The first [second] book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick, containing five books of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua, and his sonne Pantagruel. Together with the Pantagrueline prognostication, the oracle of the divine Bachus, and response of the bottle. Hereunto are annexed the navigations unto the sounding isle, and the isle of the Apedests: as likewise the philosophical cream with a Limosm epistle. / All done by Mr. Francis Rabelais, in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English.

CHAP. XXX. How Epistemon, who had his head cut off, was finely healed by Panurge, and of the newes which he brought from the devils, and the damned people in hell.

THis Gigantal victory being ended, Pantagruel withdrew himself to the place of the flaggons, and called for Panurge and the rest, who came unto him safe and sound, except Eusthenes, (whom one of the Giants had scratched a little in the face,

whilest he about the cutting of his throat, and Epistemon, who appeared not at all: whereat Pantagruel was so aggrieved that he would have killed himself; but Panurge said unto him, Nay, Sir, stay a while, and we will search for him amongst the dead, and finde out the truth of all: thus as they went seeking after him, they found him stark dead, with his head between his armes all bloody. Then Eusthenes cried out, Ah cruel death! hast thou taken from me the perfectest amongst men? At which words Pantagruel rose up with the greatest grief that ever any man did fee, and said to Panurge, Ha, my friend, the prophecy of your two glasses, and the jave∣lin staffe was a great deal too deceitful, but Panurge answered, My dear bullies all, weep not one drop more, for he being yet all hot, I will make him as sound as ever he was; in saying this, he took the head, and held it warme fore-gainst his Codpiece, that the winde might not enter into it, Eusthenes and Carpalin carried the body to the place where they had banqueted, not out of any hope that ever he would recover, but that Panta∣gruel might see it.

Neverthelesse Panurge gave him very good comfort, saying, If I do not heale him, I will be content to lose my head (which is a fooles wager,) leave off therefore crying and help me. Then cleansed he his neck very well

with pure white wine, and after that, took his head, and into it synapised some powder of diamerdis, which he alwayes carried about him in one of his bags. Afterwards, he an∣ointed it with I know not what ointment, and set it on very just, veine against veine, si∣new against sinew, and spondyle against spondyle, that he might not be wry-necked, (for such people he mortally hated,) this done, he gave it round about some fifteen or sixteen stitches with a needle, that it might not fall off again, then on all sides, and every where he put a little ointment on it, which he called resuscitative.

Suddenly Epistemon began to breath, then opened his eyes, yawned, sneezed, and af∣terwards let a great houshold fart; whereup∣on Panurge said, Now certainly he is healed, and therefore gave him to drink a large full glasse of strong white wine, with a sugred toast. In this fashion was Epistemon finely healed, only that he was somewhat hoarse for above three weeks together, and had a dry cough of which he could not be rid, but by the force of continual drinking: and now he began to speak, and said that he had seen the divel, had spoken with Lucifer familiarly, and had been very merry in hell, and in the Elysian fields, affirming very seriously be∣fore them all, that the devils were boone companions, and merry fellowes: but in re∣spect

of the damned, he said he was very sor∣ry that Panurge had so soon called him back into this world again; for (said he) I took wonderful delight to see them: How so? said Pantagruel: because they do not use them there (said Epistemon) so badly as you think they do: their estate and condition of living is but only changed after a very strange man∣ner; for I saw Alexander the great there, a∣mending and patching on clowts upon old breeches and stockins, whereby he got but a very poor living.

• Xerxes was a Cryer of mustard.
• Romulus, a Salter and patcher of patines.
• Numa, a nailsmith.
• Tarquin, a Porter.
• Piso, a clownish swaine
• Sylla, a Ferrie-man.
• Cyrus, a Cowheard.
• Themistocles, a glasse-maker.
• Epaminondas, a maker of Mirrours or Looking-glasses.
• Brutus and Cassius, Surveyors or Measu∣rers of land.
• Demosthenes, a Vine-dresser.
• Cicero, a fire-kindler
• Fabius, a threader of beads.
• Artaxerxes, a rope-maker.
• Aeneas, a Miller.
• Achilles was a scauld-pated maker of hay-bundles.
• ...

• ... Agamemnon, a lick-box.
• Ulysses, a hay-mower.
• Nestor, a Deer-keeper or Forrester.
• Darius, a Gold-finder, or Jakes-farmer.
• Ancus Martius, a ship-trimmer.
• Camillus, a foot-post.
• Marcellus, a sheller of beans.
• Drusus, a taker of money at the doors of play-houses.
• Scipio Africanus, a Crier of Lee in a wooden slipper.
• Asdrubal, a Lanterne-maker.
• Hannibal, a Kettlemaker and seller of eggeshels.
• Priamus, a seller of old clouts.
• Lancelot of the lake, was a flayer of dead horses.

All the Knights of the round Table were poore day-labourers, employed to rowe over the rivers of Cocytus, Phlegeton, Styx, Ache∣ron and Lethe, when my lords, the devils had a minde to recreate themselves upon the wa∣ter, as in the like occasion are hired the boat-men at Lions, the gondeleers of Venice, and oares at London; but with this difference, that these poor Knights have only for their fare a bob or flirt on the nose, and in the even∣ing a morsel of course mouldie bread.

• Trajan was a Fisher of frogs.
• Antoninus, a Lackey.
• Commodus, a Jeat-maker.
• ...

• ... Pertinax, a peeler of wall-nuts.
• Lucullus, a maker of rattles and Hawks bells.
• Justinian, a Pedlar.
• Hector, a Snap-sauce Scullion.
• Paris was a poore beggar.
• Cambyses, a Mule-driver.
• Nero, a base blinde fidler, or player on that instrument which is called a windbroach: Fierabras was his serving-man, who did him a thousand mischievous tricks, and would make him eat of the brown bread, and drink of the turned wine, when himself did both eate and drink of the best.
• Julius Caesar and Pompey were boat-wrights and tighters of ships.
• Valentine and Orson did serve in the stoves of hell, and were sweat-rubbers in hot houses.
• Giglan and Govian were poor Swine∣herds.
• Jafrey with the great tooth, was a tinder-maker and seller of matches.
• Godfrey de bullion, a Hood-maker.
• Jason, was a Bracelet-maker.
• Don Pietro de Castille, a Carrier of Indul∣gences.
• Morgan, a beer-Brewer.
• Huon of Bourdeaux, a Hooper of barrels.
• Pyrrhus, a Kitchin-Scullion.
• Antiochus, a Chimney-sweeper.
• ...

• ... Octavian, a Scraper of parchment.
• Nerva, a Mariner.
• Pope Julius was a Crier of pudding pyes, but he left off wearing there his great bug∣gerly beard.
• John of Paris, was a greaser of boots.
• Arthur of Britain, an ungreaser of caps.
• Pierce Forrest, a Carrier of fagots.
• Pope Boniface the eighth, a Scummer Popes.
• Pope Nicholas the third, a Maker of paper.
• Pope Alexander, a rat-catcher.
• Pope Sixtus, an Anointer of those that have the pox.
• What, (said Pantagruel) have they the pox there too? Surely (said Epistemon) I never saw so many; there are there I think above a hundred millions; for beleeve, that those who have not had the pox in this world, must have it in the other.
• Cotsbody (said Panurge) then I am free; for I have been as farre as the hole of Gibral∣tar, reached unto the outmost bounds of Hermes, and gathered of the ripest. Ogier the Dane was a Furbisher of armour.
• The King Tigranes, a mender of thatched houses.
• Galien Restored, a taker of Moldwarps.
• The foure sons of Aymon, were all tooth-drawers.
• Pope Calixtus, was the barber of a wo∣mans sineq uo non.
• ...

• Pope Urban, a bacon-pecker.
• Melusina, was a Kitchin drudge-wench.
• Mattabrune, a Laundresse.
• Cleopatra, a Crier of onions.
• Helene, a broker for Chamber-maids.
• Semiramis, the Beggars lice-killer.
• Dido did sell mushroms.
• Pentasilea sold cresses.
• Lucretia was an Ale-house keeper.
• Hortensia, a Spinstresse.
• Livia, a greater of verdigreece.

After this manner, those that had been great Lords and Ladies here, got but a poor scurvie wretched living there below. And on the contrary, the Philosophers and others, who in this world had been altogether indi∣gent and wanting, were great Lords there in their turne. I saw Diogenes there strout it out most pompously, and in great magnificence, with a rich purple gown on him, and a golden Scepter in his right hand. And which is more, he would now and then make Alex∣ander the great mad, so enormously would he abuse him, when he had not well patched his breeches; for he used to pay his skin with sound bastinadoes; I saw Epictetus there most gallantly apparelled after the French fa∣shion, sitting under a pleasant Arbour, with store of handsom Gentlewomen, frolicking, drinking, dancing, and making good cheare, with abundance of Crowns of the Sunne.

Above the lattice were written these verses for his device.

To leap and dance, to sport and play, And drink good wine both white and brown: Or nothing else do all the day, But tell bags full of many a Crown.

When he saw me, he invited me to drink with him very courteously, and I being wil∣ling to be intreated, we tipled and chopined together most theologically. In the mean time came Cyrus to beg one farthing of him for the honour of Mercurie, therewith to buy a few onions for his supper? No, no, said Epictetus, I do not use in my almes-giving to bestow farthings, hold thou Varlet, there's a crown for thee, be an honest man: Cyrus was exceeding glad to have met with such a bootie; but the other poor rogues, the Kings that are there below, as Alexander, Da∣rius, and others stole it away from him by night. I saw Pathelin the Treasurer of Rha∣damantus, who in cheapening the pudding∣pyes that Pope Julius cried, asked him, How much a dozen? Three blanks (said the Pope:) Nay (said Pathelin) three blowes with a cudg∣el, lay them down here you rascal, and go fetch more: the poor Pope went away weep∣ing, who when he came to his Master the Pye-maker, told him that they had taken away his

pudding-pyes; whereupon his Master gave him such a sound lash with an eele-skin, that his own would have been worth nothing to make bag-pipe-bags of. I saw Master John le maire, there personate the Pope in such fashi∣on, that he made all the poor Kings and Popes of this world kisse his feet, and taking great state upon him, gave them his benediction, saying, Get the pardons, rogues, get the par∣dons, they are good cheap: I absolve you of bread and pottage, and dispense with you to be never good for any thing: then calling Caillet and Triboulet, to him, he spoke these words, My Lords the Cardinals dispatch their bulls, to wit, to each of them a blow with a Cudgel upon the reines, which ac∣cordingly was forthwith performed.

I heard Master Francus Villou ask Xeroces, How much the messe of mustard? A farthing, said Xerxes: to which the said Villou answer∣ed, The pox take thee for a villain: as much of square-ear'd wheat is not worth half that price, and now thou offerest to inhance the price of victuals: with this he pist in his pot as the mustard-makers of Paris use to do. I saw the trained bowe-man of the bathing tub, (known by the name of the Francarcher de baignolet) who being one of the trustees of the Inqusition, when he saw Pierce Forrest making water against a wall, in which was painted the fire of St. Antonie, declared him

heretick, and would have caused him to be burnt alive, had it not been for Morgant, who for his Proficiat and other small fees gave him nine tuns of beer. Well (said Panta∣gruel,) reserve all these faire stories for ano∣ther time, only tell us how the Usurers are there handled: I saw them (said Epistemon) all very busily employed in seeking of rustie pins, and old nailes in the kennels of the streets, as you see poor wretched rogues do in this world; but the quintal or hundred weight of this old iron ware, is there valued but at the price of a cantle of bread, and yet they have but a very bad dispatch and rid∣dance in the sale of it: thus the poor Misers are sometimes three whole weeks, without eating one morsel or crumb of bread, and yet work both day and night looking for the faire to come: neverthelesse, of all this la∣bour, toile and misery they reckon nothing, so cursedly active they are in the prosecution of that their base calling, in hopes at the end of the yeare, to earne some scurvie penny by it.

Come, (said Pantagruel) let us now make our selves merry one bout, and drink (my Lads) I beseech you, for it is very good drinking all this moneth: then did they un∣case their flaggons by heaps and dozens, and with their leaguer-provision made excellent good chear: but the poor King Anarchus

could not all this while settle himselfe to∣wards any fit of mirth; whereupon Panurge said, Of what trade shall we make my Lord the King here, that he may be skilful in the Art, when he goes thither to sojourn, a∣mongst all the devils of hell? Indeed (said Pantagruel) that was well advised of thee, do with him what thou wilt: I give him to thee: Grammercie (said Panurge) the pre∣sent is not to be refused, and I love it from you.