Delight and pastime, or, Pleasant diversion for both sexes consisting of good history and morality, witty jests, smart repartees, and pleasant fancies, free from obscene and prophane expressions, too frequent in other works of this kind, whereby the age is corrupted in a great measure, and youth inflamed to loose and wanton thoughts : this collection may serve to frame their minds to such flashes of wit as may be agreeable to civil and genteel conversation / by G.M.

MARRY'D MEN AND WOMEN.

I.

A Man lookt upon to be Rich, but very much Indebted, courted a good Fortune, and got her. Some Days before their Marriage, he used this Stratagem, to smother the Reflexions he expected upon the account of his Debts. Being in the House of his future Mother-in-Law, he walkt one day wrapt up with his Cloak, in a melancholy posture. Upon sight whereof, she fearing he was out of Order, asked him several times, What was the Matter with him? To which he answered as often, Nothing. Soon after he was marry'd, his Mother-in-Law, seeing what she little expected, a Crowd of Creditors with him, Son (saith

she) you have deceived me. You may re∣member, Madam, if you please (reply'd the Son-in-Law) how often I answered No∣thing, when you asked me, before I marry'd, What was the Matter with me?

II.

An old rich Counsellor, had only one Daughter, courted by a young, proper, and handsom Gentleman, but sunk in his Fortune. Who, to raise himself in the World, made it his Business to compass this Lady, with her Father's Consent. But the Meanness of his Estate, and her Father's Covetousness, must needs be two great Obstacles. However he found a way, by his Industry, to bring his Design about. Having got the Lady's good Will, he goes one Day with a good Fee to her Father, in order to have his Ad∣vice. He told him how the Case stood with him, but concealed the Party. The Counsellor, pleased with the Fee, advi∣sed him to Marry the Lady privately, and offered to give him a Note under his Hand to a Parson of his acquain∣tance, that should Marry them with all speed and secrecy. The Business was done accordingly, and the young Cou∣ple were marry'd. Which done, he

brought his Wife to ask her Father's Blessing; Who was not a little surpri∣sed, but pleased at last with the Strata∣gem.

III.

A Lady unmarried, who had two Si∣sters, the elder married to a Duke, and the younger going to be marry'd to a∣nother Duke, was not a little vexed to see her self, as she said, between two Stools the Breech on the Ground.

IV.

A vertuous Lady being desired by ano∣ther, to tell her what Method she took to preserve her Husband's Affection to her; I make it (says she) my Business to please him in every Thing, and to bear pa∣tiently whatever comes amiss from him.

V.

Another, being asked in a scornful man∣ner what Portion she had brought to her Husband, What you never had, answered she, and that is Chastity.

VI.

A Man seeing his Wife often whisper∣ing in the Ear of a Gentleman, desired to know what it was. I defy you, an∣swered

she, to guess, for we speak good Things of you.

VII.

A Gentleman having got his Wife (a Beauty) convicted of Adultery, sent her to a Monastery, and in her place took a Concubine. Which being discoursed of in Company, one said, If the Gentleman had such a fancy to a Whore, he needed not to have parted with his Wife.

VIII.

Pisistratus being resolved upon a second Match, his Children asked him whe∣ther it was for any Discontent he had received from them? Far from that, reply'd he, for I am so well satisfy'd with your Carriage to me, that I am willing to have more Children of so good a Temper.

IX.

A Gentleman being resolved to Mar∣ry, because forsooth he wanted Compa∣ny anights, and had no body to speak to, a Woman was brought unto him in these Words, Sir, here's one that will keep you talking.

X.

Another, Married in the Morning, was so little affected with it, that he

forgot it before Night, and was a go∣ing to lie at his old Lodging, had not his Man remembred him of his Spouse.

XI.

A Lady had a Husband very kind and complaisant to her, but that he never minded the sublime Pleasures of a con∣jugal Life. She complained of this to her own Relations, and they to him. But they speaking of it only in general Terms, he said, he wondered at his Wife's Dissatisfaction; sure he was, that he never denied her any Thing she de∣sired. Upon this, her Relations were fain to come to the Point, and to tell him down-right the Cause of her Discontent. She is to blame, answered her Husband, for she never asked me for that she so much wants. And they replying, that those things are usually granted with∣out asking, he made this Return, That Thing (says he) is little worth, which is not worth asking.

XII.

A French Countess being married to one whom she had no Love for, they were fain at last to part, and live asun∣der. The Countess after some time

changed her Religion, and being asked the Reason of it, I changed (said she) that I may not meet my Husband in the next World.

XIII.

A Minister, having married a cou∣ple of his Friends, told them after∣wards in Merriment, that, if they could not agree, they should come to him a∣gain, and he would unmarry them. It was not long before Dissentions arose between them, and they went both to the Minister, in order to be divorced. Who asked them, which of the two had the greatest Desire to leave the other? For (says he) I married you, till Death does you part; and, before you can be par∣ted, I must dispatch one of you.

XIV.

If Adam, asked one, were still living, how could he Marry again, all Women be∣ing come from him in a strait Line?

XV.

A marry'd Man, suspected of Impo∣tency, met with another who had often jeered him about it. Sir, says he unto him, your Jest is spoiled, my Wife is newly brought to bed. Well, reply'd the other,

your Wife was never lookt upon to be Impo∣tent.

XVI.

Some Ladies speaking of the great Pains they suffered in their Labours, For my part (said one) 'tis less Trouble to me, than to swallow the Yolk of an Egg. Then sure, Madam, reply'd one of the Com∣pany, your Throat vs very narrow.