[The Infallible Doctor.] Sung by Mr. Reading.
[ 18] 〈♫〉〈♫〉 FRom France, from Spain, from Rome I come, and from all Parts of Christendom, for to cure all 〈♫〉〈♫〉 strange Diseases, come take Physick he that pleases: Come ye broken Maids that scatter, and can ne╌ver 〈♫〉〈♫〉 hold your water, I can teach you it to keep; and other things are very meet, as, Groaning backward in your sleep.
Come any ugly dirty Whore,
That is at least Threescore, or more,
Whose Face and Nose stands all awry,
As if you'd fear to pass her by;
I can make her plump and young,
Lusty, lively, and also strong;
Honest active, fit to weed,
And can recall her Maiden-head:
All this is done as soon as said.
If any Man has got a Wife,
That makes him weary of his Life,
With Scolding, cajouling, in the house,
As tho' the Devil was turned loose;
Let him but repair to me;
I can cure him presently:
With one Pill I'le make her civil,
And rid her Husband of that Evil,
Or send her headlong to the Devil.
The Pox, the Palsey, and the Gout,
Pains within, and Achs without,
There is no Disease, but I
Can find a present Remedy:
Broken Legs and Arms, I'm sure,
Are the easiest Wounds I cure;
Break your Neck, I'le set it again,
Or ask you nothing for my pain.
Or if any Man has not,
The heart to fight against the Scot,
I'le put him in one, if he be willing,
Shall make him fight, and ne're fear killing:
Or any Man that has been dead
Seven long years, and buried;
I can him to Life restore,
And make him as sound as he was before,
Else never let him trust me more.
If any Man desire to live
A thousand Ages, let him give
Me a thousand Pounds, and I
Will warrant him Life, unless he dye;
Nay more, I'le teach him a better trick
Shall keep him well, if he ne're be sick:
But if I no Money see,
And he with Diseases troubled be,
Then he may thank himself, not me,