The Christian education of children: according to the maxims of the Sacred Scripture, and the instructions of the fathers of the church / written and several times printed in French, and now translated into English.

CHAP. IX. The Maexims which ought to be followed, to render the Education of Children Christian.

'TIs upon these Principles I have now proposed, that all the ad∣vices and all the Maxims which the Fathers of the Church have given to Parents touching the Education of their children, are supported. And 'tis without doubt for this subject that the sacred Scripture enjoyns them to use therein a holy Rigour and a just severity: because their age being susceptible of apprehension, which is a natural motion, there's nothing but fear that can retain them in their Duty, and render them ca∣pable of Discipline. This you will observe in the ensuing Maxims.

Maxims drawn from the Sacred Scripture.

SOlomon says in the Proverbs, Pro. 13.24. That he who chastises not his son doth truly hate him, and that he who loves him with a reall love, watches in∣cessantly to his Education, and pardons him in nothing.

Pro. 22.15. That folly and the incli∣nation to disorderly things is as it were collected and heap'd together in the heart of a Childe, and that there is nothing but a somewhat severe conduct that can drive it from thence.

Pro. 33.13. Take great heed (pur∣sues this Wise-man), that you permit not your children to take overmuch liber∣ty, and that you withdraw them not your self by a too great facility from your Discipline: for your son will not dye for being a little chastised. You shall strike him with the rod and give him some blows; and you will deliver at the same time his soul from Hell, by hindring him from falling by this rational severity.

Pro. 29.15. The Wand and Correcti∣on give Wisdom: whereas a Childc left to his own will affords nothing but con∣fusion to his Mother.

Pro. 24.5. Educate well your Son, he will prove your comfort, and he will fill your soul with joy.

Eccle. 52.5. Be not therefore asham∣ed (says Ecclesiasticus) to make shew of great solicitude and a strong applicati∣on for the well bringing up of your Chil∣dren.

Eccle. 30.1. He who loves his Son chastises him for every fault he commits, and almost continually.

Eccle. 30.8. As an untam'd Horse becomes restive and hard to be ma∣naged, so a Childe who is left to him∣self becomes sturdy and temerarious.

Eccle. 30.9. If you nourish your Son with Milk (which is the symbol of meekness) he will make you fearfull, and you will become terrible to your self: If you play, and render your self over∣familiar with him, he will bring you sad∣ness.

Eccle. 30.10. Do not laugh, nor di∣vertise your self with your Children, for fear lest one day you may repent it, and that in the end you be not constrained to shew extraordinary signes of sorrow and of confusion which you may receive from them.

Eccle. 7.25.26. If you have Chil∣dren, instruct them well; make them pliable from their tender age. If you have Daughters, watch over their bodies, and never shew them an over-cheerful countenance.

You pereeive, my Sister, through∣out all these passages, which are so many Oracles of the Holy Ghost, that Fathers and Mothers are obliged to Educate their Children with a ho∣ly severity, which hinders them from contracting bad customs, and which by the fear of chastisements brings them to an aversion and to a horrour of the vety shadow of the least vice.

You see that God forbids them to play, to divertise themselves, and to laugh with them; and by conse∣quence

he ordains them not to ap∣pear in their presence but in a po∣sture which may instill into them a respect, and which may entertain them in the Submission and the Obe∣dience which he himself hath com∣manded them to observe.

But because these advices are some∣what general, and that the multi∣tude of diseases causes a multiplicati∣on of the remedies; the Doctours of the Church have treated of the Education of Children a little more in particular, and have endeavoured to prevent the other evils which pro∣ceed from the small care which is taken therein, or from the negli∣gences which are therein committed.

Maxims drawn from St. John Chrysostom.

ST. John Chrysostom af∣ter he had made the recital of the misfortune of the high Priest Heli, (as I have already related unto you),

addressing himself to Fathers, speaks to them in this sort: Listen to this you Fathers, and bring up your Children with great care in the Discipline and in the Correction of our Lord. Suffer them not ever to do such actions, which as pleasant as they are, cease not to be malici∣ous: and do not pardon them in any fault upon pretext of their in∣fancy. Keep them above all in a great restraint and in a great sobri∣ety. Advertise them, correct them, affright them, threaten them, and if need requires, make them feel the effects of your threats.

You have in your Children a considerable and very precious pledge, keep it with great care, and do all things to hinder the ra∣vishing of it away from you. Be not so void of reason as to take a greater care of your goods and pof∣sessions, than of them for whom you heap up all those things. Ex∣ercise their Spirits whilst they are

yet tender, to Virtue and to Piety, and then you may think of procu∣ring for them the other comodities of life. Will you leave your Son rich, see that he be Virtuous, and that he be Charitable: for that's the means whereby he will encrease his Patrimony, or at least 'tis that which will render him as con∣tent with his pittance as if he pos∣sessed all the Earth. But if he is vicious, great riches will only serve to furnish him wherewith to enter∣tain his bad customs, and to cause him to abandon himself without controll to all sorts of debauchery.

Mothers, it belongs to you to take care of the Daughters you have; and this is not hard for you to do. Order it so, that they keep conti∣nually at home. Instruct them prin∣cipally in piety and devotion, teach them a contempt of riches and of all worldly Pomps and Vanities. And since if you thus educate them, they will not only save their own

Souls, but moreover them of their Husbands and of their Children; perform all that concerns them with a serious application, as labouring in one sole person for the glory and for the Salvation of many others. For a Daughter should go forth of the house of her Parents, to enter into that of her Husband, perfectly instructed in every thing that is necessary for the good government of a Family; and she ought to be so perfect, that like as a little lea∣ven communicates its qualities to all the paste, so she should cause her Virtues to pass into all them whom she is to conduct and govern.

Let the manners of your male-children be so honest, and their pu∣rity so singular, that they may de∣serve prayse from God and from Men. Let them learn under your Discipline, Abstinence, and Sobrie∣ty; not to make superfluous expen∣ces, but to let alone all magnificence, which is commonly sought after in

things of shew and lustre, to employ their goods lawfully; to be submis∣sive to you, and to be obedient to the least of your Words.

How long shall we suf∣fer our selves to be led by the meer feelings of the flesh? and how long shall we bend downwards to the Earth? Let us prefer before all o∣ther sollicitudes that of correcting and instructing our children in the fear of our Lord. If your son learns from his tender Infancy to live Christianly, he will acquire goods much more considerable, and a glo∣ry far greater, than the World can procure him. You will not gain so much by instructing him how to heap up exteriour riches, as in teach∣ing him how to contemn them: do so then if you desire to make him rich; since he is truly so, who needs nothing.

Do not strive to settle him in a condition wherein he may acquire

great glory by his learning; but teach him to put a small value upon all worldly glory. Seek not out means to make him live long upon earth, but such means as are neces∣sary to procure for him an eternal life in heaven. Think not of mak∣ing him so much an able man, as of rendring him a faithful man. He stands in need of Modesty, and not of Eloquence; of good manners, and not of crafts and subtilties; of good actions, and not of fine words; endeavour to render his soul pure, rather than his tongue polished: Not that I forbid the instruction of children, but 'tis this I cannot en∣dure, that one should only strive to teach them human Literature, and neglect to inform them what is ne∣cessary for their Salvation.

Let us put our children by our prudent conduct into an estate to endure patiently all sorts of acci∣dents, and not to become insolent in prosperity. If they who make

the Statues and Portraits of Princes receive so much glory, why should not we respect great recompences for having adorned the Image of the Soveraign of all Kings, and for ha∣ving restored to him his true line∣aments, (which were defaced) by making our children conformable to Christ Jesus, by making them meek, affable, easy to forget inju∣ries, inclinable to do good to all the World, to converse with all people with gentleness and humanity, and finally to despise the Earth with all its alluring Vanities.

Behold, my Sister, after what man∣ner St. Chrysostom conceived children should be educated: wherein he per∣fectly agrees with all the other Fa∣thers of the Church, who all of them are of one accord in these principles, as I hope to shew you in the sequel, in the mean while because I should enlarge my self a little too much, and that this work would swell ex∣traordinarily, if I would relate unto

you the entire passages of the other Fathers, where these Maxims couch∣ed; permit me to propose to you on∣ly the substance, and to represent them to you in few words, accor∣ding as I have conceived them.

Maxims concerning the manner how Pa∣rents are to love their Children.

BEar always, my Sister, a tender love to your Children, yet let it be rational, and not concerned in their tears in such occasions wherein you must use violence to their Incli∣nations. Now as these Inclinations are all corrupted and not governed in them by reason, they will not permit them to take pleasure and divertisement but only in such things as incline them to vice. You must not fancy that you can wean them presently from those faulty divertise∣ments, without their resistance and complaint. Fortify then your heart against their moans and tears, and

resolve not to listen to the feelings of nature, when there is question of making them feel pain, or of depriving them of some satisfaction, rather than to suffer them to contract bad customs and to become obstinate in their own will.

Salvian observes, that there is no∣thing that brings greater dammage to Fathers and Mothers, and works them greater displeasure, than the Children they have too much loved. And you are to take so much more care and heed of this irregular affe∣ction, by how much we see in the sacred Scripture that it hath been the origin of the greatest crimes and of the greatest irregularities of men. For the Holy Ghost dis∣covers unto us no other source of Idolatry, than the over∣strong passion Fathers have had for their Children. And if that which the major part of Fathers and Mothers in our days have for their Children, makes them not to erect Altars to

them, nor to offer them sacrifice; yet it but too frequently engages them to make them their Idolls to which they sacrifice all their cares and all the quiet of their life.

Love then your Children, but with a love which is holy and dis∣engaged from the senses; a love which stays not on the outside, and on that which pleases the World, as upon beauty, a good grace, a gen∣tile garb, a pleasing humour, and a quick vivacity in conversation, and in reparties or returning nimble jests and replies.

Love them with a love that is strong and full of sweetness; a love which patiently suffers their weak∣nesses and their infirmities, their un∣aptness to do the good things you tell them, their lightnesses and even their little disobediences, without ever altering or cooling it; but on the contrary redoubling its ar∣dour towards them whose infirmities of body or Spirit are the greatest.

A good Mother, says St. Bernard, most tenderly cherishes that childe whom she sees to be infirm.

4. Maxims concerning the care they ought to take to disintangle children from the World, and to instil into them Christian sentiments and feelings.

PLace frequently before their eyes the vows they have made in Ba∣ptism; make them comprehend them, make them love them, make them have a high esteem of them: Let them know that the Pomps of the devil which they have renounced, are nothing else (as St. Augustin ex∣plicates them) but the allurements of Pleasure, Balls, Comedies, and Shows; and (according to Tertullian) the comple∣ments and honours which the people of the World render to one another, and mutual∣ly exact, the great offices and great employs, the days specially dedicated

to pastime and to debauchery, the popular divertisements, the formed compacts and designs of voyages and walkings abroad, the flatteries, the follies, and generally all the other actions wherein the World makes ostentation of so great passion for gold and silver, for ambition, for pleasures, and for the rest of the false Divinities of the earth.

Mothers are wont to teach their children in such manner that they may conceive a horrour for the devil; who can ordinarily have no power over them but by the means of the Vanities of the World, whereof he makes use to blinde them and to sur∣prize them. Is it not then more ra∣tional that they should instill into them an aversion from all that the World values, and instruct them to tremble at the sole Name of dange∣rous divertisements, and at the sight of such persons, as are not governed but by ambition and vanity?

Do you thus dexterously manage

all the occasions God shall give you to inspire into them a contempt of the World, and of the honours of the Earth which are so passionatly sought after. In the disgraces which happen to persons of quality, and in the death of great ones, make them to reflect on the vanity of all humane greatnesses, and on the advantage there is to be linked to nothing but God alone. If some one of singular piety and of eminent virtue suffers for having undertaken the defence of the Innocent, and for the publick In∣terest; extoll before them the glory of these sufferings, and strive to make them relish the happiness there is in exposing ones life, goods, and quiet, rather than to do any thing against God, against a good con∣science, and against ones King and Country.

Make use thus of all things, even in their most tender Infancy, to in∣still into them Christian sentiments. In the affliction they testify to you

for the loss of their Poppets and play∣games, and such other petty-toys, tell them, that it is thus, that they ought not to set their affection upon any creature, because they are all perishable.

If they complain to you that they have been beaten or abused: answer them, well my Children, you must for the love of God suffer your selves to be ill-treated. And then endeavour to make them render some small ser∣vice, or shew some little civility to the persons by whom they pretend to have been misused, or at least to make them comprehend that they must in no sort revenge themselves: Do not at that time seek to pacify them, as Parents do ordinarily, by speaking ill of those who offended them, or by threatning them your self, or by exciting them to testify feelings of revenge and of displeasure against those things (although ina∣nimated and insensible) which seem∣ed to have contributed to their fall,

or to the misfortune which hath hap∣ned unto them.

5. Maxims concerning the search Pa∣rents should make of the predominant Inclinations of their Children.

STudie the nature of your Chil∣dren and their Inclinations; and having observed that to which they are most biassed, apply your self par∣ticularly to conquer it if it is bad, by making them practise by little and little the contrary actions; and if it is good, strive to strengthen it day by day by the exercise of that Virtue which it hath for its object.

The knowledge you shall get of this Inclination which reigns in them, will be very useful to you for their particular conduct. For there are certain Passions which must not be openly set upon, but must be bat∣tered by removing the objects which excite them, and by presenting good ones unto which they may apply

themselves: And there are others on the contrary, which (as we may say) they must be forced to produce, to the end that Parents may make use of the very faults which they cause them to commit, how little soever they appear, that so they may give them a horrour and an aversion from them which are more anima∣ted.

Besides that, you ought particu∣larly to propose to your selves in the conduct of your Children, to follow God, and to conform your selves (as much as in you lies) to the dispositions which he shall put into their souls; to the end that by making use of the knowledge you have of their dispositions, you may apply them to such things as are pro∣per for them, and to which you shall judge they will most freely apply themselves.

6. Maxims touching the Instruction of Children.

PRopose unto them little rewards, to engage them to remember what you teach them: and (as says St. Jerome),

Gain them by small presents and by things they most esteem, as by comfitures or pop∣pets.

Make them acquainted with chil∣dren of their own age who are well educated, that so they may have an emulation for them, and that the prayses you give them may excite them to imitate them.

Do not hastily reprehend them if they are of somewhat a meek tem∣per, but encourage them sometimes by prayses; and at other times cau∣sing them to render an account of what they have learned before them of their own age, bring it so about that they may rejoyce to have out-gone

them, and then ashamed to be be∣hinde them. St. Jerom. ibidem.

Take heed above all, that they get not a hatred of Studies, lest they having taken an aversion from them in their tender age, should retain it in their riper years. Endeavour to make them love what they must be constrained one day to learn and pra∣ctice; to the end it may not be then a pain to them but a pleasure, and that they may not do it by constraint, but by their own choice. You must neglect none of these least things, when the greatest cannot well subsist without them.

Encrease and nourish in them the love of labour, by keeping them al∣ways employed. Let the changing of their business be their divertise∣ment; and let pious reading succeed their prayers and employs. Time seems short when it is divertised by good occupations.

Remember that there's no time to be lost in the instruction of children;

and that as you are to apply your self to form their manners from their most tender years, you are also from their most tender Infancy to imprint in them the first disposition to the Sciences.

True it is, that one can hardly during all that time teach them what they will apprehend in one sole year of their riper age. But because they must of necessity be employed in something, even in that age, one can assuredly do nothing better to make them employ their time profitably, after they once begin to speak, than in making them to study to speak natural∣ly and in good terms: and one should never neglect any thing which may conduce in the least to their advantage, because they will there∣by become capable to learn things of more importance in the age in which they must learn those of less concern, if they have not already learned them. 'Tis thus that advancing by little and little, children finde them∣selves

capable in their youth of great matters; and that the time well husbanded during their Infancy, con∣tributes much to make them employ more profitably the time of their fol∣lowing youth.

Yet they must not be too much pressed to any thing, but one is to accommodate ones self to their strength and to the reach of their spirit. Studies have (as it were) their Infancy as well as man: and as the strongest bodies have been nourished with milk, and laid in a cradle in the first years of their life, so the most eloquent Men have sent forth cries like others, and have had at their beginning like them a difficulty to speak and to form their Letters.

Philip of Macedon had not made choice of Aristotle, who was the greatest Philosopher of his age, to teach Alexander the beginnings of humane learning; nor had that Phi∣losopher undertaken that employ, had

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not both the one and the other been perswaded that the first tinctures of Studies ought to be received from the most able persons. Manage there∣fore, my Sister, so discreetly the first years of your children, that all may serve to render them both more knowing and more pious.

Cause them to learn to reade in such books, where the purity of language and the choice of good mat∣ter meet together. St. Augustin thanking God for having forgiven him the faults he had com∣mitted in his Infancy by taking o∣ver-much pleasure in vain things, which he learned by reading the Po∣etical fables and fictions, says,

that although it is true, that he had learned many useful words among those follies, it was nevertheless more true, that he might as well have learned them in more serious Lectures; and that to do so is a sure way to instruct Children well.

'Tis this therefore, my Sister, which you ought to practise in regard of yours: and to take care that the lectures you give them in order to teach them to pronounce distinctly, and to observe the Points and Com∣ma's, and to discern a perfect sense from an imperfect, be more profi∣table than curious.

When they shall begin to write, permit not the Copies which are given them to be stuffed with bad manners of speaking, and with the first fancies which fall into the minde of a Master: but provide that there may be proposed unto them such Verses or Sentences as contain some pi∣thy expression or some pious Rule of Christian Morality. One may insen∣sibly by this means replenish their memories with the greatest Truths: and as they shall have made a strong impression in their tenderest Infancy, they will easily present themselves to them when they shall be more advan∣ced in age, and capable to make good use of them.

Your principal care ought to be to cultivate their memory, and to make them learn by heart as many things as you can. In effect, as on the one side the spirit of children is not then capable to produce many things of it self, and on the other side they have ordinarily a very good memory, there is scarcely any other faculty of their soul which one can profitably exercise.

When they shall be in an estate to go to the Schools, or to have a Ma∣ster in the house, make choice of the best regulated Colledge, and of Masters, not only the most able, but the most pious and the most prudent. If you choose a Coachman, a groom of the Stable, you take care (said St. Chrysostom speaking to Parents)

that he be not subject to wine, that he be not a thief, and that he be skil∣ful in drenching and dressing Horses. But if you will provide a Master for your children, to form and

fashion them, you trouble not your selves in the choice of him: the first who presents himself is good enough: and yet there is no em∣ploy either greater or of more diffi∣culty than that is. For what is of higher importance then to form the spirit and the heart, and to regu∣late all the conduct of a young man? Great is the esteem of a skil∣ful Painter and an Engraver: but what is their art in comparison of his excellency who works not on a cloath, or on a Marble-stone, but upon the spirits? Yet we neglect all these things. We trouble not our selves to render our children Christians, but eloquent: and this very desire is for our own interest. For the end we propose to our selves, is not simply that they be eloquent, but that they may grow rich by their eloquence. Now if they could become rich without being eloquent, we would sleight as well the elo∣quence as all the rest.

7. Maxims touching the Motives where∣by to engage Children to labour, and to do what one desires of them.

NEver propose to them for a re∣compence the vain Ornaments of the World; neither make use of such things as have no value but a∣mong worldly people, to bring them to do what you desire. It would prove a means to inspire into them a love for such things, and to make them esteem them as true goods; whereas you ought to study how to make them despise them. For not∣withstanding that all the goods of the earth are things in themselves in∣different, yet you ought to propose them to children as dangerous, yea even as evil, by discovering unto them only the disorders they cause in such as possess them.

And you should (says St. Jerome) carry your self in such sort towards them, as

that they may think the World hath been always in the miserable estate it now is; that they may remain ignorant of what pleasing things passed in the ages foregone and spent; that they may shun the Maxims and the customs which are in use at this present; and that they may aspire after the goods which are promised to us in Hea∣ven.

Now if you had rather follow the sentiment of them who (as the same Saint relates) fancy that it is more to the purpose to satiate in childrens infancy the thirst which Men, but particularly Women, have after these sorts of vanity, to entertain it and cause it to encrease in them by re∣fusing to afford them such Ornaments as they see others use: take care at least (as this great Doctour advises Gaudentius) that your children may perceive how they of their own age are praysed for not using such sorts of Ornaments. Make much of them

your self in their presence: speak with prayse of their modesty and of their comportment; and insensibly strive to instill into yours a disgust of all exteriour trickings and trim∣mings which the World admires. Strive to make them comprehend, that you do not allow them such things, but only because they are yet little ones: and tell them that if they were indued with perfect reason, you would not give them such things as are fit only for children. If we must drive out of our hearts one desire by another; you may perchance cure that which they have for these things of shew and lustre, by awaking the natural desire which all children have of putting themselves in the rank of such persons as are more advanced in age and in judgement.

Avoyd nevertheless that unhappy conduct which St. Chrysostom repre∣hends in the Parents of his time, and which is but too common in this of ours, according to which Fathers

and Mothers excite not their children to virtue, to studie, and to other laudable exercises, but only by hu∣mane and temporal considerations, and which are all founded upon am∣bition and upon interest. See how this great Saint expresses the senti∣ments of one of those Fathers tyed to the World, by making him speak in these terms to one of his chil∣dren:

Behold my Son, behold this man; he was very meanly born, and had many other inconsidera∣ble qualities: and yet because he was eloquent, he passed through the greatest Offices and employs; he hath heaped up vast riches, mar∣ried a wealthy wife, built proud Pallaces; finally, he hath made himself dreaded and respected by all the World. This other, O my Son, (proceeds this worldly Father,) got not the reputation he hath at Court, but because he was perfect∣ly skilled in the Latine Tongue. And thus it is, (exclaims this great

Doctour,) that we enchant the ears of your children to introduce into their hearts the two most violent passions which are in the world, to wit, the desire of riches and that of vain-glory, which corrupt and stifle in their souls all the seeds of virtue; which cause to spring up there such a quantity of thorns and bryars, and which spread about so much sand and dust, that their spirit remains barren and uncapa∣ble to produce any fruit,

'Tis of this disorder that St. Au∣gustin complains to God, when making reflexion upon the conduct they had used towards him∣self in the time of his youth, and raising himself towards God, he says to him:

Have I not just cause, O my God, to deplore the miseries and the deceits which I experienced in that age, since they proposed to me no other rule of living well, but to follow the conduct and the ad∣vertisements

of them who laboured only to inspire into me the desire and the ambition of appearing one day with renown in the world, and to excell in this art of Elo∣quence which gains honour among men, and gets false and deceitful riches.

Whereby it plainly appears, that if it is good, as we have ob∣served, to give praises to children, it is not to make them love the praise, nor to make them labour for vanity; but only to make them love Virtue, which alone deserves to be praised.

8. Maxims touching the care Parents ought to take for their Childrens health, and for what concerns their bodies.

BE not over-sollicitous to procure for them all the commodities of life: When they shall prefs you to grant them something which is not absolutely necessary for them, en∣deavour to make them understand,

that Christians ought to let alone superfluous things, that they may supply the necessities of their neigh∣bour. Say to them; my Children, this is not ours, God gave it not unto us, but only that we might with it do works of charity; and we should rob the poor, if we should waste it in things unprofitable.

But if they have some infirmity, or any disease; however you spare nothing secretly to comfort them and to cure them, strive neverthe∣less to make them in love with suf∣ferings; accustome them to com∣plain as little as may be, and by lit∣tle and little instill into them con∣stancy and stability.

Repress in them such inconsiderate desires as are ordinary in that age; and teach them, for example, so to regulate their thirst and their hun∣ger, according to the laws of tem∣perance, that they may inure them∣selves by little and little not to have so much as a desire to do what they

know they may not do honestly. St. Augustin for a mark of the discretion and of the prudence of a mayd-ser∣vant extremely aged, to whom the Parents of St. Monica had committed the conduct of their Daughters, relates,

that except the hours in which they repasted them∣selves very soberly at the table of their Father, whatever violent thirst they felt, she permitted them not so much as to drink water, for fear lest they might contract that bad custome.

The thing which I entreat you most religiously to observe, is, my Sister, to accompany always the re∣fusal which you are constrained to make, with so much sweetness and such testifications of good will, that it may be to them supportable; and by giving them such reasons as they are capable to rellish, and which re∣late only to their own Interest: strive to send them away better sa∣tisfied

with your refusal, then they would have been with your overmuch easiness.

9. Maxims touching what is particularly to be avoided in conversation before Children.

NEver suffer in their presence vi∣ces to be covered with the name of virtue: Let it not be said,

that 'tis to be of a good humour to frequent Shews, Balls and Comedies: That 'tis to be liberal, to make great expences: and that 'tis to be couragious to have ambitious designs.

Permit not the name of vice to be given to virtue: to call devotion that which is hipocrisy, liberality that which is prodigality; the love of retreat, a savage disposition; the fear to offend God, a scrupulosity and a weakness.

Rowse up their courage without raising in them ambition: render

them bold without egging them on to rash enterprizes: teach them to be meek without effeminacy; con∣stant without obstinacy; grave with∣out severity; eivil and obliging with∣out baseness; frank and free with∣out folly and fondness; prudent without cousenage; secret without dissimulation; liberal without pro∣digality; good husbanders without avarice; devout and religious with∣out superstition.

Repeat unto them no less frequently then did the Mother of a great King, these words:

my children, God knows how well I love you; but I had rather an hundred thousand times see you carried to your graves, than to see you commit one only grievous sin.

Perhaps you may be so happy as to engrave deeply in their soul this sen∣timent, and to conserve them, as this Princess did this great person, in the Innocence of their Baptism.

10. Maxims touching the correction of Children.

YOu must let pass no faults with∣out punishment: but you must not equally punish every fault. The blemishes which dust makes upon a garment is cleansed by shaking it off, and not by casting water upon it or by applying fire to it. You are to employ remedies according to the strength and the nature of the con∣stitution and complexion of the disea∣sed person.

As nothing but love ought to move you to punish them, it were to be wished that they could be perswaded that you acted towards them only by that principle, and that you should always appear rather their Mother than their Mistress, according to these pithy words of the Authour of that letter to Celancia.

You ought to be have your self, says that excellent man, towards all them of your house,

and rule them in such sort, as that they may consider you rather as their Mother than as their Mistress; and it must be rather the goodness and the sweetness you testify to them, than your rigour and your severity, which must oblige them to render you all the respect they owe you.

Above all, beware of treating them amiss, when you are in choler; and take heed of entring into passion a∣gainst any one in their presence; to the end they may not lose the natu∣ral fear they have of angring you, and that they may always apprehend the effects of an irritated power, whereof they never have had the ex∣perience.

Because a childe stands in awe of you, do not reprehend him, nor threaten him upon all sorts of occa∣sions, but only in such things as are absolutely vicious, or which conduce to sin. Leave them in great liberty as to things indifferent, and which will pass away as they encrease in

age and in judgement: and remem∣ber that there's nothing more dan∣gerous than to accustome children to chastisement, because thereby one hardens them rather then corrects them.

It were to be wished that children had never heard the mention of blows or of rods; that the sole desire to please you, or the sole dread to anger you, regulated all their motions; and that, following the Counsel of a great Bishop, you could bring them to respect you rather by your sweet∣ness and by your goodness, than by a harsh and severe carriage.

For my part, I conceive that the rigour which the sacred Scripture, in those many passages which I have before-cited, ordains to follow in re∣gard of children, is exercised much more perfectly, and even according to the spirit of God, by the refusal of a kiss or of ordinary cherishings, than by whippings or other bad treat∣ments of the body; and that the

greatest dexterity of Fathers and Mo∣thers consists in rendring their chil∣dren so jealous of the marks of good∣ness they give them, whereby they become much afflicted at the least coldness appearing in their counte∣nance; that they fear nothing more than to be deprived of their presence; and that nothing is to them more sensible, than to see their Father or their Mother prefer the service even of an underling upon occasions when they were disposed themselves to o∣bey them.

11. Maxims touching the differences and disagreements which children ordina∣rily have with the domesticks, and the liberties they take with them.

TAke good heed that you be not transported with anger, when it chances that the servants exclaim a∣gainst your children, Inform your self gently of the subject of their plaints and tears; and even when you

shall finde out that your servants were in fault, never reprehend them in the childrens presence, for fear they should thereupon grow insolent, and should from thence take an occasion to be absolute in all things, and to exercise a petty-tyranny over your domesticks, upon the assurance of being supported by you in their self∣wills.

But if on the contrary your servants have chanced to say or to do some∣thing that is bad in the presence of your children; although otherwise they may be excusable, yet fail not to testify your being displeased, and to reprehend them vigorously before them. The childe will become wiser, says Solomon, by the chastisement of the culpa∣ble, and of him who gives him evil ex∣ample, Prov. 21.11.

Leave them not alone but as little as may be with the domesticks, and e∣specially with Lacquais and Foot-boys. These kinde of persons to insinuate themselves and to get the favour of

the children, please them ordinarily with nothing but sottish follies, and instill nothing into them but the love of play, of divertisement, and of va∣nity; and are only capable to cor∣rupt the best natures, and such as are most inclinable to goodness.

St. Jerome after he had recommen∣ded to a Lady of quality to use great circumspection in the choice of such Maids as she was to take to accom∣pany her Daughter and to ferve her; counsels her, not to suffer them to make any particular friendship with them, but to hinder them from talk∣ing together in private, and from making between themselves certain petty-mysteries of I know not how ma∣ny things.

This great man knew the danger there is in leaving children to take too much liberty with all sorts of domesticks; and how much it is to be dreaded, that this familiarity should come at last to make them lose their Innocence.

12. Maxims touching the freedom which is to be given to children to express their thoughts and their opinions.

THis advice of St. Paul ought to be well weighed: Ephes. 6.4. Fathers do not irritate your children by an over harsh carriage towards them, and by using them with overmuch rigour, but take care to educate them in the disci∣pline and in the fear of our Lord: lest (as he adds in another place) Coloss. 3.2. they should fall into a discourage∣ment of spirit and of heart. Which is as if the Apostle had said:

Take heed of reprehending conti∣nually your children, and of treat∣ing them with too much severity in small matters. Do not your self ob∣lige them by your rigour to wound the respect which they owe to you; and by commanding them things of too great difficulty, do not constrain them to disobey you.

They must be permitted when

they are a little advanced in age, to have the liberty to present unto you their reasons and their complaints, nor ought you to treat them harshly when they fancy they are in some sort wronged by your way of proceed∣ing with them.

Imitate the prudence of that cha∣ritable Father, of whom it is said in the Gospel, that seeing his eldest son highly offended at the manner of his receiving his younger son into his favour; and having understood that for this cause he would not enter into the house; went forth himself to entreat him to come in. And that son having reproached him, Luk. 15.29. That he had now served him many years without ever disobeying him in any thing he commanded, and that nevertheless he had never bestowed on him a kid for the entertainment of his friends: but that as soon as this his o∣ther son who had wasted his means a∣mong harlots was arrived, he had slaugh∣terd for him the fat calf: This good

Father far from being offended with his discourse, strives on the contra∣ry to sweeten his spirit with words full of tenderness and goodness: Ib. v. 31.32. My son, (says he) you are always with me, and all that I have is yours: but it was fit to make a feast and to rejoyce; because your brother was dead, and he is revived, he was lost and he is found again. See how this wise Father disdains not to justify his proceedings before his son, and how he endeavours by the testimonies of charity and of the preference which he gives him, to diminish the re∣sentment and the indignation he had conceived against him and against his younger brother.

Behold what manner of proceed∣ing you are to propose to your self, since 'tis that of God himself in re∣gard of his children, which Christ Jesus hath laid open to you under this parable. Think not, my Sister, that it is from the authority which God hath given to Fathers and to

Mothers over their Children not to make them to do what they desire of them but by the way of power and command; nor that Children act always against the respect they owe to their Fathers and Mothers, when they finde difficulty to ap∣prove all that they do, or all that they say.

Children ought in many occasions to submit their lights to them of their Parents, and to prefer their judgement before their own: but 'tis also the duty of Parents to com∣municate to their children those ve∣ry lights to which they pretend they ought to subject themselves. They ought to conduct them by truth and not by humour and fancy; and they ought to gain their hearts by the love of that good which they desire to instill into them, and not by captivating their will under the yoak of a command full of threats and of terrour.

St. Jerome speaking of the manner

to educate children, says,

that one must use severity with much pru∣dence; because the persons whom one treats over-severely seek with more eagerness than they do who are left to more liberty, to divert and comfort themselves with the trifles of the world, from the harsh usage to which they are enslaved.

13. Maxims touching the patience wherewith Parents are to support their children, and to moderate their re∣sentments of injuries received from others.

'TIs not enough for a Christian Father and a Christian Mother not to irritate their children by hold∣ing over them a too severe hand in things indifferent, or which are not absolutely criminal: they are more∣over to be disposed to support pati∣ently their greater disobediences, and to suffer their greater outrages, with∣out suffering themselves to be trans∣ported

to such resentments as would be no less dismal to themselves then to their children.

We have a proof convincing this truth in a dreadful history related by St. Augustin in several of his works, and which cannot be too often pre∣sented to Fathers and Mo∣thers, amidst the displeasures they receive from their Children.

There was in the Town of Caesarea in Cappadocia a widow of quality who had ten children, to wit, seven sons and three Daughters: the el∣dest of all these children, so far lost the respect he ought to his Mother, that after he had loaded her with many injurious words, he was so rash as to strike her. His Brothers and his Sisters were witnesses of this outrage, not only without opposing themselves, but even without speak∣ing one sole word in defence of their Mother. This poor Woman having her heart pearced with sorrow for

so great an injury, and suffering her self to proceed in the resentment of the affront she had received, took a resolution to lay her curse upon her wretched son who had so highly of∣fended her.

Hereupon she goes forth of her at day-break to pronounce this im∣precation against him upon the sa∣cred Font of Baptism. The Devil presented himself to her in her way under the form of her husbands brother who was Uncle to her chil∣dren, and questions her whether she was now going? she answered, that she went to lay a curse upon her el∣dest Son because of the insupportable injury he had done to her: then that accursed fiend who had no diffi∣culty to finde an entrance into the heart of this Mother, which the spirit of revenge and of anger had opened unto him, perswades her to extend her malediction upon all her other chil∣dren, since their silence rendred them no less criminalls than their eldest bro∣ther.

This Woman therefore suffering her self to be enflamed with choler against all her children by that en∣venomed counsells of this tempter, comes to clip and embrace the Bap∣tismal Font, spreads abroad her hair, discovers her breast, and demands of God in this posture, that he will re∣venge her of all her children in such a manner as that they may bear about them over all the earth, the marks of the chastisement laid upon them for the outrage she received from them; and that they may im∣print by their example a terrour into the spirits of all people.

Her prayer was heard so speedily, that her eldest son was struck at the same instant with a horrible trem∣bling in all the Members of his bo∣dy: and within less then one year all her other children were punished with the same chastisement, one af∣ter another, according to the order of their birth.

Then this unfortunate Mother,

perceiving her curses to have been so efficacious, and being no longer able to support the reproaches which her conscience suggested to her of her impiety, nor the confusion which she suffered before the world for per∣mitting her self to be transported to so great an extremity, strangled her self, and ended her accursed life by a death yet more accursed.

St. Augustin upon the occasion of one of these children, whose name was Paul, and who had been mira∣culously cured, having caused to be read to his people the recital which this young man had made of this History as I have now told it, and making reflections upon the circum∣stances which accompany it, exclaims,

Let children learn from this example to respect their Fathers and their Mothers, and let Fathers and Mo∣thers fear to fall into choler against their children. 'Tis said in sacred Writ, That the blessing of a Father

establishes the House, and that the curse of a Mother roots it up even to the foundations. This we see accom∣plished in these accursed children, who being at this present vagabonds over all the earth, have no establish∣ment in their own countrey, and who not only serve for a dreadful spectacle to all men, but also by presenting their punishment and their misery to the eyes of all them who look upon them, should above all affright proud children, who fail in their duty towards them who brought them into the world.

Learn then, O children, to ren∣der unto your Fathers and Mothers according to what is commanded you in the sacred Scripture, the respect and the honour which is due to them. But you, Fathers and Mo∣thers, remember, when your chil∣dren offend you, that you are Fa∣thers, and that you are Mothers: This unhappy Mother invoked God against her children, and she was

heard because God is truly just, and because she had been truly offended. True it is, that there was but one only among them who had injuri∣ously struck her, and the other had only been silent in this occasion, or had not uttered a word in her de∣fence. But surely God is just who heard her prayer, and who gave ear to the expressions which grief put into her mouth. All this while what shall we say of this poor Mother? Was not she her self punished by God with so much more rigour, by how much she was heard more readi∣ly and more conformably to her own desires?

'Tis thus, my Sister, that this great Saint believed that God permitted this Mother should make so unhappy an end, after she had abandoned her self to such choler against her chil∣dren, to teach Fathers and Mothers not to suffer themselves to be tran∣sported easily to such resentments, although most just in appearance;

and not easily to lay their maledicti∣on upon their children, however so reasonable a cause they may seem to have for so doing; and never to im∣plore the succour of God against them during the violence of their indig∣nation, for fear lest God hearing the prayers which grief drew from their hearts, and granting to them the things which passion alone inspi∣red them to demand of him, the revenge which they call down upon their childrens heads falls not upon their own, and hurry them not on to despair, when the heat being pas∣sed over, and the feeling of nature having got the upper hand, they shall perceive themselves to have been the cause of the misery and ruine into which their wretched children are re∣duced.

And this reflexion ought to make so much the deeper impression in the spirit of Fathers and Mothers, because this miserable Mother we have here spoken of, was in desperate hazzard

of being damned for all eternity for having suffered her self to be tran∣sported to that excess of revenge a∣gainst her children: whereas the said children were not punished for the fault they committed against her, but only during this life; and that God afforded mercy to the major part of them, at the instant prayers, and importunities of holy men, to whom they had recourse in their affliction; as was seen in two of them who were recovered; in one at Hippo, and in another of them at Revenna.

14. Maxims touching the Equality which Parents are to keep among their Chil∣dren.

IF God gives you many children, take care to unite them in perfect friendship with one another; let the younger respect the elder; let the elder condescend to the younger as being yet less rational: and make in every thing appear so just an equali∣ty

in the marks of love and tender∣ness towards them, that they may have no manner of jealousie against one another. The only embroidered robe which Jacob gave to Joseph, was cause of the hatred his Brethren conceived against him, and that they hatched the design to take away his life.

Upon which St. Ambrose makes this pithy reflexion:

It very frequently falls out, that the affection of Pa∣rents is hurtful to their children when it stays not within the limits of a just moderation: and this hap∣pens, when either through an over∣great goodness they pardon their faults, or that testifying more love to some than to others, they ex∣tinguish by this preference that fra∣ternal affection which should keep them united in friendship. The greatest advantage which a Father can procure to one of his children, is to leave him the love of his Bre∣thren, As Fathers and Mothers can∣not

exercise a more glorious libera∣lity towards their children; so also the children cannot receive from their Fathers and Mothers a more rich Inheritance than that. It is just that nature rendring them e∣qual, the favour of them who gave them birth should continue them in a perfect equality. Piety permits us not to fancy, that Money gives an advantage to a childe, since it is that very thing which ruins piety. Why then do you still marvel that so many differences arise among Brethren upon the occasion of a piece of land, or of a house, since one sole garment excited so much envy among the children of Jacob?

But what, (adds this holy Do∣ctour,) shall we blame this Pa∣triark for preferring one of his sons before all the rest? Can we take from Fathers and from Mothers the liberty of loving them more whom they believe deserve better their af∣fection? and is it just to take from

Children the emulation and the de∣sire of pleasing them more who gave them their birth? Finally, Jacob loved Joseph more than all his brethren, because he foresaw that this childe would be one day more virtuous than the others, and because he discovered already in him more visible and more illustrious marks of goodness.

These last words of St. Ambrose contain very important instructions for Fathers and Mothers. For although they are obliged to have an equal charity for all their children, it is notwithstanding a very hard matter not to resent sometimes in themselves more tenderness for one than for a∣nother; and there are even some oc∣casions wherein they are obliged to make it more appear.

All the difficulty then consists in knowing how to regulate and to distribute the testimonies which they give them according to the rules of Christian charity, and according to

the lights of Faith. It consists in not preferring them who are of a more flattering and facetious humour, but also more free and inclinable to evil, before them who make shew of more coldness, but withall of more reser∣vedness and more modestie; not to cherish them more whom we design for the world then them whom we will consecrate to Religion; to avoid the disorder which a holy man of France hath reprehended with so much zeal in a Letter he addresses to all the Church; where he re∣proaches Fathers and Mothers of high injustice for making greater advanta∣ges of such of their children as fol∣lowed the world, than of them who made profession of a holy and religi∣ous life.

What is more just and more rea∣sonable (says he), than that he will of parents should agree with that of Christ Jesus; that they should prefer in the distribution of their goods and of their charges

them whom God hath preferred by the choice he hath made of them to link them to his service? Happy he who loves his children by the motive of divine love; who regu∣lates the charity he bears them, by that which he owes to Christ Jesus; who in the bonds of nature which tye him to his children, looks upon God as their Father; who making sacrifices to God of that which his love obliges him to give to his children, draws for himself an eternal gain and happi∣ness, and who lending to God (as we may say) that which he distri∣butes to his children, procures for himself an everlasting recompence by procuring for them temporal commodities.

But now, (adds he) Fathers and Mothers follow Maxims far different from these, and much deviating from the piety which here appears. They never leave less of their goods than to such of their children to whom they should leave the greater

share in regard of him to whose ser∣vice they are engaged: and they of their family whom they least esteem, are they whom the spirit of Religi∣on should render most considerable. Finally, if they offer to God some one of their children, they prefer their other Brethren before them. They judge them unworthy to suc∣ceed them in their worldly means who are found worthy to be dedi∣cated to the Altar. And one may say, that their children did not be∣come contemptible unto them, but because they began to be precious be∣fore God.

This disorder is but too common in the age we now live in, in which Parents content not themselves to design to the Church or to Religion such of their children who are mean∣liest qualified, but they moreover e∣ven neglect their education, and use all means imaginable to deprive them of their succession. They strive by all manner of ways to have some Be∣nefice

fall into their hands, and when they have once obtained it they sub∣stitute the goods of the Church and the patrimony of Christ Jesus instead of that which was due to them by their birth. They make them re∣nounce all the just pretensions they have by the natural and civil Laws: because they render them depositaries of such goods as were designed by the piety of the faithful for the subsistance of the poor: and they bereave them of what lawfully belonged unto them upon pretext of having procured for them that which they cannot accor∣ding to the Canons and Rules of the Church apply even to their own uses: because it is not obtained by the ways prescribed by the said Canons and the same Rules of the Church.

As if, (says Salvian) Parents should not rather tye themselves to leave goods to such of their children as they know are capable to make the best use of them; and as if they ought not to prefer them who em∣ploy

their means only in works of a charity, before them who will as∣suredly dissipate them in their vain and superfluous expences.

There is another disorder crept in among the faithful, and which no less destroys the equality which Pa∣rents owe to their children, which is, to think of setling them only, who either by the rank of their birth or for some particular qualities, best please them. They fear lest by part∣ing their goods equally among all their children, they cannot raise up as they would the splendour and the glory of their Family. The Eldest could not possess nor sustain the Of∣fices and the employs which they strive to procure for him, if his Bro∣thers and his Sisters should have the same advantages which he hath: they must therefore be put into such an estate as not to be able to dispute this right with him. They must be thrust into Cloysters whether they will or not, and they must be time∣ly

sacrificed to the interests of him whom they designe for the world and for vanity.

You cannot, my Sister, take too much care to avoid all these disor∣ders, which are contrary to the cha∣rity and to the Justice you owe to your children. Endeavour therefore to keep among them a perfect equali∣ty. But if you have some mark of tenderness and of preference to give to any one of them, let it be to the most obedient, and to them who tend with most ardour to goodness and to virtue; to the end that that may excite an emulation in the others, and that they encreasing all equally in the fear of God and in the pur∣suit of virtue, may deserve all the like testimonies of goodness and of affection.

15. Maxims touching the lodging of Children.

TAke care not only for your Sons, but also for your Daughters, that as much as may be they lye alone, or with such persons in whom you may have as just a confidence as in your self.

'Tis an advice which St. Francis of sales gave to Madam de Chantail in pre∣scribing her Rules for the Education of her children. And to make her comprehend the profit here∣of, he says; that experience rendred this observation daily more and more re∣commendable unto him.

In effect, because Parents neglect this Counsel, it chances not only that of two children which are in the same bed, there's but one of them whom God draws out of the heap of corruption, and leaves the other by a just judgment abandoned to his irre∣gularities;

but even that both of them perish miserably by losing the innocence they received in Baptism.

16. Maxims touching the Complacency which Parents have in their Chil∣dren.

NEver approve the actions of your children in which there is on the one side Wit, and on the other side Malice; for fear lest not know∣ing how to disintangle that which there is of spiritual, from that which is of malice, in the thing they do, they should attribute to the whole action that pleasure you take and the praise you give them; and that thus they should accustom themselves to practice it, and should (to please you) get a habit of telling petty lies, and inventing tricks against their brethren or against the other domesticks.

Be you very reserved in the prai∣ses you give them, even for their

most spiritual actions; and be afraid lest by relating in their presence all they do wherein there appears wit, and by discoursing with them or of them, they should be puffed up with pride, and so become insupportable to others.

17. Maxims touching the Plays and the Recreations of Children.

Permit them such Divertisements as are honest and not dangerous, but moderately; for fear lest if you should keep them over-long embusi∣ed in serious exercises, they should be disgusted with them: and lest on the contrary they should become Idlers if you should suffer them to play continually.

It would be a great good so to order it, that their very recreations might contribute to exercise their Judgement and their memory; that according to the counsel of all the Fathers of the Church, they were

taught to sing Psalms and Hymns. thereby to clear their spirit in form∣ing their voice, and to untie their tongue in pronouncing the prayses of God; and (as St. Jerome says) that they had no Pastimes which were not to them a study.

'Tis thus that this great Doctour counsells a Roman Dame, to cause letters to be made of Box or of Ivo∣rie, thereby to teach her Daughter by playing with them, and mixing them together, to know the Letters, and to joyn them, and so to form Syllables: And 'tis thus, that after children can reade, one may as it were for a divertisement shew them the Map, and as they grow in age and understanding give them a taste of the pithiest passages of the sacred and profane History, and oblige them to repeat the same, and to remember the sacred Genealogies and the Suc∣cession of Monarks;

to the end, (says this Father,) that by such very things which will be perhaps

useless unto them, their memory may be disposed to conserve those they are bound to know.

It would be also much to the pur∣pose to make them play sometimes before you, and to let them recre∣ate themselves in your presence; be∣cause the inclinations of children are more easily discovered in their Play. In effect, as they stand then less upon their guards, and that joy fills their hearts, their other passions are more free to shew themselves, and they quickly manifest the eagerness they have to gain, the desire they have to overcome others, and the discontent they have for being con∣quered; so that you may thereupon manage, (as one may say) these di∣vers passions, and make use of their play to instruct and teach them not to apply themselves to it with so much heat, not to have an eager∣ness for gain, not to set themselves against others when things succeed not to their wish, not to be dejected

at their losses, to preserve a certain indifferency which is necessary to practise justice and fidelity, and to avoid cheating and petty-cousenings which are very common among chil∣dren, and which oftentimes pass a∣long with them in their more advan∣ced age.

18. Maxims touching what company ought to be permitted to Children.

TAke great care that your children neither play nor converse ordina∣rily but with children brought up in the fear of God. Job permitted his to recreate themselves, but 'twas among themselves, and without strangers who might have corrupted them and hindred them from enter∣taining themselves in virtuous em∣ploys, which they always did ac∣cording to the relation of Origin and of St. John Chrysostom: and that charitable Father ceased not, during their recreations and divertisements,

to offer up to God for them his fervent prayers and sacrifices.

St. Jerome writing to Gaudentius, gives him a very important advice, which I desire you to mark well: It is, so to order it that his daugh∣ters should not play nor divertise themselves but only with them of their own sex, and that they should in no sort seek, but rather shun the frequentation of boys.

St. Teresa, whose spi∣rit was perfectly cleared and every way judicious, making reflexions upon the first faults of her life, attributes them to the liberty she took in her tendrest age to converse with some of her cousin-germans.

I had, (says she) some cousin-ger∣mans who came frequently to my Fathers house. He was very circum∣spect to forbid all entrance to any but to them: and would to God he had used the same caution to∣wards them also: for I now see the

danger there is, when one is in an age proper to receive the first seeds of virtues, to have commerce with persons, who knowing the vanity of the world, entice others to en∣gage themselves therein. I was al∣most of the same age with my cou∣sins; we kept always together; they tenderly loved me, and I en∣tertained them with what ever I fancied would please them. They related to me the success of their affections, and such trifles which were not very good to be heard. And which was yet worse, my soul was sensible of impressions which have been the cause of all her evil. Ha! were I to give coun∣sell to Parents, I would warn them to be well advised what persons frequent their children in that age; because the bent of our corrupted nature bears us rather to bad than to good: I found this in my self: for I made no profit of the great virtue and honesty of one of my Sisters,

who was much elder than my self; whereas I retained all the evil exam∣ples which a kinsman gave me who haunted our house.

And in the sequel, after she had deplored the bad use she made of her youth till the age of fourteen years, she exclaims: I am sometimes seized with an astonishment, when I consider the evils which come from bad companies; nor could I believe it, had not I my self proved it by a sad experience. 'Tis principally du∣ring the time of youth that this e∣vil is most dangerous, and this makes me wish, that Fathers and Mothers would make their profit by the ex∣ample of my faults, to hinder by their care the like accidents: For tis but too true, that the familiari∣ty I had with that person did so change me, as that it left in my soul no sign of the good nature nor of the virtues which were there before: and it seems to me, that she and one other who lived

in the same way of folly, imprin∣ted in my heart their wicked in∣clinations.

You see, my Sister, by the exam∣ple and by the Words of this holy woman, how reserved you ought to be in giving access to persons in∣to your childrens familiarity, although their alliance and nearness of blood permits you not to exclude them from your house; and how you must never suffer that under this pretext of parentage your children should contract a strict friendship with chil∣dren who are not brought up in the fear of God, which you strive to in∣spire into yours.

Above all, take care that your Daughters go not forth of the house without you; and it were to be wished, that they went not abroad but only for things absolutely neces∣sary. The sole example of Dina, Genes. 34. who for having once only gone forth of her Fathers house to take a view of the Daughters of the

Town of Sichem, was forced away to the excessive grief of her Father Ja∣cob, and of all her Brethren, may suf∣fice to make you apprehend the gad∣ding abroad of your Daughters, and to oppose your self against any de∣sign they may have of contracting acquaintance with strangers, that is, with such as have their spirits filled with vanity, and who have not been educated, as yours, according to the spirit of Christianism.

19. Maxims touching the care which is to be taken to induce children to do what they ought to their Fathers.

TAke great care in particular, that your children shew much respect to their Father, that they love him, that they honour him, and that they fear him. Never pardon their least disobedience to his orders. Suffer them not to speak otherwise to him then with submission and respect. He who obeys his Father gives much joy

and comfort to his Mother, says the Scripture, Eccle. 3.7.

St. Paul says, That women must be submitted to their Husbands in all things: Ephes. And they ought to be so, says St. Chrysostom, because when they are in good intelligence, their chil∣dren are well educated, their Dome∣sticks are well instructed, their Freinds and Neighbours are marvellously e∣dified. In fine, the quality of head which is proper to the Husband, and which he bears in regard of his wife, makes it sufficiently appear, that 'tis for him to watch over his actions, to govern by his prudence the whole family, and to give out his orders for the conduct of all the members which compose it. And this is it which the illustrious Authour of the letter to Celancia endeavoured particu∣larly to insinuate unto her.

It must be in the first place, says this great man, that the authority re∣mains entirely in your husband, and

that all your family may learn by your example what honour and respect they owe him: you must therefore by your obedience make it known, that he is the Master: your humi∣lity must raise him, and your sub∣missions must make him to be re∣spected by all the rest; because your self will be so much more honoured, by how much you render to him more honour.

For the man, accor∣ding to the Apostle, is the head of the woman; and the body can ne∣ver appear well adorned, unless its head be well dressed: which moves him to say elsewhere, speaking to women, that they must be submitted to their husbands for the love of our Lord as they are obliged to be; and the A∣postle St. Peter: 1 Pet. c. 3. Wives, be ye submitted to your husbands, to the end that if there are any who believe not the preaching of the Word, they may be gain∣ed without the Word by the good life of their wives, considering the purity in which you live, and the respectful fear

you have for them. If then the law of Marriage obliges wives to render ho∣nour to their husbands, even when they are Infidels, it surely obliges them yet more strictly when they are Christians. If this is true, my Sister, as to the least duties of the civil life, it is much more as to what concerns the children. And by consequence you ought in this point, as in all things, to act as much as possibly you can jointly with your husband.

Bless our Lord for having given you a person who will never oblige you to follow the irregularities which are crept into the World; but who on the contrary will take care, accor∣ding to the counsel of St. Jerome, that the very cloathes of his children may make them know him to whose service they were engaged by the vows of Baptism.

But if, (as says the same Author,) a Lady of very high birth was reprehended with much severity by an An∣gel,

for having presumed, (that she might not displease her Husband,) to frizzel the hair of her little Niece, and to trick her up a la mode; if for having caused her to wear Pearls and Diamonds according to her con∣dition, but not according to the spi∣rit of Christianism, God took away from her by death both her husband and her children, and made appear by so suddain and so extraordinary a chastisement,

how great an aver∣sion he hath against them, (says this great Doctour) who violate his Temples by profane ornaments, and that his Divine Majesty so much detests and abhors them, have you not cause to tremble and dread the just judgements of God,

if you bring up your children according to the fashion of the world against the will of him whose sentiments you have espoused by espousing his person, and if you sur∣prize his Religion & his Freindship, to oblige him to condescend to the senti∣ments of vanity which you desire to follow?

Notes

• Chrysost. Hom. 9. in 1. Epist. ad Timoth. ch. 3
• Hom. 21. su∣per Epist. ad Ephes. c. 6.
• Wisdom. 4.15.
• Tertul. l. 1. ex∣plicat. Symbo∣li ad Cathe. c. 1.
• St. Jerome in Epist. ad Le∣••am.
• S. Aug. l. 1. Confess. c. 15. n. 2.
• St. Chrysost. Ser. 19. upon Matth.
• S. Jerom. epist. ad Gaudent.
• S. August. l. 1. Confess. c. 9. n. 1.
• St. August. l. 9. Conf. c. 8. n. 1.
• St. Chrysost.
• S. Aug. Serm. 31. de diversis & l. 22. de ci∣vit. chap. 8.
• Aug. serm. 32 de diversis.
• St. Franc. de Sales l. 1. E∣pist. Ep. 1.
• St. Teresa, in her life writ∣ten by her self. c. 2.
• Letter to Ce∣lancia.
• St. Jerome, Ep. ad Letam.