A defense against the dread of death, or, Zach. Crofton's meditations and soliloquies concerning the stroak of death sounded in his ears in the time of his close imprisonment in the Tower of London, anno 1661 and 1662 : digested for his own private staisfaction and support in the vale of the shadow of death, and now made publique for the advantage of such as abide under Gods present visitation in London by the pestilence.

SECT. XV.

DEath will dissolve my being; when I am dead, I am not: but it will also discharge my bur∣den; when I am not, I am not greived: my self, my sin, and my

sorrow, shall all cease together, and at once, better therefore is the day of my death, then the day of my birth: through all my life I have found little, very little that is desireable; but much, which I may well spare; very much where∣of I may desire to be eased; for the discharge hereof I may well bid death welcome.

What hath been my whole life, but an estate of sin, sorrow, of pain and travel; a condition, full of cares, fears, greifs, tempta∣tions, afflictions, crosses, losses, persecutions, reproaches, dan∣gers, and great distresses, sick∣nesses and sinful weaknesses, and soul-perplexities? man that is born of a woman, is born unto trouble, a•• the sparks flye upward: these are so natural to me, and inherent i•• me, that they exist in, and subsist with my very self; I cannot be and be without them; I cannot lay them down, without laying

my self aside: vanity, vexation, and trouble, qualifie my life as in∣seperable to it; why am I perplexed with an apprehension that such a life draweth to a period? I have all my days been persecuted by hu∣mane rage and power, and so should be still if I live longer; I may well be contented to be re∣solved into an estate of peace: when men have killed my body, they have done their worst, their all; they have me not to insult over; they do much better for me then they are aware of; they give me a writ of ease from all my travel, and trouble; in the grave the wicked do and shall cease from troubling; the weary shall be at rest; the prisoners do rest toge∣ther, and they hear not the voice of the oppressor.

My soul! were there no more in death, but this release from greif, pain, sorrow and travel; thou mayest well resign me up to

the stroak of death; I may be content not to be, that so I may not be so miserable; well may death be sweet to me, to whom my whole life hath been so bitter: how many have desired death, be∣cause of the danger, distress, and dolour of their lives? how many have sinfully destroyed their lives, to deliver themselves from their cares, fears, greifs, wants, and woful pains? I desire not, I dare not, I will not tempt God, and murmur against his providence, by hastening my death, by a vio∣lent, untimely, unlawful, un∣natural act of self-violence; all the days of mine appointed time, I will wait till my change come; but I may very cheerfully, wil∣lingly, yeild unto that stroak which is sent of God to ease me of so great a burden: the rather, because Death is my discharge from sin, as well as from sorrow; and death onely can be the discharge thereof:

In iniquity I was conceived, in sin did my Mother bring me forth; sin is to me as natural as my self; it is inherent in my being; it was born with me; it hath grown up with my ••ody; that will not, that can∣not be divided from this; this corruptible body, is the uphold of the body of corruption; these two do stand, and will fall together: This dying flesh is not only the sub∣ject of sence, but also the seat of sin; the members of my body, are the instruments of sin, unto, and until death: how tormenting hath life been unto my soul, by reason of temptation unto sin? the con∣stant militation of my flesh, hath made my life a continual conflict: how have I feared to nourish my body, because thereby I made pro∣vision for the flesh to fulfil the lusts thereof? I could never yet tame sin, but by buffetting my flesh, and by abstracting from the sup∣ports of my being.

I cannot be rid of sin, till I be released of life: Oh the care to avoid, fear to commit sin, to which I have been subject! how many times have I been forced to embrace sorrow, to shun sin? and to sit alone, exposed to scorn and misery, because I durst not run to the excess of riot with other men? Mortification of sin, hath been the main of my business, since I saw the sinfulness of sin: and yet do I what I could, it would and doth exist in me, and prevail upon me; to the often checking my comforts; hindring my communion with God; and wounding my conscience by omissi∣ons of, and defects in duty; by commission of hainous sins, and many abberrations from my hea∣venly father, forced to fetch me home by paternal castigation: though Gods grace hath maintain∣ed in me a constant militation, tha•• sin could not reign in my morta••

body; and my Father hath ever kept me under the rod of correcti∣on; yet, the law in my members hath rebelled against the law in my mind; and led me captive unto sin: the best of my life hath been a candid confession, and a continual complaint, that the good I would do I do not, and the evil I would not do, that I do; and an affectionate outcry; Oh wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of sin? I must, I may whilst I live, make it my care to keep under my bo∣dy, lest my sin overcome me; and yet whilst I abide in the body, I shall bear about a body of corrupti∣on; the death of this shall be, and it onely can be the destruction of that: Onely in the grave I shall cease to sin; when I am not, I shall not be sinful; I shall not be a sinner.

My Soul! Dost thou desire to be freed from the suggestions,

temptations, and inclinations to sin? and yet tremble at the thoughts of dissolution, which will, and onely can deliver thee from them all? be assured after death thou shalt not be greived for, because thou shalt not be stained with thy daily guilt: thy sinful nature shall then no more greive the Spirit of thy holy God: Hast thou waged a mortal warfare against thy sin, all my life? and wilt thou now give back in the last mortal stroak? though this fall upon thy self with some violence, it will certainly give thee the full conquest over thy lusts with which thou hast so long contested; fall willingly un∣der that fall, which will make thee full victor over these cursed Phili∣stines.

Come O my soul! be willing to stoop that thou mayst lay down thy load; submit freely to that stroak, which will for ever set thee free from all sin, and from all sorrow:

cease to complain that thy life hath been tedious, and tiresom, trouble∣ous and toilsom; or shew thy self content and truly glad to be eased: desire to be dissolved, that thy burden of sin and sorrow may be discharged. Be still O my soul! the stroke of death is dreadful; but it once struck, doth for ever dismiss and destroy the suggestions of Satan, the motions of sin, the actings of unrighteousness, the ap∣prehensions of Gods wrath, and af∣flictions by mens rage and envy, with all other evils: who would not bear some dread to be deliver∣ed from so great distress; when I am dead, I shall cease from my labour; I shall rest from mine own works of sin and sorrow; these are indeed most properly mine own works; produced, procured by my self; created, continued by, and with my self; acted by, ex∣istent in, and with my self; to be only desolved and destroyed with

my self: whilst I am, I am as, yea, above others of my brethren, the Butt of Satans rage, and mens ma∣lice; the subject of strong passions and finful motions: whilst I have lived, I have not done duty to God without great defect; I have not delivered my Masters message among men, without great dan∣ger; Satan hath hunted me into sin, and wicked men hath hunted me into sufferings; they have lien in wait for me; they have labour∣ed to make my tongue my trap, and to ensnare me by my words: but I may now be content, these can follow me no further; they shall now lose the sent; the grave shall be my burrough, in it I shall be quiet; I shall then be out of the reach of lust, care, trouble, sor∣row, sickness, temptation and per∣secution; I shall now no more be heard to grieve or groan: I will therefore be willing to cease to be, that I may cease to be the

subject of so bad, so sinful quali∣ties.

Notes

• Death dis∣solveth my being, and dis∣chargeth my bur∣den.
• Job 5.7.
• Job 3.17, 18.
• Psal. 51.5.