Love without interest, or, The man too hard for the master a comedy : as it was acted at the Theatre Royal by His Majesty's servants.

ACT V. Trulove and Wildman meeting.

Tru.

ONce more well met, I've been getting the Writings. Oh! I see you're likewise in Possession, you have lost no more time then my self.

Wild.

Not a minute. Delays in these Cases are as dangerous as Diligence necessary. Had I not been assiduous, the Rogue might have relaps'd into Villany, and been true to his Trust— But now for my Spouse to be, methinks I would soon put an end to this same Affair; for I shall ne'er think her secure till I have her in the Lash of Matrimony; besides, Faith, I long to give the poor Rogue some hearty Proof of my Affection.

Tru.

Somewhat too I have resolv'd, which makes me uneasie till it be put in Execution.

Wild.

How, you!— Why, you have been so long us'd to dance Atten∣dance, I dare have sworn you'd have serv'd your full time, without repining, to have been made Free of the Corporation.

Tru.

You're wide, Sir, you're wide.

Wild.

Or rather short, I believe; for you Archers of the Honourable Con∣fraternity of blind Cupid, have such damn'd long marks, that we poor Bow-men can't reach within a Score of your Butts—

Wild.

Troth, like enough.

But here comes my Snow-ball rouling to way. Wou'd to Chance she'd pick me up in her Passage, I'd thaw her with a Vengence, or she should freeze me to her.

Enter Letitia.

Let.

Your Servant, Gentlemen, how is't with ye since the last Surprize?

Wild.

aside.

Gentlemen, sure I'm deaf, or she's dim-sighted.

To Let.

As with a hungry Guest, when Dinner's on the Table, that curses the grateless Chaplain for being out of the way, Madam.

Let.

O! Sir, 'tis but a short Collation of cold Meat; and there needs not so much Ceremony for that.

Wild.

aside.

I know that, if I had but the Courage to fall on; but there's such a damn'd many little Bones in the Pye, I'm affraid of being choak'd.

Let.

over-hearing.

Therefore chew well before you swallow for good and all, Sir; Ha, ha, ha.

Wild.

Chew, what, Madam? Oons! I'm none of your Camelions, to feed upon the Cud of a Wind-cholick Air.

Let.

But, by way of Pastime, you might stand a little, and bite on the Bitt—

Wild.

Like a Horse, and break my Teeth like an Ass— Consolation and Preferment in abundance! Trepan my Pericranium— Madam, since you have no other Employment for me, than as a Post to fix your Jests on, I think I may, without Incivility, make bold to retire.

Let.

Bless me, Sir, why so hasty? Why, this is Volunteer-like; serve till you're on the Point of Promotion, and then quit your Post.

Wild.

That, Madam, you can't blame me for, since the Fatigues I've under gone have disabled me for further Service.

Let.

Nay, then indeed I must look out for a fresh Man; yet, through Com∣passion, I'll not quite cast you off, but keep you by me. Let's see,

(opens his Mouth;)

ay, in quality of a Nut cracker: Your Teeth are sound enough yet, I see, if your Breath be but sweet.

Wild.

Oons, a Nut-cracker! what do you take me for a Monkey, Madam?

Let.

What, still complain! Why, I've known many a Woman has put her Husband to a far worse Employment.

Wild.

Well, Madam, since you're in the vein, pray please your Fancy en∣tirely; I have done.

Let.

And I, for this Bout.

Wild.

aside.

I shall prevent the next.

Let. to Tru.

How, Sir, Pensive! when your Happiness is so nigh. Sure, your overfasting has spoil'd your Stomach; if so, I'll give you a Cordial shall retrieve it— Here,

(Enter Singer)

sing the Song my Sister made t'other Day.

SONG.

(1.)

HOpe, thou Friend to the Distressed, Kind Reviver of the Mind; None that Hopes, can be oppressed: Tho' Fortune frowns, thou'rt ever kind.

(2.)

Hope, thou sov'reign Ease to Grief, Bless'd Encreaser of our Joy, Thou shouldst have Proof, thou best Relief, 'Gainst what would my Love destroy.

(3.)

Welcome Hope, Adieu Despair, The tott'ring Wheel at last will turn; Tho' I languish for my Dear, I'll not consume, but ever burn.

Twice.

Tho' I languish, &c.

Let.

Well, Sir; this, I hope, has some Effect on you.

Tru.

Medicines, Madam, are but at best cast away, where the Malady of the Patient is misapprehended.

Let.

Nay, Sir, I must confess your late Symptoms have been so strange, that I cannot but guess your Distemper to be of the most unusual.

Tru.

True, Madam, in the Age we live, but I have reap'd this Benefit by my Misfortune, to find the strongest Passion too weak to withstand a generous Resolution.

Let.

Your Words, Sir, are as mysterious as ever; but here comes your Ca∣thollicon: If that does not work effectually, your Condition's deplorable in∣deed.

Enter Honoria, who runs and embraces Trulove.

Hon.

O, my dear Trulove! thus let me embrace thee,

Thus let me clasp thee in my longing Arms,

(Kissing.)

And thus cement our Hands, Lips, Hearts, together. Pardon, if Love o'ercome my Modesty; For now I count you as my better Part.

Tru.

Look down, ye Powers, and view this matchless Love. Steal my faint Heart, direct my trembling Hand; Assure my fault'ring Tongue, grant Strength of Mind To act that which you only could inspire.

Gives the Papers to Hon.

With these take back your Vows; and with them mine, May you be happier in a nobler He, As far 'bove me, as is your Love and Honour: Nay, by the Pains I feel, if it might be, I'd wish him so divine as to deserve you. Then when I see you circl'd in his Arms, Ravish'd with Joys, dissolv'd in Exstasie, I'll send up Vows unenvious Vows to Heaven, To make them infinite, your Loves eternal.

Hon.

What can this mean! O my Prophetick Fears?

Tru.

I mean you've trusted such a Stock of Love With one so far unable to requite it, That it were Baseness, beyond all Excuse, Still to run on when so much is unpay'd: I mean to teach th' admiring Powers above, My Gratitude's as great, more gen'rous than your Love.

Exit Trulove.

Wild.

Hum— Why, I must confess this is somewhat surprizing. How∣ever, I shall rather imitate than discommend it— Here, Madam,

(Gives the Papers to Let.)

receive your own, and with them all I can call mine. My Heart's disingag'd, my Affection entirely yours to bragg of; more, would be but to relapse into what you have so severely, but justly, reprov'd.

Let.

Nay, now you're serious somewhat may be done: But I fear'd Capitu∣lations before Surrender; which, if they had happen'd— But no more, hope well; you know I hear you're not indifferent to me, 'tis with Joy I own it.

Wild.

This is too much— But see the fair Honoria Bedew'd, and silent, as a Summer's Night.

Let.

Come, cheer up, Sister: What, a-la-mort Woman, whining for a lost Lover, when you have wherewithal to buy a Score of Husbands! But three Days Patience, and on my Life you'll have more Suitors than you'll dispatch in three Months.

Hon.

No; may I live by all Mankind disdain'd, And die a wretched Object of Despair, If e'er within this Heart I entertain A second Thought for any but my Truelove. What tho' to you perchance he seem unkind, Yet I, that view the Treasures of his Mind Adore him still, as from the Powers above, Take this Correction as a Sign of Love.

Nay, by my fleeting Love-sick Soul I swear, Should he be cold, nay farther yet severe, The little space then doom'd me for to live, To th' pleasing Thoughts of our past Loves I'd give: Then, when you'd think that I forsaken lie, You'd see my Trulove beg me not to die.

Let.

Cold Comfort, by my departing Maidenhead, Sister, if this be all; but I hope there's warmer in store.

To Wild.

You know, Sir, your Obligations to my Sister; I need not tell you the Occasions present, to require them, and oblige me.

Wild.

Madam, I do as well as I am acquainted with his Temper. 'Tis ho∣nourable to Obstinacy, but not perverse to Reason. So good a Cause can ne∣ver want a happy Issue— I go with Confidence of good Success to serve you.

Exit Wild.

Hon.

Unhappy Maid! what Crimes have I committed, Doubly to suffer by Excess of Love? Whom shall I accuse? The Gods? Oh no, They're Just, and Trulove is in Honour next 'em; No, 'tis my Self, my Frowardness, my Pride, Nay worse, My black Ingratitude to so much Love, Has forc'd this unexampl'd Judgment on me. Yet still, methinks, I did but that which he So lately and so strictly did pursue, As if h' had taken Copy from my Actions; And he's too wise, nay, too divinely good, To act or follow ought that is amiss. Heavens! in what a Lab'rinth am I got, Lend me the Clew, or kindly end my Pain.

Enter Wild. with Tru.

Let.

I hope they have heard you, look back.

Tru.

kneeling.

Thus stubborn Criminals that Grace refuse, Trembling when late the proffer'd Mercy crave: Sure 'twas some Evil Genius led me out From Paradice, thus to run to my Destruction. Yet you can pardon.

Hon.

raising him.

Unkind! thus to upbraid me with that Act, That first was mine, by you but faintly trac'd; Pardons for Crimes! You may command my Love; If in Exchange you grant me yours, I'm bless'd.

Tru.

Then, ye propitious Powers, smile kindly on us, And yet prepare your direst, worst, Revenge, If ought, save you, I like Honoria prize, If next to you I do not her adore; If her, whilst Life, nay, after Death, I love not With the same Passion that now fills my Breast. And dart it down; nay worse, be she unkind.

Wild.

So much for that. Now, Madam, 'tis my turn; If I perform it not with so much Zeal, 'Tis want of Words, not Passion, pleads Excuse.

Besides: Faith, to tell you neatly my Mind, these far-fatch'd Expressions, and new-fangl'd ways of Courtship, become a Stage far better than a Lady's Bed-Chamber.

Let.

Well, that I expect not, but this you must, If I catch you in the old Haunt, or any where else. But—

Wild.

Ay, ay, if I elope, bar me of my Thirds. I'm content, as to that Point, to reinverse the Law, and become Baron-Covert.

Let.

Of your Thirds! Don't so much as expect a bare Allimony.

Wild.

And, Faith, I'll say so much for my self; if we're once join'd, I shall ne'er hope for a separate Maintenance— Come, agreed, agreed.

Let.

As for the rest, I bring you a plentiful Fortune; and, as Jonathan says, a tite, neat, and convenient Tenement. Use me like a Gectleman, I entirely trust in you.

Wild.

Come, give me your Hand—

Let.

giving it.

And Heart are yours, from this Breath to my last.

Tru.

So, now the Storm's blown over, Sky's serene.

Fickle.

within.

Come, no more Words, but produce.

Wild.

Not yet, Faith, I hear a grumbling thereaway; and I have a plaguy Opinion the Clap will fall somewhere hereabouts— Oh, here it comes with a Vengeance. Retire Trulove.

He goes aside, and Enter Fickle and Jonathan.

Fickle.

Tell me not of safe Custody, or honest Hands; mine are the safest and honestest too for my purpose. Therefore once more produce, or—

(spies them.)

— Oh Niece, have you consider'd? And you, Mr. Wildman? I hope your Passion's over; How is't, ha?

Wild.

Well, as my Wishes, but you seem somewhat troubled.

Fickle.

Ay, ay, a little, not much neither. But this same Rogue, Dog, of a Jonathan would move a Saint— Your Mortgage, Sir, I'll resign you up, as soon as that— will give me leave. Swine's Snout, be gone, and fetch it; no more grunting.

As Jonathan is going out, Trulove whispers him; and Exit Jon.

Wild.

Sir, I shall receive it with Thanks. One more Request I must repeat; I'm sure you have too much Good Nature to deny me.

(Enter Eug.)

Oh! here it is, you know my Meaning, Sir.

Fickle.

Oh, the Devil! she here!— Why, Sir, and you know mine; you'll find me no Changeling, tho' you design'd me for an aboriginal Cuckold, as Neighbour Wrangle calls it.

Wild.

Nor me so tame a Coward to put up such Affronts both to my Cousin and my self! I'll wash 'em off in thy degenerate Blood.

(Wild. draws, the Women all run out, shrieking Murder! except Eugenia, who interposes.

Eug.

Oh! spare my Love, or let us die together!

Fickle.

Die together! No, nor lie together: If ye do, it may be in Bride∣well, or Little-ease—

Wild.

Come, Sir, resolve to—

Fick.

Why so quick, Sir? If I must be executed, methinks you might grant me a Reprieve. Pray, Sir, consider; were't your own Case, you'd not be so hasty.

Wild.

puts up.

Nay, if Time be all you ask, take it, provided it be Rea∣sonable.

Fick.

O, as for that matter, Sir, I only desire just as much as to—

(Run∣ning off, Wild. catches him)

Murder! Murder! Jacobites! Papists!

(shrilly)

a Rape! a Rape! a Rape!

Wild.

draws, and presents.

I'll cut your bellowing Bull's Throat.

eug.

laying hold on Wild. O! hold your Hand; for if he bleeds, I die.

Fick.

aside.

You Lye, you jilting Whore! you Lye.

Tru.

enters, and interposes.

Hold, Sir! What e'er it be, it can't be brave, thus to assault a naked Man: If his Cause be Just, he shan't want one to de∣fend it.

Fickle.

Ay, ay,

(to him)

Mr. Trulove, he's a Rogue, if not a Coward; here I've given him my Niece, and his mortgag'd Estate back, and he in Recom∣pence would stick me like a Pig.

Wild.

Then hear me too, since you will needs be Judge: This Flatt'ring villain! For he is no better, With Gifts, Oaths, Courtships, has allur'd my Cousin; And now he finds she loves, he slights her.

Tru.

Nay, there I leave your Cause, 'tis so unjust, My Life I ne'er will venture to assert it; Yet, that you may not die defenceless, I'll lend you this.

Tru. proffers his Sword.

Fick.

Lend me your Sword! I'd as lieve you'd lend me a Halter. Sir, I'd have you to know I'm a good Christian, and will keep the King's Peace. I fight! I'll be hang'd, nay, marry as soon.

Wild.

Nay, then, thou Cheat! thou ignominious Knave! Know I have found you out, and am possess'd Of all Sir Roger's Papers, and my Mortgage.

Fick.

Ruin'd! undone! like a Bundle of Licorish.

Tru.

Not all, Sir, by your Leave: I have my share, and perusing 'em over, I find an Account to be made, some Arrears of Inrerest, and so forth, you know; and look to't, for I shall be severe.

Fickle.

Accounts to you! Why, what are you?

Tru.

Honoria's Husband; and consequently, as I take it, your Nephew.

Fick.

Over-reach'd again!

(Aside.)

I knew, tho' I wink'd at it, he was play∣ing thereabouts; but now the sharking Dog has bit to the purpose, Hook and Bait, I' Faith, he has clear'd me of my Tackling.

Tru.

Not yet; but I think I shall, 'fore I've done, come in there.

Enter Lurcher and Jonathan, disguis'd, like Bailiffs.

Now do your Offices.

Jon.

Sir, I arrest you in an Action of Account, at the Suit of Mr. Trulove.

Fick.

Oh!

Lurch.

And I, Sir, in the same, at the Suit of Mr. Wildman.

Wild.

aside.

Mine! What means this?

Fick.

Rum dun done! Broke like a Barrel of Figs! For Pity sake, hear me but a Word.

Jon.

Be short, Sir, I lose time, and I've half a score of your Neighbours to arrest upon Change. Come, quick, Sir.

Fick.

Why then, Gentlemen, I acknowledge my self a Villain to my Nieces, and not much better to Madam Eugenia: You have made your self, in part, Satisfaction; but a little Patience, I'll endeavour to compleat it. Here, Ho∣ney, Honey; Why, Lettice? Lettice?

To Lurch.

Pray, give 'em a Call.

(Exit Lurcher.)

Mean while I take this Lady to my Wife, if she can forget my Ingratitude, it will be some Comfort in my ••isfortunes to say, I was once Just in my Life.

Eug.

And to me to share in 'em as I have done in your Prosperity. This, Sir, I hope, will convince you that I love.

Aside.

Better half a Loaf, than no Bread.

Fickle.

I believe it, my Cinnamon-stick, tho' my Seeing and Hearing would be so impertinent as to convince me to the contrary.

Wild.

Oh, Sir, in matters of Faith and Love, we ought never to trust too much to the Senses. Curiosity and Jealousie are good for nothing but to pro∣mote Herisie and Cuckoldom.

Fickle.

Then, Sir, let the Simplicity of my Belief shew the vehemency of my Affection. Come, my All-spice, come.

Takes Eugen.aside.

If she ben't as chaste as her Neighbours, she must feed upon Cantharides, and spend her Pin∣money in Chocolate.

Aside. Enter Lurcher with Hon. and Letitia.

Wild.

And my Liberality be the mark of my Affection: In Consideration of your Complaisance, and of Eugenia's Fortune, I freely forgive what Accompts may be between us; you shall have a Release upon Demand, so my Leti∣tia consent.

Let.

With Pleasure, Sir; and not only that, but I'll join with my Sister to mollifie Trulove.

Tru.

Your Entreaties, Ladies, would be needless; his Consent is all I shall desire in Requital.

Fickle.

Sir, you have it as freely as I can give it.

Jon.

aside.

And there's Four: What bloody Doings will there be to Night!

Fickle.

So this is pretty well, if it were not for those Rogues the Bayliffs, that will blaze all about.

Lurch.

Who I, Sir?

Fickle.

Yes, you, Sir.

Lurch.

Not I, Sir.

Jon.

Nor I, Sir.

Lurch. unmasking.

You lie, Sir.

Jon.

the same.

Nor I, Sir; by the Skie, Sir; let me die, Sir, if I lie, Sir: Why, Sir, I am no Mag-pye, Sir.

Omnes praeter Tru.

Jonathan and Lurcher!

Tru.

The same; I fearing Mr. Wildman would have been in earnest, took this Course, both to surprize you agreeably, and prevent further mischief.

Wild.

Nay, I must confess your Fate would have been somewhat severe, had you not been reasonable— But I'm glad all's ended so fairly. As for them, a small Spell will stop their Mouths, I don't doubt: Or at worst, 'tis no stran∣ger a thing for a Citizen to be a Cheat than a Cuckold.

Fick.

aside.

Gibing!

Jon.

Ay, ay, Sir, Forgiveness and the Twenty Pound a Year, is all I ask; you shall find me hereafter so faithful to deserve it— But as for this slip, I protest, Sir, what with Over care and Over-fasting, Idea's of Stocks, Pillories, Whipping-posts, and Qualms of Conscience, I was so tormented in the Spirit, that it run me almost mad. Blanch me like an Almond, Sir, if I remember any thing of the matter, but the Twenty Pound a Year aforesaid.

Wild.

And the Civility-Money, Jonathan.

Jon.

Sir, I have been told since, that I rav'd mightily of the Barbadoes Fleet, and Bird in Hand.

Omnes praeter Fick.

Ha, ha, ha.

Fickle.

Well, Friends of all sides, I have yet Ten Thousand Pound left me, out of which I'll allow you as I had determin'd, and put thee in present Posses∣sion. Hang Dirt, I was almost choak'd with it, and now I'm eas'd, methinks I'm as brisk as—

Jon.

aside.

Bottle-All, all Froth and Settlings.

Wild.

We shall see that presently; I'll put your Agility to the Test for once. Strike up there.

Jon.

Nay, pray Gentlemen, not so hasty, I want a Companion: I'll out and lure her, she'll come to Fist in a trice, and there will be no sport till I come, as the Man said when he was going to be hang'd.

Tru.

That's but reasonable, th' hast been so instrumental in the last Comedy, 'twere Ingratitude to leave thee out, now its come to a Conclusion.

Jon.

to Lurch.

And prithee do you in and hasten Supper: I ne'er cou'd work well on an empty Stomach.

Exeunt Jon. Lurcher, severally.

Tru.

Mean time, if you please, I'll entertain you with a Song I lately com∣pos'd, which is both instructive, and suitable to this present occasion. Here

Enter two Musicians

here, sing this.

Fickle.

By all means come; one Hawk, two Hums, and start fair.

Whilst the Song is a Singing, Enter Jon and Jenny.

A SONG. To be Sung betwixt a Man and a Woman.

Man.

WHY so cruel to your Lover? Oh, the hidden Cause declare!

Wom.

'Twou'd be more cruel to discover What must bring you to Dispair Men, like Salvage Beast's, Love ranging, Here to day, and there at night; All our Fears are in your changing That your darling cheif Delight

Ambo.

All our Fears, &c.

Man.

But so fresh a blooming Pasture. Me for ever will enclose; You need fear no such Disaster When I change, I'm sure to lose.

He for ever will be kind, Who in Love his profit finds.

Ambo.

He for ever, &c.

Wom.

But when Envious Age at lost Has made all my Beauties bare; Then, like Land, that lies at wast, You'll not judge me worth your Care, No man thinks that worth his Pains, Where's all Labour and no Gains.

Ambo.

No man thinks, &c.

Man.

To convince you I'll be kind, I love where Time has no Controul, 'Tis the Beauty of your Mind That has Charm'd my doating Soul: As frail Beauty does decline, Worth and Virtue briter shine.

Ambo.

As frail Beauty, &c.