Medicina Animæ or, the lamentation, and consolation of a sinner. Together with the severall collections out of the Holy Scriptures. By Joshua Mullard.

CHAP. XII.

O God of Gods! O Lord in mer∣cy surmounting the malice of men; I know thou wilt not alwaies be silent: then I meane when a fla∣ming fire shall burne before thee, and a terrible tempest shall showre down round about thee, when thou shalt call both Heaven and earth to judge and discerne thy people; and lo, in the presence of so many millions of people, all mine iniquities shall be re∣vealed, before so many troops of An∣gels all my abominations shall be dis∣played; not only of my actions, but

likewise of my words, and cogitati∣ons; there shall I (poore wretch) stand to be judged by so many as have gone before me in doing good: I shall by so many accusers be thought worthy of Hell, as have given mee example to live well: I shall be con∣vinced by so many witnesses, as have admonished me by their wholsome speeches, and by their godly & pious conversation, have carried themselves worthy of imitation: O my Lord! I know not what to say, I know not what to answer: and albeit I am as yet free from that terrible danger, neverthelesse my conscience doth af∣flict me, the hidden secrets of my heart do torment mee, coveteousnesse doth presse me, pride doth accuse me, envy doeth consume mee, concupiscense doeth enflame me, lust doeth molest me, gluttony doth disgrace me, drun∣kennesse doth convince me, detracti∣on

doth rent me, anger doth disturbe me: behold, O my deliverer, who hast delivered me out of the hands of cruell people; behold with whom I have lived from the day of my birth, with whom I have studied, and with whom I have kept promise: those very studies which heertofore I affe∣cted, doe condemne mee, which in times past I praysed do now dispraise me. These are the friends to whom I have assented; the teachers whom I have obeyed; the masters whom I have served; the counsellours whom I have beleeved, and the familiar ac∣quaintance to whom I have consen∣ted

Woe is me, O my God, for that my abode heere is prolonged, woe is me, O my light, for that I have lived with those that live in darkness: and seeing holy David sayd so much, how much more may I bee able to say?

my soule hath dwelt too long in a strange land? O my God, my force & my fortress, no man can be justified in thy sight, my hope is not in the sons of men. Whom wouldest thou finde justified, if thou shouldest judge se∣verely, setting mercy aside? neither is there any thing whereof a just man may vaunt, or which can bring him to glory, unlesse thou prevent him before hand with thy mercy, and pit∣ty: I therefore, O my Saviour, be∣lieve what I have heard, that it is thy goodnesse that doth draw mee to re∣pentance, thy holy lips have told it me: No man can come to me, unless my Father, who hath sent me, draw him. Seeing therefore it hath pleased thee to instruct me, and by instruction hast vouchsafed mercifully to informe me; I beseech thee, with all the for∣ces of my heart and mind, O Almigh∣ty Father, together with thy most be∣loved

Son, I beseech thee likewise, O most blessed Saviour, with the holy and blessed Spirit, vouchsafe to draw me unto thee, that I may run after thee, and forsaking all things transi∣tory, I may only adhere unto thee, and devote my soule and body only to thy service.

Who is like unto thee, O Lord my God? thou art great in sanctity, ter∣rible, and worthy to be praised, do∣ing things that deserve to be admired; too too late have I knowne thee, O true light, too late have I known thee, and the cause was, for that there was a great and dark cloud before my eies, that delighted in vanity, which hin∣dered me from beholding the Sun of justice, and the Light of all verity: I was wrapt in darknesse, being the child of darkness, & I loved darkness, because I knew not the light; I was blind and loved blindness, and walk∣ed

through one darknes into another: who hath delivered me from thence, where I remained as a blind man, sit∣ting in darknesse and in the shaddow of death? who hath taken me by the hand, and led met forth of the same? who is he that hath thus enlightened me? I sought him not, and he called me: but who is he? thou art he. O Lord my God, being most mercifull, and pittifull, yea, the father of mer∣cies, and God of all comfort.

Thou, O Lord my God most holy, art he that hath done the same, whom I confesse with my whole heart, ren∣dring thanks to thy holy Name: I did not seeke thee, thou hast sought me; I did not call upon thee, thou hast called me.

Thou hast thundred from Heaven with a great voyce into the internall care of my heart, saying, let light be made; and light was made: where∣upon

that great and dark cloud, which had covered my eies, departed, and was dissolved, whereby I have seene thy light, and known thy voyce, & I said, truly, O Lord, thou art my God, who hast delivered mee out of dark∣ness, and from the shaddow of death, calling mee into the admirable light, so that now I see, thankes be to thee, O Lord, who hast inlightened me: and I looked backe, and beheld the darknesse wherein I had lived, and the deepe darke dungeon, wherein I had remained, which made me with feare and trembling, to cry out, say∣ing, wo is mee in respect of the dark∣nesse in which I have remained; wo is mee in respect of my former blind∣ness, in which I could not see the light of Heaven; wo is mee in respect of my former ignorance, when I did not know thee, O Lord; thanks therefore be to thee, O my Inlightner, and De∣liverer,

for that thou hast inlightned me, and I have knowne thee.

Too too late have I knowne thee, O ancient Verity, too late have I known thee, O eternall Truth: thou remainest in light, and I in darknesse, and I knew thee not, because I could not be inlightned without thee, for that there is no light besides thee.

O God! the Holy of Holies, the God of Gods, and Lord of Lords, of inestimable Majesty, whose wonder∣full greatnesse cannot bee uttered or imagined! before whom the Ange∣licall powers doe shake for feare, O most mighty, most holy, and most po∣werfull God, the God of the spirits or souls of all mortall creatures, from whose sight the Heavens and the earth doe flie away for fear, to whom all the Elemens doe obey at a becke; let all thy creatures adore and glorifie thee, amongst whom I, unworthy

wretch the sonne of thy handmaid do bow downe the neck of my heart un∣der the feet of thy supreame Majesty being taught so to doe, by the faith which thou hast given me, rendring thanks unto thee, for that thou hast vouchsafed by thy mercy to inlighten me.

O Light most true, sacred, and de∣lightfull, most worthy of praise, and most admirable, which inlighteneth every man comming into this world, yea, the eies of the Angels themselvs: Behold, now I see, for which I hum∣bly thanke thee: Behold, now I see the light of Heaven, a heavenly bright beam proceeding from the face of thy brightness doth shine upon the eies of my mind, which maketh all my bones to rejoyce.

Oh that this light were perfect it me; increase it in mee, O authour o•• light I beseech thee: increase I be∣seech

thee that light that shineth in mee: let it bee augmented, I beseech thee, by thee.

O fire, which doest alwayes burn, and art never extinguished, enflame me. O light, which doest alwayes shine, and art never darkned, enlight∣en me. Oh that I were made hot by thee, O sacred fire! how sweetly dost thou heate, how secretly doest thou shine, how desiredly dost thou burn? Woe be to those, that are not made hot by thee, woe bee to those that are not enlightned by thee. O true light enlightning all the world, whose brightnesse doeth replenish all the world. Woe bee to those blind eyes which doe not see thee, who art the Sunne that giveth light both to Hea∣ven and Earth. Woe be to those dim eyes which cannot see thee. Woe be to those eies that are turned away frō seeing verity. Woe be to those eyes

that are not turned away from seeing vanity.

Verily those eyes that are accusto∣med to darkness, cannot behold the bright beames of thy supreame righ∣teousness, neither do they know what to thinke of the light, whose dwel∣ling is in darknesse. They see, love, and approve the darknesse, so that walking from one darknesse into ano∣ther, they stumble, and tumble they know not whither. Doubtlesse they are wretched that know not what they lose, but they are more wretched that know what they lose, who fall with their eyes open, and descend a∣live into perdition.

O light most blessed! who canst not be seen of those eyes that are ne∣ver so little defiled: Blessed are the clean in heart, for they shall see God. Cleanse me, O cleansing vertue, cure mine eyes, to the end that with sound

and cleare eyes I may bee able to be∣hold thee. Remoove from my eyes the scales of my former blindnesse, by the means of thy brightness, that I may be able stedfastly to behold thee, and in thy light I may see light.

Behold O my light! now I see, for which I most humbly thank thee. Let this my light, O Lord I beseech thee, be increased by thee. Open mine eyes, that I may see the wonderfull things of thy Law. I give thee thankes, O my light, for that I now see, albeit obscurely, as it were in a Mirrour or looking glasse: but when shall I see thee apparently face to face?

Oh, when will that day of joy and mirth arive, in which I shall enter into the place of thy Tabernacle, so mach to bee admired, even into the house of my God, to the end I may see him face to face that seeth me▪ that so my desire may be accomplished.