The vertuous wife: or, the holy life of Mrs. Elizabth Walker, late wife of A. Walker, D.D. sometime Rector of Fyfield in Essex: Giving a modest and short account of her exemplary piety and charity. Published for the glory of God, and provoking others to the like graces and vertues. With some useful papers and letters writ by her on several occasions.

SECT. II. How she was first awakened to a deep sense of Re∣ligion by Temptation.

AND because great and weighty Fabricks, require deep and strong Foundations, that they may stand firm and last; that God whose work is perfect, thought good to use that method towards her. He suffered her weary Soul to be dug deep and long, with sore and great Temptations. And as 'tis usually said, a Storm makes a Mariner, a Bat∣tle a Soldier, and Temptation makes a Chri∣stian. She was certainly an excellent Christi∣an; and to render her such, she was long buf∣feted with horrid satanical Suggestions, and blasphemous Temptations; which not only made her go mourning all the day long, but many Months and Years; and not only those fiery and envenomed Darts drank up her Spirits, but brought her Life to the gates of the Grave, and her distressed Soul to the gates of Hell.

I shall, for the comfort and support of o∣thers who may fall into the like Distress, give the account of it, as set down by her own Pen, which may at least relieve them against one difficulty which oppressed her very heavily; that is, she thought her case to be singular, and

that never any had been in the like condition; and one of the first glimpses of comfort which shone into her dark Soul, was from her good Aunt's acquainting her, that she had had ex∣perience of the like Tryals.

When I had been at home about half a Year I grew Melancholy, occasioned by some discontent, which God was pleased to cure with a smart Corrosive, through suffering Satan to take advantage of that humour; which affliction swallowed up all my other troubles.

I going to Prayer, according to my usual custom, before I kneeled down, by an out∣ward action of my Hand, which was in it self very innocent, and at that time not irreverent, farther than the Devil made it so, by cast∣ing a blasphemous suggestion into my mind, which looked very hideously upon me: But, notwithstanding, I pray'd without farther molestation at that time. I cannot remem∣ber what notice I took of the Temptation in my Prayer; but when I had ended my Pray∣er, my Enemy fiercely assaulted me: I could neither see any thing, nor hear, or doe any thing, but evil Motions were forced into my mind; and though I besought the Lord, more than thrice, I could not be free from that affliction.

Sometimes, through my dark and cloudy

fancy, I had temptations that there was no God, which was very vexatious to me. And I, impatient of it, desired to apprehend a God, all Vengeance and Terrour, rather than no God at all.

But the Lord was pleased to obviate that Temptation by my meditating on the Crea∣tion. My Father much loved Flowers, and, as the Season of the Year would afford, al∣ways had his Flower-Pots standing by him, where he sate writing in his Shop, but then were above in the Parlor window, to which I often went, to countermine my Temptati∣on, in admiring the curious Works of the God of Nature. With others there was then in flower a Calcedon Iris, full of the impresses of God's curious workmanship, which the Lord was pleased to make use of to raise my poor heart and thoughts to the admiring and adoring of him. Blessed be God that that Temptation was not above my strength.

In the time of my extremity, I went to Mr. Watson, a good Man, Minister of Ste∣phen's Walbrook, the Parish wherein we lived. To him I imparted somewhat of my trouble; he strove to comfort me; I found little ease with my burthen; it grew more heavy; I repented I had made my condition known.

I thought my estate to be singular, and that I should hear Books and Ballads cried

of me about the streets; though I had not acquainted any with my trouble but only Mr. Watson.

My Father's Sister, my dear Aunt Quiney, a gratious good Woman, taking notice of my dejected Spirit, she way-laid me in my com∣ing home from the Morning Exercise, then in our Parish. She surprized me with an inquisitive desire to know what I ailed; but I not readily informing her, she ask'd me if I were not troubled with Temptations. I mar∣velled at the Question, and then acquainted her with my Affliction. She, from her own experience in the like case, advised me, which for the present was a refreshment to me; for before I was not acquainted with any in the like condition with my self.

Some little time after my dear Father, ta∣king notice of me that I was not well, but not fully understanding what I ailed, sent for a Physician to me, Dr. Bathurst, who I hope was a good Man; but I was much trou∣bled at his coming, though I knew my Fa∣ther sent for him in his great care and love to me. The Physician came to me one Morn∣ing before I was out of Bed; he perceived my Distemper to be most Dejectedness and Me∣lancholly: With other talk, he discoursed very piously with me. I took the freedom to tell him, I thought I did not need a Physician,

and with the expression of my respects, de∣sired him to forbear coming to me; which the good Man did not take ill, but with good counsel left me.

It pleased the Lord sometimes to refresh me with those Words of the Psalmist, Why art thou cast down, O my Soul, and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God, for thou shalt yet praise him, who is thy help, and health of thy countenance, and thy God. How sweet is this propriety, my God! Lord, where thou givest thy Self, thou givest All; and thou who hast shewed me great and sore troubles wilt revive me again. Thou hast brought up my Soul from the brink of Hell: Thou wilt keep me alive, that I shall not go down to the pit of Destruction.

I desired to go from home into the Coun∣try to some private good Family, where I had no acquaintance; which when my Father knew, he readily granted my request. My good Aunt understanding my mind, she ac∣quainted Mrs. Watson, our Minister's Wife, a good Woman, with my desire; by which means I went to her Father, Mr. John Beadle, an honest worthy good Man: He was Mi∣nister of Banston in Essex.

My dear Father hired a Coaeh, and went with me to Mr. Beadle's, and with the ex∣pression of his tender love, said to me, That

I should not want any thing to doe me good, to the one half of his Estate. And he was very bountifull in the requital of my receipts in that Family. God's goodness to be ac∣knowledged, my dear Mother then was very kind to me. I lived at Mr. Beadle's half a Year; where I had the fatherly Care, and Counsel, and Prayers of that good Man, with the great love of his Wife, a very good Wo∣man, and very kind to me; and the manifesta∣tions of the respects and care of their Chil∣dren and Servants, in any thing that might tend to my satisfaction and comfort. The Lord requite it to them in spiritual Blessings, with the Mercies of this Life.

In my continuance at Mr. Beadle's the Lord afforded me, with other opportunities and helps, much time in reading and secret Prayer, which through Grace I strove to im∣prove for spiritual advantage; and humbly hope, for the sake and merits of Christ, re∣mains upon the file of God's Mercy, for ful∣ler returns of Grace.

For half a Year I do not know that I slept, if I did it was very little; and yet I did not want either sleep or health. Blessed be God for his sustaining and supporting Arm.

If I desired any thing that was gratefull to my Appetite, when it was brought me I durst not make use of it, because I thought it

to be the satisfaction of a base sensual Ap∣petite.

I did eat very sparingly, which, with my much weeping, occasioned me some little inconvenience, which became habitual.

When I had been at Banston about four months (by God's providence for me) Mr. Beadle exchanged one Lord's-Day with Mr. Walker, then Chaplain to my Lord of War∣wick, at Leez; the first time I saw my dear Husband.

When I had been at Banston half a Year my Father writ to me as to my coming home; to which I was inclinable, though my Father gave me my liberty: It was in my thoughts, that I was without natural af∣fection.

Mr. Watson and his Wife being at Mr. Bea∣dle's, and returning to London, I came home in company with them; enjoying more calm of Spirit than when I went from home, I bless God.

My Troubles wearing off more gradually, which, to my satisfaction I desired, if God had seen it good for me, might have been more signal in the discovery and manifestation of his favour, in my Victory and Conquest of my temptation.

It is not for me to prescribe or limit the Holy One of Israel. If I may take leave to

beg and wait on him, in whom are all my fresh springs, for supply of Grace and Com∣fort; if the Lord will give to me, his un∣worthy Creature, in pence and half pence, what in bigger summs he sees fit to bestow on others, that my dependence may be con∣tinually on him, I desire to be thankfull.

Lord, if thou wilt not subdue my Enemies at once, yet make them tributaries to thy Glory, and my spiritual advantage; that these Amorites may be hewers of Wood, and drawers of Water, usefull to me; that I may see my own deficiency, and thy strength in my weakness: For if thy presence goe not with me, I shall soon desert thy cause; and though I may be assaulted, let me not be overcome; but seeing the quarrel is thy own, Lord undertake for me in this my military life here, where there is no cessation of Arms; that I may war a good warfare, that those my Enemies which now affright me, I may see no more for ever: So grant Lord Jesus. Amen, Amen.

This minds me of that apposite passage in Dan. x. 10, 11. and very applicable to her Case, vers. 9. Daniel was asleep upon his face, with his face toward the ground; then vers. 10 And behold an hand touched me, which set me up∣on my knees and the palms of my hands; and then, vers. 11. he saith to him, Stand upright.

On which place I meet with this Note; The Lord doth not at once restore his Servants from their frailties, that they by gradual comforts may prize every drop of Mercy, beings not quickned all at once when they are mortified; but may be admo∣nished by the remainders of fears and frailties, to keep their hearts humble, and in continual depen∣dence upon God.

I shall have occasion more than once to touch this dolefull string again. 'Tis recorded of our Lord, that when he was Baptized, He was driven of the Spirit into the Wilderness to be tempted of the Devil, and being forty days tempted of him, St. Luke iv. 2. then ver. 13. When the Devil had ended all the temptations, he departed from him for a season. I would be cautiously tender of making comparisons to that Divine Pattern, yet we remember that St. Paul tells us, Rom. viij. 29. Whom God did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the Image of his Son, that he might be the first-born amongst many Brethren. And the instance of the like∣ness betwixt Christ and his Brethren is placed, Heb. ij. 18. in being tempted.

God restrain'd her Enemy, (as she always call'd the Devil both in Speech and Writing,) sometimes for shorter, sometimes for longer seasons. Sometimes she hardly stood her ground and kept the field; sometimes she so resisted as to make him fly; and sometimes, though

more rarely, by the help of the God of Jacob, who taught her hands to war, and her fingers to fight in this spiritual Combat, (and whom she us'd to importune to carry on this War at his own charge, because the quarrel was his own,) she obtain'd signal and triumphant Victories, and in the sense of them was filled with joy un∣speakable, and full of Glory; was more than con∣querour, through him that loved her, Rom. viij. 37.

Yet even after these she would complain, that at some distance Beelzebub, the God of Flies, like that restless, impudent, and impor∣tunate Creature, would return to Buz, yea, and attempt to blow her mind, especially if there were any sore place found to light on, any small remisness, or bodily infirmity, which abated her vigour to resist or keep him off. But I shall leave at present this more dark and cloudy Scene, and hasten to that which our gracious God of his infinite Goodness rendred so lightsome and comfortable to us both. Bles∣sed be his Mercy for it.