The Abdicated prince, or, The adventures of four years a tragi-comedy, as it was lately acted at the court at Alba Regalis by several persons of great quality.

SCENE. II. The Palace of St. Jacques. The Queens Bed-Chamber.

Enter Queen, Mazato, Sycophante, Midwife, Nurse, &c. at one door: Remarquo privately slips in at another, and hushes himself up at a corner of the Hangings.

Mid.

Your Majesty will consider, I presume, that this being a Business of vast moment, it is to be managed with all the nici∣ty imaginable, the least slip here, like the taking out the pin of a Watch, sets the whole Work out of Order; and, what is amiss here, is not like to be ever recovered.

Q.

I know all this, Cellia, and my own strong Inclination, as well as former real Experince, should, I fancy, put me out of all fear of failing.

Maz.

Madam, you cannot be too perfect, you'll have abun∣dance of Eyes & Ears about you; therefore my humble Advice is, That your Majesty would not think it a trouble to practite it well before it comes to the Test.

Q.

Let's see then Cellia, what must we do?

Here the Mid∣wife opens a Bag and pulls out her Implements ne∣cessary for the better Delivery of Women of Quality.

Remarquo Peeps.

Rem.

So, so, the Play is compos'd and distri∣buted, and now they are come to rehearse their Parts.

Aside.

Syc.

Oh dear Cellia, we shall have no use of them, 'twill be too publick for us, it must be all done in Bed.

Rem.

Yes, I'll warrant you, with the Curtains close drawn, and none but your Worships to fumble about her Queenship, and then if we sail of a Sturdy Boy, let Old-Nick fail you.

Aside.

Qu.

That's the up shot of all, but there are praeliminaries to be considered.

Cell.

Yes, in the first place Your Majesty will remember eve∣ry Morning you are to be taken with a small fit of Hawking and Reaching, and now and then a Long-spit or two.

Syc.

Oh Madam, I remember a Qualm on the Stomach now and then is a very deluding thing (with the Men especially) and pas∣ses for a certain sign of a growing Belly.

Mid.

I remember how I bubbled a young Spark so once, who was fond of the conceit of having got me with Child, and when I had hook'd in some Presents of considerable value, I feign'd a Miscarriage, which cost him a few Tears, and me a sound Laugh∣ing, and there was an End of my Qualms; yes, yes, Qualms will go a great way.

Rem.

Now if her Majesty wanted a stock of Hypocrisie, &c. She is got into good Company, and might be easily furnished: Oh the unsearchable Impudence of some Women!

Aside.

Mid.

In the next place, when your Majesty would admit of much Company, you must yield to a Minutes Torture of being ve∣ry strait Lac'd, which will be apt for the present to make you ready to Faint, which will add much to the Credit of your be∣ing with Child,

Maz.

That's a piece of Skill I was unacquainted with till now, Madam Cellia.

Mid.

From the quickning of the Child, proceeds Motion in the Womb, which disturbing some Fibres that go up to the Heart, causeth Palpitations, &c. and thence proceed Swooning, Faint∣ings, Short-breathings, &c.

Ren.

On my Conscience, I shall have a sweet Lecture of Natu∣ral Philosophy, she'll run over Aristotle's Problems presently.

Q.

If Swoonings and Faintings be a Rule you prescirbe, I can easily perform it; but Mazato, and all of you, remember to loosen me presently, or I may be sick indeed.

{inverted ⁂} Note, That this was the constant Remedy for all the late Queen of Hun∣gary's Swooning Fits, during her pretened Bigness.

Mid.

Binding in the back, like one that is overburthen'd, is so natural a conse∣quence of a Great Belly, that Your Maje∣sty will not, I believe, need Instructions concerning it.

Rem.

Well, now from a Mothodical Di∣gestion of these weighty Instructions, a body might make a shift to pick up a Moderate Maintenance; why, I shall be a perfect Midwife; there's many a Man has set up his Trade, that has not Learn'd half so much on't, as I have of this.

(Aside.)

Mid.

Now Madam, we must be bold with your Majesties Belly, for that is, as it were, the Primum Mobile of our Intrigue, and must be ordered with abundance of Nicety.

(The Midwife and La∣dies come up close to the Queen, and feel and grope about the Queens Belly, and then lift up her Petticoats.

Rem.

Udsbud, what are they going to do now?

(Remarquo peeps, he shrugs and scratches.

Oh lau! Treason, Treason! 'Dsflesh, if I should be caught here now, I should be hang'd as round as a hoop, for committing Treason against her Majesties Belly; well, I don't care, I'll carry a good Conscience with me, I will not see.

(Aside.)

(He holds his hands before his Face, and peeps thro' his fin∣gers.

Mid.

Your Majesty must have it height∣ned by degrees, it must carry a Simimili∣tude of a Natural Swelling.

Rem.

This is an odd way of getting a Son, an Heir, though:

(Here they place a small Cushion un∣der her Cloaths.

What, a few Rags pinn'd together, must personate the Prince, and we shall have some neighbouring Monarchs, sent to, and Solicited to stand God-Fathers to a Piss-burnt Cushion: Well, they may get what Infant they please to compleat the Co∣medy; but I'll engage he shall stand to his Pedigree, and never be any thing in Hungary, but King of his Mothers Clowts.

(Aside.

Qu.

All these are but trifles, Sycophant, my own Ingenuity will undertake these; but the very Critical Minute, Celia, that's the grand Question, these Plaguy Christians are so mistrustful, they'll not take ones word for any thing.

Rem.

'Tis very hard, considering her Majesty deals so Iustly by them.

(Aside.

Mid.

Madam, young Pupils must of necessity submit to the Experince and Doctrine of their Elders; this is not the first business of this nature that I have manag'd, and with your Ma∣jesties Patience, I'll draw you a Scheme of all we are to do, in a moment.

Qu.

Prithee Celia, I have Inclination and knowledge, but my Modesty will be at a stand.

Rem.

O Lau! O Lau! Modesty, said she? She has been at the Court of Hungary these ten years, where Whoring, Lying, &c. have been improv'd at the rate of Fifty per Cent, and now she pretends to boggle at a little. Dissembling: Yes, yes, I have heard Count Dadamore and her Queenship, Con over Lectures of Modesty, till they sweat again.

(Aside.)

Oh! She's a very Zea∣lot in Modesty, when she lights of an industrious Tutor.

(Aside.

Qu.

However, Cellia considering the necessity, I'll over-run all difficulties.

Rem.

Her Highness is very positive; She and her Jehusites have made it their business to wrangle us out of our Senses, if they could; and the King has not left us the disposal even of one Thought, for he tells us we are to give an implicite Obedience without Reserve, so that if all other means fail, for ought we know, we may have the Daughter of an Elephant trump't up

with a Declaration of Hic est filius meus, and who dare dis∣pute or gain say it?

(Aside.

Cel.

Well then, Madam, in the first place, suppose your self handsomely laid in Bed, between nine and ten in the Morning, and no Company but your own Trusty Friends, the Christians safe at their Devotion (the Prelates especially must be absent.)

Qu.

Oh! Foh, if I had a mind to save Charges, I'd take no other Physick than the sight of a Christian Prelate. Oh! what a strange working it has caus'd in my Stomach, the very name of them is a Vomit.

(She spits.

Cel.

Nor indeed must any other of them come within sight of you, they'll make such a noise with impertinent Questions, as may spoil your Milk, as you know Thunder does Ale.

Rem.

There's some hopes of this, Lady Midwife; her Memo∣ry I see is short, and she may be out in her Lesson, she's afraid of spoiling her Milk, when they had agreed before, she could have none; but 'tis the nature of some people to tell a lie so of∣ten, that at last they perswade themselves 'tis true.

(Aside.

Qu.

Alack! You may be sure Cullidada will take care to keep them at the farther part of the Room, where you know out of common complaisance, they must harangue him upon his Vnexpected Happiness.

Rem.

Of having a Child beyond all possibility.

(Aside.

〈◊〉〈◊〉

You are in the right on't, Madam; then for two or three faint Cries (such as I gave when I made my Husband believe he was tearing my Maidenhead to pieces, and a little bustling about the Cloaths, and out comes the Young Perkin, as like the Father as if he were spit out of his Mouth.

Qu.

But as to the cleanly conveying him in; we forgot that, Celia.

Cel.

That I'll shew you in a moment.

(She goes to one corner of the Stage, and brings a large warming Pan lin'd with Velvet.

Now Madam, just before the critical minute, you call of course to have the bed warm'd, then in comes me, Madam Midwife,

with this Warming-pan, mark you me, with young Perkin as sung in it as a drowned Toast in the bottom of a Tankard; then while you are undressing and ready to pop in, whip, I strait disembogue and leave your Majesty the hopeful Mother of a lusty Son and Heir.

Rem.

So, so, this is an excellent way to hinder collateral descents: Why, who would be so foolish to pine for an Heir, when every Midwife in Town can so easily supply them?

[aside.

Qu.

Why, this Cellia is an Artist, Ladies: Well, thou hast satisfi∣ed me to a miracle: I long for the good hour. Oh, I have it now at my fingers ends.

Pagans rejoyce, our Mufti do's agree, This Year should be to us a Jubilee,

[Exit Qu. cum suis,

manet Rem.

Rem.

Pagans beware, for we shall take occasion, To tax your works of Supererogation. We scorn your Presidents, and ne're can own Such spurious Sons, as fill our Neighbouring Throne; Spight of your frauds we shall be shortly free From Tyrant Kings, and Pagan Slavery.

[Exit Rem.