Letters of love and gallantry. And several other subjects. All written by Ladies. Vol. I.

LETTER IV.

YOU wou'd pity rather than chide me, Cleander, if you knew the Cause of my not Wri∣ting to you all this while. I have not been one moment alone for this Fortnight past, but condemn'd to entertain a mix'd Company, all of different Humours, different ways of Living, and of Conversing; so that 'twas almost impossible to please one without Contradicting anothers Humour. You may judge how uneasie this was to me; for

I've often told you, I had rather be all my Life alone, than with a Com∣pany that is not chosen: That I sometimes prefer Solitude even to the best, and that I had now retir'd to avoid the World: But I find one never enjoys any thing without di∣sturbance that one places one's hap∣piness in; and I was to blame, to expect a singular Fate shou'd be cut out for me. But whatever Ac∣cident deprives me of any thing else I Love, I can never be unfor∣tunate; if Cleander continues to be my Friend. You may Remember I broke off my last, where I had Resolv'd to see Cloridon, as he de∣sir'd. We met as often as we cou'd, extreamly to both our satisfactions: He told me all his little uneasines∣ses, and had so great a Confidence in me, that he discover'd some In∣treagues of State to me, that are yet unknown to some that think they are not strangers to the most secret transactions of the Court;

and he never undertook any of his own Affairs of greatest moment, without asking my Advice. Thus we liv'd for two Months, and no∣thing pass'd that gave me Reason to Repent an Action, that was not ill in it self; but might be so by the Consequences of it, till one day, when he had been telling me seve∣ral things which concern'd him nearly: But there's one Secret, says he, Olinda, that I have never told you yet, tho' it takes up all my Heart; but 'tis that I believe you know it too well already. I said, I cou'd not so much as guess at it. What, Olinda interrupted, is it possible you shou'd be be Ignorant, That I am the most in Love of any Man in the World? How cou'd you imagine, I that knew you so well, cou'd have only a Cold Respect or Friendship for you? No, no, Olin∣da, I Love you; I love you Ardently; I cannot live unless you give me leave to tell you so; and to hope that you will one day return it. I was so amaz'd

at this Discourse, I did not know what to Answer: It vex'd me to be oblig'd to alter my way of Living with him; but I did not find my self so Angry at his Love as I ought. However I disguis'd my thoughts, and put on all the Severity that is needful in such Cases. I have more Reason to be displeas'd with such a Declaration from you my Lord, said I, than any other: You that say you knew me so well; What have you seen in me to Encourage it? Have I ever given you occasi∣on to suspect my Virtue? Or is it that you are tir'd with my Con∣versation, and therefore take this most effectual means to be freed from it? Inhumane Fair! said he, Must you hate me because I love you? can you Resolve not to let me see you, only because you know I desir'd it more than before? In short, he said the most passionate things that a Lover can imagine, and tho I found he mov'd my Heart too much, I dis∣sembled

well enough to hide it from him. Nothing he said, cou'd pre∣vail with me to see him, and I hop'd Absence wou'd help me to forget him. He Writ many melancholy Letters to me, telling me all the Court took Notice of his Grief; that it would shortly be his Death, if I wou'd not see him; and beg'd me to live with him as I had done, and he wou'd never speak to me of his Love. But still I refus'd, tho unwillingly. I was Angry at my self for thinking of him, and for being pleas'd, when some told in Company where I was, that he had been so out of Humour for some time, that no Body durst speak to him of business. I lov'd to think it was for me, and ask'd a hundred Questions about him. But now the Publick Affairs oblig'd him to go to Flanders, where he perform'd Actions Worthy of himself. His Valour, Generosity, and Liberality were talk'd of every where; which still

more and more engag'd me. I cou'd not but have some Inclination for so fine a Man, when I consider'd that he lov'd me too: However I believ'd I had only that Esteem for him which I thought due to his Merit, and that Gratitude which the Obligations I had to him re∣quir'd. But I grew insensibly more Melancholy than Usual. One E∣vening that my Mother and I were taking a serious Walk by the Canal in St. James's Park, a Gentleman of her Country, and Acquaintance, seeing us at a distance, came to bear us Company: The Air being pret∣ty Cool, we wore our Masks, and after we had made two or three Turns, he saw a Friend of his, of the same Nation coming towards us. That, says he, is Antonio Son to my Lord—He is a very well Accomplish'd Gentleman, and has a good Estate, I wish he were Married to Olinda. I know the Family, and have heard of him, Replyed my Mo∣ther,

I shou'd not dislike the Match. By this time he was come up to us, and after having beg'd Pardon for intruding, and leave to Walk with us, he turn'd of my side. He had not seen my Face, for it was dusk∣ish, and I only made a Fashion of lifting my Mask upon our first Complements; but yet he said a∣bundance of fine things, of my Beauty and Charms. After half an Hours Conversation we were going home, and they wou'd needs wait upon us, but one of his Servants met him, and told him he had been looking for him a long time; some Friends of his that were going out of England the next day, staid for him in the Mall, and must speak with him immediately. So he left us to the tothers Care, and went back. The first time Antonio met with his Friend, with whom he had seen us; he told him he, was so Charm'd with the Ladies Conver∣sation, that he could not Rest till

he saw her again. He Answer'd, that he wou'd not like her if he had seen her, but he wou'd carry him to Visit one, whose Beauty wou'd soon make him forget her. Anto∣nio said, that Wit and good Hu∣mour had far greater Charms for him, than the finest Face in the World: But that you mayn't think me obstinate, I will see her, upon condition, that if her Eyes have not that influence which you ex∣pect, you will make me acquainted with that Lady whose Wit has en∣gag'd me more perhaps than you imagine. He promis'd he wou'd, and so left him, and came to our Lodging: He gave us an Account of this Conversation, and desir'd us to continue the Humour, and not let him know we had seen him before; for he fancy'd a great deal of Pleasure in seeing me Rival my self. We agreed to it, and when they came, I entertain'd him with the greatest simplicity imaginable:

For you must know I had an Aver∣sion for him, which I cou'd give no Reason for (that Passion is as unac∣countable as Love) and therefore I was pleas'd he shou'd think me a Fool, that he might not desire to see me again. I was glad to per∣ceive he was uneasie in my Compa∣ny, and to make him the more so, I talk'd very much, and very little to the purpose. When he was gone, he said to his Friend, That if Olin∣da had the other Ladies Soul, she wou'd be a dangerous Person; but that as she was, he cou'd no more Love her than a fair Picture: That her Folly had only made him the more eager to see the unknown, and therefore he claim'd his Promise. He Answer'd, That he did not know what a se∣cond sight of Olinda might do; but however not to be worse than his Word, he wou'd endeavour to con∣trive a Meeting, but he cou'd not promise he shou'd see her Face, for she was very shy of that, as she had

some Reason. I was extreamly a∣verse to seeing him again, but this Gentleman was so earnest with me, and my Mother said so much for it, (for she was desirous to have us acquainted) that I was almost forc'd to go; but Resolv'd not to shew my Face. He carry'd A••tonio to the Park, at an appointed hour, when he said, he heard the Lady say she wou'd be there; and we met 'em as if by chance. We had a Conversation that wou'd have been diverting enough, if my Ha∣tred for him had not made me think, all he did or said disagreeable: He told me I had been continually in his thoughts since he saw me, and that I had made such an Im∣pression in his Heart, as cou'd ne∣ver be alter'd. I said, he must have a strange Opinion of my Credulity if he thought I cou'd believe he was in Love with a Woman he ne∣ver saw. Ah Madam, says he, how much more Charming are you Veil'd

as you are, than a Beautiful Fool that can only please ones Eyes: Such a one as my Friend here made me Visit the other day; and then he gave me a long Description of Olinda, and Related all her Discourse; which indeed was very insipid. We made some Saty∣rical Remarks upon the poor Lady, and then we parted, tho Antonio would fain have gone home with us; but we wou'd not permit him. He was very importunate with his Friend after this, to make him ac∣quainted with the unknown; but he said, he durst not carry him to see her without her leave; but he wou'd try to gain it, if he conti∣nu'd to desire it, after seeing Olinda two or three times. He Reply'd, he wou'd endure so much Mortifica∣tion, in hopes of so great a Bles∣sing as he promis'd him, but it must be speedy, for a Lover was impatient; and he shou'd be better satisfied with seeing the Ugliest Face he cou'd imagine; than with

that doubt he was in. In short, he brought him to our Lodgings seve∣ral times, and still Acted the Fool∣ish part; but yet he confess'd to his Friend, that I had mov'd him a little; and he Refus'd to see me again for fear he said, that he shou'd Love a Woman that he cou'd not Esteem: But one moments interview with his other Charmer wou'd deprive Olinda of that little part she had gain'd of his Heart. A little after some young Ladies that I knew, were going to the Play, and beg'd me to go with them: I was so chagrin, I cou'd not think of any diversions; but that made them the more pressing, urging it wou'd cure my Melancholy. So I went with them, and the first sight I saw was Antonio and his Friend. The last seeing a Lady that was not handsome with me; it came into his thoughts to say, That was she that Antonio was in Love with. He gaz'd upon her with the greatest

eagerness imaginable, for a long time; then turning to another that was with them; Which of those two, says he, (pointing to her and me) do you like best? You amaze me with that Question, Return'd he, for I think there is too great a Dis∣parity between them, to leave any doubt that it must be Olinda; (for he knew my Name) You wou'd Alter your Opinion, says Antonio, if you knew them both as well as I; for Olinda's Beauty is more than doubly Valu'd by the others Wit, and solid Judgment. But Olinda has both, Reply'd the Gentleman; which I believe you can't but know if you have ever talk'd with, or heard of her: For every body gives her that Character. They Wrong her extreamly, says Antonio, for she is really Foolish to deserve Pity; I never Convers'd with a Woman whose Company was so tiresome; she talks Eternally, and not one Word of Common Sense. 'Tis im∣possible,

your Friend here, who is a very good Judge, has often said such things of her to me, that I must think you mistake the Wo∣man. I have been too often with her for that, says Antonio, you may rather believe my Friend Jear'd her. Then they question'd him a∣bout it; but he Laugh'd and said, He never saw a pretty Woman, but he thought she had Wit enough; so that they did not know what to make of him; but Antonio who wou'd not have been sorry to find as much Wit in Olinda, as he ima∣gin'd in one, whose outside did not please him so well; took some pleasure in fancying himself de∣ceiv'd; thô when he consider'd it seriously, he cou'd not believe it. However he enquir'd diligently of all that cou'd inform him any thing of me, which did more confound him: For they agreed, that I was far from being a Fool, and he cou'd not imagine to what end I shou'd pre∣tend

it: But was Resolv'd to find it out. He came often to see us, and still found me the same Fool, till one day when we had a great deal of Company, I was extreamly put to it; for I did not care for making my self ridiculous to so many; and 'twas not good Man∣ners to be silent; however, I chose rather to be Rude, than undeceive him: I often made as if I did not hear when I was spoke to; but I was oblig'd to Answer, when one said to me, What's the matter with you Olinda, that you are Dumb of a sudden? I'm sure you ought not; for if it were pardonable in any Woman to talk always, 'twould be in you, that do it so well. I was so confus'd at this Complement, that came so male a propos; that I believe I did not Answer it over wisely; but as my ill Fate wou'd have it, a Lady in the Company took a Paper out of her Pocket, saying, I'm Resolv'd to make Olinda

speak whether she will or not; and I'le leave you to judge, whether she does not do it well in this Song. So she Read one that I had Writ at her desire; for she sung very well. I wou'd fain have deny'd it, but I saw 'twas in vain, for Wit will out one way or other. Antonio seem'd overjoy'd at this Discovery, and I was as much Griev'd: For no Woman had ever a greater desire to be thought Wise, than I to be thought other∣wise. He came to see me every day from that time, and when his Friend told him, that he hop'd he wou'd not dispute Olinda's Power any longer, since she had made him so absolutely forget her, whom he had once prefer'd so much to her; he said, that 'twas not the same Olinda whom he lov'd, for she had chang'd her Soul: Nor had he for∣got the other, for 'twas that Wit, that same turn of Thought and a∣greeable Conversation which he Admi••'d in her, that he Ador'd in

Olinda. I don't know, whether he ever knew, that they were both one person, but he did not desire to see the other. When he discover'd his Love to me, I entertain'd it so coldly, that he cou'd have little hopes, but that's the last thing that quite forsakes a Lover: And it did not hinder him from persisting. He watch'd his opportunity, when he saw any thing had pleas'd me, but still he was Repuls'd with greater Scorn. I took delight when he was with me, to Repeat often those Words in Sophonisba; The Forts im∣pregnable break up your Siege, there s one for you too mighty enter'd in; the Haughtiest, Bravest, Foremost Man on Earth. He Importun'd me ex∣treamly to know who this Happy Man was; and Vow'd if I wou'd tell him, he'd never mention his Passion to me again; But I told him, if there was such a Man, it was the same Reason he shou'd trouble me no more, as if he knew

who he was; since that cou'd make no Alteration in my heart: And perhaps it was a Secret; however, that I wou'd hear no more of his Love. He Begg'd, and Sigh'd, and Whin'd, an hour or two to make me Reverse my Doom; but in vain; and I was pleas'd that he believ'd me in Love, thô I did not think it my self. He continu'd to Visit me without saying any thing of particular to me; and without sus∣pecting the Object of my Love; till my Mother and some Company were talking of the great Actions Cloridon had done; just as they Nam'd him, he look'd at me, (by chance it may be) but I being a little Guilty, thought it was de∣sign'd, Blush'd, look'd down, and was confus'd, which made me blush the more; and that was enough to fix a Jealousie that had long pos∣sest him, and that Watch'd for the least shadow of Reason to place it upon any particular person. I was

so asham'd of my self, that I was not able to stay in the Room, and when I was gone, Antonio kept up the Discourse of Cloridon; begun to praise his Person, and ask'd my Mother what she thought of him. She said, 'twas so long since she had seen him, that she had almost for∣got him; but that her Daughter had seen him lately, (and so told upon what occasion) and that she Extoll'd him for the finest Man she ever saw. This confirm'd his Jea∣lousie; and the first Opportunity he had with me, he told me some News of Cloridon: And then ask'd me if I had ever seen him, and how I lik'd him. I knew nothing of what my Mother had said; and not being willing he shou'd believe what I found he suspected; I An∣swer'd, that I had seen him two or three times in Walks at a distance: That I though the was well enough, but not so handsom as Fame had made him. There needed no more

to remove all doubt that he was his Rival; but how to know the par∣ticular Terms we were in was the difficulty; he knew his Character, and thought me Virtuous, and therefore cou'd not fear any thing Criminal betwixt us; but he Re∣solv'd to try if my Affections were strongly engag'd; and to that end he shew'd me a Letter from Flan∣ders, wherein it was told him, that Cloridon (to the great Wonder of all there) had a young Lady dis∣guis'd in Men's Cloaths with him all the Campagne, and that it was discover'd by an Accident, which he gave a large Account of. I found my self seiz'd with an unu∣sual I knew not what, and did all my endeavours to conceal it, but I chang'd Colour two or three times, and he having his Eyes continually upon me, 'twas impossible but he must observe my concern: Howe∣ver he said nothing of it to me, and I forc'd my self to talk of things

indifferent. As soon as I was alone, I examin'd my self upon the matter. Why shou'd this trouble me (said I within my self) who wou'd not entertain his Love, when it was offer'd me, and I have often Re∣solv'd never to see him, even when I thought him Constant? How comes it then, that I am so Griev'd and Angry that he loves another? And that I wish with such impati∣ence for his Return? In fine, I dis∣cover'd, that what I had call'd E∣steem and Gratitude was Love; and I was as much asham'd of the Discovery, as if it had been known to all the World. I fancy'd every one that saw me, Read it in my Eyes: And I hated my self, when Jealousie would give me leave to Reason, for my extravagant thoughts and wishes: Mean while Antonio wou'd not be Idle; he thought this was the time for him; when my Anger was Rais'd against Clori∣don; that that and my Obedience

to my Mother (if he cou'd get her of his side, which he did not much doubt) wou'd induce me to Marry him; and then he did not fear, but Reason and Duty wou'd overcome my Love. Accordingly he had my Mothers Consent, and entreated her to intercede for him; but all this was so far from having that ef∣fect which he expected, that I ha∣ted him the more: I was so unjust as to look upon him as the Cause of my Affliction, and I was so An∣gry to see him take such Measures, as I foresaw must make me very uneasie, that I treated him ill, even to Rudeness. But I will leave him and Olinda equally unhappy, till the next Post; and then give you an Account of some Altetation in their Affairs, which if it gave her ease, I believe a little encreas'd his pains. In the mean time believe, that I remain

Your Friend, Olinda.