.

By my saul▪ I charg'd my sel with twa bottles, to leeghten me nawse; and that's a bonny gee•••• in a dark neete—and for fare of meeting woth any Icoondrils, I'se brought my andra under my cot—as gude stuff as e'er was made in aw Sco••••••d.

Rattle.

Well gentlemen, are we all here?

He calls them over by their names.

(All say)

We're all here Mr Rattletrap.

Rattle

Keep silence gentlemen—by the calculation I made this morning, by the Satellites it must be some where near this place.

He sets his magnet.

Rac.

Dis seems a likely place broder Hum, now let us hab a good heart.

Hum.

Let me beg of you brother Raccoon, not to be too fierce, I am fearful your courage will get the better of your prudence.

Rattle

Not a word, not a word gentlemen—the magnet works this way—pray be silent—where's my

rod?

(Quadrant gives him the rod and he works it.)

It draws excessive strong this way. I feel myself interrupted by invisibles—I can scarcely keep the rod in my hands —there—now I have it—it draws this way.

Rac.

Dis is de critical moment gentlemen, now gen|tlemen.

Hum.

You've too much courage brother Raccoon, pray be advis'd.

Rattle.

Silence—I'm near the place— the rod points to this spot— I'm near the center—I know the rod to be good▪ I've try'd it••s virtue—'Twas cut on All-Hallow's Eve, a•• twelve o'clock at night, with my back to the moon▪ and the Mercury injected while the sap was running.

Trus.

By the holy stone I believe he was born in the moon.

Rattle.

Not a word gentlemen

[He draws a circle with his wand, and speaks these words]

Diapaculum interravo, testiculum stravaganza.

Trus.

By my showl! my dear, and he spakes halgebra to it.

Wash.

Oh dear! oh dear▪—you'll spoil all.

[Rattletrap goes round the circle and sticks twelve pieces of iron wire in the periphery; each wire hav|ing a piece of paper cut out in form of a star on its head As he sticks them down he names the twelve signs of the Zodiack.]

Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scor+pio, Sagitarius, Capricornus, Aquarus, Pisces—make no noise else you'll disturb Jupiter, who is the most wakeful planet: he is now in his first sleep.

(He puts on a large pair of spectacles)

Let me see, it's now twelve o'clock— the moon is near her southing—Jupiter is in a sound sleep, a good omen.

Rac.

(to Hum.)

What does he say? Upiter—is Upi|ter a lucky om••um, broder Hum?

Hum

Don't speak▪ don't speak, good brother Rac|coon, pray don't—let me intreat you.

Rattle.

(Calls Washball, Trushoop, M' Snip and Rac|coon.)

Take off your cloaths gentlemen?

They pull of their

coats and jackets)

and stand within this circle.

(He places Hum▪ Quadrant, and Parchment without the circle at dif|ferent posts and says)

keep a good look out—canoe's the word, don't forget it—now run down the spit, and try this place Mr. Washball.

Wash.

(thrusts down the spit and crys out)

I feel it—I feel it—it strikes against something.

Rattle.

Then fall too and dig—and when the signal's given—fall flat on your faces

(They dig)

now the Dra|gons head▪ and Scorpions tail are in conjunction—a lucky —concurrence, but Sagitarius seems eclips'd, ha! I don't like that,—It looks portentous of ill—but Syrius's right foot—

Parch.

Canoe.

(They answer canoe and fall down within the circle.)

Rattle.

Inferno atum, gastro phagnum—rise up and go on, it was only a blind fidler and some company re|turning from the Batchelor's Hall.

(They rise and dig.)

Trus.

By my showl! but I've made a swate pickle of mysalf, all over full of mud.

M' Sn.

De'el tauk me mon, but I din'na leeke this.

Rattle.

Not a word, proceed—but Syrius's right foot, over Orion's left shoulder looks well—and the Swan's tail near the Hydra's heart looks well too.

One fireball with a roaring below the diggers fright|en'd and attempt to run out of the circle.

don't stir an inch—if you do break the mounds, I've no power—dig—dig—conjabetima morentium habavo— and this leap year is not unfavourable.

Another fireball with a roaring below, at which the diggers secem terrified.

Trus

Oh! how my heart bates.

Wash.

Come nearer to me Mr. Rattletrap; or I shall faint▪ oh dear! oh dear!

Rac.

O, O, I wish I was at home, I neber wou'd come again.

Rattle.

Never fear—I'll protect you—Hobonos cum verigos, omne croxibus influvientum.

Hum.

Canoe

All answer canoe and fall down.

Rattle.

Metantaborabulum exultisimo, locabulum mon|grabo,

rise, 'twas nothing but a cow.

They all rise and dig.

Trus.

Arra, how my wife will scowld at me, when I fatch her the money, for spoiling my new cote.

Rattle.

Sagitarius is clear—Sextile in conjunction with Quartile, right.

(He waves his wand)

Saturn is a meta|lic planet, and tho' in common the most dull, he looks clearer than the rest—this is the best sign of all.

Another fireball with a roaring below.

Wash.

Oh dear! oh dear! speak to it Mr. Rattletrap.

Rattle.

These invisibles will disturb you a while; you're just upon it Conjunction oppositorium, placabu|lum fomoso.—dig away, Arcturus now appears— Venus is now our morning star, and is eclipsed four digits.

(Two or three fireballs and a roaring)

now their rage increases—we're nigh the treasure—don't be afraid, keep up your spirits, I am with you—their fiery darts will soon be over.

Hum.

(aside.)

He performs to admiration!

Quad.

(Aside.)

Incomparably well, by Jupiter! He, he, he.

Three or four fireballs and an increase of roaring.

Rattle.

Cum meritantibus confiderationibus, terraban|dum ophagnum.

Parch

(Aside)

See how that goose gobbles down the Latin as a duck wou'd a chitterlin.

Wash.

Mercy on us! mercy on us! I shall faint.

Rattle

Don't be frightned, now Cassiopea and the Bears Tail, are on the meridian excessive lucky?

Quad.

(Aside.)

Come let's drink while the fools are digging, He, he, he.

They drink and keep pointing and laughing at the diggers.

M' Sn.

It's confoonded hord woork, it maks m•• swete.

Rac.

I feel de chest—I feel de chest.

The ghost appears spits fire, the diggers with up-lifted hands looking at it.

Trus.

By my showl! but I've a great mind to wauk off wid mysalf, for the devil burn me but I believe he'll burn us all up; for fait he looks like no slouch of a fellow.

M' Sn.

Troth mon, he cuuts a shacking fegure.

Wash

(With up-lifted hands kneeling sings)

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Rac

Pray in English, dese pirate spirits don't under|stand de Latin.

(He kneels lifts up his hands and says)

I don't know what to say I wish I had lib'd a better life, dear Mr. Washball say you prayers.

Wash.

I can't pray in English—do you say something good to it.

Rattle

Cruciblarium, advansum perilorum.

The ghost disappears, they rise and tremble with fear, the ghost appears again spits fire, all fall on their knees.

Rac.

Right worshipful master, O, O, I believe, O, O, what is your name Raccoon, who gib you dat name, my grandmoders and godfaders, O, O, O, for eber and eber. Amen.— Dare he comes, dare he comes again.

Trus.

(to Raccoon.)

Lave off you black mout! you havn't it; lets have no more of that,

(He sings)

Sinner|rorum helpum deliverum, miserabulum tuscarorum.

M' Sn.

By my saul mon, 'tis the de'el himsel.

Wash.

Save me! save me!

Rattle.

(to the ghost)

Superiorum lakeavi, hurorum.

(The ghost disappears.)

Now's the lucky minute—the Serpent's neck is round the poleaste••—raise the chest.

They rise and raise the chest the ghost appears, and spits fire, a great roaring below. The diggers all shriek and tremble. Hum. Quadrant and Parchment laughing at them aside.

Rattle.

Now gentlemen, keep your hold—banish fear —keep fast

(He calls to Hum, Quadrant and Parchment.)

your as••istance gentlemen, or we shall lose all.

[They run to them, and assist in raising the chest.]

Rac.

(Looking towards the ghost says)

Dat's old black|beard —by de birtue and de power of de free and de ac|cepted mason, to me giben; I command you to depaat —O, O, O, what distubs dy poor soul from rest

M' Sn.

Hold fast—do na let gang your grup.

(He looks towards the ghost)

new I ken him, I'll gang after him.

Rac.

Pray don't Mr. M' Snip, it de pirate appa|rition;

didn••t you see how bery angry it look'd at me, when I did speak to it.

M•• Sn.

I do na care, what it is, be it sperit, apparee|tion, or the de'el himsel, I'se tree my brod sword on him—gin he can stond a cute o' my andra, he mun be the de'el in troth.

(He takes up his broad sword, runs after it, mades a cut at it and falls down: the ghost dis|appears for a short time; returns again, spitting fire, the roaring continuing below, M' Snip lies on the ground and says)

De'el tak aw warlocks, I say— I had leken to ha' brok me neck down the brae.

Rattle.

That was a very wrong step; if I hadn't been here you wou'd have suffer'd by your impetuosity

(He steps up to the ghost and says)

Horridum, callifridum, buscantivo, interdenabulum—Avaunt! avaunt▪ avaunt! and be thou laid in lake Huron, while water flows

(The ghost disappears.)

Now we're all safe—up with the chest —these fiends of darkness, will trouble us no more.

They hoist up the chest, and turn it over, some rusty looking pieces of si••ver tumble out.

M' Sn.

(Rises up, shakes himself and says(

The de'el a seight mare you'll ha' o' him, new he's gotten a smell o' my andra.

(All)

Huzza! huzza! huzza! &c.

Wash.

[Greedily taking up one of the pieces of silver, kisses it and says]

Oh my dear! my dear!

[He rubs it, takes it to the lanthorn and says]

Let me see, 1634. Aye, this the very money that Blackbeard got at Pa|nama, when he robb'd the churches—Oh, the poor priests! the poor priests! it seems providen••ially to have fallen into my hands—Come, come, let us take it away.

Hum.

May we presume to take it away Mr. Rattle|trap?

Rattle

My business is finish'd, therefore all is our own.

Hum.

There's one thing gentlemen, proper to men|tion— my sister from whom we've receiv'd this infor|mation, is entitled to a share — besides I think she merits a handsome present from us.

Rac.

Yes, broder Hum, I tink she's intitled to one share— but what present do you talk of?

Hum

Why, I shall leave that to you gentlemen— What think you of a couple o'thousand pistoles, or some such trifle?

Rac.

Consider gentlemen, we hab run de risk of our libes, wid dese spirits; beside, dat's a great deal too much.

Hum.

Suppose it shou'd be a service of plate of that value—Put it to vote.

Rac

I tink it's a bery great shame.

(The others say)

Plate, plate, plate.

Hum.

Well gentlemen, I'm satisfy'd.

Rat.

The day approaches; remove it immediately.

Parch.

Where shall we carry it?

Wash.

There's room in my house—I'll take care of it—it shall be safe—I'll sleep on it all night.

(All say)

Agreed, agreed, agreed.

Hum.

Gentlemen, let's all meet precisely at eight o'clock and divide the money—I think it's necessary some of us shou'd assist Mr. Washball; as this chest con|tains an immense treasure, we can't be too careful—he's aged, and some accident my happen.

Rac.

I tink, I'd better go too, as I understand de military; if we shou'd be attack'd, my service may be necessary.

Parch.

You're right sir; and if Mr. M' Snip and Mr. Trushoop will attend you, it will be the safer.

Trus.

The devil burn Trushoop, if he forsakes 'em.

M' Sn.

De'el tauk the mon that lags beheend.

Rat.

Well gentlemen, I think this great success de|serves a song—Come bear a chorus.

(All say)

With all our hearts.

AIR XIV. Granby.

I.

Tho' my art some despise, I appeal to your eyes, For a proof of my magical knowledge; Tho' the wisdom of schools, damn our art and our tools, We can laugh at the fools of the colledge.

(Chorus.)

II.

Now my friends we're possest, of the glorious chest, Joyn hands and rejoice beyond measure; Let it be our first care, that great blessing to share, Whose contents are an infinite treasure.

(Chorus.)

The dupes take up the chest, and bear it off, guarded by the humorists: going off they say,

Wash.

It feels brave and ponderous

Trus

It is so, my dare, but fait I don't care if I broke my back wid it—Arra dare trad off my hales.

M' Sn.

I beg your pordon mon.

Trus.

Fait my dare, and you're wery welcome, for the devil burn me if I'm thinking about my hales, at all at all.

Exeunt.

SCENE III. A Room in Washball's House.

Enter Meanwell.

Lucy.

Bless me! how could you venture, after the severe reproof my uncle gave you, to approach this house, at this dead time of night?

Mean.

Love! angelick love! which knows no fear, but your displeasure, has brought me here on eagle's wings, to waft you hence, and seal that vow already ratified in heaven.

Lucy.

But consider, my dear Meanwell! what may be the consequence of such a rash step, when perhaps a few days perseverance may bring matters to a conclu|sion, with his consent.

Mean.

I cannot think of trusting to any thing so pre|carious, as he has already consented, by being my bonds-man for the licence, and publickly declaring his assent, we shall be look'd upon by the honest and ju|dicious, as sufficiently justify'd in taking this step.

Lucy.

I am confounded! my love to you, spurs me to a flight, but my duty to my uncle, commands me to wait his reconciliation—I know not what to do, or what to say.

Mean.

Haste! haste! my dear Lucy, we've no time

to lose; each moment seems an hour till we're one; the clergyman waits with chosen friends, to tye the nuptial knot, and crown our bliss.

AIR XV. Kitty, the Nonpareile.

Lucy sings.

My throbbing heart must now give way, To love, to honor and obey, Lo! Hymen's torch is lighted. Lo! Hymen's, &c. My heart, my all, I do resign, Oh! Meanwell, Meanwell, I'll be thine, In wedlocks bands united. In wedlocks, &c.

Meanwell sings.

Of Venus' charms, let poets write, Diana chaste, or Juno bright, Of Kitty, Doll, or Susey: Of Kitty, &c. The charms of all are center'd here, In Lucy, charming Lucy dear! Haste! haste! my lovely Lucy. Haste, &c.

Exeunt.

SCENE IV. A Street.

Enter Washball.

Wash.

I can't bear the thoughts of dividing, not I— Division, why, I never could learn it at school— one hun|dred thousand pounds, divided into nine parts— let me see— nine times nine is, a, a, eighty-nine; that's wrong; nine times eleven is an hundred and six and four over; that's too much; but I'm no scholar; well never mind, no matter; charity begins at home, and he must be must be the greatest fool on earth that cheats himself: I think I'm old enough to have more wit—He that cheats another can wipe off the sin by restoring four-fold; but he that cheats himself, the sin will lie at his own door, and it will be out of his power to make himself restitution— I'll go and inform the collector; then I shall have one half to myself, the other will go to the king —They'll call me traytor, but I don't care, let them laugh that wins—It's an old saying,

and a true one—that is—let me see—aye, I have it, One bird in hand is better far, Than two that's in the push—no, no, Than two that in the bushes are. Aye, that's it; I remember it's so on my neighbour Sy|monds's sign; but here's fifty thousand birds in the cage, and all pre••ty yellow-birds every one of them— Oh! they'll make delightful musick, and make me sing too—I'll e'en go to the collector; I must'n't lose any time, no, no;

(He looks up)

I think this is the house; aye

He knocks at the door, the collecter appears.

Col.

What is your business sir?

Wash.

Why, why, sir, I have an information to make you, concerning a chest of treasure, that was dug out of the ground last night—Mr. Hum, sir, and se|veral others are concern'd; and it grieves my conscience to cheat the king of his lawful right; so, pray sir, seize it instantly, for me and his majesty. I expect all con|cern'd will be at my house immediately to open and share it—Put the broad R on it and then we shall be safe —you must act for me and the king, and we'll reward you handsomely.

Col.

Poh, poh, 'tis not possible; it's only some scheme to make you ridiculous.

Wash.

Indeed sir, it's a real truth; for this piece of money

(Shewing the piece)

drop'd out of the chest, when we took it out of the ground—Look here sir, see it— Pray be expeditious, do sir be expeditious.

Col.

Well sir, if you insist upon it, I must seize it

Wash.

My loyalty to the king, obliges me to insist upon it.

Col.

I'll wait on you.

Exeunt.

SCENE V. A Room in Washball's House.

Scene opens and discovers M' Snip, Trushoop and Rac|coon, sitting on the Chest, and old Gabriel, Wash|ball's Servant, standing by.

Enter Hum, Parchment, Quadrant and Rattletrap.

Parch.

Gabriel, where's your master?

Gab.

He's just step••d out sir.

Hum.

Will he be in soon?

Gab

Aye. I believe he will.

Quad

Oh! here he comes! but who the devil's that with him?

Parch.

The collector! Egad, this is what I did not expect—It will not do to dupe him; we must let him into the secret.

Aside to Hum.

Hum.

(To Parchment.)

Leave that to me,

[Enter Collector and Washball. Hum takes the Collector aside and says]

Sir I'm sorry we have been the means of giving you this trouble; it's a scheme of diversion only; please not to notice it.

Col

(Aside)

Just as I thought—Mr. Hum your servant; gentlemen yours.

Wash.

Sir, sir, I beg you'd stay— Pray do your duty.

Col.

Mr. Washball, It's an affair too intricate for me. I must first advise with the kings attorney.

Exit.

Trus.

Augh you cursed ould traytor! ar'nt you asham'd of yoursalf to be chateing us after this way?

Quad.

I never heard o such a villain!

Gab

Here••s queer doings here.

Aside.

M' Sn.

Ye eenfamous auld scoondril; ye turn'd een|former, to get the ane half to yoursel—but ye're oot mon. I'se a mind to leeghten your heed by ane of your luggs.

Gab

Worse and worse.

Aside.

Rac

What did you tink we were all fools, to be cheated by you.

Hum

Nothing can equal this! open the chest gen|tlemen, who knows but the king's attorney will be upon our backs directly.

Parch.

A traytor, gentlemen, of all mankind is the most despicable wretch. You see, gentlemen that old curmudgeon thinks nothing of betraying his soul, for the sake of his body not the least regard to his solemn oath

Gab.

How he abuses my master.

Aside.

Quad.

Mr. Trushoop, where's your adz? open the chest.

Trus

Augh fait! and here we are bote, at your shar|viss my dare.

Wash.

(Strives to prevent them, Hum, Rattletrap, Parchment and Quaarant hold him, he struggles to get from them and bawls)

Where's the Collector? Mr. Collector —tou••h it at your peril, you villains! I'll swear rob|bery against you.

Gab

I believe they're going to rob my master

Aside.

Parch.

Go on with your business gentlemen, open the chest.

Trushoop, Raccoon and M' Snip opening the chest.

Wash

Touch it at your peril I say—it belongs to me and the king.

Trus

Belong to de devil you teif— we'll soon see who'll feel the sharing of it.

Gab

I never see the like before.

Lifting up his hands.

Wash.

Murder! murder! fire thieves! ravishment! hell and fury!—Betty, Betty, bring down the bags you made—Run Gabriel, and call the Collector.

Gab.

Yes, I will, and I'll go for the constable; sorrow on me but I believe they'll murder my master.

Exit.

Rac.

Dere the chest opens.

M' Sn

It's aupen

They let Washball go, he runs towards the chest; the aupes all scramble to get their shares, and in the scuffle push down Washball and overset the chest, out tumble the contents

Wash.

(Rising.)

Give me my share! give me my share! give me my share!

M' Snip, Trushoop Raccoon and Washball look at one another confus'd.

M' Sn.

Hoot mon•• what the de'els aw this? nathing but staines—I k••n weel enough wha it is— de'el dom me sirs, but I'll ha' jontlemen's saytisfakeshon.

Trus

Fait, and we're all humbugg'd.

Rac

De devil dis is a scheme of broder Hum's— I'll second your resolution Mr. M' Snip—do you gib de cha••lenge.

Trus.

By my showl! and I've been made a fool of for the future; but I'll take care for the time past.

Rac.

I didn't tink broder Hum wou'd serve me so; but egad! I'll inform de lodge of dis— Dere's Rattle|trap too wid his stars and tings, plague on dem all; and has Mrs. Placket made de fool of me too wid her conjuring—It can't be, for I tink she lobes me, or she wou'dn't call me her Cooney, and her cock-a-dandy— Dad I'll get a bottle of her water, and carry it to doctor Witt's, den I'll know if she's a conjurer or not.

Trus.

Augh I taught I shou'd be cannonicled for a shaint; but it's all over—Arra curse these generati|ons of snakes— I mane wipers.

Wash.

Oh! I'm abus'd— I shall die, O dear! I shall die

(Lifting up his hands.)

Poor Washball, disappointed Washball

(Hum, Quadrant, Parchment and Rattletrap alternately calling canoe; Washball chasing them about the stage, and endeavouring to strike them with his cane.)

Get out of my house, you villains!

(They halloo canoe.)

you cursed villains!

(Canoe again.)

you dogs!

(Canoe.)

you hell hounds!

(Canoe.)

you devils▪

(Canoe)

curse you all!

(Canoe)

They laugh and run off the stage.

Trus.

Arra this is the devil's own works, and they're all the devil's own children; by my showl! and they'll do grate pannance for this.

Sings.

AIR XVI. The Milking Pail.

(To be sung slow, and with an Irish accent)

I.

Arra what a fool was I; by my showl! I think I'll cry, When I spake of all thish, it encraases my blish; 'Twill kill me afore I die. Fait I'll now show m•• faash, t'escape all disgraash, For me they••ll make a true jast. No more will my foes, Drive me by my nose, In bogs o'er my toes, Spoiling brogues and shoes, And carry the ampty chast.

II.

Augh! feel my back is quite soar, fait becaze it made me roar. How it broke all my bones, by pulling bricks and stones,

To the mill from Washball's dore. To hear the pain and smart, I fale just in my haart, My fut is both sick and lame. With canew and bote, I••ve muddy'd my cote; My wife'll cut my trote, The de'el take the tote; Augh me! they'll make a great game.

M' Sn.

De'el dom 'em aw.

Rac

Dis, dis is my own faut for being too credu|lous: I put too much confidence in dose I tought my friends, and dey deceib'd me. Had I been satisfy'd wid my station, and follow'd a birtuous course of life, den I might have been happy to dis day, and had noting to trouble my peace of mind.—But now I hab seen my folly and former bickedness, I bill take de resolution to lead a new life, and follow my bus'ness wid honesty and industry, and hab noting more to say to de banities, bexations and alewments of dis world; and from hence|foat my study shall be birtue, which paat I will pursue to the end of my day.

M' Sn.

Confusion to the vullains; I must e'en gang and fut up my shap-boord agen.

Wash.

O dear, I'm robb••d of my money, my health and my ease—nothing's left for me now but to grieve and lament—How shall I procure my peace again▪— Let me see—attend my business—what then—if a cus|tomer should laugh under the operation of my razor, egad, I shou'd think he aim'd at me, for being this silly old fool, and ten to one but I might cut his throat for madness—Dress a wig—ha— I shall think my blocks grin at me—I'll instantly go and burn them all— If I hear the noise of children in the street, I shall think they bawl ca|noe, canoe—Confound this word—I'd give five hundred pound it was was made high treason to utter it; then I wou'd hang every one of those cursed rogues— O dear! what can I do?—If I rail against them publickly, I shall only have the cold comfort of, "'Tis a piece of diversion, nothing else"—Hellish diversion—Suppose I

shou'd try to laugh it off—Alas! alas! I can't do it— I shan't be in a laughing humour these seven years I'm afraid.

Enter Meanwell and Lucy. (They kneel down.)

Mean.

Sir we crave your blessing.

Wash.

Go to the devil you dog

Trus.

Augh Lucy! sure you're not marry'd.

Lucy.

It is so Mr. Trushoop— Pray endeavour to pa|cify my uncle— pray gentlemen interpose.

Speaking to them all.

Wash.

Oh the gipsey! I shall run stark staring mad.

Rac.

Come, come, Mr. Washball, how can you be so angry wid her 〈◊〉〈◊〉 she's a pretty young cretur.

Mean.

Pray sir pardon us.

Lucy.

Pray uncle give us your blessing.

Trus.

Let me int••ate you sir, to blass 'em.

Wash.

I charge you both, tell me the truth, are you really married?

Mean.

'Tis really so sir.

Lucy.

Dear uncle it's true.

Wash

O dear! O lack-a-day! Well, if the knot is ty'd, there's no untying it now.

M' Sn

Come, come mon gie 'em your blessing; troth she••s a smirky bonny lass.

Wash.

Well, since it is so, God bless you both — rise—but remember children, that bare walls makes giddy housewives.

Mean.

Sir, we thank you for your kind condescen|tion, and I must now inform you that I have this day received a letter from Jamaica, giving an account of my uncle's death, inclosing a copy of his will; by which I understand he hath left me five thousand pounds in cash, with all his real and personal estate; a part of which cash is remitted me, in the Brig Welcome, Capt. Trusty.

Wash.

I am glad to hear it—it revives my drooping spirits.

Mean.

Notwithstanding this flush of fortune, I bear the same respect to your neice as heretofore; and you

may depend sir, I shall always make it my study to me|rit your esteem.

Wash.

You have my blessing, and may you live com|fortably together, and see many happy days, and be blest with a train of dutiful children, to comfort you in your old age—and, O! that I, who have one foot in the grave, and the other scarcely out, had been con|tented, then I should have been happy in my old age, and not have involved myself in this labyrinth of trou|ble and confusion—But let it be a warning to others, not to listen to idle schemes, and give way to vain ima|ginations; which had nearly prov'd fatal to me—for he whose desires are unbounded, and is weak enough to listen to artful designing men, stands upon a dangerous precipice whose foundation must sink and he innevitably perish.

Sings.

AIR XVII. Ah! who is me, poor Walley cry'd.

(To be sung slow.)

Ah! who is me, poor wretched I, With broken heart and down cast eyes; To ease my mind where shall I fly? A prey to knaves, poor Washball dies. Let future generations take, Example by my dismal fall, Nor gods of gold, or idols make, So shun the fate of poor Washball.

And now my friends, Mr. Trushoop, Mr. M' Snip and Mr. Raccoon, I expect you will honor us with your company at dinner—We'll strive to make ourselves as merry as we can, and forget our folly.—Gabriel, call in the neighbours, bring your fiddle and play for us, and we'll have a dance,.

Gab.

(without.)

I will sir, sorrow on me but I will, for we havn't had a dance since last christmass.

Wash.

In the mean while, my children, give us a song.

AIR XVIII. Jolly Bacchanalian.

Meanwell sings.

Banish sorrow welcome joy, Let's strike up the sprightly dance; Mirth abound without alloy; Tune your lutes, your pipes advance;

Sound your notes in lofty strains, Joyn ye nymphs and jovial swains, Banish care and be at rest, Of a bad bargain make the best. Banish care, &c.

Lucy sings.

Room for joy, how blest am I, In a husband and a friend, Virtuous love shall never die, Tho' our lives will surely end. Virgins all example take; Virtue love, for virtue's sake, Constant be as turtle dove, Let your theme be virtuous love. Constant be, &c.

Enter Gabriel with his fiddle, and Neighbours: they strike up a Country Dance, call••d EXCUSE ME.

After the Dance Washball says,

In search of treasure, we are led astray, Believing fully, what deceivers say. They tread unsure, who 'gainst there senses run, False steps pursue and rush to be undone, Curs'd by themselves, laugh'd at by ev'ry one.

Exeunt.