Epigrammes in the oldest cut, and newest fashion A twise seuen houres (in so many weekes) studie no longer (like the fashion) not vnlike to continue. The first seuen. Iohn Weeuer.

The seuenth weeke.

Epig. 1 Ad Thomam Gerard Militem

GErard, among the labours of my quill, Which my glad Muse presumingly hath writ, As one right worthie thee commend I will, For valour, wisedome, bountihood and wit: But valiant Gerard, thee or thine to praise, Is for to praise the star-bespangled skie, Fame long agoe vnto the heauns did raise Thy rare exploits and Mars-like Chiualrie: Sith by thy deedes thy praise abroad doth flie, Thy selfe commends thy selfe, then need not I.

Epig 2 In carum fictum amicum.

Dost thou thinke Chloes hee's a faithfull friend, For whō this wondrous cheer thou dost prouide? No: he but loues so long as thou wilt spend Thy beefe and brawne, if that the truth were tride If euery day I should so costly dine, Carus I know would be a friend of mine.

Epig. 3 In Sparsum.

Sparsus thou'rt sicke ten times a veere and more, Yet not thy selfe, but vs, thy sicknesse hurts, When thou recouers wee looke euermore, For thy releefe some Pretour to disburse: Fie, in one yeere be sicke but once vnneath, And when thou'rt sicke Sparsus be sicke to death.

Epig. 4 In Pontum

This for a wonder many men haue made, That Pontus house so many chimnies had: The workmans skil I for the wonder tooke, Which made thē so that few could see thē smoak.

Epig. 5 In Hugonem.

Did not once thine old familiar friend Chypus, desire thee ten pounds to him lend; Sir I haue none (saidst thou) so God me saue, Yet for his horse eu'n then ten pound thou gaue: Thus for ten pounds thou ••t sooner trust a horse, Than thy dear friend; & be forsworn, thats worse.

Epig 6 In eundem

And dost thou thinke thou offers Claius right, In causing him ten pounds of debt to pay, Because that Boscus ran the other night With twenty hundred in thy debt away: If thou canst lose by Boscus twentie: then In faith by Claius thou may well lose ten.

Epig. 7. In Lacum

Lacus I saw a cruell Cappe still weare, (O cruell cap that pulles away his haire) I wondred much what plague had so him crost, That both on chin and head all was quite lost: A new disease (some said) a dry hot cold; Yet this disease a thousand yeere was old.

Epig. 8. In Portianum

Portian is taken for a traueller: Why? For he weares a gold ring in his eare, Certes and if a ring may be a signe, Who better traueller than his mothers swine? They in their Nose he in his Eare; Whether then is the better traueller? Grilliis I wot hath deeper gone then he, If he hath further gone, they euen be.

Epig. 9

But wodden chalices of yore, Yet golden priests were then great store, Now golden chalices we make, For wodden priests in hand to take: Lets cast our priests in a new molde, Or else for wood lets change our golde.

Epig. 10 In Cacum

Cacus is angry he hath not a place Amongst the Worthies of our Faërie land, Nor doth the pesant thinke himselfe too base, Among the brauest of the Lordes to stand: Hee weares braue clothes; but what weares hee within? An Asse an Asse is in a Lions skin.

Epig. 11 Ad Musam suam, de obitufortis∣simi insignis{que} inuenis Thomae Eger∣ton militis.

Descend my Muse into the bed of Death, (Embalming first his body with thy teares) And chide the Fates vntill they lend him breath, Because they rapt him in his youthfull yeares; Yet stay my Muse, Fates offred him no wrong, In vertue old he was, in yeeres though yong.

Epig. 12 In Quintum.

To giue a booke thou saist I may do well, Yet thou n'ere readst a book, before a book thou sell.

Epig. 13 In Tubrionem

Extramnemers or Watermen giue roome, For by his feather Tubrioe's spied to come. A Sculler sir; here is a paire of Oares: Ift please your Worship, I did speake before: I'm your first man; he lies, here is my boate: Your Worship lands at Pauls wharfe, doth it not▪ No, Westminster; O foole, dost thou not know▪ That gainst the wind thou cannot Tubrio row▪

Epig. 14 Ad Cordredum.

O impudent! a liuing! for whose sake? This meanes to my Lord () dost thou make? Fie; thus to beg thy selfe, One of rare parts I am (my Lord) beside Maister of Arts,

And: Go no further; thou art too short leg'd, And beg no more, lest thou thy selfe be beg'd: Yet (Cordred) thou shalt haue (do not despaire) The Vicarage of Saint Fooles at Steeple faire.

Epig. 15 Satyricum in Audriam laenam.

Looke to your selfe, I'le whip you mistris Audrie, For keeping such a brothel house of () Is't true indeede? hath Sulla learn'd thy skill? Dri'de veines and arteries with pure blood to fil; In drinking cordialls fearing to be too old, Of Amber-greece prepared pearle and gold: Mandrake, Eringe and Potatie rootes, Fiue pound a weeke in Poticaries bookes: Oh stay, no more; for Audria I heare tell Is new become a bride, but in Bridewell.

Epig. 16 Ad Richardum Houghton Militem

O chide me not, for that I doe enroule Thy worthy name here (Houghton) in the end, For now I hope none will my booke controule, Lest thine heroicke spirit they offend, Close with thy Vertues then this seely scroule, That praise on thee, and it, may euer tend: Which if it doe I will aduenture then, To take a taske fit for a golden pen.

Epig. 17 Ad Lectorem.

If in the first thou count me worthy blame, Yet pardon me, thus Homer did offend, If in the midst, then Pedo I can name, Chaerill in all, Getulicus in th'end▪ Thy fauour (Reader) then obtaine I shall, I am but bad i'th first, midst, end, and all.

Finis.