The mourner directory, guiding him to the middle way betwixt the two extreams, defect, excess of sorrow for his dead to which is added, The mourners soliloquy / by Thomas Doolittle ...

CHAP. VI. Resolves this Question; When is our Sor∣row for our dead spiritually defective, tho it be naturally abundant? Or, when is it too little as we are Christians, be it never so much as we are Men?

ƲSE III. A Caution to the Mourners for their Dead is necessary, be∣cause sorrow as sorrow, or sorrow as great sor∣row is not all in this case to be minded, but how it ought to be regulated, not only as we are Men, but also as we are Christians. If we sorrow not at all we are unworthy of the name of men, because without the workings of those natural Affections in the Principle com∣mon to all men. If we sorrow with turbulent Passion, vexatious, fretting Grief, we sorrow as sinful men; we may sin in our sorrow as well as in the want of it: Which is worst let the offending judge. If we sorrow as the meer fruit of Natural Affection, with a kindly sor∣row,

and not turbulent, we sorrow but as men, because we do no more than the Human Nature prompts and puts us on to do. But a greater Task lyeth upon us as Christians, and to an higher step it becomes us to ascend in our sorrow, as we have a Principle of Grace higher than all Principles of Nature; and the Scripture a more perfect Rule to govern our sorrow by, to purifie and refine it, than the Light of Nature is. In the first Ʋse we spake to such as for want of sorrow under the Loss of near Relations, and of sense of God's Afflict∣ing Hand that took them from us, seem not to be men, while we see them to be men; but below the Rank of men, in the shape of men. In the second Ʋse we pointed at them that sor∣rowed as men, with a kindly sorrow, distin∣guishing them from those that sorrow as sinful men, with a turbulent sorrow, vitiated with the Actings of corrupt Nature. In this third Ʋse we shall speak of sorrow in our present case, not meerly as Humane, but as Christian, and distinguish the one from the other.

Do not think me over-tedious on this Sor∣rowful Subject, for herein I do not only consult the helping of my self to bear the Hand of God upon me, and the searching of my own sorrow, of what kind it is, but the common good of mortal men, whose case in one House or other, one House or other! In many Houses in this great City, wherein many Hundreds

die every Week, this must be the common case of many every day. When I sit in my Study, and hear the sound of that which you call the Passing-bell in the next Parish to us [Cripplegate], Lord, think I, how many art thou calling to mourn as well as me and mine! And tho you speak of a Passing-bell in common course of Speech, and have not your H••arts affected with t••e hearing of your Ears, yet to me it makes a doleful sound, while I think it is a Passing-bell; for whither are they passing? their Bodies from their Houses to their Graves; from the Company of their Friends and Rela∣tions to be Companions of Worms; and their Souls, into Eternity of Joy or Torment; to God, and Christ, and Holy Angels; or to the Devil and his Angels for ever; and so pass from us, as no more to return unto us, out of one World into another, and so pass from this to that, as to find no passage from that to this any more for ever.

Those that have past from us to the World of Immortal Spirits, out of Time into Eter∣nity, have left us behind as Mourners not for their Gain, which is cause of Joy, but for our own Loss, which to us is cause of sorrow; and our Duty is to enquire further into the Na∣ture of it; which because you must die, may be useful to your sorrowful Relations, or your Re∣lations must die, and leave you to mourn for them; and many every day have cause of sor∣row

by the death of some or other, the Case being a common Case, but the Question not a common Question, I shall propound it, and endeavour to resolve it.

When is our Sorrow for our Dead Spiritually de∣fective tho it be naturally abundant? Or when is it too little, as we are Christians, be it never so much as we are Men?

Ans. 1. When we sorrow for the breach of the Relation made by death, we sorrow as men, tho in great abundance, for so an Heathen may do; but do not sorrow for Sin as Sin, commit∣ted against God in the neglect of our Relative Duties while the Relation was continued, for so only Christians can do. Tho our Natural Sorrow doth abound in the first respect, it is spiritually defective in the latter respect. Two things taken for granted.

1. Here it is taken for granted, That the most Loving Relations may Sin and fail in their Relative Duties one to another; for as much as we cannot yield perfect Obedience to any one of the Ten Commandments, among which the Fifth contains Relative Duties: And who can say, tho I have transgressed all the rest, yet this I have perfectly fulfilled? I have heard that some have asserted, that they have lived Twen∣ty or Forty years in a Conjugal Relation with∣out

an angry word, or unkind act betwixt them; if so, might not we say, O peaceable Spirits that were in these! O rare Example, and seldom found! But be it so, is there no other Sin in these Relations but anger and angry words? What! Did they pray also daily to∣gether, or as much one for another as they ought, and as fervently as they should? Did they by all ways and means appointed by God help each other in their Spiritual Concerns as Duty did require? Were there never no sinful Thoughts in their Minds one against another? there is one can tell you, his sinful Thoughts a∣gainst some Related to him, hath filled his Heart with more sorrow, his Eyes with Tears, and his Mouth with secret Confessions to God, and cost him more Sighs, and Sobs, and Groans in pleading for Pardon for the Sin of his Thoughts (tho re∣sisted) than any angry Words or unkind Actions ever did. For the one might be more easily prevented than the other, because we have a more absolute government over our Tongues and Hands than over our Thoughts. What! Can any Persons in any Relation suppose Hus∣band and Wife, Parents and Children say they did never Love too much, or at no time too lit∣tle? never did take too much care, or never too little for their Relations, but had that just proportion and measure of Love to them and Care for them, as the perfect Rule requires: So much as God commanded, and no more

than God allowed? For my part, my Prayer shall be, Lord forgive my Relative Sins, whilst others boast and bless themselves, and say, O God, I thank thee I am not in this as other Men be, nor as this Man. And, Lord, let not me be as Blind as that Man, that can see no Relative Sins to confess to thee, or to be humbled for at thy Throne of Grace, when thou wilt find some to judge him for at the Bar of thy Ju∣stice.

2. The reigning Sins, or Sins of Infirmities what they were, or are, in their kinds, degrees, frequency, and all Aggravations committed in our respective Relations, must be left to the scru∣tiny of every man's Conscience, or to God, that was an Eye-witness, if Conscience was fallen asleep; and will be an Impartial Judge, if Con∣science for the present perform not its Office of Witness, Accuser, and Judge.

These being granted, that your Father or Mother, Husband or Wife, or Child is dead, you sorrow and grieve, you weep and wall, you lament and mourn; there is your Humani∣ty and Natural Passion, because your Relation is broke; but where is your Christianity in this sorrow, when you had not one Tear (a∣mongst so many) for the Sins against God and them, while you stood in that Relation? And yet do not you see, while your natural sorrow is abundant, your Spiritual sorrow is defective, or none at all in this respect? Where are your

Tears for your disobedience to your Father or Mother when alive? Where is the Husband's sorrow for undue and unjust grieving of his Wife, sadning her Heart, and sending her by his unkindness to her Knees in secret to open her Case, and pour out her Tears and Soul be∣fore God in Prayer? Did you without cause make her weep when alive, and shall not this in all your sorrow for her when dead, make you sorrow for sinning against God and her before she died? According as your Relative Sins were, more or less, greater or smaller, when the Relation held; it's time, it's high time to sorrow for them, when by death it is broke; and so shew your self a Christian, as well as a Man in sorrowing for your dead. And do this now, if you have not hitherto; tho your Father or Mother, Husband or Wife, or Child, be long since dead and turn∣ed into dust, their rotted Flesh and dry Bones, and bare Skull in the Grave do cry to God against you. Therefore while you sorrow for their dead Bodies, sorrow also for your own sinful Souls, because you sinned so much against them in their Life-time.

2. When you mourn for the loss of that com∣fort and delight that you had in loving of them, and in being beloved by them, be your Sorrow never so much, you sorrow only as Men; for so an Hea∣then might do; but you sorrow not for the Dis∣pleasure of God, by reason of those Sins which

Conscience doth justly and truly charge you with, committed in that Relation; your Sor∣row is defective as you are Christians. You sinned as you were an Husband, and for your sin God was displeased; you sinned as you were a Father, or a Mother, and God was dis∣pleased for your Sin; you sinned as you were a Son, or a Daughter, and for your Sin God was displeased; and God hath by Death taken away your Wife, your Child your Father, or Mother; you Sorrow because they are dead, with great Sorrow, and herein you do no more, than a Man or Woman, as such, might do; but you do not Sorrow that God is displeased, which is not so much as a Christian should do. You Sorrow, because you are afflicted; but where is your Sorrow because God is displea∣sed? You have many Tears for the loss of your Creature-comforts, but have you drop∣ped one for the loss of that Comfort that should arise from the sense of the Love of God unto your Soul? You mourn for the smarting Rod that lies upon you; Nature, Flesh, and Blood, will make you feel the smart, and cry out, because of it, but you do not grieve; that by the Sin in your Relation, you grieved the Spirit of God; that Grace must inable you to do. Are not you herein like unto a Child that is scourged by his Father, he cries aloud, he weeps, and sobs, he groans,

but what is it for? Not because his Father is displeased, this he is not troubled at, but be∣cause of the smart and pain that the Rod doth make him so sensible of. Do not you see, he doth not mourn as he is a Child, and stands in that Relation, but as he hath Flesh that is pained by the strokes? Might not he cry out under the Rod, and yet be a stubborn Child, a disobedient Child, and not desire his Father's love in the way of his Duty, nor lay to heart his Father's displeasure for the Evil he hath done? Will you ask me, Sir, Are you sure God is displeased with me, because by Death he hath removed my Relation from me? I will ask you, Are you sure that he is not? Which doth it look most like, Love or Dis∣pleasure? And if you are not sure he is not displeased with you under such a Rod, should not you sorrow lest he should be displeased? Is the displeasure of God so small a thing in your Eye, that the fear of it should not be ground of your Sorrow? And say, what if God should be angry with me in what he hath taken from me? What if my Father should be displeased, and the Death of this Relation be the fruit of it? Is not here ground to sorrow as a Christian, as well as a Man?

The loss of a good Husband, or Wife, Father, Mother, or Child, is a burden heavy to be

born; but the loss of the favour of God is greater, and his displeasure presseth more hard upon a Soul sensible of it; and there∣fore prays, O Lord, if thou rebuke me, let it not be in thine anger; if thou chasten me, let it not be in thy sore displeasure, Psalm 6.1. The loss of a Relation is a Rebuke, it is a chastening, and it may be in anger and displea∣sure; when it is so, Sorrow for God's displea∣sure as Christians, as for your own Affliction as Men.

3. When you Sorrow more for the loss of your Temporal Good by the Death of your Relation, than for the Spiritual Advantage you might have gained by the continuance of their Lives; You sorrow too much as Men, but too li••tle as Christians. You may sorrow for the one, as well as for the other; but you should not sor∣row so much for the one, as for the other, because the one is better than the other, and the loss of the one a greater loss than the other. By their Death you sustain the loss of some out∣ward Comforts for your Body, and loss of some inward Advantages for your Soul; as now they can instruct and teach you no more, they can pray with you, and for you, no more, they can help you to answer your doubts about your Spiritual State no more, nor give you Argu∣ments against your own Corruptions, or Sa∣tan's Temptations any more, nor reprove you for your Sin, nor comfort you under your Af∣flictions,

nor exhort you to be making holy Preparations for Death, nor direct you there∣in any more for ever; nor by their continued Example stir you up to secret Prayer to main∣tain Communion with God, all these were great Advantages you had by the Life of your holy Relations, and by their Death they cease; For this you do not sorrow, saying, My God∣ly Father, my Holy Mother made many a Prayer, shed many a Tear for me; they pleaded with God for Grace, and Mercy, and Pardon for me; but Death hath broken off the continuance of their Prayers, and what a loser am I thereby: They did observe and watch my Life and Actions; what was Evil, they reproved me for, what was Good they did inc••urage and countenance me in; but Death hath closed their Eyes, that they can now see neither Good nor Evil in me, and hath tied their Tongue, that they can speak no more to me concerning the one, nor the other; and who can tell the greatness of my loss for my Immor∣tal Soul, that I am under by their Death? The like might be said concerning a Religious Husband, an holy Zealous Wife. Wherefore if you mourn never so much for your loss by their Death, as to your Bodies and outward Estate, and not so much as to your loss to your Soul, and spiritual Condition, it's more like Men than Christians.

4. When you Sorrow more for the want of their Company in Life, than you do for want of a sanctified improvement of their Death, you sorrow too much as Men, and too little as Christians: Nature helps you to the one, but it must be Grace that must inable you to do the other. Your Father or Mother, Husband or Wife, or Child is dead, and you sit down, and sorrow, and say, I shall never see these in my house any more, they shall never sit with me at my Table any more, they shall lodge in my Bed no more, and dwell with me on Earth no more for ever. I shall see them no more, whom I did love to look upon; when they were absent from me a Week or two, a Month or two; A Month! a Day or two, how glad was I at their return? If their absence filled me with Sorrow, their presence again did drive away my Sorrow, and renewed my Joy. If I parted with them when to go a Journey, I did it with Tears of Grief; but when they returned, I received them with Tears of Joy? If I sorrowed that they were gone, yet the hopes of their safe return did asswage my Sorrow. But now they are gone without re∣turn: They have taken a long Journey, and ne∣ver to me will come back again: They were use to take their leave, and say farewel, till I see you again; but now they took their leave, saying, The Lord be with you, for I shall be with you no more. Oh, this word no more, doth even break

my heart; what my Father, or Mother gone, and shall I see them no more; my Wife, or Hus∣band gone, and shall I set mine Eyes on him, or her no more? My dear Child gone, looking on whom did delight my Eyes, and must I see him no more? I look for my Relations at my Table, but their place is empty, and I cannot see them there; I lock, but I cannot see them. I go to the Cham∣ber where they did use to sit and Work, or to the Closet where they did use to Pray, but I cannot see them there. I see the Work, but them I can∣not see; I see their Hand-writing, but them I cannot see; I see their wearing Clothes, but them that did use to wear them, I cannot see; to see these, and not them, doth renew and encrease my Sorrow; when I can see these every day, and no day can see them, the more I multiply my Sorrow, and methinks this Sorrrow is pleasent Sorrow; and this Grief is delightful Grief; and when I feel Sorrow added to Sorrow, at the remembrance of them I must see no more, methinks it pleaseth me to remember them, tho it grieves me that I can not, must not see them, nor enjoy their Compa∣ny, nor my comfort in their Company any more for ever.

Is this your Sorrow? And have you nothing else to do than to feed your Sorrow? And please your self with this kind of Sorrow? What do you call it? Natural Sorrow? Sor∣row of Men, as Men? But where is your

Christian Sorrow? And the Sorrow you should have as renewed, sanctified Men? Or should tend by the spiritual Improvement of the Death of your Relation to make you such? Should you not say, Is my Child dead, and my Soul not mended by its Death? My Heart as hard, and as worldly as before? Hath God been smi∣ting me, and cannot I feel? Hath God been cor∣recting me for my Sin, and cannot I yet grieve and groan, weep and sorrow for my Sin? Hath Death separated me and my Relation, and do I sorrow for that? And hath not Sin separated God and me, and do not I sorrow for this? Do I sit and sorrow, because I shall enjoy the company of this Relation no more, and have I no grief and sorrow, that by my Sin I have forfeited the en∣joyment of God for ever? Is not God better than the Creature, and the Enjoyment of God better, sweeter than the Enjoyment of the Creature; and the lose of God a greater, and more bitter loss, than the loss of my Relation? And yet have I so many Tears for the loss of the lesser, and not one for the loss of the greater Good? Did I take the Creature for my God, that I sorrow more for the loss of it, than I do for the real loss of him that is indeed the only True, Living and Eternal God? Hath God been laying Gall and Wormwood on the Creatures Breast, to wean me from the Love of this present World; and do not I improve his stroke, to call off my Affections

from it? When my Children did live, I then pretended that my worldly Cares was to make Provisions for them; hath God taken them away, and do my worldly care still remain as much as when I had them to provide for? May I not see the deceitfulness of my heart, and turn my sorrow from mourning for my Dead, to mourning for making no better Improvement of their Death? Did I give that Love to them, which was due to God, and now I have not them to l••ve, should not God have my love, and more of it? Did I place so much comfort in their Life, and should not I seek my comforts now from God, when I find my Creature-comforts thus do fail me? Did I take delight in conversing with them, and now that delight is ceased and gone, should not I improve this disappointment, in seeking, and endeavouring after, and labouring for more Communion with God? And if I cannot find this Affliction sanctified to me, should not I sor∣row less for the loss of my Relation, and cease mourning so much as I am a Man, and turn my mourning into sorrowing far want of an holy Improvement of my loss, and at lost begin to sor∣row as a Christian man in this case should sor∣row.

5. When you sorrow more for their Death, than that you are yet so much unprepared for your own. And that you have improved your time, and means of Grace no more, to get

ready for Death, and Judgment after Death, and Heaven after Judgment? Your Father or Mother, Husband or Wife, died with well-ground∣ed hopes of Heaven, on their Dying-bed con∣quered the Fears of Death, and rejoyced in the hope of the Glory of God; expressed their thankfulness to God, that they had had that Communion with God, the experience whereof did so much then delight them, that they would not have been without for all the Riches of the World. And you are yet under doubts and fears; afraid to think of Death, because you do not know whether then you shall be damned or saved; because you cannot tell whe∣ther you have believed or repented, and yet you sorrow for them, as men, go sorrow, because of your own Fears and Dangers you are in.

6. When you sorrow more for your own loss, than you do for your discontent, and impatient murmuring at the Hand of God because of your loss, and do not sorrow for your excessive Sorrow. Natural Sorrow, when it is vitiated with the acting of corrupt Nature, will soon work up to discontent and impatience, to repining, and harbouring of hard thoughts, and some∣times blasphemous Thoughts against the bles∣sed glorious God. If God did love me, why hath he dealt thus with me? If he had a kind∣ness for me, why hath he taken his kindness from me? If God govern the World by his Wisdom;

why doth he take away those that are a comfort to their Relations, and continue those that are a cross, and a curse, and a plague unto them? For∣bear, say no more, think no more these Thoughts; but if in your Sorrow, you have such things unworthy of God arising in your mind, cease sorrowing for your Dead, and spee∣dily begin and hold on to lament, and bitterly bewail such abominable Motions in your hearts, and spare your Tears to mourn for this great Wickedness, and pray, That these Thoughts of your heart may be forgiven you: For should God's afflicting hand lay you down at his Foot, and doth your corrupt heart let fly such sinful Actings in his Face? Or will you mourn for your Affliction by the Instigation of natural Affection, as a Man, and not at all grieve and groan, sigh and sob, lament and bewail the Exorbitancy of your Passion, tho it work to so great a Provocation of a Just and Powerful God, and by such discontent risen to such an height shew your self a corrupt Man, and by not sorrowing for these sinful workings of heart, shew your self to be no Religious Man.

7. When you sorrow more for your outward worldly loss by the Death of your Relation, than you do for your distrust in the Promises and Pro∣vidence of God to provide for you. A Wife had a dependency upon her Husband, and Chil∣dren on their Father under God. He dies,

and their trust in God dieth with him. What shall we do now for a maintenance? For supply of our wants? Who shall give us Bread to eat, and Raiment to put on? Is not this to mourn more like an Heathen than a Christian? Can God provide for you no way but one? By no other means than by him that was an Husband, or a Father to you? You are short in your Chri∣stian Sorrow, while you are excessive in your Turbulent Sorrow.

8. When you sorrow more for the dead Body of your Relation, than you do for the want of greater Faith and Hope, and quieting thoughts of a joyful Resurrection which should be the Fruit of that Faith and Hope. You see the dead Corps in the Coffin laid in the Grave, thither your Thoughts run daily (when you do not) to mourn over them in the Grave, fixing your thoughts how they putrify and rot, how they consume and moulder away, and this pierceth your heart. But you do not meditate as one that believes they shall live again, and be glo∣rious Bodies; and in this your sorrow is defe∣ctive as you are a Christian.