Divine contemplations, and spiritual breathings of Mr. Henry Dorney

A CONFLICT of Mind.

HOw soon did Peter, James and John forget the glorious Transfiguration, and fell asleep when the Temptation came? How soon is Sight gone, when the Sun is eclipsed? So it is with me. When shall I have skill to discern and resist the beginnings of Decay? How soon doth a Troop of Armed Men break in at an unguarded Gap? I cannot thrust them out again my self; but will rather go to him who hath his Bridle in their Jaws, and can both turn them back, and also lock the Door against them. Oh, that I could lift up a Jehoshaphat's Cry to the Lord of Hosts! Then would the day clear up, and I should yet see my Salvation come, flying upon the Wings of the Wind, and mounted upon the Glouds for my help. I have one hard task to do: but, O thou, to whom nothing is hard! reveal thy Will, and conquer mine. My sore Task and Travel is this; How to retain a close Application of Union with God in Christ, so as that I may prevent the loss of tender Converse, and holy reverential Familiarity

and Intercourse with him. An immoderate mind∣ing of somewhat, in it self (for ought I can yet see) not unlawful, has been a thorn in my flesh for seve∣ral days, which has spent much venom against my inward Man; but I must not succumb to any Ad∣versary: there is no safety but in overcoming. Help me throughly, O my God, at this plunge, and thou shalt have the honour of the day. I would fain en∣quire into my Soul, how I contracted this Distem∣per: and upon enquiry, I find it had such steps as these:

I was withdrawn, I know not how, from the tender sight of Christ: and influences of spiritual Warmth being damp'd, Night came upon me, and I considered it not: my Soul fell asleep, but without any Refreshment: I awaked a little now and then, but Slumber benummed me, that I could not rise up: I would fain cry out for help, but my words were like an Arrow without Feathers, that would not reach the Mark: and all this while an earthly and momentany matter of delight solicited my fancy, aad proffered some pleasure to my mind; and in re∣gard I judged it not materially evil, I gave way, till it had eaten into my Soul like a Canker, and began to build its Nest in the very place, which I had lately prepared and devoted for the Entertainment of Christ only. It was restless, and would not yield to Christ's Supremacy in my Affections, but still of∣fered some Moon-light Satisfaction to my Mind, in∣steed of the withdrawn Beams of the Sun: and when Christ whispered some Conviction into my heart, and made it ake, and raised some small yernings after him, this Glo-worm glistered upon me; and though it had neither light nor heat, yet it would pretend a competent Ballance, instead of the true spiritual

light and warmth which I lately had, but now found it was retired at a distance from me, for my trial and exercise. I discerned the Snare, but here∣in lay my Strait: My Judgment told me, the matter it self was necessary, and that a moderate diligence might be employed about it; but neither that, nor any thing else must dethrone Christ from the chief Seat in my Affections: but I found it had so twist∣ed into my fancy, that I knew not how to use my thoughts about, it with that moderation as would consist, with Christ's supream Government and Sway in my inmost delight and affections. So that, how to divide between the matter it self, and my excessive affection to it; to do the one, and guard against the other; here lies the difficulty.

The matter on which this inordinate fancy fed it self was, something relating to LITERATURE; which I judged, in its own nature, lawful and use∣ful. To remedy which distemper, I poured out my complaint before the Lord, and began to muse the following Meditations.