Epigrammes in the oldest cut, and newest fashion A twise seuen houres (in so many weekes) studie no longer (like the fashion) not vnlike to continue. The first seuen. Iohn Weeuer.

The second weeke.

Epig. 1 Ad Robertum Dalton Armig.

GRace thou (kind Dalton) with a smiling looke, These rude pend lines of this my secōd book; And I, my Muse, and Graces three wil praise Thy iudgement, wit, and valour: But I, my Muse, and Graces, are too few, To pen thy praise, to whom al praise is due.

Epig 2 In Tortonem

Torto hath crost his ierkin and his hose, So without crosses Torto neuer goes, (Except whenas he dallies with his whore, For then crost Torto runnes vpon the score; By all good tokens Roll a kissing tooke: And Item for, did set on Tortoes booke) His greatest crosse, that wil crosse al, I dread, Is, he wants crosses for to crosse his head.

Epig. 3 In Titum

When hare-brain'd Titus.

Desunt nonnulla.

Epig. 4.

When witte is waining thus we write of want, As though our workes were all lost by the way: Or for their goodnesse stolne were we vaunt, And printed sore against our wills we say; Lets write in want, for I haue tried this, Than one too many, want one better is.

Epig. 5. De nomine in Marmore sculpto.

Great Marcus made his pure proud marble toom In Pauls Church wall, for lacke of better roome: Foule snake-ei'd Enuy, s'daining his great praise, Hath cut M. thus (‖) as thogh she meant to raze His name quite forth of Fames immortal booke, And breakes the stones, makes all vnseemly look: If stones and names decay, what wonder then Thogh death destroy vs weak and mortal men?

Epig. 6. In Ruffinum.

Ruffinus lost his tongue on stage, And wot ye how he made it knowne? He spittes it out in bloudy rage, And told the people he had none: The fond spectators said, he acted wrong, The dumbest man may say, he hath no tongue.

Epig 7. In eundem.

Ruffinus hath no tongue, why? For now he lost one: Ruffinus hath a tongue, why? He saies he hath none.

Epig. 8. De Carione.

Cario bragges and sweares his wife's a maide, A louely Lucrece, or Diana ••ath•••• Some sacred saint in womans clothes arraide, And why? his children are so like their father: Yet Carioe's cousoned, do what e're he can, She thinks of him, lies with another man.

Epig. 9. In Coruum.

Now old-cook Coruus you which do yet scorn it, That your faire Fulua with her golden haire Should rub your head, & afterwards then horn it, And al because you see no hornes appeare: But in thy mouth another man more seeth, In faith thou'rt hornd: thou want'st thine vpper teeth.

Epig. 10.

 

—Nihil his nisi carmina desunt:

Epig. 11. In D. D. Palmer.

Palmers in woods liu'd onely by the Palme, And gaue to passengers the sweetest balme: In wildernesse when any went astray, Then Palmers set them in the ready way: So Palmer liues by our fresh Palme the Queene, (Victorious Palme-tree grow thou euer greene:) And in a wood or wildernesse doth tell The passengers which way they may goe well: (For the world is a wildernesse of woe, Like passengers the people in it goe:) Thus Palmer liues and giues the sweetest balm, To Palmer then of right belongs the palme.

Epig. 12. In Castilionem malum quendam Poetam.

Castilio writes when he might hold his tongue▪ Castilio craues, though pardon for his writing, That's to confesse vnto the world his wrong: Which of the world (at least) deserue's endiung: Well, thus the world is guilty of his sin, And the world hangs, how can the world hang him?

Epig. 13. In eundem.

Castilioe's sicke vpon it, Ioue help him in his anguish, Lest that worse verse he vomit, So oft as he doth languish.

Epig. 14. Ad Philerotem.

A great demeane friend Phileros you haue, And seuen wiues all lying in their graue: But yet the churchyard farre more profit yeelds, Than all the reuenewes of your fairest fields.

Epig. 15. In Stratum.

Fortie foure pence brought Stratus to a play, Fortie foure pounds he carried yet away: A Coni-catcher who calls him for the same? A Money-catcher may be Stratus name.

Epig 16. In obitum pi••ssimi, sapientissimi, omni{que} vir∣tutum genere cumulatissimi viri Richards Ʋpeheri Armig.

How Nature triumph▪t at this Vpchers birth! Swore he should be th▪ornament of the earth: In him she placed her imperiall throne, As though mankind remaind in him alone: All Wisedome, Vertue, Courage in his brest, As in their fairest lodge should alwaies rest: But when Death saw this better worke of Nature, And all perfections found in this one creature; Death likewise triumpht, and was wondrous glad That such a Champion to assault he had: Whom if he killd he killd (he kild we find) All Wisdome, Vertue, Courage, and Mankind.

Epig. 17 In Caluum

Some say that Caluus lately lost his haire, By Paris garden bayting a white beare, The wiser sort affirme that he was shauen In Deuils ditch, Knaues acre, Cuckolds hauen: Aske Caluus, he of scripture makes a scorne, Naked hee le die, for naked he was borne.

Epig. 18 In obitum Mirmedomis▪

Here lies the man who whilom in a trance At Tiburne di'de wounded by men of France, For wading Tiburne there he got a quease, Which brought the perpendicular disease, And afterward of rope-seede tooke a surfet, Which causd him be canvast in a hempon blāket▪ Well, Mirmedon was sure to go to wrecke, When that red headed Taurus rulde the necke

Epig. 19 In Lollus.

The lurcher Lollus at the Ordinarie, Wiliest of all mens manners in the Cittie, Another sot applaudes him sitting by Thus: Sir, by heau▪ns, that was wondrous wittie: I ouer-heard▪ and when I heard the best, In faith t'was but an ordinarie iest.

Epig. 20 In eundem

I laugh't aloude to heare this wind-falne man Say, that he courted (at the play) his whore; Shall Court run currant for a Curtezan? Were Ladies euer thus abusde before? Then Ioue a boone yeeld, yeeld to my request, Make me a Ladie, for his sake at least.

Epig. 21 In obitum sepulcrum Gullionis.

Here lies fat Gullio, who caperd in a cord To highest heau'n for all his huge great weight, His friends left at Tiburne in the yere of our Lord 1 5 9 and 8 What part of his body French men did not eate, That part he giues freely to worms for their meat

Epig. 22 In Coaem

A nor Ω will Coa espie, Till she ascend vp to the corner'd Π.

Epig. 23 Ad Robertum Dalton Armig.

Kindnes it selfe, and Vertues vicegerent, Learnings maintainer, Pouerties releeuer, Valours bright ensigne, Honors heire apparent, Gentlemans behauiour, Governments vpholder, These titls claim, these, more thē these thine own, If more may be, or more in mā was known.

Epig. 24 In Vertumnum iudicem.

Wicked Vertumnus Perylus redeem'de, With (Τ) though (Θ) Perilus deseru'de, For Chion (Θ) though it better seem'de For Chion (Τ) for Chion neuer sweru'de: With (Λ) Lolus held in law too long, Thus `Peril, Chion, Lolus he did wrong.

Epig. 25 Ad Lectorem

Curteous kind Reader, find my meaning out, Whilst that I go the hemisphaere about, My wit's in waining, darke, obscure, and dull, Therefore must change before it be at full: To Phoebus or be my wit doth goe this night, Of him to borrow some transpiercing light.

Finis.