London drollery, or, The wits academy being a select collection of the newest songs, lampoons, and airs alamode : with several other most ingenious peices [sic] of railery, never before published / by W.H.

The Speech of a Mayor of a Town, when a King came there.

GReat King, to bid Thee welcome, behold I Do speak to Thee, although my mouth stand by: I'll do my best, but he can do much better; He is Book-learn'd, I never knew a Letter. When yesterday the Post did Tidings bring, That I should see You here, our Royal King; For my own part into an Ague I did fall, And greatly gasped with my Brethren all. But least your Majesty should think us slack, Each one of us did drink a Pint of Sack; Armour of Proof, the best thing we could find To chear our heart, and ease our troubled mind. We went about to muster up our forces To meet You, but indeed we wanted Horses. Our Foot-Cloths also, with Rats and Mice offended, In so short space could not be patch'd and mended, Therefore this Stage, which holds us here at large, Was wisely founded at the Towns own charge.

These men in Scarlet, that you plainly see, Have been in highest place of Majesty; The other Purple Gowns that do appear, Are like to wear my Staff another year. The Streets that you do pass on either hand, Are sweetly flowr'd with Gravel and with Sand. The Conduit at the Cross, if you mark well, Is newly painted, you may know by th' smell: The place against it, is the place where I Do sit in all my Pomp and Dignity: Whilst I do Justice, be it Right or Wrong, Unto the Rich or Poor, the Old or Young. St. Peter's Church, where I am often seen, Stands near unto it, but a House between; Where ev'ry Sunday unto my poor Power, Sleeping and waking, I do spend an hour. Your Grace may see our Houses have been spunging, And your Neat Wine shall be without much blunging. But in this one thing pray by me be rul'd, Do not drink of it unless you find it mull'd: But if you see't look blew on either side, Then to't; I wis you need no other Guide. Our Towns not rich, yet God be thanked, With no small Charge we have procur'd a Banquet, Four pounds it cost, besides I am afraid The Carriage of it down is yet unpaid: If you had come to Dinner, without boast, You should have eat with me no worse than Roast.

For though I say't, I would have let you loose Unto the flank of a fat butter'd Goose. A Cup of Gold unto Your Grace I'll bring, I hope You'l give to us some better thing. For I'll besworn that it goes near my heart, When from so many Goldings I did part: But much good d'it ye, we will ne'er repent; Since they are gone, they might on worse be spent. Some say of me you mean to make a Knight; Nay rather take a Halter and hang me quite; That it may ne'er be said, it came to pass, That it bestowed was on Balaam's Ass: Therefore I humbly crave I may go free, And give it to the Mayor of some City. Thus from my speech abruptly I will break, And if you'l know me, hear the Recorder speak.