The Christian education of children: according to the maxims of the Sacred Scripture, and the instructions of the fathers of the church / written and several times printed in French, and now translated into English.

14. Maxims touching the Equality which Parents are to keep among their Chil∣dren.

IF God gives you many children, take care to unite them in perfect friendship with one another; let the younger respect the elder; let the elder condescend to the younger as being yet less rational: and make in every thing appear so just an equali∣ty

in the marks of love and tender∣ness towards them, that they may have no manner of jealousie against one another. The only embroidered robe which Jacob gave to Joseph, was cause of the hatred his Brethren conceived against him, and that they hatched the design to take away his life.

Upon which St. Ambrose makes this pithy reflexion:

It very frequently falls out, that the affection of Pa∣rents is hurtful to their children when it stays not within the limits of a just moderation: and this hap∣pens, when either through an over∣great goodness they pardon their faults, or that testifying more love to some than to others, they ex∣tinguish by this preference that fra∣ternal affection which should keep them united in friendship. The greatest advantage which a Father can procure to one of his children, is to leave him the love of his Bre∣thren, As Fathers and Mothers can∣not

exercise a more glorious libera∣lity towards their children; so also the children cannot receive from their Fathers and Mothers a more rich Inheritance than that. It is just that nature rendring them e∣qual, the favour of them who gave them birth should continue them in a perfect equality. Piety permits us not to fancy, that Money gives an advantage to a childe, since it is that very thing which ruins piety. Why then do you still marvel that so many differences arise among Brethren upon the occasion of a piece of land, or of a house, since one sole garment excited so much envy among the children of Jacob?

But what, (adds this holy Do∣ctour,) shall we blame this Pa∣triark for preferring one of his sons before all the rest? Can we take from Fathers and from Mothers the liberty of loving them more whom they believe deserve better their af∣fection? and is it just to take from

Children the emulation and the de∣sire of pleasing them more who gave them their birth? Finally, Jacob loved Joseph more than all his brethren, because he foresaw that this childe would be one day more virtuous than the others, and because he discovered already in him more visible and more illustrious marks of goodness.

These last words of St. Ambrose contain very important instructions for Fathers and Mothers. For although they are obliged to have an equal charity for all their children, it is notwithstanding a very hard matter not to resent sometimes in themselves more tenderness for one than for a∣nother; and there are even some oc∣casions wherein they are obliged to make it more appear.

All the difficulty then consists in knowing how to regulate and to distribute the testimonies which they give them according to the rules of Christian charity, and according to

the lights of Faith. It consists in not preferring them who are of a more flattering and facetious humour, but also more free and inclinable to evil, before them who make shew of more coldness, but withall of more reser∣vedness and more modestie; not to cherish them more whom we design for the world then them whom we will consecrate to Religion; to avoid the disorder which a holy man of France hath reprehended with so much zeal in a Letter he addresses to all the Church; where he re∣proaches Fathers and Mothers of high injustice for making greater advanta∣ges of such of their children as fol∣lowed the world, than of them who made profession of a holy and religi∣ous life.

What is more just and more rea∣sonable (says he), than that he will of parents should agree with that of Christ Jesus; that they should prefer in the distribution of their goods and of their charges

them whom God hath preferred by the choice he hath made of them to link them to his service? Happy he who loves his children by the motive of divine love; who regu∣lates the charity he bears them, by that which he owes to Christ Jesus; who in the bonds of nature which tye him to his children, looks upon God as their Father; who making sacrifices to God of that which his love obliges him to give to his children, draws for himself an eternal gain and happi∣ness, and who lending to God (as we may say) that which he distri∣butes to his children, procures for himself an everlasting recompence by procuring for them temporal commodities.

But now, (adds he) Fathers and Mothers follow Maxims far different from these, and much deviating from the piety which here appears. They never leave less of their goods than to such of their children to whom they should leave the greater

share in regard of him to whose ser∣vice they are engaged: and they of their family whom they least esteem, are they whom the spirit of Religi∣on should render most considerable. Finally, if they offer to God some one of their children, they prefer their other Brethren before them. They judge them unworthy to suc∣ceed them in their worldly means who are found worthy to be dedi∣cated to the Altar. And one may say, that their children did not be∣come contemptible unto them, but because they began to be precious be∣fore God.

This disorder is but too common in the age we now live in, in which Parents content not themselves to design to the Church or to Religion such of their children who are mean∣liest qualified, but they moreover e∣ven neglect their education, and use all means imaginable to deprive them of their succession. They strive by all manner of ways to have some Be∣nefice

fall into their hands, and when they have once obtained it they sub∣stitute the goods of the Church and the patrimony of Christ Jesus instead of that which was due to them by their birth. They make them re∣nounce all the just pretensions they have by the natural and civil Laws: because they render them depositaries of such goods as were designed by the piety of the faithful for the subsistance of the poor: and they bereave them of what lawfully belonged unto them upon pretext of having procured for them that which they cannot accor∣ding to the Canons and Rules of the Church apply even to their own uses: because it is not obtained by the ways prescribed by the said Canons and the same Rules of the Church.

As if, (says Salvian) Parents should not rather tye themselves to leave goods to such of their children as they know are capable to make the best use of them; and as if they ought not to prefer them who em∣ploy

their means only in works of a charity, before them who will as∣suredly dissipate them in their vain and superfluous expences.

There is another disorder crept in among the faithful, and which no less destroys the equality which Pa∣rents owe to their children, which is, to think of setling them only, who either by the rank of their birth or for some particular qualities, best please them. They fear lest by part∣ing their goods equally among all their children, they cannot raise up as they would the splendour and the glory of their Family. The Eldest could not possess nor sustain the Of∣fices and the employs which they strive to procure for him, if his Bro∣thers and his Sisters should have the same advantages which he hath: they must therefore be put into such an estate as not to be able to dispute this right with him. They must be thrust into Cloysters whether they will or not, and they must be time∣ly

sacrificed to the interests of him whom they designe for the world and for vanity.

You cannot, my Sister, take too much care to avoid all these disor∣ders, which are contrary to the cha∣rity and to the Justice you owe to your children. Endeavour therefore to keep among them a perfect equali∣ty. But if you have some mark of tenderness and of preference to give to any one of them, let it be to the most obedient, and to them who tend with most ardour to goodness and to virtue; to the end that that may excite an emulation in the others, and that they encreasing all equally in the fear of God and in the pur∣suit of virtue, may deserve all the like testimonies of goodness and of affection.