Then will you with Rabby Busy, get loose from the Stocks, rejoyce, &c. cry out, The Malice of the Enemy hath mocked it self; and the once Ruling Faction in the City will put you in the Kalendar with Sir Patience Ward, in whose Representative head the Charter receiv'd its first wound, though in a little time after it was it self brought to the Stake, and much of its super∣fluous Parchment rescinded, like yours.
But were not Pryn, Burton and Bastwick triumphantly shewed to the Mo∣bile in your very cut? Ay, and with more applause, I dare say, than Mon∣sieur Candal would have been in long Locks and Pantaloons; nay, they were cry'd up as Patterns to the imitation of all good Patriots, and long Ears, in those days, were exploded as much as long Horns, or long Hair, which be∣ing but vain excrements, the Wiser part of Men even now do cut off, and hide, or wear in Perriwigs.
May not you then, by the same Rule of Decency, wear a Cap with Ears, since your Age (if not your Profession) allow it? especially when you may pretend, that those outward excrescences, literally speaking, were but the Luggage of your Invention, that, Cumbring its march with unnecessary digressions, you left behind, for the same Reason that the Philosopher cut off his Doucets.
The Spaniards, who always fift Honour to the fineness of a Punctilio, wear Bigotero's, or Spur-leathers between their Nose and upper Lip, not onely when they have Beards, but when they have none, and a Man may more safely take a Bear by the Tooth, than question his Mustachios: yet they seem half asham'd of their Ears, by Combing all their hair on one side, to cover a moiety of them. Do not the same Nation wear Spectacles too, when they see better without them, to keep off the Malignity of Venemous ob∣jects? And shall a Doctor be ashamed to wear Clasps to his hearing, to keep off the sound of bitter Truths, which otherwise would give him the head∣ach?
We reade among the Mythologists, that when the Gods did punish the fol∣ly of Midas, they exposed him with a pair of Asses Ears, to make him ridi∣culous. Why the Argument holds in conversion, that as long Ears are a ble∣mish, so short Ears are a beauty; and, if so, the shorter the prettier.
Besides, this remark of the Law was necessary, to distinguish you in com∣mon discourse, your Name being an equivocal word; and therefore a Man may be banter'd half an hour together with a Jargon of Oates before he knows what it means; but then if one explains himself, by adding, I in∣tend that Oates that had Ears, we know the Tree by the Fruit, without far∣ther note, or comment. And if any be so impertinent, as to ask you, why you have not your Ears still, you may answer him proudly, with Cato, You had rather be asked why you have none, than why you have any.
Ergo, Doctor, conclusum est, that this nimming of your Ears does not at all intrench upon the Ornament, or Convenience of your Person, in any ca∣pacity whatsoever.
Having hitherto been your Instructor, I must now become your Disciple, and desire to be sincerely inform'd, what Science, or Faculty you took the Degree of Doctor in, and this I ask, because I do not find that any Com∣mence in Physick at Salamanca; and our Divines here suppose you a Civili∣an, and our Civilians take you for a Divine. Now, should you, like the Mountebank in the Epigram, prove neither one nor t'other, we must find some new Profession for your Learned Doctorship: And truely, I always