The Epitome of a new man, or, A Leaf from the tree of life to heal the bleeding wounds of the nations in an epistle from the unknown servant of God, friend of nature, disciple of Jesus : directed unto all that love our Lord in sincerity, tending to the uniting their hearts to him, then one to another, be they of what sect or opinion soever they will : very profitable for every particular mans meditation, teaching the way how to know and govern our selves ...

CHAP. III. Of the most admirable free power that God hath given man to dis∣pose of himself within himselfe, in what manner the man doth please, and what distresses the man shall indure from himselfe, that will have God for his portion.

SInce we are by the ordination of the great God made Lords of our own affections, that we may chuse which we will cleave too, though we by meanes of our own wretched idleness, know not which to chuse, but suffer our minds to be crucified between two interests, whereas if we were men, we should resolve

to stick to something; if God be God follow him, but if Baal be God, let us follow him, 1 King. 18.21. if the flesh can make us happy let us serve it, and fulfill the lusts thereof: we do but tor∣ment our selves, for we cannot serve two Masters, the World and God, are interests utterly inconsistent one with the other; and believe this whoever thou art, 'tis at thy choise, whether thou wilt serve God or no. I am sure he stands not in need of thee, neither cares he for any to serve him but such as are wil∣ling: if thou canst get a better Master take him, thou shalt have his free consent; thou maist if thou wilt hate him, and his peo∣ple, as too many do and have done, if it tends to thy adv••n∣tage, do it, I will bear thee harmless before my Maker, be con∣stant to thy own interest, whatsoever thou by thy actions makes it to be; waver not, nor suffer thy mind to halt and hang in dispence between God and the Devil, light and darkness; let either the animal or the rational soul have its will, and all will be quiet; but if Reason raigns it will be a lasting peace: chuse one, its not so hard a matter as it is made, to decide the diffe∣rence, 'tis but asking thy own heart what it is that she desires, and truly she is not a shamefac'd Gentlewoman, nor meal∣mouth'd, but will tell thee her mind plainly, if you will but vouch∣safe her a serious hearing; she will tell thee, that all thy labour is vain that thou takes, thinking to please her with wordly trifles, she will prove this to thee by thy own experience in few words, but asking thee this question, what hath all this vanity profited her, what was yesterdayes pleasure more then the day before; and what are they both now? doth not three dayes sorrow make make her forget all the comforts that ever she had; and if Rea∣son did not help her in this exigent, would not she dispair and cause thee to hang rhy selfe. She hath so dainty an appetite, that none less then God will please her; she is vanity her selfe, and loves certainty, but here she can find no such object to fix her eyes upon; alas, she is not such a fool as we make her, but doth plainly perceive the emptiness of all things under the Sun, in these two respects: 1. They are all insufficient to perform what they promise and would willingly do. 2. They are disho∣nest and unconstant, and will not do that good for us which lies in their power; but I must not be large, but if thou be wise please thy self now, all the world and every individual ob∣ject

therein is at thy choise. What, time passes away, say, wilt thou have a God or no, or wilt thou be without him to all eternity; thou maist injoy thy selfe without a wife, and live hap∣pily, better then with one, so mayst thou woman without a man, but without a God none can.

I say, thou must have a God, though it be but a God of clouts for there is not any one faculty of thy soul that can be exercised without an object, either in opinion or in reality; if so then, let us consider what manner of one he shall be, imagine we were now chusing our wives, by which rule I was forced to go, when I had spent my spirits and wearied my selfe from one sect to a∣nother, to find one my self a God, in quiring of this man and of that man, at last of every man, what God they served, and how he would be worshipped, to see whether it was possible for me to serve their God or no; and believe me, I could never find in all my life two men of one opinion, but they differed in some material circumstance or orther, which filled my mind with more then a thousand cares and doubts, insomuch that at length I fell almost into dispair, fearing that I should have no God at all; but in the midst of these anxieties of careful sad thoughts, it came to my mind to chuse my selfe a God, I could be but damned for presumption, which motion pleased me well, then I began to take courage, and so studied what manner of one he should be, in whose presence I could dwell for evermore; and in this business the main work I had to do, was to make my own false trea∣cherous heart be constant to it selfe, which when I had security of, and was satisfied, she often telling me, that she would now be contented with any God I thought good.

O this being done with little pains, taking in the two Books of God, viz. my own nature and Scripture. I was compleatly furnished as to a God, according to my own hearts desire, inso∣much to the glory of my God be it spoken, I have no need for any man to teach me to know my Lord; thus by the helpe of these two naturall Notions which I found within me, have I made my selfe a God, in whose presence I more long to be, then ever I did for my wedding day; but he is not such a God who of his meer will and pleasure damns men, because he will damn them without any respect or consideration of their doings simply, in respect to his own decrees: Oh how the thoughts of

such a God did astonish me, I was not able to cast them in my mind, but chose rather to have no God at all, and to live with∣out the opinion or thoughts of God in the world, let no man rashly blame me for my impiety in so doing, for reason told me, him that made the way must go in it, and that it was no unkindness in one of the Kings of England, whose Queen to make her selfe singular, desired that every Woman might have her right breast cut off; Madam, said the King, I must begin with you.

Just so dealt I vvith my Mistress, else I might have had a God as well as others, a great while ago for she loves singularity as well as any Gentlewoman under braven, and would have had a God like her selfe; but she pleases not me, neither durst I trust to a God of her chusing; but if any man vvill yet judge me, let him set himselfe in my place, and look on God with the spe∣ctacle of this opinion as his own, it may be he may do vvorse, then what he condemns me for; for if tradition or relation be true, I have ground for so speaking. Francis Spiar, as I have heard, out of an apprehension of God being his enemy, was so inraged, that he wished himself above him: and some others in my dayes vvhom I can but will not name, one especially, who giving way to the Devil, vvas over-powred, and in the depth of melancholly conceited her selfe to be the childe of perdition spo∣ken of, Thessalonians 2.2.3. and so presently through the force of her imagination vvorking within her humour, drevv on her mind the sence and torments of Hell, crying out against God with cursed execrations, vvishing her selfe in his place, that she might be revenged on him, she would make him to feel vvhat smart she indured, but through mercy I prevented this in me, by begin∣ning the world anevv, stripping and dispossessing my selfe of all those painted Robes vvhich custome and tradition had cloathed me vvith, and making my selfe a God with whom I shall never be displeased, though he damn me, I vvill bear him witness to all eternity, his censure on me vvill be just.

And now I will sing this Anthem of joy In commendations of my God, And in despite of all others;

All other Gods I do defie, But such that hath eternity, And live in everlasting glee, Knowing no woe nor misery.

No other God of any kind Shall ever harbour in my mind, But I to him will shew despight. Do it I will with all my might.

I scorne such Gods be whom they may, That doth not right in justice sway, And bring all things in good degree, To those that serve them faithfully.

I had rather have no God at all, Then one to bring my minde in thral, Without a God I will ever be Except I have him whom I see.

The God to whom my heart is resign'd, Is sweet and pleasant to my mind, O such a God, so good is he, The like to him there is none can be.

Which makes my soul unto him trust, Knowing his will abide I must; And if to Hell he would me throw, Then unto hell I straight would go.

But so I hope' twill never prove, My God he is the God of love; Yet if to Hell he will me throw, My mind shall never from him go.

Thus thou see'st I have got a God, I thank God, and would not for all the world be without him, as once I was, wherefore

take heed to thy selfe, if thou hast none as yet, how thou chusest one, mistake not in thy choices, for all misery under heaven came from a mistake; I am sure there was never any evil yet commit∣ted, but the ground of it was a mistake; was there ever any wilful sinner, but first sinned unawares; no certainly, mistake spoils all, had not the Jewes been mistaken, they would never have crucified the Lord of Glory.

But methinks I see thee very inquisitive and netled in thy mind, musing in thy selfe to know what manner of God this conceited fellow has got, wishing that thou mightest see him, to know how thou diddest like him, being as desirous of a God as I, for all my prating; but wouldest thou have me tell thee who or what my God is, what good would that do thee, if thou didst like him ever so, this is my comfort, thou canst not steal him from me; neither will he be thine, but on the same terms as he is mine, and so I am willing to spare thee an interest with all my heart my God respects no persons, nor I neither; but to an∣swer thee in a word, I know him not my selfe, my eye did never see him but and imagine him, neither can do.

Neither could I ever meet with any in my thirteen years jour∣ney, as I told thee of, that could or would tell me who or what there God was, and how he would be worshipped; whether they feared least I should steal him from them, or else be more dili∣gent in serving him then themselves. I know not, something was the mater I could not learn him, nor know his service from them; yet I made diligent inquiry of every Traveller, after a God, for I wanted one exceedingly, and they all spake their pleasure some said I was a fool, there was no God at all, but a superstitious conceit the Learned had devised, and put into the heads of the vulgar to keep them in awe, and to raise their own interest of Credit and fame, and to have the Peoples Purses at their com∣mand, to feast and make themselves merry, like a pack of knaves as they are.

Others said, sure there was a God, but he was so sublime and high in his own injoyments, that he regarded not, nor took any Notes of the affairs or transactions of men.

Others said, yes, he did and had by a simple act of the know∣ledge of himselfe known and decreed all and every individuall act and thought of the Sons of men.

Others said, no, this was false, as all the rest, but indeed there was a God, but he had no such knowledge, nor made he any such decrees, but left men to the liberty of their natures, to do as they list themselves, onely taking account of their actions, because he intended to bring them to judgement after death, and to give proportionable rewards to every man according as his works should be.

Thus I was at my wits end amongst them, my G••d knows, and what to thnk I knew not, till I bethought my selfe of this new trick, viz. making my selfe a God.

Pray tell us how you did that, what, let us know something, it may be we may like and follow your example; that which is good for one man, may be good for another, if it be divine good it must be so. I doubt thou wilt not for fear least thou shouldst be mad as I am, who away with this, you are not mad, besides if you are, we are not to be sure, neither do we fear that any thing that you can say, will put us out of our wits: Saist thou so my heart, then harke hither, for in truth I am not afraid to tell thee, nor ashamed neither.

Thus I did it, I said to my selfe, surely there is a God, or else I am God without any more ado; but I am not God, therefore, thus I conclude a God, will that please thee?

I but what manner of God was that that you imagined, of which you talk so much of, how did you do that?

First, I imagined or conceited a person in my mind, and be∣cause I knew none that my fancy loved above a rare beauteous comely woman, I thought on her, and what a pleasure and de∣lightful happiness it would be to have affection and strength to injoy so sweet an object, as I list my selfe to all eternity; but Reason corrected this first thought, and told me that men were more excellent and noble then women

Which thing he proved by a testimony drawn from that high esteem that women had of men above themselves, which argued that there was some reall excellency in a man above that of a woman, or else they conceited so, for it is evident that they ho∣noured them in their opinion, and for all there prating can do nothing like a man.

[Reader, I spake this in opposition to a mad sect that I met with in my Travels, an opinion which taught thus, they

were not men that did wear breeches, nor women that were Coates; but I know no proof they have for it, except it be this, because some men let there wives wear the breeches] and becaus I knevv vvomens opinions were unconstant & light, I ground∣ed nothing on them, neither did I listen to their thoughts, but made my own inquiry more into my selfe, to see whether I had found ever such svveet content and delight in the society of men as I had of women, and I found I had a great deal more then rea∣son told me, it was more proper to imagine a man in vvhom all those rare excellent qualities I delighted in did exsist, then I lookt again among all the excellent men that I knew, to see whose virtues I loved most, and truly I saw that they were all imperfect, as there was one excellent quality, so there was a mix∣ture of badness in the best, so that in brief, I could chuse none of them for my example, to find out a God to please me.

I also cast my eye inward, and looked on my own excellence, thinking to make that my God, for reason told me, that it was better to do so, then to dote upon the excellence of others; be∣sides, I had this advantage by it▪ I should have a God at home, and need not to go out to look any as I had done.

But in this serious view, believe me, I saw my selfe to be vvorse then the Devil by hovv much I had belied him to excuse my own false heart, and am still possessed vvith this desire, rather that my God vvould give me into his povver then to my ovvn, so farre am I from making that my God.

Yet let me tell thee, that I have many rare excellent natural parts that if they were pullished with the art of Learning, they would shine lustrious in the eye of the world.

For I am a m••n of a comely countenance, somewhat bashful, naturally of a modest behaviour, ruddy ••heeks, and ruby lips, as they have been often called by my Goddesses.

And vvhat though I am poor, yet do I vvant no change of Garments, for I have ••our Suits of the best fashion, made as nigh as I could after the example of those four beasts John shevved me. 1. Orth t which I most esteem, is of Cloath of Gold. 2. Cloath of S••ver. 3. Flush, or black Velvet. The fourth is somewhat like white Sattin or Holland, but it is all besmeared with menstruous, so that if any any one see me in this, he will be

sure to keck at me, though God help him, he hath no other Cloathes to wear.

Thus with the use of these Suits, I can metamorphise my self into almost what shape I please: besides, I have so much natu∣rall art in Rhetorick, that I can place my vvords as I list my selfe, and can delude and intice the opinion of the vulgar to what I please; which thing I have much experience, not that ever I deceived any, let all the Devils in Hell prove this if they can against me; but I did it to shew them their weakness, how apt they were to be deceived, and what need they had to watch and beware of men, and to let no man deceive them; for had I been in good earnest through blind zeal, as I was in jest, I had cheated them utterly, and brought them into many damnable errors.

For I will assure thee, before I put on my hairy Garment, I had such skill that one would have thought I might have cheat∣ed Jacob, though he had the blessing; but I ever hated cheat∣ing, for fear I should cheat my selfe in the end.

Thus in brief, I saw nothing in my selfe, nor in any thing else that was worth desiring; but I hated life, and loved death; yea, lived dead as to sence of things for some weeks to∣gether, pleasing my selfe with these thoughts, that I had bet∣ter never been, and being to dye, and never to be more, but to be scattered with the winde like the dust to all eternity, then to have no better object to trust too, and delight in, then what yet my eye had seen

And in the midst of these sad thoughts, my Lord Christ in all the robes of his divine virtue and love, was presented to my view; and it was asked me within, what I thought of such a God, could I delight in his company?

And then that cursed doubt haunted my Ghost, I could not tell whether there was ever any such or no, it was said from within me, believe, and thou shalt see the glory of God, but I re∣plyed, I had been cheated too much already by believing, I would now turn Thomas, see before I believe any further.

But reason told me I was mad, and doted, what could I see no difference, nor distinguish between the objects of sense, and the objects of faith.

He bid me read again my book of Nature, and asked me this

question, How I knew my selfe to be a man; nay, how I knew whether I bad any being or no, or that I was ever born, or had Father or Mother; he bid me prove this without faith if I could: I told him I had sence of these things, and that he talke like a fool; he bid me prove I had sence at all, but I could say nothing but mum.