Bogg-witticisms, or, Dear joy's common-places being a compleat collection of the most profound punns, learned bulls, elaborate quibbles, and wise sayings of some of the natives of Teague-Land / ... coullected bee de grete caare and painsh-tauking of oour laurned countree-maun, Mac O Bonnielabbero of Drogheda, Knight of the Mendicant Order.

13

A certain Lord having a Nimble Bog-Trotter to his servant which use to travell with him when he rode and wou'd make as quick speed as his Horse let him ride never so hard, This Nobleman having occasion to send his servant to a Gentleman of his ac∣quaintance who lived about a dozen Miles from him, he call'd his Man to him over Night, and said Teague (for so the fellow was named) I must send you to morrow very early in the morning to Mr.... pray remember, to which Teague reply'd au my shaul Joy I saul remember very well, In the mor∣ning Teague rose very Early and away he trots to this Gentlemans house leaving his Master (as supposed) a sleep, and being come Teague knosked at the Door, and was let in, Who presently ask'd for the Gentleman, he Master of the House, to which the Ser∣vant

answered he was not stirring; Teague said

be Chreesht I must speake with him I did come from the Lord... my Master.

The Servant went & acquainted his Master thereof, (thinking it had been some Urgent affair that Teague should come 12. miles so soon in the morning.) Whereupon his Mr. having a great respect for the Lord (and believing it business of Moment) ordered Teague to come up to his Chamber, And the Gentleman said how now Teague, what news doe you bring from My Lord your Mr. that you are here to Early, to which Teague answered, be Chrest I cano tell, how does my Lord quoth the Gent. Indeed very well, said Teague, what is your Errant or business with me Teague, (quoth the Gent.) Quoth Teague

be Chrest & St. Patrick I cannot tell, My Lord did call me to him over night and said I must come to thee this morning, yes indeed, & he did charge me to remember it, and be Chrest thou canst witness I have not forgat it for thou seest I am here with thee,

quoth the Gent.

is this all,

quoth Teague

au my shaul I doe not know any more, and so I will goe home (Dear Joy) to my Master and tell him I did remember to come to thee

(quoth the Gentleman) now I think on't Teague, you must stay a little while, I have something to send to your Master, which you come for, be Chreesh (quoth Teague) I cano tell: Then the Gen∣tleman

began to think how he should be reveng'd of this Rogue that had thus di∣sturb'd him to no purpose, at length he Considered he had an ugly stone Morter which he did not value, which Mortar he gave Teague and told him, he came for that Mortar, and that his Master had sent him purposely for it; The Mortar weighed about 80 l. which Teague gott upon his Back, and took his leave of the Gentleman, many a face and many a Curse he did make at the Mortar, for it did hurt his back and should∣ers, and almost grippled poor Teague, but he was bound to endure it with Patience, ha∣ving brought it home, he had some help to get it off his back; And the rest of his Servants asked him where he had been, for his Lord miss'd him; To which he was Dumb and would not answer any thing for a long while, at last My Lord being at a Bouling Green near, sent to see for Teague, and to command him to come to him, who came to the Green to My Lord, said the Lord to Teague ye plaguy Rogue where have you been all this day, Teague made ugly faces and points to his back an shoulders (being sore and gauld by the stone ortar) andas often as My Lord ask'd him where he had been, My Lord received no other answer but wretched wry faces and pointing to his Shoulders & back, till at length my Lord grew a little angry, Sirra, said he, tell me where

you have been & the meaning of your Poin∣tings and wry Mouth, or else I will Cudgell your bones, Then Teague answered, didst thou not say I must goe to Mr.... this morn∣ing, and be Chrest I have been with him, you dam'd Rogue, said My Lord, I told you over night you should goe to him in the morning, but you should have come to me and taken my Errant along with you, A plague take thee, and they Errant to, I did bring they Errant upon my back be Chreest, till I did bruise my shoulders, and au my shoul I shal goe no more of thy Errants, nay Teague (quoth my Lord, doe not say so) what is it you brought from the Gentleman, be Chrest thou may'st see it if thou wilt goe home, no Teague, said the Lord (being willing that some Gentlemen shoud share in the mirth that this fellow was like to make among them) goe you home and fetch this Errant that has so mortifyed your shoulder and let me see it, Teague goes home and takes up the Morter and brings it to his Master upon the Green, and throwes it down there, at which they all laughed heartily that this fellow should be so sordid as to goe to the Gentleman without his Errant, and commended the Gentlemans In∣genuity to punish the fool with such a bur∣then. To be short, his Master and the Com∣pany having had sport enough with his sowr faces, his pointings and his Errant, his Master bid him carry the Mortar home

but withall to goe to the Gentleman again, and fetch the Pestell to the Morter, he ha∣ving forgot it.