Epigrammes in the oldest cut, and newest fashion A twise seuen houres (in so many weekes) studie no longer (like the fashion) not vnlike to continue. The first seuen. Iohn Weeuer.

The first weeke.

Epig. 1. De se.

NOr do I feare the Satyres venim'd bite, Nor choplogs teeth, ne Railors vile reproch, Nor male-contented Enuies poysned spight, Ioues thunderbolt, nor Momus long sharp broch. Nor that I haue in high Parnassus slept, Or pledg'd Apollo Cups of Massicke wine Or by the fount of Helicon haue kept, That none dare carp these Epigrammes of mine; But that I thinke I shall be carpt of none, For who l••wrest water from a st,•••••••• stone?

Epig. 2. Ad Lectorem

Of all my Epigrams, Reader, reade not one, Ne yet reade two, but rather reade iust none▪ Then reade them all, or let them all alone.

Epig. 3. In Elizzbetham.

If that Elizium be no fained thing, Whereof the Poets wont so much to sing; Then are those faire fields in this Faërie land, Which faire Eliza rules with awfull hand: By BAI th' Aegyptians signifie the soule, Which doth the bodies appetites controule, ETH signifies mans hart, from whence we know The fountaine of their vitall breath doth flow. ELIZA giues this land the name: BAI soule; har•• ETH Name, soul, hart, of this land ELIZABETH.

Epig. 4. In Cormungum.

Cormung did wish wel alwaies to the poore, Wishing they had of Corne or money store: When wishing would not fill the poor mans box The poore man wisht, and Cormung had the pox▪

Epio. 5 In Crassum.

Thou'rt medling with my hat, and medling with my shoos, Thou'rt medling with my ruffes, and medling with my hose: Thou'rt medling with my gate, and medling with my lookes, Thou'rt medling with my wit, and medling with my bookes: Crassus, thy medling hath this guerdon only gottē Medlers are neuer ripe before that they be rotten.

Epig. 6 In Brillum.

Two Contraries more glorious farre appeare, When each to other they be placedneare: Vntil I knew this axiom I did muse, Why Gentlemen so much do Bases vse: Yet Brillus Bases addes to Brill no grace, But make him baser, whom by birth is base: Gentilitie then Brillus first should get, Before base Brillus do in Bases iet.

Epig. 7. De Epigr••suis.

My Epigrams were all new ready made, And onely on the Printers leisure staid; One of my friends on Sheeps greene I did meet, Which told me one was printing in Bridge street: And would (if so it pleasde to come thither) Print with a warrant both gainst wind & wether. I thanked him: my Booke to Presse now goes: But I am gulld, he printeth onely hose.

Epig. 8. In Thyrum.

Thyrus, thou told'st one I might be asham'd To print these papers; and it did sore greeue thee, And that thou wouldst in print be neuer nam'd: Thou dar'st not Thyrus therefore I beleeue thee; Yet twixt vs two this strife we may soone stint Looke at your breeches, are they not in print?

Epig. 9. De Ingenio, Fortuna, Fama.

Witte scorned Fortune, followed after Fame, That throgh the world she might extol his name; Fortune scorned Wit, and gaue him this therfore, He might haue Fame, but euer with it poore.

Epig. 10. De Fama, & Amore.

Flie thou from Loue, and it wil follow thee But folow Fame, and it wil flie from thee: Then flie from Fame, and follow Loue, if either; Then thou'lt loose fame, & yet attain loue neither: Since diuers are the waies of Loue and Fame, No maruel then thogh loue oft end with shame.

Epig. 11. In Boscum.

Boscus at boules his shoulders cannot want, He thinkes belike theire made of Adamant. What way he would his brasil bowle should wēd That way he doth alwayes his shoulders bend: Hob, hob he cries, pox on that hob, naght's good, Blow wind, hold Byas, succour there, Gods () But Byas wrong, that oth not shoulders drew it Iust by an asse, backe to the asse which threw it.

Epig. 12. De carne leporina.

Plini reports of all beasts in their kind, The flesh is best of a swift footed hare: It doth not onely beautifie the mind, But makes the bodie, face, surpassing faire: I wonder then why connies in request Shuld so much be, when hares flesh is the best.

Epig. 13. In Rogerum Manners Rut∣landiae Comitem.

It's not the sea which doth our land inclose, That makes vs mightie to withstand our foes: Nor farmes, nor mannours, but where manners be There stands the cittie, from foes danger free; If Manners then make vs our foes withstand, MANNERS may wel be cald ROOT of the LAND.

Epig. 14. In Crassum.

Crassus will say the dogge faunes with his taile, To men of worth he writes for's best auaile: Crassus thou lyest, dogs write not deedes of men, Then thou the dog that snarlest at my pen.

Epig. 15. In Monocerotem.

Monoceros hath strength, but hath no witte, And therefore one horne will the foole befitte: But how can't be that he but one horne haue? When to his neighbour Brusus two he gaue?

Epig. 16. De Poeno.

Poore Poenus had since statute was made so, At eu'ry towne some cheare, but whip and go: But euer since the Clari-cords came in, Of whipping cheare he surfeited had bin: He neuer thankes his deerest friends therefore, That such good cheere prouided for the poore; Except the Constables were phisitians good. To know the signe before they let him bloud.

Epig. 17. In Felicem.

Felix the foole, I said, as foolish writte, Therein my selfe more foolish I did show, But then he prou'd himselfe to haue no witte, That did not call me asse for saying so.

Epig. 18.

Aske Lygdus who a Poet is by right, He with harsh Horace thus will answere straight, He that hath pulld his haire quite from his beard, And can inuent braue oths wold make one feard, Pulld off his nailes, and left no haire on's head, Thus would he haue himselfe a Poet read; For Lygdus had a washing for three pence Three yeares ago, he ne're need shauing since.

Epig. 19 In Nigellum

If I should choose, yea, for my life, To be thy hawke (Nigell) or wife, I would the hawke chuse of the one, She weares a hood, thy wife weares none.

Epig. 20 In eundem

Dogs thou dost loue, dogs thou dost feede, Thy wife thou hat'st in time of neede; And still with her thou art at strife, Better to be thy dog than wife.

Epig. 21

One sued for seruice at Florellaes shrine; Florella kindly did him entertaine To be her seruant, she a Saint diuine; This high preferment glad he was to gaine; To make this match her frends he forward foūd, If but this one thing he himselfe would grant, To feoffee her by yeare in forty pound: He tried his wit (for wit oft comes by want) And brought them strait within his studie doore, And there he shew'd them old Orations, A common place-booke of ten quire and more, Latines, Verses, Theames and Declamations; He swore these cost four hundred pound at least, (May be at learning he had spent so much) Thats fortie pound a yeare by interest▪ But marke, her friends seru'd him a craftie tuch, You shal haue her (say they) but first know well, For so much coine you must your papers sell.

Epig. 22 De se.

Some men marriage doe commend, And all their life in wiving spend; But if that I should wiues haue three, (God keepe me from Polygamie) Ile giue the diuell two for pay, If he will fetch the third away.

Epig 23 Ad Michaelem Drayton.

The Peeres of heau'n kept a parliament, And for Wittes-mirrour Philip Sidney sent, To keepe another when they doe intend, Twentie to one for Drayton they will send, Yet hade him leaue his learning, so it fled, And vow'd to liue with thee since he was dead

Finis.