Micrologia. Characters, or essayes, of persons, trades, and places, offered to the city and country. By R.M.

16. Bridewell.

BRides-well, or Bridgets well, is the City Schoole-mistris, that by due correction tames and brings vnder her vnruly obstinate children of both sexes; those that haue dranke, or inde••d but throughly tasted of this well, will com∣monly euer after bee most cautelous of any relapse to returne thither for a se∣cond cure. It is a faire, free, hospitable open house for all commers. The com∣plaint of Guests hither inuited or ra∣ther incited, seemes quite contrary to that of common Innes, where fault is most found for want of obseruance, the distaste here growing of more fol∣lowers then needs: Howbeit their At∣tendants,

(as persons well deseruing) are men in Liueries, Beadles in Blue∣coates, who hold as much land by gi∣uing out statute lace, as your Bosomes-Inne Cariers by deliuering cheeses at Christmas: They are ready waiters on your backs on any occasion, and their maine seruice a full satiety of whipping-cheare. They are men not fluent in dis∣course, yet captious in your company, much inclined to criticisme, and so Sa∣tyricall, that on the le••st fault commit∣ted they are ready to giue you a Ierke. They much resemble the Momusses of our times, aff••cted with the spirit of Detraction; onely in this different, their hands rather then tongues are the greatest Back-biters. Their best exercise is running and driuing at a Carts Taile; where they take as much pride in the posture and practise of their weapon, as a dexterious Fencer before a Compa∣ny at Symon and Iude, and are no lesse bountifull and free in the open Markets, then at their owne Hall Table. They

are men of large Commission, exten∣tiue in iurisdiction to the vtmost part of their Regiment, euen from the Whore rampant, to the poore Rogue couchant, and are as cunning in conueyances and slights as a Iugler; for hee is no more but Whip, Passe, and Be gon; yet these are neuer out of action. It is an Amster∣dammicall Conuenticle, translated on∣ly in the Clime; or an hotch-potch of people different in Age, Sexe, Nation, Disposition, not seldome in Religion; yet euery one vses that little conscience he has, so farre as the whip will giue him leaue. Not vnlike the Family of Loue, for they haue here all things in common, which I thinke commonly is little or nothing, vnlesse the Whip, Stocks, or Pillory. You haue here the grand grosse Baud, Prouocatious Pan∣der, vngratious Letcher, audacious Whore, vngracious Kaue; rude Ruf∣fians, Runnagates, Cheates, Pimps, Nips, Foysts, Decoyes, & multa alia quae nunc, &c. And though it be euery

weeke swept ouer by the Beesome of authority, yet is this muck-hill repleni∣shed daily with stuffe of the like kinde. It is a Bee-hiue of Drones, where the good sting them home to the old a∣bode, a Pill to purge vagabonds out of the Common-wealth, and a Curry-combe for Hackney whores to reduce them to their pristine reputation; for if after punishment you so chance to call them, they get you on the hip, and haue the Law on their owne sid••s. It is a well compacted Common-wealth of workers against their wils, where the awe of the whipstocke confines them to the laborious stroke of the hempe-blocke, and the turning of the wheele a daily Memento of turning ouer a new leafe. It is a bit or bridle for Roaring Boyes that flye out beyond their bounds, or a ciuill gouernment of per∣sons in behauiour most vnciuill, where, though many meet roughly all stran∣gers, yet here grow calme enough and worke together like neighbours. It is a

Receptacle of Rogues, Ruffians and Runnagates, who neuer serue God but on Saturday mornings, and then call on him but with small deuotion: when the storme is ouer, all is salu'd vp with a sob and a soure face. It is a stepdame to stubborne natures who would neuer bee ruled by their more naturall mo∣ther: An Empericke in a diseased cli∣mate, that by a skilfull Phlebotomy, with well managing of a small knotted whipcord, ha's preseru'd many from the fare of a hard hempen halter, and clensed both City & Suburbs of much corruption. It may not vnfitly bee ter∣med the Trades Increase, or Cities Hope-well, where her stubborne youth are made wieldy, brought vp in handi∣craft professions. It is the Reall Ex∣change of good houswiues, whither they commonly resort for their Hemp, Flaxe, or Towe, and here finde it ready beaten to their hands by those, who haply thought little to haue come vn∣der Iurisdiction of Blocke and Beetle.

The tenor of the new Law.

All gracelesse wights that lead Luxurious liues, Bold roaring Boyes, base Queanes, & vnchast wiues, Cutpurses, Canters, Cheaters, Hie-way-standers, Bawdes, Bouncing-Megs, Decoyes, Puncks, Pimps and Panders All vagrant Ʋagabonds o'th Cōmo wealth, Sharks, Prigs, Nips, Foysts, that pill and liue by stealth; Whole swarmes of lazy Drones in corners lurking, That rather choose to hang then fall to working: These with their carst confederates, all must stand Toth' new laws Iudgement, that doth strait command An equall pennance for their crime most meet, That (yoakt in Carts) they now must purge the street Of noysome Garbage, carry Dirt and Dung; The Beadles following with a mighty throng; Whilst as they passe the people scoffing say, Holla, ye pampred Iades of Asia. The knotty Whip could neuer halfe so sling yee As this new law; the very shame will bring yee, (If euer) now to mend, else still ye must Driue, till ye sweat agen in Dirt and Dust, Bare fac'd in publike view throughout the City; While all men laugh, and few or none will pitty: Iust is that law, whose sentence thus inforces All those who liu'd as Beasts, to draw like Horses.

To conclude, it is the latter course of a full Banquet serued in Sallets and sharpe Tarts, or the sowre sauce to the sweet meats of Venery. It is a Diet-drinke most wholesome for a Whore∣monger, or a principall receit for the Itch of concupiscence. In fine a free Hospitall for the Remedie of sundry diseases, whither many are brought, vp∣on cure purg'd and past away: the lazy Drones from Idlenesse, lewde Letchers from Luxury, vaine vnthrifts from Pro∣digalitie, old persons from vildnesse, youth from wildnesse, all if possible to goodnesse▪ Whence if any depart and mend not, an hund••ed to one they drop into the Hangmans Budget.