Death unstung a sermon preached at the funeral of Thomas Mowsley, an apothecary, who died July, 1669 : with a brief narrative of his life and death : also the manner of Gods dealings with him before and after his conversion : drawn up by his own hand and published / by James Janeway ...

An Accompt of Gods Dealings with this Young man, before, and at his Conversion, with some Re∣marks upon the same; as it was Delivered to me under his own hand (after I had Discoursed with him) by way of Dialogue be∣tween a Minister and himself.

Minister

WHat ought to be the great care and duty of every professing Christian in these our dayes?

Convert.

Pray, What may be the reason of this your Question?

Min.

I have very many reasons, but one is this, Because it is daily seen that very ma∣ny, who have made great profession of Re∣••igion, and are accounted amongst the wise Virgins, fall away, which is very sad to con∣••ider; and I fear that the reason is, be∣cause

there is not that care taken about the state of their souls which there ought to be, now I pray you answer me my Questi∣on, viz. What ought, &c.

Conv.

With respect to the former, It ought to be every Christians great care to examine himself whether he be in the state of grace or no, and which way the Lord was pleased to bring him into that blessed condition; sith it is to be feared the want of this is the great and chief cause of mans apostasie from Religion, for had he ever been truly wrought upon by the spi∣rit of God, had his convictions (which more or less all have had) turned to a true conversion, and had his pangs of sorrow for sin but brought forth regeneration, then surely he would have been in such an estate, from which all the malice of the powers of darkness could not have drawn him.

Min.

The Answer doth somewhat sa∣vour of goodness, and that you understand with your heart, what you express with the tongue; conversion or regeneration is a mighty work, and on whomsoever it is truly wrought, that person can say some∣what more or less concerning the nature of it, and how it was wrought in his soul; if the Lord hath in any measure revealed

himself to you in this way, let me intreat you (both for your own souls good, and perhaps other souls good, but chiefly that the Lord may thereby be glorified) to let me know the time and manner of his draw∣ing you to himself, by his unspeakable love and mercy?

Conv.

Oh: Blessed be God that he hath opened the heart of his faithful Minister to demand such a matter of such a poor wretch as I am; oh what am I that I should be examined, instructed and confirmed, about the matters of my eternal pretious, and never dying soul? Oh that the Lord would so enable me in this great work, that I may not be found to lye against the holy Ghost, by adding to, or diminishing from what I have found; but that I may have my heart and conscience witnessing within me, that these following things are so indeed.

Min.

I am glad to hear what you have said, and the Lord bring all things concern∣ing our present work into your remem∣brance, that his name may be glorified and your soul much comforted; and to this end it will be requisite to demand of you, What condition are you in by nature?

Conv.

O Sir, A rebel to my God, a slave to my lust, a prodigal to my Father, an

alien from the Common-Wealth of Israel; in short had I dyed in my natural state; I had been eternally miserable, John 3.3. except, &c.

Min.

How long did you continue in that deplorable condition?

Conv.

Oh too too long, but yet blessed be God, and admired be free Grace, that it was no longer, it was as neer as I can guess eighteen years and a few dayes, when the Lord did incline my heart in good ear∣nest to seek the things of its everlasting peace.

Min.

Well, and how then did the Lord begin with you; were your eyes never opened to see your lost undone condition before that time?

Conv.

Oh yes, when I was twelve or thirteen years of age, the Lord discovered my condition so much to me, that I did then firmly believe, all that did serve the Lord were in a very blessed and happy estate, let what come as could come they were happy, and likewise that if I should then have dyed, I should have been eternal∣ly miserable; having no hopes in Christ, neither did I in that condition expect any benefit by him; and as I very well remem∣ber, the Lord made the thoughts of death so terrible, that I could not endure to think

of it, but yet it came so much in my mind, and did so terrifie me, that I cannot express how I did dread to think of it, but this worked nothing in me, but (oh with horrour and amazement be it spoken) I was willing then to go to hell, and did re∣joyce in that I could quell my gripes of conscience, by thinking that I should be as well able to endure the flames of hell and the frowns of an angry God as any of them all, and that I should have company enough there, and so did rejoyce because I was willing to be damned, willing to be damn∣ed; how, what did I say? but surely I was not; oh my soul, how can it be? make' answer; was it so? yes, and was I, oh was I indeed willing to be damned, oh the height, and length, and breadth, and depth of the love, and goodness, and long suffer∣ing patience of an offended and highly provoked God, that I was not then thrown into hell indeed; but that he should suffer such stubble as I was to be in his sight, and that the fire of his Jealousie had not consumed me as in a moment, but still I went on in sin, as if I would not have let God alone till he had damned me.

Min.

By what you have said, I perceive then you were throughly convinced of

the necessity of holiness, and of leaving your sins, and serving the Lord, and that there must be Regeneration wrought in you, before Glorification could be hoped for by you; but surely being convinced of the blessed condition of the godly, you could not but sometimes wish your self in their condition; how did you carry your self under this, did you resolve that you would never be as they were?

Conv.

Truly, many times I would have been glad to have been in their condition, but I was so glued to the world, and my sins, that I could not endure to think of leav∣ing them, yet (to my best remembrance) I never resolved that if I should live never so long I would not repent, but that after I had gotten a great estate in the world, and was grown old, and were as it were uncapable of taking any more delight in these things below, that then I would have set out towards Heaven, and oh I cannot but think (and I desire with fear and trem∣bling to think) what a loathsome Sacri∣fice I should then have been, even stunk in Gods nostrils, when I had given the mar∣row and fatness and strength of my body to the devil; then I should have had just cause to fear the Lord would have buryed me out of his sight; Oh I say, I staid in the devils

service so long, that I smelt so of fire and brimstone, I mean of sin, that had not the body of a Crucified Advocate Je∣sus Christ, as a Vail, stood between the Justice of God and my guilty soul, cer∣tainly he would soon have drawn out a bill of indictment against me, and have sent me away with a Go ye Cursed.

Min.

By what you have said I perceive you lay under Convictions for about 6 years, with very little grief or sorrow for sin, but although you knew what you were to do, yet you did not do what you did know: I will ask you but one' question more before I come to the chief point in hand, and that is this; What duties you engaged in in this time, and how you carryed your self under them?

Conv.

Now, even now, I begin to revel•• from my promise, but that I might if po••∣sible debase my self below the vilest cr••••∣ture in the world, I will declare somethi•••• and enough to make your very hair to sta•••• an end, and oh that the Lord would 〈◊〉〈◊〉 make me so reflect upon my self, th•• 〈◊〉〈◊〉 may abhor my wretched self in d••st 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ashes, for (oh Lord) if this w•••••• 〈◊〉〈◊〉 what will? for the greater part of 〈…〉〈…〉 06 years I lived without Prayer and 〈…〉〈…〉 the Scripture, but seldom misse•••• 〈…〉〈…〉

••y reason of my civil education; and as to Prayer, (but why should I call it so) scarce ever did I desire that the Lord should hear me; nay I did often in my heart desire to the contrary, nay more, when I have been upon my knees, and my conscience hath constrained me to say prayer, I have sud∣denly received an inward motion to this effect, that God at that time was a mind∣ing other affairs, and that then I might to bed and he not mind me; at which moti∣on I did, and so left off for that time, and at all times performed them against my will; Oh horrible Blasphemy, what, not God see; Oh it was a wonder of wonders, that God should then have endured to see me any longer out of Hell: (oh infinite patience) as for reading I got little good by it, and desired to get less, and as for hearing I must confess that those arrows shot at a venture, God did cause them so many times to hit, yea and peirce too, that it busied both me and the devil to get them out again, and to heal the wound; but usually I fixed my mind upon some∣what else, so that I seldome let any sen∣tence sink too deep into my heart; yea once the Devil and my own wicked heart did so sar prevail, that I was fully resolved, and in plain, but damnable terms, I did

even curse God, and as it were bid de∣fiance to all his Ordinances, and did re∣joyce that I had my tongue and conscience so much at command; (oh and how can I hold my pen to write this! wherefore do I not fall down and become nothing before the Lord of Glory against whom thus I have blasphemed; but truly I would not have revealed this, had I not such a place as the 12. of Matthew, and the 31. verse to make to for a refuge.) After this I was wont to put that solemn Ordinance of Prayer to do the saddest service in the world, and that frequently, (O pitty, pitty it had such a cruel Master,) and that was, I used it not to help me to destroy sin, but made it a greater cause and means of my sinning; for I had got the damnable Art (as they say, the Papists have at this day, only I did not get so much by it as their Father Confessors doth) that if I had said but two or three short ejaculations, not with half the devotion that a Pater noster is said, yea I say, I had got that cursed Art to resist all gripes of conscience, and to sin freely for a month or more; and when conscience would let me alone no longer, then to prayer again. Oh Adamantine heart, or rather stone, that canst hold out to write these things, and not to quake and tremble▪

And now, de his quid dicam? these are the peccata peccatorum, but what, is that soul still alive that hath done these things? what, shall a poor worm curse God and not die? what, blaspheme the Ordinances of the Al∣mighty and still live? sure the Jealousie of a holy God will not suffer such a wretch to be in his sight: But tell me, is this man alive? or hath the earth swallowed him up? or the flames of hell caught hold of him? certainly had he thus offended his fellow-worms, they could not have born it, and can I think that God will suffer such a man, nay ra∣ther Devil incarnated, to live in his sight? Oh my soul, make answer, what alive? yes, yes; but how is he? hath he not his conscience seared? and is not his condemnation sealed within himself? and what, doth he not look with horrour and amazement for the great day of the Lord? No, my hopes are to the contrary: Nay, I hope, and not without cause, that him hath the Lord set apart for himself, and to his poor soul hath he shewed such mercies, that it will make all that hear of it to admire, and to say, What is man that thou shouldest be mind∣full of him? but that the Lord should pit∣ty such a loathsome creature as this, and should say to such a vile brat then wallow∣ing in its blood live; Oh come, come unto

me all ye that fear the Lord; Oh come unto me, and I will tell you what he hath done for my soul; he that is mighty hath done for me great things, yea almost in∣credible things, and holy is his Name.

Min.

Well (poor soul) I will no longer detain thee concerning these things, but now you having given me a very doleful account of your long convictions, yet still lying bound with the chains of sin, and un∣der the command of Satan, which doubt∣less had it gone no further, but you had ended your life before the Lord had turn∣ed your convictions into conversion, it would have proved such a worm, that would to all eternity have gnawed thy conscience, so that the pains would have been intollerable; but (blessed be God) I am in great hopes to hear that from you, which will put me out of fear, and give me cause to admire the goodness and power of God: Be very careful to keep your heart from pride, and not to attribute any thing to your own goodness, but to admire the grace of God, and give glory to him, and him alone.

Conv.

Oh (dear friend) for so I will call you, and all that gives me counsel about the good of my never dying soul, I am glad that the Lord hath put this into

yourheart, and I do beg your prayers to God that he would still humble me more and more; for I am sure pride is a weed that will grow in the best garden, much more in mine, which is a barren, yet weedy soil; but I have not done with all my soul-abasing considerations, for when you have heard all (which I through the grace of God am to declare unto you) you will then say, I have more cause to be humbled than ever; therefore pride being such an enemy, I will earnestly request you, that when you hear me say any thing which doth savour of my own good, and not purely of Gods Glory, that you would re∣prove me, and make me clear my meaning to you.

Min.

I have still more cause to bless God for you, in that you do so much suspect your own heart, which is despe∣rately wicked and deceitful. And now to our present purpose; what reason have you to think, that your conversion was more effectually begun to be wrought up∣on you, when you was about eighteen years of age.

Conv.

Oh, I have great cause to think so; for then the Lord was pleased to work such a work in me, that had it been told me before, I could not in any wise have believed it.

Min.

And now, what do you think to be the first cause that moved you to set your face Sion-ward?

Conv.

About two months before I saw the sinfulness of sin, even then when I was to every good word and work a Re∣probate, and did deny no sin, because it was sin, although I might out of some self ends, as to deny theft, whoredom, drunken∣ness, and such like; not that these in them∣selves were so detestable to me, but for fear of outward trouble I did not practise them; but being engaged in a great sin, which was gaming, which some may scruple, whether it may be a sin or no; but to me I am sure it was the occasion of many great sins, as to cause me to swear and for∣swear, and to lye, and cheat in great mea∣sure; and truly I think my heart at that time was so desperately wicked, that doubtless, had not an Almighty Power pitti∣ed me, I should even have pawned my soul, for the obtaining of what I then desired, then in a passion I made a presumptuous vow, that I would leave off that sport for one year; this was about November or De∣cember, which for a little time I kept; and now observe the great subtilty of the Devil in this particular, for no sooner was it the first day of January, but presently I was

told that my vow was out of date, and that it signified nothing; and they being my carnal friends that told me, I was willing to make my conscience submit, so that I soon embraced my old sport again, and did plainly lay my self open to the wrath of God for such a great sin; yet I could not so much charm my conscience, but it would often accuse me for it; but it was not many weeks after, but I engaged as deeply in the same sin of gaming as before (and now hear and admire, for even now will appear such love, as never any was ever sensible of, but such as have felt it) having been at the losing hand, the season of the night calling me away, I left off, but much troubled, and about five in the morning I awakened, and then there was a pleasant lightness upon my spirit, as if it had been refreshed after great trouble; what this meant I could not tell, yet could not but take special notice of it, that I who went to bed much dissatisfied and perplexed, should, when I awaked, seem to be so much comforted, and my sleep for a little time de∣parted from me, and certainly I had some deep thoughts, which now I cannot remem∣ber; but the result of them came to this, I did then engage my self by a fresh vow, that the next morning I would play so as

to venture about two shillings, and if I lost that, then not to play any more for such a certain time, and to my best remembrance, (for as I would not add, so I would not di∣minish, and so rob God of his glory, and my poor soul of comfort) I did at that time lift up my heart to God (but with what affe∣ctions I cannot tell, I hope not without great shame) to crave his aid that I might be enabled to keep my great vow; and so when the time came that I was to venture my mo∣ny, which I thought very long, with great chearfulness I went to play, being very willing, and I think desirous to lose, which was soon accomplished according to my hopes; which when it was ended, I cannot say what I thought, or how my heart work∣ed, but as I think that very day my heart was somewhat troubled by what follows; for I having lost a great part of that in which my heart so much delighted, and ido∣lized as its God, and rested in as its ulti∣mate end, I could not find rest in it as for∣merly; and so being much troubled, I went to peruse some toyes that I had by me, and amongst them there was one Jewel, which the Lord was pleased to put into my hand, (which was a Book intituled, The Crumbs of Comfort) the which, when I felt my heart somewhat inclined to peruse, I was much

perplexed within my self, and could not but wonder what manner of salutation this should be; and now I hope I have great cause to acknowledge that the hand of God was in all this; but I will not on this account any waies turn aside, but go on as my own heart and conscience now witnesseth to me, and I hope the Spirit of God likewise; and so very desirous I was to know the meaning of this dark providence, as then it appeared to me to be; that more or less for two daies together I often perused more of the Book, but my heart was little affected to any par∣ticular thing, and yet I was troubled more and more within me, and could find no rest for my poor soul; and in less than a weeks time, I think about the end of two or three daies, the more I read, I began to have more deep thoughts, and heart amazing conside∣rations, which began to make me exceeding∣ly troubled, and much cast down, about the state and condition of my poor captive soul, which as I told you before, was almost sunk into the bottom of the bottomless Sea of Gods wrath, from which there is no redem∣ption, with the weight of its insupportable sins; And now what the chief actings of my soul were I cannot tell; but sure I am that my trouble did increase yet more and more, and I hope it was for my sins; for I do well

remember, that within very few dayes, or rather hours after, the sence of my sins came into my mind, and the sight of them was so clear, and the number of them so numberless, and their aggravations so weighty, and the nature of them so de∣testable, that what I then felt I cannot now possibly declare. Oh where was I? certainly had I been surprized with the greatest enemies in the world, and my life in the greatest danger, I could not have been more troubled, and had I been af∣flicted with all the tortures that man could have devised, I should not have been more tormented; nay, I think if my deceitful heart did not deceive me, that had I been in hell amongst those infernal fiends, and had heard the yellings and howlings of those damned wretches, I think I could not have been much more affrighted, for then I did look upon my soul to be with∣in a hairs breadth of Eternal misery, and oh the condition I saw my self then in, is unutterable, had there not been an ever∣lasting arm of power and mercy under∣neath, I should undoubtedly have follow∣ed the steps of Cain or Judas; but O Bles∣sed and admired be Free Grace: and why Me, Lord, why Me? Oh Love, Love, Love, even Love unspeakable, yea Love

unutterable; and further, in this my trou∣ble the Lord was so far pleased to pitty and shew mercy to my poor soul, that my soul had not very long laboured under this insupportable burthen of her great and mighty sins, but I perceived a door of hope as it were unlatched and somewhat open, and that if I would but in good earnest turn to God, that yet it was not too late, and that there was hope in Israel concerning this thing, which consideration did not a little comfort my poor soul; and then further it pleased the Lord to open my heart to visit one, who I thought might do me much good, and I judged him fit to be acquainted with my condition in that I hoped he feared the Lord, (and by the way let me tell you that I did at that time unspeakably love all such, even more than my own relations, with humility let it be spoken) and when I was with him, he joyfully received me and declared un∣to me many comfortable things, which (through grace) did not a little raise my dejected spirit, and he then lent me a book, which the Lord at that time opened my heart to ask for (which was Drex. d. Eternit.) and truly upon the perusal of that Treatise, I think, nay I am sure, the burden of my sins seemed to be renewed,

and I cannot express that unspeakable sorrow which I then had in my poor soul, by reason of all its mighty sins, and truly I hope the mercy of God was not a little cause of my trouble, to think that I should have none to offend and kick against, but those bowels, yea those tender bowels of pitty and compassion, which had so long yearned over my poor soul, and had so long shielded off the stroak of Justice, which was so long hanging over my provoking head; and then, oh then I did unspeak∣ably desire the pardon of my sins, and then did feel the burden of them so unsup∣portable; that I did earnestly beg of the Lord, that they might be laid upon the Lord Jesus, who was able to bear them, and did endeavour by earnest Prayers to obtain a smile from God, in and through Jesus Christ; for out of Christ he was a terrible God, and a consuming fire, and so I forthwith resolved to take up with all outward duties, as Prayer, Reading, Hearing, Conferring with good Christi∣ans, and I cannot but let you know that the first Sermon I heard in this condition was out of 1 Tim. 1.15. where it is said that Christ came into the world to save sin∣ners, of whom I, not Paul only, but I even I am chief, and so I went on through

fear and trembling, and not without some joy and hopes that the Lord who had begun a good work in me, would finish it in his good time; which God grant for Christ his sake.

Min.

And is this which you have spoken from your own experience, is it indeed, as I hope it is, then I can no longer for bear but say with good Zacharias, Blessed be the Lord God of Israel who hath visited and redeemed his people, and amongst them thy poor soul, and now I say again take heed of spiritual pride, think very lowly of thy self, and give glory to God: And now (Dear Heart) give me leave for the good of thy eternal welfare to examine thee of some things which thou hast touched upon in the last Discourse, that so I may be as∣sured, that that work which the Lord hath begun in thee, may prove as a Tree planted and rooted in thy renewed heart, by the Spirit of God, and not of thine own set∣ing: And for the accomplishing of which weighty work, it will be convenient to enquire what fruit it hath since born, for the tree may be known by its fruit, There∣fore in brief, what hast thou found in thy heart concerning sin?

Conv.

Sin! Truly I am not able now to express that unspeakable bitterness I then found in it; oh how did I hate it and pur∣sue

it with the greatest zeal and detestation possible; oh how did my heart rise at the very appearance of it, and truly if it did not very greatly deceive me, I think I hated it more than death it self, and should have chosen death rather than wilfully committed the least known sin; and if there had been no hell, yet as I have often said, sin should have been my hell, and holiness my Heaven.

Min.

I am glad to hear what thou hast said, but what sins were they thou so hatedst, it may be they were great and dreadful fins, as Blasphemy and Murder, &c. but what didst thou think of heart sins, and evil motions, which I am sure would much beset thee?

Conv.

Oh of I knew my own heart, these were the greatest enemies that I had to encounter; these were they that like unto so many Goliahs bid defiance to what Christ had wrought in my poor soul, and did endeavour to retake the Fort-Royal of my heart which the Lord was about to make a Temple for his glorious Image to dwell in, and oh Blessed be Free Grace, and let all that hear of this, stand and admire and give glory to God.

Min.

The Lord preserve this blessed enmity still more and more in thy heart:

and now tell me which way thou wentest about to engage against, and so to over∣come these great Goliahs, though common∣ly known by the name of peccadilloes?

Conv.

Oh now, now you come very neer me, and this even pierces between the bone and marrow, and the Lord who is the searcher of hearts, and knoweth the thoughts and actings of every soul, give me understanding in this point, that I may say nothing but what I really found in my own soul; Oh then I did presume too much upon my own strength, and did not lay them at the feet of Christ, whom then I hoped I took for my Lord and King, and did not (as I fear) wholly depend upon his Kingly power, which is to overcome and subdue all those enemies which rise up in the hearts of his Children, and make war against him, and would not that he should rule over them, for surely had I thus done, he would not have suffered them so often to assault me, and even sometimes overcome me, as I shall (God willing) make clear to you by and by.

Min.

Still I have great cause to admire the goodness of God to thy poor soul, in that he hath been pleased now to open thy eyes to see this thy great mistake, which doubtless had not the Lord in time reveal∣ed

it to thee, it would have proved a sore evil, and it may be thou mightest not have seen it before it had been too late, and now tell me which way thou wentest about to destroy thy sins, seeing thou wast ignorant in great measure in applying the death of Christ to kill them?

Conv.

The chiefest instruments that I used in this work was Prayer, and some∣times Fasting, which I found very pow∣erfull to batter down the strong holds of Satan in my poor soul, for which doubtless I was not to be blamed, if so be that I had used them only as a means to have raised up my heart to Christ, and so as they were appointed of God to be the way and means whereby I might have recourse to him, who alone is able for so great a work, but woe to my ignorant and proud heart, that would not totally submit to God, but idolized Prayer, and Repentance, and Fast∣ing, as if these had been the Captains of the souls Salvation, whereas they are but empty in themselves, and nothing worth, no more than as they lead me to Christ, who alone is the Captain and horn of my Salvation?

Min.

And now I think it will not be amiss to let me hear how you carryed your self in the great duty of Prayer,

and how soon you entred upon the duty?

Conv.

The Lord was pleased within two or three dayes after my first trouble to in∣cline my heart to seek him by Prayer, which I used constantly twice a day, be∣sides some private ejaculations and sighes between whiles, and I will now tell you, that for a little time, about a month or two I was little satisfied, no longer than I was engaged in such work, as Reading, Hearing, deep Meditation, but especially Prayer, and these, oh these were the Phy∣sitians that I look upon so much, to work so great a cure upon my soul, that none but Christ that great Physitian could do, and truly the best of the Physitians were so full of ill humours themselves, as pride, self-confidence, &c. that without the Phy∣sick of Christs blood to purge and purifie them, they would have stunke in the Nostrills of a holy and pure God, as I am afraid they often did.

Min.

Now you have given in an ac∣count about sin, I would gladly hear what account you can give about the wayes of holiness and of grace, and how you began to make your progress in this road?

Conv.

I must be but very brief here,

for I have much to say about other things, but I shall, as the Lord shall enable me, sa∣tisfie you in this, as I told you before; when the burthen of my sin first came upon me, that then, and likewise in the six years of my convictions, I was fully convinced of the necessity of living a holy life, and of the Beauty of Holiness, and that without it, there would be no salvation; for with∣out Holiness none shall see the Lord: And upon this account I also earnestly be∣sought the Lord by Prayer, and Hearing, and reading good Books, which the Lord did mightily incline my heart to do, and so every day, I did more and more desire Holiness, and did earnestly thirst after the image of God to be renewed upon my heart, so that in short I found no rest any way but what I got by living holily and abstaining from sin, and as my weak Physitians, I mean my Prayers, Hearing, Reading, Meditation, Vows, Re∣solutions, &c. I say, as these was able to apply comfort to me, so I had it, and no longer, being ignorant of the life of Faith in Christ, and truly they proved ve∣ry bad comforters, and as I told you, they wanted Christs blood to procure acceptation in the eyes of a pure and holy God, which will regard them with favour,

no otherwise than as they are presented to him sprinkled with the blood of his Son.

Min.

Methinks you seem to speak much against these duties, and against holiness, as if they were not altogether necessary to be imbraced, do you not?

Conv.

Oh no (God forbid) I hope I shall never so far speak against them as to neglect them in the least, but this I have said, that I may not look upon them any fur∣ther, than as they lead me to Christ, for truly I have found nothing in the world so much hindered me of comfort, (wil∣full sin only excepted) as in laying so great a stress upon duties, for certainly, had I laid my foundation sure upon the Rock of Christ, and not all upon my own righteousness, I should never have been so much shaken, and as I may say almost overturned with the assaults of sin and Satan, but he would have upheld me with his everlasting armes, that I should have been able long agoe, to have tri∣umphed in his merits, over all the assaults that Satan and my own heart made against me.

Min.

How long did you live upon the stock of your duties, before the Lord was pleased to let you see your errour, and

how was your condition all this while as you thought your self?

Conv.

I lived so about three years or more, and in that time I had some sad de∣clinings indeed; every day almost I lost my God, and the evidences of his love, so as I thought my self happy longer than when I could perform duties with great zeal and with strong affections, and then oftentimes I could have been willing to have dyed (as I thought) my heart did so rejoyce in them; but when my heart was somewhat dead and flat, then I was at a great loss, and could find out no rest for the sole of my foot.

Min.

This which you have said seems to me to be a little strange; why where was your faith all this while? you told me before, that you durst not look to God but through Christ, and you seemed then as you went along to make Christ your hope and Saviour, and then how do you mean you did not rest in him?

Conv.

This is somewhat hard to an∣swer, but I hope you will pardon my weakness, and I will tell you as plain as I can, (and that only as my heart and Conscience witnesseth, and not to take the help of any book to open it to me,

that so I may with more humble confi∣dence say that these things I have se•• down no otherwise but as my own spiri•• by the assistance of Gods Spirit dictated to me) and now I will tell you what I mean by what I have said, I hope I looked upon Christ to be a compleat Saviour in every respect, and I saw my great need of his blood to procure my pardon for my sins, and I knew that it was only from his grace that I was in any measure sancti∣fied, and by this I hope I laid all my sins upon him, and durst not in the least think of Answering for them my self before God, and seemed to give him the glory in respect to any work of Holiness in my heart, and so I did highly prize him, and greatly delight in him, and earnestly de∣sired to love him, and more and more to serve him, and so I acted faith for three years, but all this while I was not through∣ly convinced of the insufficiency of my own righteousness, so as to lay that at Christs feet, neither could I suppose it that one might be ••••••••••b••d by anothers righteousness, but 〈…〉〈…〉 that because I was not altogether 〈…〉〈…〉 as others, (as I thought,) there 〈…〉〈…〉 ••••ould fare better than others, and 〈…〉〈…〉 mixed my own merits with Christs, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 never came

••o far out of my self, as to cast my righteousness as well as my sins, at his seet, and now what abundant cause have I to be humbled, and to lye very low before God, and still more and more to admire the infinite mercy and patience of God, Oh that I who after I was much enlightened, and had abundantly tasted and seen how good and gracious the Lord was, I say that after all his unspeakable mercies to me, how he brought me out of my Aegyptian bondage of sin, and loosen∣ed me from many strong holds of Satan, and brought me so near to his Fathers bosome, that I was wont to be many times almost ravished, with the fore∣thoughts of that joy I did hope for in Heaven. Oh that after he had passed me over the red Sea, and when many of mine enemies were dead and beaten back, and that after he had tryed me a little in the Wilderness of this World, then he would have brought me safe into Ca∣naan; Oh that I should be so disingeni∣ous as to set up a Calf (I mean my own Righteousness,) and Worship that, and should do what I did more to advantage self than Christ: Oh I say again, what a wonder it is that ever he was pleased to let me see my folly; and oh if he should

not have done it, yet in this particular how inexcusable had I been, which will appear in the next Answer.

Min.

Now let me know when, and in what manner, the Lord was pleased to magnifie his grace in convincing you of the insufficiency of your own Righteous∣ness, and of the resting in duties.

Conv.

I will likewise make this as plain to you, as the Lord shall enable me (so that I may not be found guilty of a spiri∣tual lye) and to the best of my remem∣brance about four months after my pow∣erful call, when as I thought I was as∣suredly in a most happy condition, ha∣ving passed through abundant of tryals and temptations, and I began to find them somewhat to flee before me, (of which you shall hear anon more at large) then, oh then the Lord was pleased to put into my hand a little Book, Entituled The Christians great Interest, by Mr. Guthry, which when I perused, I found I was much concerned in it, and was somewhat troubled, but it so violently accused me of my Dalilah righteousness, which I lov∣ing too well to see as I thought abused, with a small sigh or the like, I com∣manded it to depart, and not to dare to come and controule my idol self any more,

yet it made my way so plain before me, that I could not withstand it: a little while after, the Lord was pleased to put into my hand another Book, for which I have abundant cause to bless God, (which was the Sincere Convert) and reading the latter part of that which treats concerning carnal Confidence and resting in Duties, (all which did very much concern me) I was very much troubled, and began to question my estate a little concerning duties, but truly I took so little delight in this, that I soon laid it by and returned it to the place from whence it came, and likewise I had other Books as Mr. Baxters Self-denyal, which I read part of with much de∣light, as in reference in denying self-plea∣sures, and sinful recreations and vain company, &c. all these yielded comfort to me, because I found, that I did really desire to deny my self all these, and made it a great ground of comfort to me, that I could so earnestly desire their destru∣ctions; but when I came to the denyal of self-righteousness, this was a hard say∣ing, and self would not bear it, but away I went to those Books where I could find out as I thought, a way to Heaven by my own working, and those that treated most

of a holy life, was the most pleasing to me, but when I read concerning Christ, or heard him taught to me by his Ministers; (for although I have omitted how my heart was in hearing, yet I would de∣sire you to include that, and to suppose that my heart was in that, as in Read∣ing or Conferring with respect to the subject) I say, when I heard Christ taught by his Ministers, either in a Pulpit or a Book, I much delighted in that I heard or read, but when Justification alone by Faith in Christs Merits, and living by faith upon a naked Christ; (as perad∣venture I might be put too upon a sick bed, by reason of a violent disease, or the like; that I could not have strength of body nor composure of mind to per∣form duties, as in a Feaver or a fit of the Stone or Gout, &c.) I say when these noble and Heaven-born Mysteries were treating on, I was much to seek, and could take but little comfort from them, and so I went on from duty to duty, and if at any time I found my heart dead, and could for that day or week, or month it may be, find any comfort from them, then I lived in hopes that although I found not all well at present, yet it would not long continue so with me, and

so in some time I recovered life and comfort again, I say I continued thus for the space of above three years; And now I will declare one thing which did more trouble me than ordinary, and that was in August last, 67. it happened that as I was visiting a patient; (and for this thing in particular I have cause to bless God that he placed me in this my call∣ing) whom we supposed the Lord would take away, at that very time there came Dr. B. to perform as was thought on•• of the last duties he had to do 〈◊〉〈◊〉 and amongst his discourse and ad•••••• 〈◊〉〈◊〉 bade her be sure to lay all her sins upon Christ, which I liked very well, but with∣all that she should lay all her own Righ∣teousness at his feet, and not at all ••o trust to any good she had in her se••f, but wholly to rely upon the merits of Christ, which when I heard, my heart rose much against what he said, and did much op∣pose his advice, and thought it not at all convenient to be spoken, and doubtless had I been in her condition (I mean so near death as it was thought she was) and he had advised me to the same thing, and had cleared it to me, oh what a dreadful visitation had that been, surely

it would have put my soul into such a dreadful Agony of confusion, if not despair, that surely I should have dyed a second death before I knew the pangs of the first; But oh I say again who can hear of this, and not be overcome with soul ravishing admirations of the love, and goodness, and patience of God towards such a wretched nothing as I was; that ever he should so long forbear from de∣stroying that soul with eternal damnati∣on, that would not with the cords of love be drawn to accept of so clear Salvati∣on; but the Lord was pl••ased still to keep this upon my heart: And although I was somewhat troubled, but as before, again I went to my old Physitians, and took a small pill of Prayer, composed of a little fear and humiliation; but no soon∣er it got into my heart, but there it was guilt with pride, and so again became pleasant to me, and then I thought all was well; and I do desire earnestly that by this, God may be much glorified; and again methinks I find my heart so migh∣tily inclined to go on in this work, which at your request (you may remember) I was so unwilling to undertake, that 〈◊〉〈◊〉 have great hopes there may be the hand

of God in it, and that it was he that put it into your heart to request if of me, and I pray God it may be his glory alone that may move me to it, and not any self-pride, truly you may say I have great cause to fear, and not to trust my own heart any more, and the Lord preserve this Jealousie more and more in me: but to my present purpose, and this which I am about to say, might have proved a great disadvantage to me, but I doubt not but the hand of God was in it, although I saw it not at that present, but since I have, and in short it was thus, a little while after my last discourse, as I think my heart was drawn after the vanities of this world more than ordinary, and at the time I likened the estate of my soul, to the condition of a fair Virgin that had many Suitors, but one she would love and choose above the rest, but she being not yet marryed, they all make out for her love, which is no small trouble to her, and doth somewhat make her doubt which she shall have; but so soon as she is marryed to one of them, then she dares not think of entertaining the others upon that account; even so I looked upon my poor soul, and that if she was but

solemnly marryed to Christ, (I mean in the Sacrament) then she durst not so much as think of embracing either sin or the World, or the Devil, but still righte∣ous self lay all this while secure: Upon these and such like considerations, I went to a faithful Divine to ask advice of him concerning this great duty, and when I was with him, he examined me why and how I came to embrace Religion, and when I had given him the heads only of the first account concerning compunction, he asked me who I might thank for all this, but I being somewhat slow of an∣swer, he told me Christ, and him alone, and gave me some short but sweet advice, inviting me to be a guest at his Masters table (which was the intention of my go∣ing, which was more than he then knew on) and so dismissed me, and oh how did I then rejoyce that I was found wor∣thy to be invited to so great a banquet, and now how did I think my condition unquestionable, and nothing troubled me but want of assurance to persevere, and although the Doctor gave me a great cau∣tion to lay all upon Christ and not any thing upon self, as I now consider, but yet my eyes were so blind and my heart

so deceitful, that I soon forgot it; and so I prepared my heart as well as I could, and so addressed my self to the Lords Table, and was, so far as I can understand, made more welcome, I am sure than I deserved; and then I did feel the Lord with his cords of love, draw∣ing hard at my poor soul, and so I exer∣cised my love upon Christ, (and so far as I know) enjoyed sweet communion with him; but this lasted no longer, than my heart was enlarged in secret du∣ties; but when they departed then my soul mourned, and could not be satis∣fied with a naked Christ, whilest my en∣largements returned again to me, and by this I perceive I rested in duties, and not in Christ, and now once more as short as I can, and then I will conclude with this; but I cannot be so short, but I must a little stand and admire at the unspeakable long-suffering patience of God, and oh that you would help me in this matter, for I profess I am much ashamed, and desire to be more, of my own heart, that it should be barren of praises to that God, that hath done sure as much or more for my poor soul, as to any since the Creation of the World;

Oh that Christ who could have raised a Child out of the very stones, that would have done far more for him than I have or can do; Oh I say that he who could with one look have looked me into Hell, should so long stand at the door of my heart, and knock till his head was filled with dew, and his Locks with the drops of the night; Oh that he should stand weeping, knocking, begging, and wait∣ing, and crying, Open to me; Oh that his tears should begg, and his groans knock, and that his patience should tarry and wait, and all should so long cry, Oh open to me, open to me, Oh that sin and self should lodge in my heart and Christ wait so long at the door; Oh, that I should carry damnation within and let salvation waite without, and now I should go about to offer praises to God for this; Oh I wish that I could, but truly I cannot as I would; Oh I cannot, and I humbly desire to acknowledge the bar∣renness of my heart in this, and am si∣lent, and now pray lend me your patience but a very little, and I fear your heart will be straightened with praises to God as well as mine; for now the Lord was pleased to encline my heart to read part

of two books, one of the two was that which I above two years before rejected, I will name them (viz. the sincere Con∣vert and sound Believer, both by one Author, T. S.) and when I was Reading concerning the souls resting in duties, and how hard a thing it was to forsake all its own good, and wholly to throw it self upon a naked Christ, and then concerning the nature of true humiliation, I was much troubled and my thoughts were much per∣plexed, in so much that I thought to open my case to some Divine; but to this trou∣ble another was added, which was that at that time the Lord was pleased to let me see my own nakedness so much, and that which I took to be a covering to it, made it seem to be much more naked than I could have imagined it to be; that then I thought the more I prayed, the more I sinned, and the more I Confessed and Re∣pented, and Bewailed my own wretched heart, especially in the time of duty, the more I had cause to do so still, and now I looked upon my self in a most sad and destitute condition, for how could I choose when I saw my own goodness departing from me, which I idolized as the rock of my Salvation, and when I saw such a

numberless number of sins come afresh into my mind, especially in the time of duty, that it seemed to me, as if the De∣vil had conjured up all those sins that I thought was long before slain, and he himself had been their Captain, and had unawares assaulted me, and had taken my duty which I made then the Captain of my Salvation prisoner, and I alone left to encounter with them without the least weapon to defend my poor soul, and oh had these and the pangs of death met together, Oh what horrour and amazement would there have been; but blessed be God it was before; now to say, how long I was in this case, I can∣not well tell; but I saw my idol God so accused and condemned, and my ha∣tred to him was so great, that I hope I did desire never to cease my earnest Prayers to the true God, that he would 01 have this usurper executed, and likewise I did, as I was able, earnestly begg of the Lord that he would give me strength to resist him so that he might never sit upon his Throne more, and then I did see (through admiring Grace) the want of Christ more than ever, not only to cover my sins, but my righteousness too;

then oh then I began to prize Christ more than ever, oh then I did desire to say from my heart none but Christ, none but Christ; oh all the whole world for Christ, yea ten thousand Worlds for a Christ; and then I did desire to say with Luther, that if I was able to keep the whole Moral Law, I would not trust to this for Justification, I would vail and stoop to Christs merits, and now I did find it a more hard thing by far, to get out of my self, and from trusting to duty, and wholly by faith to rely upon Christs merits, than ever I found it to leave sin, and then me-thoughts I found it a very hard thing to be a Christian, and that I was passive all along and was not able to move a step further than the Lord up∣held and led me, and oh that I could make the result of this great mercy plain unto you, truly (I bless God) I can say a little (but under this very trouble, my soul ever since hath groaned within me, and I do desire that it may still groan more and more, and never leave groan∣ing, till its groans pierce the very clouds, and found through Christ so loud into the ears of the Almighty, that for Christ his sake, he would have pitty and com∣passion

upon me, and would not suffer that Tyrant Self any longer in the least to bear sway in me, and that he would be pleased so to shew me my own un∣worthiness, and the insufficiency of all inherent goodness to stand me in the least stead in matters of Justification, that so I might prize Christ and Christ alone, and rely wholly upon his merits for par∣don, life and salvation.) Now I will de∣clare to you how the Lord was pleased to deal with me; soon after I saw this my condition in resting in my own sup∣posed goodness; Sacrament day being again near at hand, the Lord was pleased to incline my heart to ingage in that so∣lemn and most Sacred duty, now having lost my supposed wedding garment, in which I supposed my self to be very come∣ly and much to be delighted in by Christ, and seeing my own nakedness and defor∣mity so much, that I could not imagine how I should possibly be accepted of by Christ, that so my trouble and burden was so great that I found it almost in∣supportable, and fearing lest Gods frowns and my awakened Conscience should more and more seise upon me, especially at that sacred ordinance, I say in this point

I was more than I can think of amazed, and could not tell what to do; And now my dear Heavenly Father (who was alwayes more ready to help than I to crave) did then doubtless wait to be gracious to my poor soul, and did abun∣dantly magnifie his grace to me; for now he was pleased to strike one Scripture very deep into my heart, which was as comfortable and as sure an Anchor as my poor laden soul could be held by, and it was this, Oh Israel thou hast destroyed thy self, but in me is thy help, Hosea 13.9. which soul-cordial Scripture seemed to me, as if I had heard the Lord speaking to me after this manner; oh thou afflict∣ed, tosted with tempest and not com∣forted, although thou hast so long griev∣ed me, and provoked me to destroy thee, yet now, even now, if thou wilt endeavour to know, I say even now in this thy day the things of thy peace, perad∣venture they may be found, but never look more for peace from any thing in thy self, but wholly look up to him, who tells thee, although thou hast de∣stroyed thy self, yet in me (if in any) is thy help found, and then further the Lord was pleased to put it into my heart

to examine my humiliation more strict∣ly, which when I did, I supposed my heart never heretofore to have been truly humbled as it ought to have been, yet I hoped the Lord was about this great work now, by what I have before related, and my reason was, because I never so far as I knew experimentally understood the meaning of some Scrip∣tures, as then were opened more plainly to me, and they were such as these; (And truly this was it that inclined my heart to partake afresh of the Lords Supper) The whole need not a Physitian but they that are sick, and That Christ came not to call the Righte∣ous but Sinners to Repentance, and the con∣cerning the Publican and Pharisee, and such like; and in short, although I had been sick of sin, yet never before, than of self-righteousness; now seeing my self sick as much of the one as of the other, therefore I hoped Christ would be my Physitian; and that in him my help should soon be found, and thus I did en∣deavour to humble my self, and to see my own vileness and sickness more and more, and did in this much begg of the Lord, that he would still humble me more and

more, with a clear sence of my own de∣formitie and nakedness, that so I might, seeing my great need of Christ, more and more hunger and thirst after him, and so laying my soul prostrated at Christs feet, and as I hope did really see my great want of him, and so would not depart any way from him, but resolved that if I dyed I would dye there, and thus I argued with him, Whither should I go but unto thee, thou hast the words of eternal life, and although I be a dog, yet thou hast crumbs, oh let not my hun∣gry soul, famish for want of food; Oh I dare not, oh I will not depart, oh Lord although I have destroyed my self, yet Lord hast not thou told me that in thee is my help found; oh make good thy word unto thy servant in which thou hast caused me to hope; and truly the Lord was not very long in making good his word to my poor soul, for then I won∣derfully felt him drawing me up with the Cords of love, pitty and compassion; and at the ends of which cords (for me to take the better hold, or I rather think that he might take the better hold of me) he was pleased to fasten such Scri∣ptures as these, I will name but three,

for each cord one, and a threefold cord is not easily broken: the one was the 55th. of Isaiah, and the first verse, Hoe every one that thirsteth, come ye to the wa∣ters, and drink, and he that hath no mo∣ney, yea that was it I waited for, (for I bless God at that time I hope I had none) come ye buy and eat, yea come buy Wine and Milk (oh Bread and Water was too good for me and more than I deserved) without money, and without price, Oh these was sweet to such a poor soul as mine was, and then another was this, Revel. 22.17. And whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely, hearken soul, Free∣ly, Oh Christ will not be bought with any thing the Creature can give, oh no all is grace, and then the other which worked the most powerfully upon my heart was Matth. 11.28. Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest; and therefore, I now seeing my self weary with my own du∣ties, and heavy laden with my own Righ∣teousness, as well as with my sins, which before I could not so clearly say, oh how sweet, how sweet, how incompara∣bly sweet was this word Come; and so upon these accounts, the Lord was pleased

to enable me, to see how, then, even then, he was pleased to call, as it were to my poor soul in particular to come unto him and submit to his grace; and so with great hungrings and thirstings after Christ to cover my poor soul from the eye of a just and holy God through some fear, and as I hope with great hu∣miliation (although not so great as I would have had it) with some hope that the Lord would meet me, and bless me: I approached to the solemn banquet where I did not only taste and sip a lit∣tle, but obeyed as the Lord enabled me that great command when he said, drink, yea drink abundantly, oh my beloved; then, oh then I did earnestly endeavour to make the eye of my soul so see him, and my heart so embrace him, that from thenceforth I might fully satisfie my soul with the enjoyment of him, and him alone, and not from any thing that self or the World presented to me; and now me-thought I was much comforted, and did endeavour from that time to this, to own nothing for a comfort or cause of rejoycing, but as it lead me to Christ, who alone is the Author, and I hope the finisher of my Faith, and the Horn

of my Salvation; and with this Cauti∣on, I will conclude this tedious discourse as I fear it may be to you (although to me through Grace very pleasant) not that hereby I mean to neglect any duty whatsoever I know to be my duty, or think them indifferent whether they be performed or no; oh no I say again God forbid, but this I desire to do through grace, but not self, (and the Lord of his infinite grace inable me, that I may so far honour and respect them, as I find them a means to carry me to Christ,) for which cause I think they were appointed, with respect to the glorifying of God, and such like; and now if I know my own heart, and for fear it should deceive me, I will begg of the Lord that whenever I hear I may hear for Christ, and whenever I pray I may more and more make clear my interest in Christ, and whenever I per∣form any duty whatsoever, I may more and more get into Christ and more out of my self; And now you have heard all that the Lord hath (out of his abun∣dant grace) enabled me (from what I have found, as I hope in great mea∣sure wrought in my own heart) to de∣clare unto you, and for fear I should

in this weighty matter be guilty of a lye and so delude my own soul, I will with great humility acknowledge, that every particular in this latter clause (I mean in the Lords dealings with me since I first received the Sacrament) I can∣not so fully clear as I would I could, but I hope I need not to fear, but that I have felt all that I have spoken of working more or less upon my heart: but whether just in order as I have de∣clared them, I cannot punctually say, but do earnestly begg that the Lord Je∣sus Christ would be so pleased, as to sprinkle what I have said with his own blood, and that whatever sins of fail∣ings there may be in it through the pride or ignorance of my own heart, oh I do earnestly again beg of God, that for Christs sake, he would look upon what I have done so as to par∣don all that is amiss, and that he would in his due time open my eyes to see my errours and to amend them; and now I do earnestly beg your advice concern∣ing these things, for as I said before, my heart doth mourn within me, by reason of that interest self got in me, and I now find it so very hard to be

overcome; but I have already told you my earnest desires concerning this, and oh that I could prevail with you this once to allow me an interest in your Prayers, and for what doubtless you will know better than I can tell you, but especially for this, that he. who is the searcher of hearts, and knows the state of every soul better than it doth it self, would be pleased that if I be de∣ceived for Christs sake to undeceive me, and grant that if I have not true grace, I may not think I have, and so be in a Fools Paradice, and that the Lord who is my heart maker, would be my heart searcher, and my heart discoverer, and my heart reformer, and that the Lord may so do, I shall not cease to be an earnest suitor at the Throne of grace so long as I am on this side the grave. But what, because all is not so clear as I could wish they were, shall I be cast 〈◊〉〈◊〉, and my soul disquieted within 〈…〉〈…〉 if I was sorry that God hath been 〈…〉〈…〉 at work in my soul, or as if 〈…〉〈…〉 Jeho••••h was not able to finish 〈◊〉〈◊〉 he hath begun, and so rob God 〈◊〉〈◊〉 glory, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 my poor soul of com∣••••••, 〈…〉〈…〉 my 〈◊〉〈◊〉, these things ought

not so to be, I fear-there is much of self in this who is somewhat troubled to see the glory of its Temple so much de∣faced, and its treachery so much found out, and so much out of Favour, as ne∣ver more to be embraced again; And is it so, is God indeed become my God, and can I indeed say with Thomas, My Lord, and my God, my Christ, and my Saviour; Oh I cannot forbear to say, Lord who is a God like unto thee, Oh God, there is no God besides thee, and oh what is man that God should be mindfull of him! and what am I, surely the worst of men, that God should so regard me; Oh that I could now, even now this once from the bottom of my heart, bless and ad∣mire him; but oh what a dead and bar∣ren heart have I, that cannot worthily praise him; Oh my soul bless the Lord, and all that is within me, bless his holy name, bless the Lord oh my soul, and forget not all (nay not one of) his be∣nefits: oh if I had the tongue of an Angel, and all the Angels in Heaven to assist me in this great work, yet I say, we could never sufficiently utter my dear fathers praises; and now shall my faith triumph, and my heart be glad,

and my glory rejoyce, but not in self, or in any thing of my own, but in him, and him alone who is the God of my Salvation; Wonder oh Heavens, and be moved oh earth at this great thing which the Lord hath wought in my soul, be astonished and even ravished with wonder, for the infinite breach is in a way to be made up, the offender to be ap∣peased, and God and my poor soul to be reconciled; and oh my soul, what if these be so already, or what if one had told thee of these things some five years agone, certainly they would then have been too great for thy belief; but what, shall they now be so small as not to be worth thy praise (oh disingenious soul:) Oh Lord pardon my unthankfulness; oh that all the Angels in Heaven should rejoyce and bless God for what he hath done for thee, even for thee, for my poor soul; And what, canst not thou find in heart to en∣deavour to set forth his praises as much as thou art able, that so it may be known that at least thou desirest to give all the glory to God, and not to dare to take any to thy self? oh my soul, what sayest thou? What say I? oh I say again not unto me, not unto me, but unto the great

and glorious Jehovah be all the glory given. And because I hope thy desires are greater than thy expressions, therefore fail not my soul to shew forth thy love and praises, by giving up thy self wholly to serve, and love, fear and admire that God, who hath done such great and wonderful things for thy soul that passeth thy understanding: My Beloved is mine, and I am his; oh how art thou sure of that? What is the peace concluded? oh happy Conclusion! oh blessed Conjunction! shall the Stars dwell with the dust, or the wide distant Poles be brought to mutual embraces, and co-habitation? but oh my soul, here the distance is infinitely greater? And now Re∣joyce O Angels, shout O Seraphims, and all the friends of the Bridegroom prepare an Epithalamium, be ready with the Mar∣riage Song; loe here is the wonder of wonders, For Jehovah hath or is about to betroth himself for ever to his poor Captive, my poor soul; And is he so in∣deed as I hope he is, then he owns the Marriage before all the World, and is become one with me, and I with him. And now, O my Lord and my God, cau•••• thy face to shine on the soul of thy ••••••∣vant, and shew him more and more 〈◊〉〈◊〉

vileness that he may lye very low even in the Dust, and be humbled at thy feet, and let the work which thou hast begun in the heart of thy poor Servant be established for ever, and do more for me than I can require, that thy name may be Magnified for ever, and that all that hear of this may say, The Lord of Hosts is the God of Israel,

Amen, Hallelujah.

FINIS.