The Complaisant companion, or, New jests, witty reparties, bulls, rhodomontado's, and pleasant novels

THE EPISTLE TO THE READER.

CErtainly before the Mexican Con∣quest, never did the Indian Mines so abound with Gold, as doth this over-curious Critical Age with Pretenders to all manner of Witt and Ingenuity: the Stage is throng'd, the Press opprest, and not a Coffee-House but what is unreasonably smoakt with the fumes of hot working Brains whose only hopes and designs are, either to prattle, or scribble themselves into reputati∣on: nay, the Bookseller is become a Demi-Critick

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who knowing not what to have, will be sure to Censure what he doth not un∣derstand; but more especially, if he thinks he doth any ways intrench upon that pro∣priety, he hath made his own by invading another mans: a thing so frequently practi∣ced among them, that, when any are found guilty of that abuse, they only laugh at it, and cry, Hang't, it is but a piece of Land-Piracy, of which very few ••f us can plead guilt∣less: for my part, I cannot in this present Publication, because it is partly a Collection, and so consequently I must borrow from what is already Publisht: but it hath been done with such caution, that, to the best of my Judgment I have selected nothing but what is choice Wit, and Ingenuity, intermixing therewith new witty Fancies, and conceits, which till now were never made Publick in Print, partly drawn from ingenious Conver∣sation and partly from Translation out of late Books in the French Tongue, and other Language.

I hope herein, I shall not be too severely condemned for a Plagiary, since a nimble Theft of this kind is not only fashionable, but plausible. Besides, should all the Wri∣ters of larger Volums be obliged to return what they had stolen or borrowed from

others, we should see many bulkie Folio's dwingle into Twelves, or shrink, and hide themselves in their own Covers.

Let this suffice to satisfie the discerning Reader, whom I need not advise, how and at what time to delight the Appetites of his Hearers with this Banket of Jests, since he cannot but know the proper season is, when the mind is unbended, and digestion assisted by mirth of this nature; neither is he igno∣rant that there is an Antipathy between them, and all places where sickness or sor∣row have dominion; neither must they be made the subject of Discourse, but conve∣niently intermixt therewith.

And now to Conclude, since I have inter∣woven Bulls (which gore and murder sense) with the Jests herein contained, it will not be amiss to finish my Epistle with stuff agre∣able to their Nature; Have at ye then blind Harpers; you, who look on true Witt with as many Grimaces, or Monkey-saces, as if some Barber Chyrurgeon was fumbling about your rotton Gums with a rusty Instrument to find out the stump of some pu••refied and cor∣rupted tooth, which out-stinks the Devils Scotch Ordinary, or, his House of Office.

'Tis not the Persian Gulph, or Epsoms-Well, Nor Westminsters sweet Plum-broth (made in Hell) Can change my Resolution, I have vow'd To Speak with silence, and to Write aloud.

You ignorant brisk Fops who being inter∣nally blind, can discern no farther then you can see, whose gaping mouthes dam'd up with silent Nonsense speaks loudly, that ye are full of emptiness; which might be easily perceiv'd when you averd.

That as the Gout is but a pleasing itch, The best Bear-Garden Bull-dog was a Bitch.

Come let me tell you, Reason, and you are as neer allyed as the Artick and Antartick Poles, for which Posterity hath long since Registred you Fools, and former Ages, for the time to come, shall confirm it.

But now though in Jest let me be in earnest, when after you have read what is before, and in the middle, you meet with the Bulls, if they please you, as much as they are like you, then assure your self the next time my Bulls Calve, you shall have more of them. For further satisfaction at which time you shall have Dunsmore Cows-milk to make Sillebubs, I know you must like them,

being so like your selves; and to tell you the truth, I playd the Bear to lick them into a form, as like you as I could, and I think I have done it monstrously well, if I am not un∣deceived: for know, though I will give place, yet I will never precedency, neither to Merry Andrew, the Westminster Quibler, Pasquin, or any other Scribler famous for propagating Laughter by Buffonry, and Non-sense, or infamous, and detestable, for causeless and villa∣nous detraction, whom interest would ingage to stab his Father with his Pen, and afterwards kill his Brother with his Sword in vindication of the Fact.

—O foul offence! This Non-sense tasts of too much Truth and Sense.

Now if I must have your detracting com∣mendations, say not a word, by which dumb expressions my ears, and consequently my understanding will be informed, that accor∣ding to the Proverb, Consent doth give silence; but if your toothless Censure should fasten upon the shoulders of my Reputation, and my Credit shall rankle by the venome there∣of, I shall only for the present say, Farewel and behang'd, and that is twice God-b'y.

One word more I beg leave to add (cra∣ving

pardon from the discreet for the pre∣ceding Ribaldry) and that is concerning the Novels I have affixed to the Jests, those which are here (the Product of Report) are not only true, but will be found I doubt not indifferently pleasant, the rest are Transla∣ted out of French; if their Plot be bad, im∣pute the blame to the sterility and dullness of Monsieur's fancy, and not him, who is your Country-man.