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THE Hermit being thus defeated in his Grand design, was fore'd to keep Lent in spite of his Teeth, which was such affliction to his Belly, that he could no longer endure the continual clamours of his Stomach, that
grew to be more impatient than a Regiment of Switzers for want of their pay. You might have had his Birthright for a Mess of water-gruol. Ventre diable, quo' he, I was told, that when a Man was in Rome, he must do as they did in Rome. I wish they would make their words good. For I find all other people eat and drink in Rome, unless it be my self. And so saying, he made directly to the Colledge of the Caledonians without delay. The Gate being shut, he knockt and crav'd admitance per Pamor d' Iddio. They told him they knew no such person as Iddio, and bid him be gone. Pray, good Gentlemen, quo' he, a Man of my Habir, in our Country, with hardly a tatter to his tale, may have Ten Shillings for a Sermon, and a Dinner at any time; Sermons, quo' they, we have more then we know what to do with. Ple read ye a Lecture then quo' he. Lectures! quo they; those were the cursed things that set us all to∣gether by the ears in England. Madre de gli Apost di! quo he, I never knew the Gates of a Religious House that against a Hermit before. Those words were like a Charm, and gave him present Entrance, besides that his grave and ve∣nerable aspect gave them hopes of hearing strange things from him. How∣ever there was no reason that their expectations should be satisfi'd before his; which being done with a large replenishment of three days break fast, Dinner and Supper, in which time the Hermit devour'd a whole Wild-Boar, thirty dozen of Pigeons, the Tripes of seven far Oxen, besides Bread and Sallets; all which he washed down with four large Vessels of Wine without Water, each containing two hundred and sixteen quarts. Nel noune di tutti gli Santi, cryed one of the Galedonians, who have we got here? Heaven knows cry'd a∣nother, but he feeds as if he were to be second to Saint Michacl. If he has not a Budget in his throat cry'd another, like a Monkey, the Devils in him. However because they saw him seed so Prodigiously, they believ'd he would talk Miracles: And therefore they thought every minute a year, till they might hear his promis'd Lecture. Thereupon the Hermit reading their minds in their looks, when the Table was clear'd, call'd for a Cushion: And where he sate, thus began.
Most kind Brethren quo' he, I have here eaten of your Wild-Boar, but in my Opinion; con la iostra Licenza, Santissimi Padri, it is nothing so good as our salt Pork in England. The Jews had not the way of salting it, which a∣bates that feminifie, and consequently prolifie quality which it has being fresh; and that was the reason that Swines flesh was for bid to the Jews, a people that needed no Incentives or Provocatives to Venery. Besides the Salting of Pork, most dear Brethren, consumes that fleshy Moisture which would other∣wise render it more nauseous, especially to weak Stomachs. Tho for my part Heavens be prais'd, I can eat it fresh or salt at any time. However were I put to my choice, I would rather have salt Pork and Turneps; salt Pork and Pease, then fresh Pork and Turneps, fresh Pork and Peas••. You'l say perhaps that salting may make it hard. To that Objection I answer most Reverend Fa∣thers, it behoves ye all to rise betime in the Morning. First for your Prayers sake: Secondly for the setting on of the Pot. For the sooner ye rise the quicker will be your Appetite; the sooner the Pot is on, the sooner the Pork will be in the Pot; the longer it boyles, the tenderer it will be; the tenderer it is, the more grateful it will be to the Palate, the less troublesome it will be to the Teeth, and the better it will nourish your Religious Patron ships; which was the only end, and final intention of the Founders of eating: For that we do not eat to live, but live to eat, as having nothing else to do, but to live and eat in this World.
This was the subject of the Hermits Lecture, which tho in it self deserving the chiefest place of a Booksellers stall among the dayly croud of Wedding, Funeral, Sunday Sermons, yet being made in the Commendation of Pork, the Caledomians took it so hainously, that they resolv'd to have him chas'd out of Rome for a Heretick. Tho in so doing they did like a Company of blind bayards▪
for that by their Inadvertency the Church of Rome lost the greatest Proselyte, that ever it had had since the death of Saint Peter.