Love a la mode a comedy / written by a Person of honour.

Scoena Tertia.

Virgini, Matrona, Coelia.

Mat.

SHe is, saving your VVorships reverence, possest; but with such a spirit, that all the Conjurers in Town Shall never lay.

Virg.

VVhy, what said She to thee?

Mat.

Nay, what did She not say? when I told Her, I was To be Her Governess, She roar'd lowder then a Cannon, and had like to have destroy'd me with The artillery of Her high language: She scolded Faster then a Billingsgate Oyster-wench, and rail'd At me with as great a liberty, as an ignorant Phanatick at a stand in his Text, ever did against

The Pope; baited me worse then his Bull could Be at Geneva, and threatn'd, if I but Urg'd the name of Governess, it should be my last.

Virg.

Thou dost belie Her now; I know thou dost: Her nature is more soft, then finest downe; Her behaviour most sweet, and affable, And never guilty of such a rudeness As thou deliver'st. She is not halfe So spleenitive as a Dove; a fish is scarce So silent as she, when She's admonish't. She threaten thee! fie, 'tis impossible: She'd scarce menace a Dog that bites Her.

Mat.

I know not, but am sure I was afraid Of my eyes: and then I did comply, told Her I'd be her servant: She call'd me Baud, old Rottenness, and such language as was beyond The patience of a Stoick. I still bore, gave Her Sweet language, offered to serve her in any secret Of Her dearest love; but still was rated at.

Virg.

It is beyond a miracle; I cannot credit it.

Mat.

Stand but aside, and witness it: I hear Her coming.

Enter Coelia drest like a Puritan.

VVhat, Lady, chang'd your dress?

Coel.

You see, good Governess, the effects of your com∣mands: your counsels have open'd my eyes, and made me see the vanities of youth.

Mat.

You're deceiv'd, dear Mistress; I'd have you brave, gallant, glittering with Jewells, deck't with ribbans, gaudier then the rain-bow.

Coel.

Good Mother, do not trie me with too many and fierce temptations: I am not fully strengthned in faith yet; the Snares of Satan may intrap me.

Mat.

I'the Divells name, how came She chang'd thus?

Coel.

Holy Governess, will you conduct me, according to Your promise, to the Conventicle of Religious Brethren?

Mat.

I promise, sweet Creature, to get thee a Husband, a valiant man.

Coel.

That were irreligious: get me a sanctified Husband, A man of the purest reformation.

Virg.

My Child's spoil'd; the Trot has abus'd me, infus'd Three long points and a halfe of Predestination into Her Head, and made Her as mad as a French Taylor, VVhose brains are whimsied with an inundation Of new fashions. — But I'll hear more.

Coel.

Whereabout stand all the meeting-houses? how Many Lectures are there a week?

Mat.

Are you mad? what have you to do with Lectures And Meeting-Houses? how came you chang'd thus? Did you not ere while abuse me in as imperious A strain as a thrice-married Widow?

Coel.

Goodness forbid! the vanity of my spirit rise in Insurrection against the elder? that were surely Reprobation; by yea and nay, damnation.

Mat.

Out, dissembler! did you not call me Baud, Trot, and other beastly names?

Coel.

Verily you do scandalize the Righteous: but by reve∣lation it was reveal'd to me, that I should suffer; and by in∣spiration I receiv'd it in spirit, that the beginning of my Re∣formation would be a Conflict of warfare and temptation.

Virg

I can contain no longer. — How now, Daughter! No blessing?

Coel.

The sanctified Sisters do not use it, trust me. It is superstitious and abominable in the eyes Of Reformation.

Virg.

Oh my heart! I now begin to feare She's too far gone to be reclaim'd in haste. Daughter, I've brought thee home a brave rich Gowne, Two scollopt Gorgets of the newest cut, And Suites of several fashionable Ribbans: I love to see thee gallant: Virgins still Should be desirous of all novelties.

Coel.

I'll have none, they are the very cobwebs of Satan.

Afflict not my memory with the errors of my Youth; all these vanities are now abominations. Therefore I'll go humble my self, that is, make My self humble, and depress the spirit of Vanity.

Exit.

Virg.

Oh thou VVitch-hagg; either reduce Her from This Phrenzy, or ne'er see my face.

Mat.

I'll use my endeavour, Sir.

Exit.

Virg.

Oh curious foole, that sought to prie into Thy Daughters thoughts! thy curiosity Is now re-paid from a high hand. Heaven Restore my Childe unto Her former wits, — Or else let me restore Her unto you. — Give Her, or take Her: griefs, you are but weak, That cannot make an old man's heart to break.