Certaine select dialogues of Lucian together with his true historie, translated from the Greeke into English by Mr Francis Hickes. Whereunto is added the life of Lucian gathered out of his owne writings, with briefe notes and illustrations upon each dialogue and booke, by T.H. Mr of Arts of Christ-Church in Oxford.

LVCIAN, HIS FEAST, OR THE LAPITHES.

I Heare there was much adoe amongst you yesterday, Lucinus, at Aristoenetus house at supper, and that certaine Philosophers made some speeches there, which begot so great a quarrell in the companie, if Chari∣nus told mee true, that they grew at the last to blowes, and could not conclude but in blood.

Lucinus.

How came Charinus to have such knowledge in the matter Philo, and was not amongst us?

Philo.

Hee had it, as hee said, from Dionicus the physici∣an, and Dionicus I suppose was one of them that was at sup∣per with you.

Lucinus.

True: but Dionicus was not there soone enough to know how it began: for he came late in, about the midst of the brabble, a little before they fell to blowes, and there∣fore could not deliver any certaintie, not knowing where∣upon the quarrell grew, that it should proceed so farre, as to end in blood.

Philo.

For which cause Charinus wish't us to repaire to you, Lucinus, if wee desired to be fully informed in the whole carriage of the businesse, for that Dionicus told him, hee was not there at the first: but that you knew all that

was done to a haire, and remembred every word that was spoken, not carelesly suffering any thing to slippe from you, but attentively noting it with all diligence: wherefore you shall not escape us, without sweetning our lippes also with your daintie junkets, for to mee, no banquet in the world can be more pleasing than your reports: and the ra∣ther because wee may here feast together soberly and qui∣etly out of danger of blowes or bloodshed, whether they be old men or yong, that shall so farre abuse themselves in drinke, as to say or doe they care not what.

Lucinus.

Why Philo, do you thinke it fit, that matters of this nature should be communicated to all men, and every thing publisht that is done in wine and drunkennesse? These kinde of businesses ought rather to be committed to for∣getfulnesse, and construed to be the workes of the great god Bacchus, who will not suffer any of his Orgies to be curtai∣led or uncompleat: it is the propertie of ill conditioned persons strictly to examine that which ought rather to be supprest in silence: and you know the Proverbe: I hate a memorative companion: Neither hath Dionicus done well in making it knowne to Charinus, or in scattering abroad what past among philosophicall persons: and for my part I will not speake a word of it.

Philo.

Do you make the matter strange Lucinus? betwixt you and mee, it shall not be so, for I am sure of this, that you are in a greater longing to tell it, than I to heare it: and I do not thinke, but for want of auditors, you would be glad to creepe to some pillar or statue of stone and there poure it all out with open mouth, if I should but offer to leave you, I know you would not suffer mee to stir a foote from you untill I had heard it all: but would come to mee, follow after mee, and intreat mee to tarrie it out, I will therefore be as strange to you as you to mee, god speede you well, if you be so minded, wee will be gone to heare it from some other, and not be beholding to you.

Lucinus.

Nay, rather than you should take it ill, I will hasard the telling of it all, if you be desirous to heare

it: but I would not have you make all the world acquaint∣ed with it.

Philo.

Either I have forgot Lucinus, or you will be the apter man your selfe to disperse such newes as this, and therefore you neede not to intreat mee that: but tell mee first: did Aristoenetus make that feast for the marriage of his sonne Zeno?

Lucinus.

No, but hee gave his daughter Cleanthis in mar∣riage to a young student in Philosophie, the sonne of Eu∣critus the Usurer.

Philo.

He is a prettie youth indeed, but a little too young, not yet ripe enough for marriage.

Lucinus.

I know not where hee could have matcht her better: for hee seemes to be a well governd young man, and to have a good liking to learning: beside, hee is the onely child of Eucritus, who is a rich man, and therefore choice was made of him for a bridegrome before all others.

Philo.

Eucritus riches had been motive sufficient to make up the match: but who were the guests Lucinus, that were bid to the feast?

Lucinus.

I cannot tell you the names of them all, but for Philosophers and learned men, which I thinke you are most desirous to heare of, there was old Zenothemis the Stoicke, and with him came Diphilus, surnamed the Labyrinth, for hee was tutor to Zeno, Aristoenetus sonne. Of the sect of the Peripatetikes, came Cleodemus: dost thou not know that fowle-mouth'd fellow, that wrangler? his schollers call him the sword and dagger. There came also Hermo the Epicure, who was no sooner within the doore, but present∣ly the Stoickes began to looke a sconce, and turned the one shoulder towards him, that all the companie might per∣ceive how bitterly they abhord him, as if hee had beene some parricide or execrable person: these were invited as friends and anciently acquainted with Aristoenetus him∣selfe, and with them came Hestiaeus the Grammarian, and Dionysodorus the Rhetorician. And for the bridegrome Choereas sake, Io the Platonist, was also invited, who was

his tutor: •…•… grave man, & of a comely personage, expressing a great deale of moderation in his countenance, he is com∣monly called by the name of Canon, because of the true direction of his judgement, when hee came in, they all rose up, and saluted him as the better man, and the presence of the precious Io was as welcome to them, as if some god had appeared amongst them: It was now time to sit to meare, for almost all the guests were come: on the right hand as you enter the roome, the women tooke up all the seats on that side, for they were many, and among them the bride, covered with a vaile from top to toe, and envi∣roned round with a whole flocke of females: right before the doore sate the rest of the companie, every man in his degree: over against the women: first sate Eucritus, and after him Aristoenetus: then the question was, who should sit next Zenothemis the Stoicke, because he was an old man, or Hermo the Epicure, for he was the priest of Castor and Pollux, and one of the best gentlemen in the citie: but Ze∣nothemis had soone assoiled that doubt: for Aristoenetus, said hee, if you thinke mee to be no better a man than this fellow Hermo, who, to speake no worse of him, is one of E∣pecurus sect, I will be gone and leave all your feast to your selfe, and with that calling his man, made as though hee would depart: But Hermo answered, nay tarrie, and take the better seate, good Zenothemis, though it had beene good manners in you to have given place, if for no other respect, yet because I am a priest: speake of Epicurus as ill as you can: I scorne, said Zenothemis an Epicure priest and so sate him down, and next to him, for all that, sate Hermo: then Cleodemus the Peripatetike, then Io, and next to him the bridegrome, then my selfe, and after mee Diphilus, and beneath him Zeno his scholler: then the Rhetorician Dio∣nysodorus, and Hestiaeus the Grammarian.

Phili.

Good god, Lucinus, call you this a feast? you may rather terme it a schoole of many learned and discreet men: and I commend Aristoenetus, for inviting men of such wis∣dome to take part of his good cheare at such a joyfull

meeting, filling up his feast with the prime flo•…•…es of eve∣ry sect, not making choice of one, and leaving out another, but coupling them all together for companie.

Lucinus.

Indeed, friend, many rich men use not that cir∣cumspection: but hee hath beene alwaies inclin'd to lear∣ning, and hath spent the most part of his time in conver∣sing with such: but to the matter: wee did eate our meate in great quiet for a while, and plentifull provision was made for us: I neede not rehearse the sundrie sorts of brothes, baked meats, and banquetting dishes that were prepared in abundance: but whilst wee were busie at it, Cleodemus bowing his head to Io, see you not, said hee yonder old fellow, meaning Zenothemis (for I over∣heard him) how fast hee crammes it in, that all his coat is covered over with slabber, and vvhat a deale of meate hee hath given to his man that stands behinde him, thinking no bodie lookes upon him, nor remembring vvhat companie hee is in? I pray you shew it to Luci∣nus that hee may be witnesse with us, but I needed no in∣formation from Io, for I saw it plaine enough before. No sooner were these words out of Cleodemus mouth, but in comes Alcidamus the Cynick unsent for, and instead of some pleasing insinuation, bolted out this old worne pro∣verbe, Menelaus comes though not invited: but all the companie thought it an impudent part, and replyed againe with verses of the same stampe: one said, thou art a foole Menelaus: another, but Agamemnon Atreus sonne, was not well pleased with this, and other conceited jests fit for the occasion: but all with a low voice, for no man durst make him any open answer, they stood in such feare of Alcidamus, who was so notorious a brawler, that he would make more noise than all the Cynicks besides, and for that gift was ter∣rible to all men: but Aristoenetus bade him welcome, and wisht him to take a stoole and sit downe by Hestiaeus, and Dionysodorus, which he refused, saying, it was a meere womanish devise to sit upon chaires and stooles, or to feast as you do now, lying almost along upon a soft bed, and a

purple coverlet spread under you: I meane to take my meate standing, and vvalke about at pleasure, if I be wea∣rie, I vvill spread my mantle on the floare, and there lye downe opon one elbow, like the a picture of Hercules: As it please you, said Aristoenotus, and so hee began to tra∣verse his ground, taking his supper like a b Scythian, fleet∣ing continually from place to place, to see vvhere he could finde best pasture: thus vvandred hee like a vagrant among the waiters that brought in meate, eating and prating all at once about vice and vertue, scoffing at gold and silver, and asking Aristoenetus vvhat hee vvould give for so ma∣ny earthen pots of the same making, that should be of e∣quall vveight, but vvhen hee began to be troublesome, Aristoenetus stopt his mouth for a time, by commanding his man to fill him a great cup of wine up to the brimme: this hee thought hee had done for the best: but little did hee know how many mischiefes that bowle vvould bring after it: Alcidamus tooke it, and vvas silent for a while: but afterwards, casting himselfe upon the floare, as hee before said hee vvould doe, lay along halfe naked upon his elbow, and held the pot in his right hand, as Hercu∣les is painted drinking vvith c Pholus: then the cup be∣gan to walke merrily among the rest of the companie, there was drinking and talking of all hands, till lights were brought in. In the meane time I perceived the boy that waited upon Cleodemus, a prettie smirke youth, and a vvell faced cuppe-bearer, sometimes smile a little, (for I must tell you all, even the very appendancies to the feast, especially, if any thing vvere done that might move delight) I therefore watcht as narrowly as I could, to finde out what it vvas hee smiled at: and not long af∣ter hee came to take the cup from Cleodemus, vvho gi∣ving him a crush on the finger together vvith the cuppe, gave him, I thinke two pieces of silver: the boy, at the crush of his finger smiled againe, but I imagine hee vvas not aware of any money: for, receiving it not, the pieces fell downe and clattered in the floure, vvhere∣at

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they both blusht exceedingly: yet they that •…•…re next knew not whose money it was, the boy denying that hee let fall any, and Cleodemus, neare unto whom the noise was, would not acknowledge hee cast any downe: so it was let slippe,, and nothing said of it: for there were not many that saw it, but onely I thinke Aristoenetus: for within a while after, the boy was sent packing out of the roome, and an old withered fellow, I thinke some muleter, or horse keeper, commanded to waite in his place: thus the matter was husht up, which would have beene a great dis∣credit to Cleodemus, if it should have beene knowne open∣ly, & not smoothered, as Aristoenetus discreetly did, impu∣ting it to much wine: but Alcidamus, the Cynike, who by this time had got a pot in his pate, when hee had learned out the name of the bride, commanded silence with a loud voice, and turning himselfe towards the women: a health to thee, O Cleanthis, said hee, and Hercules be thy good guide: and when all the companie laught at him, laugh you, said hee, base scabbs, because I drunke to the bride in the name ofd our god Hercules? I would have you know this, if shee pledge mee not, shee shall never be mother of such a sonne as I am, of firme strength, free minde, and able bodie: and with that shewed his naked limbes so farre as was beyond all shame: whereat the companie laught again: but hee rising up in rage, cast a crabbed countenance upon them, as if his fingers itcht to have a bout with some of them, and no doubt some or other should have paid for't, if in the very nicke, a huge tart had not beene served in which drew his eyes that way, and made him grow more calme, and his anger well allaid: for hee walkt the round still the same way it went, and cramm'd in as fast as hee could: by this time most of the companie was drunke, and began to roare a pace: Dionysodorus made some speeches by fits, & was commended by the servants that stood behind: Hestiaeus the Grammarian spake verses, making a mingle mangle of Pindarus, Hesiodus, and Anacreon, out of them all to patch up one absurd poeme: and these verses were

ever in his mouth prophesying what would succeed: their shields did clatter one against another: and mens wofull cries, and joyfull showts were heard there both at once: Zenothemis read somewhat out of a little booke which his man brought with him: but in the distance, as many times it happens, before the comming in of the second course, Aristoeuetus unwilling to have that time lost without de∣light, call'd for his jester to come in, to say or doe some∣what to make the companie merrie: and presently comes an ill-shapt fellow, with his head e shav'd all over, except a few haires that were left standing upright upon the top of his pate, who began to dance and shew tricks, turning him∣selfe every way to appeare the more ridiculous, hudling up many verses together which hee pronounced in an Ae∣gyptian kinde of dialect, and in the end he began to breake jests upon the companie, every man laughing at what was said, and tooke it all in good part, but when hee thought to be as bold with Alcidamus, and called him the f little curre of Malta, hee grew angrie, being not well content with him before, because hee saw hee was pleasing to the com∣panie, and detaining them in beholding his sports: where∣fore suddenly casting off his cassocke, hee challenged him to cuffes, which if hee refused, hee threatned to make him feele the weight of his cudgell: whereupon poore Satyrion, for so was the jester named, settled himselfe to buffets: and better sport in this world could not be made, than to see a Philosopher oppose himselfe against a jester, to strike and be striken againe by such a fellow as hee: the companie were some ashamed, and some laught, untill Alcidamus gave over in the plaine field, quite beaten out of the pit by a poore fellow, put upon him of purpose, which made them all laugh heartily, & at that very instant Dionicus the Physician came in, a little after the combate: for hee was constrained, as hee said, to stay somewhat longer than hee thought to have done, to give phisicke to Polyprepon the Musician, who was lately taken with a phrensie: and he told us a merrie jest that befell him up on that occasion: for

comming, as hee said, into the roome to him, not thinking to have found him in his fit, the sicke man suddenly rose up, and locking the doore upon him, drew his sword, and delivering his pipes into his hands, commanded him to play, and because he would not, began to beat him, hol∣ding a lash in his hands aloft over him: being in this ex∣tremitie, hee devised to put this tricke upon him: hee challenged him to play upō the pipe with him for a wager, which should be for a certaine number of stripes, to be gi∣ven him that did worst: and when he had plaid first, (but ill-favouredly enough god knowes) he delivered him the pipe, and tooke the lash into his owne hands: and stepping suddenly to the sword, cast it out of the window into the open court, and calling in neighbours to breake open the doore, by that meanes escaped: then hee shewed the prints of the blowes hee had received, and some blacke and blew spots upon his face. This narration of Dionicus, was as pleasing as all the gesters merriments, and so hee thrust in by Hestiaeus, and supt upon the remainder of that was left. And no doubt it was the providence of some god, that sent him so seasonably amongst us, to do good offices for the companie in businesses that fell out afterwards: for sudden∣ly in the midst amongst us all appeared a servant, sent, as he said, from Etoemocles the Stoicke, with a little writing in his hand, which he told us his master commanded him to read publikely, that all the companie might heare it, and then come backe to him againe: which when Aristoenetus had given way unto, hee went nearer to the light, and there read it.

Philo.

Was it any thing tending to the commendation of the bride, or some Epithalamium, which are used to be made upon such occasion?

Lucinus.

Indeed I had thought it had beene some such mat∣ter, but it fell out otherwise, for the contents of the wri∣tings were these. Etoemocles the Philosopher, to Aristoene∣tus:

How I stand affected to feasting, the whole course of my fore-passed life, can give large testimonie: for

though I am daily invited by many, far richer men than your self, yet can I by no means indure to be drawn unto it, knowing how subject such meetings are to disorders & drunkennesse: but you are the man, above all others, I have most reason to complaine mee of, whom I have so long observed, with all carefull diligence, and now not thought worthy to be numbred amongst your other friends, but the onely man that could have no part with you, though dwelling so neare a neighbour to you, which makes my griefe the greater, that you should shew your selfe so unkinde: I repose felicitie, neither in the limbe of a wild boare, nor in the leg of a hare, nor in a piece of a march-pane: I can have all this plentifully from others, that are not to learn their duty: for I was this day invited to supper by my scholler Pammenes, where I should have fared richly: but, like a foole, I reserved my selfe for you, and you have utterly pretermitted mee, & imparted your good cheare to others: very good: for you are not able to discerne the better frō the worse, nor have yet attained the apprehensive faculty: but I know who are the men that have wrought mee this, it proceeds all frō your rare Philosophers, Zenothemis & the Labyrinth, whose mouths, without envy be it spoken, I am perswaded I could quick∣ly stop with one poore syllogisme: let any of them tell mee, if they can, what Philosophy is, or the first elements of learning: the difference betwixt a strong disposition and a habit, or, not to speake of more difficult points, what is h a horned reason, what a Sorites, what a colle∣ctive argument: but much good may it do you with them: I that hold only goodnesse to be happinesse, can ea∣sily digest these indignities. And to cut of all excuse, you may fortune hereafter to fly unto, as to say, you had for∣got mee among so great a multitude, or that you had so many matters in your head, [I tell you, I spake to you twice this day: first in the morning at your house, and afterwards, when you were sacrificing to Castor and Pollux, if you thinke it much I should take offence

for losing a feast, do but remember i Oeneus, and you shall see how angrie Diana was, because he omitted her alone from being a guest at his sacrifice, and feasted all the gods beside: Homer speaks of it in this manner:

Either he forgot, or not regarded, Which great neglect was wrathfully rewarded, and Euripides,

Calydonia is a part of Pelops countrie found By sea right opposite to us, a fertile happy ground: And Sophocles,

A monstrous k swine was into Oeneus land Sent in revenge, by great Diana's hand.

These few verses, out of many, have I produc't, that you may know, what a man you have relinquisht to entertain Diphilus, and committed your sonne to his tuition: very good: indeed he is sweete and loving to the young man, and couples with him for affection sake: but if it were not a shame for mee to deliver such filthy matter, I could tell you more, which you may learne if you will from Zopyrus, his schoolmaster: for it is true: but I have no desire to be troublesome at your marriage feast, nor to accuse others of crimes so abominable: though Diphilus have beene thought worthy to deprive mee of two schollers, yet for Philosophers sake, I will be silent. My servant I have commanded, that if you should offer him any part of your wild boare, or of your venison, or of your banquetting dishes, in way of excuse for my not being at supper with you, that hee should not receive it, lest hee might be thought to be sent for that purpose.

Whilst this letter was reading, I protest unto you, good friend, that the sweat ranne downe my face for very shame, and I wisht that even the earth would open and swallow mee up, when I saw how the companie laught at every word they heard, especially such as knew Etoemocles to be-a gray headed man, and to carrie such a shew of gravitie:

and I mused how hee could conceale himselfe, being such a one, and cosen others onely with the length of his beard, and his formall countenance: but as farre as I could gather, Aristoenetus left him out, not as carelesse, but doubt∣full lest hee would not come at him if he were invited, nor expose himselfe to such a man, where he thought best not to tempt him at all: when the servant had done reading, all the guests cast their eies upon Zeno, and Diphilus, to see how pitifull and pale they lookt upon it, their very coun∣tenance bewraying the guilt of the crime that Etoemocles, laid to their charge, which much troubled Aristoenetus, and fill'd him with vexation: notwithstanding, hee wisht us to drinke and be merrie, setting as good a face as hee could upon the matter, and with a little smile, sent away the servant, saying, hee would be carefull to looke to such matters: soone after, Zeno conveied himselfe closely from the table, his schoolemaster beckoning to him to be gone, because it was his fathers will. But Cleodemus, who had long lookt for some occasion to be doing with the Stoicks, and was even mad with himselfe that no oportuni∣tie was offered, had now good hold given him by this E∣pistle. These are, said he, the rare workes of the excellent l Chrysippus, admired Zeno, & famous Cleanthes, miserable poore stuffe, bare questions onely, and seeming philosophie: for any matter else, the most of them are but such as Etoemo∣cles, whose Epistles you see how well they become a man of his yeares, concluding Aristoenetus to be Oeneus, and E∣toemocles Diana: a proper peece of worke, and well becom∣ming a marriage feast: but Hermo (who sate next above him, and I thinke had heard of a wilde swine that was drest for Aristoenetus supper, & therefore thought the Calydoni∣an boare might be oportunely remembred) I beseech you Aristoenetus, said he, send him the first cutting, lest the old man should pine for hunger, & consume away as did m Me∣leager:

though it be all one to him, for Chrysippus holds all these things to be indifferent. And dare you mention the name of Chrysippus, said Zenothemis (rousing up himselfe, and roaring it out as loud as he could) and by the absurdi∣tie of one onely man, I meane that unworthy Philosopher, Etoemooles the sorcerer, conclude against Cleanthes, and Zeno, men of such profound wisdome? what are yee your selves that you censure so audaciously of others? didst not thou Hermo clip of the haire that was upon the heads of n Castor and Pollux, which was all of gold, and for that fact delivered to the tormenter to be punished? and didst not thou Cleodemus, abuse the wife of Sostratus thy schol∣ler and being taken in the manner, didst, suffer shamefully for it? cannot you keepe silence of others, that know so much by your selves? but I was never bawd to my owne vvife, said Cleodemus, as thou art: nor ever tooke any nevv schollers exhibition into my hands as a pawne, and forsweare it vvhen I had done: nor set out money to loane for foure groats interest, nor persecute my schollers, if they paid mee not at their day: but thou canst not de∣ny, said Zenothemis, that thou sold'st Crito a drench to poyson his father vvithall: and taking up the bowle to drinke, cast all hee left in it betweene them, almost halfe a cup: vvhereof Io had part for neighbourhood sake, and vvell worthie of it: but Hermo stooping forwards, vvip'd the wine of his pate, shewing all the company how hee was abssed: Cleodemus for vvant of a cup, to answer him the like, spit in Zenothemis face, and laying hold on his beard with his left hand, vvas about to give him a boxe on the eare, which sure would have kill'd the old man, if Aristoenetus had not held his hand, and step∣ping in beyond Zenothemis, set himselfe betweene them to divide them, by his interposition to make them keepe the peace: vvhile this businesse vvas in hand, ma∣ny cogitations came into my head: first, that to know learning was to little purpose unlesse a man did frame his life the better thereby: seeing now, men that were

so excellent at speaking, shew themseselves so ridicu∣lous in their actions: next, I began to doubt, lest the com∣mon saying should be true indeed, that learning brings them out of their right mindes, who apply themselves onely to their bookes, and perpetually ponder upon them: for among so many philosophers as were there, a man could hardly cast his eye upon any that were free from taxation, but some were filthy in their actions, other more filthy in their speeches: neither could it be imputed all to drunkennesse, considering what Etoemocles a fasting man had written: but all was turned the cleane contra∣rie way: The vulgar, eate their meate orderly not seene either to exceed in drinke, or to behave themselves un∣mannerly: onely, they laught, and could not chuse, I thinke, but censure them, whom they before admired as men of worth, in respect of their habit: but the wise men were past all shame: they raild, and were drunke, and scolded, and went together by the eares: as for the admirable Alcidamus, hee shewed himselfe so shame∣lesse a knave, as to pisse in the midst among them, with∣out reverence of the women. And certainly a man could not liken this feast to any thing better, then to that which the Poets speake of the goddesse o Eris: for shee being not invited to p Peleus wedding, cast an apple into the roome amongst them, which occasioned all the stirre that was at Troy: in like manner, Etoemocles cast his epistle into the companie instead of an apple, to worke such another mis∣chiefe as the Trojan warre: for Zenothemis, and Cleodemus would never give over brawling, though Aristoenetus sate betweene them. It is enough said Cleodemus, for this time, that you are prov'd to be unlearned persons: to morrow I will revenge my selfe in such manner as it should be: for answer mee, Zenothemis, if thou canst, thy selfe, or the doughtie Diphilus, in vvhat respect you say the pos∣session of riches is a thing indifferent, and yet care for nothing so much as to get more: this makes you intrude your selves among the rich, to become usurers, and set

forth money to loane, and to teach young men for money: again you hate pleasure, and exclaime against Epicures, and yet do, and suffer all manner of filthinesse for pleasures sake: if a man invite you not to his feast, you will take pep∣per in the nose, if you be invited, you will gorge your selves and cramme in till your gutts do cracke, beside what you give away to your servants: and with that word, he snatcht at the napkin which Zenothemis man had about him, (for it was full of all sorts of good flesh) which hee would have loosed, and cast them all into the floate, but the fellow held hard, and would not let it goe: well done, Cleodemus, said Hermo: let them tell mee now, why they crie out against pleasure, and yet strive for it more than any other? no, said Zenothemis, but do thou tell mee Cleo∣demus, in what respect thou holdest riches to be not indif∣ferent: no said hee, but answer thou mee, and thus they were at it a great while, till Io stept forth and said, I pray you be silent, & I will propose a fit argument to be handled at this present, onely, you shall speake your mindes every man without contending, and listen, as if you were busie at disputation in the presence of our Plato. All that were pre∣sent praised him for this: especially Aristoenetus and Eucri∣tus hoping now to be freed from their vexation, insomuch that Aristoenetus shifted into his owne place againe, expe∣cting nothing but peace: then came in that service, which is called, the q accomplishing of the feast, which was to e∣very man a fowle, a peece of the boares flesh, a share, a fish fried, and sugar cakes: eate what they would, and the rest they might carrie away: yet every man had not a private platter to himselfe, for Aristoenetus and Eucritus had but one dish in common betwixt them, and either of them was to take that for his part which was next to him: in like manner another dish was in common betweene Zenothemis the Stoike and Hermo the Epicure: the next in order were Cleodemus, and Io, after them the bridegrome, and my selfe, and then Diphilus, who had two parts set before him, for Zeno his scholler, that should have beene his partner, was

risen from the table, remember this good Philo for much matter depends upon it.

Philo.

I will not forget it I warrant you:

Lucinus.

Then said Io: the first speaker shall be my selfe, if it please you: then pausing a little: it were most seemely for mee, said hee, in the presence of such men, to speake of Ideas, and incorporalities, and the immortalitie of the soule, but because I would not be oppugned by Philosophers which hold otherwise, I will forbeare, and speake my minde of marriage: for I hold it the best course not to mar∣ry at all, but to be ruled by r Plato and Socrates, and bestow our love upon boies: for such are the onely men that attain the perfection of vertue: but if marrie wee must, let us take Plato's course in that, and have our wives in com∣mon, for so shall jealausie be avoided: They all burst out in laughter at this, as spoken in a season most unseasonable: for Dionysodorus said to him for shame give over this ru∣sticall and barbarous speech where can wee finde jealousie now, or in whom? are you a prating you rogue,s said the o∣ther? and I thinke Dionysodorus paid him in the same coine againe. But honest Hestiaeus the Grammarian, peace, said hee, and I will read an Epithalamium amongst you: and so began to read his elegie, which was this, as I remember:

Such is the daughter of Aristoenetus, divine Cleanthis, cu∣riously brought up in his house, as a Queene, the prime of all virgins, surpassing Venus or the moone: and haile bridegrome the worthiest of all worthies, more puissant than Nereus and Thetis sonne: this bridall song shall often bee chaunted over in praise of you both:

At this they were all ready to burst, as good reason they had: but now the time was come to take away what was set on the table: so Aristoenetus and Eucritus tooke either of them what

was before them: so did I and the bridegroome what was set before him, & Io and Cleodemus in like manner: but Di∣philus would have had also what was set before Zeno who was gone, contesting that they were set onely to him, and strave with the waiters, who held it fast from him: and ta∣king hold of the bird dragg'd and drawed it, like the dead s body of Patroclus: but in the end he proved too weake, and let his hold goe, which stirred much more laughter a∣mong the guests, and most of all to see in how ill part hee tooke it, as if he had beene wronged in the highest degree: likewise Hermo and Zenothemis sate together, as I before told you: Zenothemis above and the other next to him, and all viands were set betweene them in an equall proportion, which they parted peaceably: onely the fowle that was be∣fore Hermo, was the fatter, which I thinke was meere chance, and these they were to take away, either of them his owne: but then Zenothemis, (now, Philo, let mee in∣treat your diligent attention for wee draw neare to the best part of the pageant) Zenothemis I say, overskipping that which belonged to himselfe, would have taken that away which was set to Hermo (for as I told you, it was the better fed) and Hermo laid hands on it to keepe it, and would not suffer him to have any other than what was due to him: then there was an outcrie betweeene them, and they fell together by the eares, beating the birds about one anothers face, and either of them catching hold upon the others beard, call'd for helpe Hermo for Cleodemus: and Zenothemis for Alcidamus and Diphilus: and all tooke parts, some with the one, and some with the other, onely Io excepted, who reserved himselfe indifferent betweene them: the rest all fought grappled together pell-mell: but Zenothemis, taking a bowle from off the table, that stood before Aristoenetus, flung it at Hermo, but mist of his marke, and fell upon another, for it hit the bridegrome a cruell blow on the head, and brake his pate pittifully: then the women shriekt and thrust in betweene them, especi∣ally the mother of the young man, when shee saw the blood

runne about her sonnes eares: the bride also leapt off the seat where she sate. But Alcidamus all this while plaid the divell in taking Zenothemis part, and with his staffe brake Cleodemus head, and gave Hermo a soare blow on the jawe bone, and wounded some of the servants that came to help them: yet for all that, the other side would not give it over so, but Cleodemus with the point of his finger, tare one of Zenothemis eies, and closing with him, bit of his nose: and as Diphilus was comming to aid Zenothemis, Hermo flung him of his stoole to the ground with his head forwards: Hestiaeus the Grammarian caught a blow amongst them too, for Cleodemus, I thinke, gave him a kicke in the mouth, mistaking him for Diphilus: and there lay the poore fellow, as Homer saith, spewing up his blood, all was full of tumult and teares: the women howled out pittifully compassing Choerea, but the most kept themselves out of the shrape: for Alcidamus did more mischiefe then all the rest, laying about him on every side, and striking hee car'd not who, and many more I am sure had fallen if his staffe had held: but I standing up against the wall, durst not for my life once come among them, for Hestiaeus had shewed mee a president, how dangerous it was to part such a bu∣sinesse. A man would have thought hee had seene the t La∣pithes and the Centaures together by the eares: tables were overturned, blood runne downe, and bowles flung about: but at the last Alcidamus strake out the light, and we were all in darkenesse, and farre worse than wee were be∣fore: for another light could hardly be brought in a∣mongst us, so that many mischiefes were done in the darke. In the end when a light came in, though it were long first, Alcidamus was found lifting at a wenches cloathes, and would have ravish'd her in the darke whe∣ther shee would or no: Dionysodorus also was taken in the manner with another tricke: for rising up from the place where hee sate, a silver bowle fell out of his bosome: but hee excused the matter and said, that Io tooke it up in the tumult, and gave it him to keepe lest it should be lost: and

Io, to save his honestie, affirmed it to be so: Thus was the feast broken up in teares: and some againe laught as fast at Alcidamus, Dionysodorus, and Io: the wounded men were faine to be carried out of the roome, in ill case, especially old Zenothemis, who tooke grievously the losse of his eyes and his nose, and cryed out that hee was almost dead with paine: then Hermo thought his owne case were bad enough for two of his teeth were striken out, yet could not chuse but upbraid him, saying, remember now Zenothemis, that henceforth you never hold paine to be a thing indifferent. The bridegrome after Dionicus had laid a plaister to his wound, was led into the house, and when they had bound up his head close with linnen clothes, they put him into the coach which came from the bride and carried him away: a wofull wedding day poore wretch to him. Others, Dionicus lookt unto us as well as hee could, and when they were falne asleepe, the rest were had home, most of them spewing all the way they went: but Alcidamus tar∣ried there still 〈◊〉〈◊〉 for all the house were not able to get him out of doares: when hee had once cast himselfe overthwart the bed and so fell asleepe: this was the end of our feast, honest Philo, whereunto the tragicke verses may be well applyed:

Fortune varies every way, And God can that effect Wee thinke not of, and make us faile Of what wee do expect.

for Ile be sworne, I little thought of such a businesse as this, but I have got this for my learning, that it is no safe course for quiet men to feast with Philosophers.

FINIS.

Notes

• What hee touches upon else where by the by concer∣ning the lives and manners of some pretenders to Philosophie, is here descri∣bed to the full, in a meeting of theirs at a cer∣taine feast, where divers of severall sects and opinions fortuned to be, and falling out among them∣selves, most ri∣diculously be∣tray their seve∣rall infirmities.
• Odi memorem compotorem.
• Philosophers in∣vited to the feast.
• These two sects are directly op∣posite one to the other, the Sto∣icks professing a strictnesse and austeritie of life, the Epicure affirming plea∣sure to be the chiefe felicitie.
• Il. •…•….
• Il. n. 109.
• Il. •…•…. 29.
• a

  Hercules is commonly so painted.
• b

  A wandring nation who kept no constant a∣bode in any place.
• c

  A Centaure, the son of Ixi∣on, begotten on the cloud, which hee embraced instead of Juno, who entertain∣ed Hercules as hee went to Pi∣rithous wed∣ding.
• d

  The Cynickes honoured Her∣cules above all other gods, whom they would likewise seeme to imi∣tate in their manner of life, going barefoote, wearing onely a mantle about them, and a club in their hands.
• Il. 4.448.451.
• e

  Iesters and mimicks were in those times all of this cut.
• f

  The Cynicks were so called from 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, a dog, because of their snarlings and currish hu∣mors: this pro∣perly signifies such a dogge as wee call a foy∣sting curre.
• A tricke of a mad man.
• A marriage song.
• An impudent and foolish let∣tter of a grave Philosopher.
• h

  A dilemma.
• i

  King of Ca∣lydonia.
• Il. 1.533.
• k

  This bore was afterwards slaine by Mele∣ager and his companie. Ovid. Met. 8.
• There wants not such in these times.
• l

  Chiefe foun∣ders of the sect of the Stoicks.
• m

  The sonne of Oeneus and Al∣thaea, who ha∣ving slaine with the helpe of his companions, the monstrous boare sent by Diana, which miserably wasted his fa∣thers countrie, gave the head of it to Atalan∣ta the daughter of Jasius King of the Argives, shee being the first that had drawne blood of him: which Plexippus and Toxeus his unkle by the mo∣thers side great∣ly stomaking, would have taken it from her, but hee opposing himselfe against them slew them both, for which cause his mother threw the fatall brand, by which the destinies had proportioned the length of his life into the fire, and so as that consum'd he wasted away and died. Ovid. Met. 8.
• n

  The Dioscuri brothers to He∣lena.

  The Cocke. a Bravely done of Philosophers.
• There is good use to be made of other mens ill actions.
• None shew themselves in passion so ridi∣culous as they that pretend most wisdome and greatest gravity.
• o

  The goddesse of contention.
• p

  The father of Achilles, upon the golden apple was this inscrip∣tion, let it be given to the fairest which Paris judged to be Venus, for which shee be∣stowed upon him Helena, which was the occasion of the Trojan warre.
• q

  With us the second course.
• The speech of Io the Platonist.
• r

  See true Hist. l. 2. b. & e. Spoke like a Platonist.
• s

  Th〈…〉〈…〉ma∣rians ri•…•…us stuffe.
• This Epitha∣lamium in the originall is in verse, which for the meannesse of the Greeke poetry, the tran∣slator, I believe thought not worthy to be put into the like in English, yet for the readers sa∣tisfaction, I have indeavoured to make it expresse the rudenesse of the Greeke as neare as I can.

  Divine Cleanthis choicely like a Queene Bred in her fathers faire house such is seen, All other virgin: shee doth farre excell And frō the Moon or Venus bears the bell. And bridegrome haile of yong men best in truth Stronger than Nercus, or Thetis youth. And we will often chant this bridall song Vnto you, that doth to you both belong.
• s

  Who fighting in Achilles ar∣mour was slaine by Hector, and a bloody battle ensued betweene the Grecians and Trojans which should have his body.
• t

  At the wed∣ding of Pirith∣us and Hippo∣damia, Ovid. Met.

  Which gives the title to the Dia∣logue.
• The Stoicks 〈…〉〈…〉 things to be indifferent which are not in our owne power.
• Eurip •…•…oe•…•… & And Andromad fin.