Sir Arthur Haselrig's last will and testament with a briefe survey of his life and death

Sir ARTHƲR HASELRIG'S LAST VVILL & TESTAMENT, WITH A briefe Survey of his LIFE and DEATA.

O Death, how unwelcome art thou to a troubled Spirit? Is my long hanting after worldly Ho∣nour, and fishing after Church Lands to inlarge mine Inheritance by an injurious surprizall of others Rights, brought to this Precipice? Yes most justly; that Sacred-secret Synod, from which all my sinister Actions have ever pe∣remptorily appealed, has justly and irrevocably decreed, that ARTHƲR, who was once such an eminent Champion at the ROUND TABLE, should be now deserted, nay shamefully stripped of those weak stayes, whereon He, misera∣ble He, in the height of his swelling Fortunes so strongly relyed, and imprudently doated. Ah me! what an eye-sore is this to see Lawn-sleeves rise to their wonted height: and my blasted Honour sinking down with contempt into a disconsolate Depth! O Bishoprick, where in my Regality I so much Sove∣raigniz'd, or, as some will have it, Tyranniz'd; must I now leave thee, and leaving thee recommend thee to a Prelacy, which was most hated by me? Though for pity sake that Pre∣latical

State might retain this opinion of me, for otherwise they traduce me highly, that I never bore such hate to their Per∣sons, as I bore love to their Personages; nor such dis-esteem to their Professions, as I had, and hold ever in my estimate of their Possessions. But now my hydroptick Thirst is quenched, my earthly desires (though much against my will) unfortunately sated; whence I collect with an heavy eye to what I have left behind me, what a vading breath, or light blast is this flash of Honour; whose overswollen Bladder as it puffs us up living, so it stifles us dying.

But it is high time for me now to recollect my self; and look a little back, having so small a space left me to look for∣ward: I may expect a Funeral, but OLIVERS vast ex∣cess usher'd in with such scorn, and registered with such shame, deters me from injoyning too much cost, lest my Executor might be enforced to pay more than either the price of my Carcass, or the remnant of my forfeited Estate would discharge. My Rebellion, as this late Synod by cutting, and cutting of our late Rump styles it, has sufficiently all the world over proclai∣med me Bankrupt; it would grieve me to leave my Heir pro∣tested against, for a Vessel of crumbled Dust: which I am con∣fident, will be accompanied by more Fiends than Friends, more Followers than Mourners: so as in this case a Rope of strong-sented Onions would do excellent service for enforcing wet-eyes from dry hearts: to pump tears with a few feigned fghs to delude the Spectators at my death; as my actions un∣der a vizard of zeal bravely, though now unfortunately, per∣formed all my life. On which State-Stage there is none that ever knew Sir ARTHUR, but will ingeniously confess to his honour, that there was no Shimei of all that Leven, who acted his part more politickly, nor daringly: nor promoted the Interest of the Good Old Cause with more acrimonious fide∣lity. Upon which account (though Self-interest turn'd the wheele that steer'd all my Actions) I behav'd my self in that posture, and manner, as I was ever held (I appeal to my mor∣tallest enemies, if this be not true) a most useful and serviceable Instrument to the Antimonarchical Tribe: and withall such an endeered Favorite to redoubted OLIVER, as his ear was as attentive to me, as it was ever to his close faithful Cu••

St. Johns; till he found my averseness from King-ship, where∣to his vast ambition subtilely aspired. Mean time, though I stood ever a profest enemy unto Monarchy, I appeared a con∣stant Zealot for a Pentarchy. A Fift-Monarchy-Man I was cor∣dially, whose Spirits now when I am dying sound in mine ears mortally stirring, though my short Lease of Life will prevent me from partaking the issue of that fair Quarrel. Sure I am, Phanatick heat will not be quenched without much blood. This our dislaughtered Complices, who lately sacrificed their active lives with undaunted valour to the hands of the com∣mon Executioner expected: which my brother HARRISON gave a touch of at his death, saying, I see the Lord will not ap∣pear to us this day. But discontents must not be so cured. Our trusty Phanaticks hope a day will come, which seeing my weak divining Spirit cannon prefine it, I unwillingly leave to those that shall live to see it.

And no doubt but the discontented Party, seconded by our baffled Reformades, and desperate Decoys of our late disban∣ded Army, may find our impregnant City a ready Foster-Mo∣ther to nurse these distempers in her ranting Racketers (be∣sides the winning demureness of our conscientious Anabaptist, which will strengthen the Quarrel mainly, and make our Pha∣natick ruffle bravely) upon these grounds, if not timely diver∣ted, which we hope the Liberty of the time will slowly look into, there is small doubt to be made, but this teeming age may breed as many John Leydons apt to design a fresh massacre in every circumstance, equal to that memorable one of Mun∣ster. But to my grief, rhough it be not my fortune to be a Spe∣ctator of it, nor Actor in it, my desires are as strong as my fa∣culties weak. I shall swell in my wishes dying, what I could not atchieve living. But leaving these till time shall repent them, and posterity become more sensible of them, let me pe∣tition Death (to whose arrest I hold my Fame much indebted, for snatching me from the claws of ravenous Dun,) to respit me a little, a very little; my words shall be but few; because my hours cannot be many: and these shall be bestowed on the discovery of my life; wherein to unrip my Infirmities I hold it needless, seeing the whole Island has been long time Pro∣notory of them: No Court of Record in all Westminster, but

may bear Record of my restless Passion; which these Reverend Judges would usually give way to out of their indulgent fa∣vour, being highly taken with the erring tumour of my active State-valour: though Runaway Downs, as the Usurper some∣times twitted me, may witness the contrary. The sallies and various occurrences of which Field were every way as terrible to me, as the encounters of Death now approaching me: or Duns dreadful attendance upon my feverish tryal. Truth is, that in the height of my being, as I was generally held a confi∣ding man; and one that intended to have his voice, and voto bear sway; were it right, or wrong, against all Opposers, there was no Plea, were it legal, or illegal, which I pursu'd, and ex∣pected not a successful issue: Neither in the prosecution there∣of did I encounter with any affront to my then imperious power more disgustful, than from those virulent aspertions thrown up∣on me by a tart, but acute Counsellor; whose Coife might au∣thorize him to make bold with me. But, I am perswaded his spleen to my Person (having before made it my endeavour to bring him within the compass of Delinquency) gave more fuel to the fire of his passion, than his pretended Zeal to his Client, an useful Instrument to his Profession. I must confess (and the remembrance of it is some Còrosive to me) that my acrimony of spirit was so quickened towards that Gentleman his Client, as I mortally hated him: and by a tedious suit (so much did my strength over-top his weakness) so exhausted him, for chal∣lenging his own; as I am confident the cure will prove worse than the disease; and that the recovery of his Estate will scarce∣ly countervaile the expensive charge of his Suit. For after sun∣dry Verdicts returned for him, I was no wayes deterred, but doubling my Fyles, and reviving my Claim, wherein I found Saint Johns ever my indulgent Hearer, whose joynt assistant I had been in all his designes My resolution was not onely to crush him with my purse, whom I could not conquer by the equitable Rule of the Law: But out of my vindicative spirit, as none more violent nor virulent, I publickly vowed to intail that Suit upon my Heir for ever.

Neither was my quenchless fury onely discovered in this, but in aggravating the rackt Compositions of Delinquents; a∣mongst which my inveterate spleen was such to a Favorite of

the Muses, who opposed my demands, as I made my self a Party; and so by degrees brought him to taste sharply for his folly.

To enlarge the number, and measure of my practis'd inso∣lencies; Prophanation of Temples, oppression of Tenants, ex∣tortion in pursuit of Offices shall render me unexemplary to all succeeding ages. With which Pressures I grew so daily mired, as my Conscience became wholly seered. The corroding memory whereof makes me appear ignominious in my self, odious to all.

Upon review of these, my Funeral Hearse (if any such De∣cency be admitted me) is to expect only dry eyes to accompany it. No Mourner unless Squire Dun bemoan his own Interest, for not having a hand in putting off my Cloaths. But it was my Physitians pious policy by the help of a Clyster to palliate my indangered Fame, and for want of a Perpendicular Line, to strip him of his Booty.

I should now dispose of my Estate, but our late Reformed State has done me the favour to save me a labour: So as I must leave mine Heir with the Chamelion to feed on Air.— But my britle Glass is run out; not one grain of Sand left to supply the Cruet— Wo is me, shall I never see Westminster more? Must my hopes of a Change, be changed into heaps of dust? Oh I sink, I sink! And I feel my earthen thoughts so heavy, as they cannot fix on ought that is heavenly.— A due to all the world: O how happy I, if I had never known it: or had less lov'd it; so might I more cheerfully have left it.

So good night to Sir Arthur With all his debaucht Honour.

Hic jacet Arthurus, terris nunquam rediturus, Obrutus ut Curis, cognitus arte Furis.