The gentlemans monitor, or, A sober inspection into the vertues, vices, and ordinary means of the rise and decay of men and families with the authors apology and application to the nobles and gentry of England seasonable for these times / by Edw. Waterhous[e] ...

SECT. XL.

Presents avoidance of unmeet Love, an•• unequal disparaging Marriages, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 noble part of Virtue and Wisdom in 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Noble or Gentleman.

FIfthly, That they would not debas•• themselves by vulgar Loves or vulga•• Marriages; that is, neither by sordid an•• lustfull Addresses to pitifull Persons be••fore, or by rash unlasting and unequa•• loves in their Marriages: the former 〈◊〉〈◊〉 these is well to be cautioned against, be••cause

this effeminate hurry is the common Precipice and plague of Youth, whose cu∣riosity is so keen, and whose ••••re so intent, that it enters upon its desired gratificati∣on, as the Horse doth into the Battel, with more courage then consideration: whence arise not onely the minds and bodies de∣virgination, but a disposition to that folly, which once actuated, becomes customary, and then natural, and in a sort necessary; the Piety and Prudence of Manhood ly∣ing more in timely anticipation whereof, then hopes of discarding it, when admit∣ted, shews the flattering and insinuating nature of this Pregustation, the sensual charms whereof being in possession, puts all rightfuller claims to Entry in hazzard, and nourishes a lurking adversary in the very Bowells: For, as it is a true rule, Ig∣••oti nulla cupido, what the mind knows ••ot sinful, it covets not sinfully; so what it through corruption finds correspondent to is sensuality, that it sensually lingers after ••o enjoy and improve. And therefore it is a great blessing of God to enter upon Marriage unspotted, that is, ignorant of my prefruition to it, (because then curi∣osity has no tast of what is alien to its own, nor is tempted to undervalue what it has for the propriety and frequency of tis ac∣cession

to it; whereas, when there have been full and free fruitions before, the Matrimonial ones are mostly underva∣lued;) so great an antipathy is there in our natures to virtue, that we prize those enjoyments least that are most lawfully our own, and those most that are suffura∣ted and come with the curse of God and men to their enhansers.

As therefore Prevention of greater Thefts is done by checking and reproach∣ing the injury and iniquity of a pin and a penny; so the way to avoid the most wast∣ing and scandalous effects of lust, is to a∣void those persons and occasions that are Contributors and Accessaries thereunto: which Demosthenes notably remembers men of, when he tells men, That common Wenches are taken onely to satisfie Lust, Con∣cubines kept for health and convenience, but Wives are honoured with the production of Children and the Government of the House. Whereupon for great young Persons, to paddle with Servants, Landresses, Cur∣tizans, mean, mercenary Dames, who set themselves in the way to tempt, and set themselves out with all advantages, to lead aside their amorous Tempers; or for Persons of Honour and Quality in their ages to be transported with mean and

vulgar dotages, set upon objects more re∣medies then incentives to a just and manly love, is to be trecherous to their Wisdoms, Honours, Self-command, Judgment, and to all that ought to be dear to them, which depend upon the good or bad of this their Carriage. And often it is seen that what lust commences, Cruelty determins; so did ••ene's conclusion confirm Mahomet's lust to her: For he so doted on that beautiful Greek, that he left all his care of the Com∣••on-wealth to court her, and had almost lost all his Acquisitions by his amorous ne∣rligence, which Mustapha Bassa perceiv∣ing, and being dear to, and faithfully be∣loved by him, gravely remonstrated to ••im; He kindly accepted of the reproof, and commanded Mustapha to summon to∣gether all the Commanders of his Army, before whom he would quit himself of the effeminacy charged upon him: Before them he brought Irene, and asked which ••f them would not be taken with such a ••eauty? All consented to the efficacy of ••he Transport: after all, to shew his Otto∣••an Courage or rather Cruelty, he drew ••••s Falchion, and at one blow strook of ••er head.

But the main Caution that is in debase∣••ent to be needed, is in point of Marri∣age;

for Marriage being the Seraglio of life, out of which all the furtherances to succession are transmitted; the condition and humour, and so the good or evil for∣tune of Posterity is probable to be such as the choice good or ill of the wife, is: nor is there any action of life which denomi∣nates prudence and magnanimity truer, and less fallible, then Marriage doth; which was the reason that Theodoric the Gottish King (a wise man) writing to his Friend, sayes thus, Whence is it likely to find a Noble Associate but from Noble Stocks and birth of Honour, who hold themselves bound from that baseness of action which they abhorr in the dignity of their degree and quality as beneath it; and King Iames o•• blessed and pious memory hath positived the truth of this, If a man marry basely be∣neath his rank, he will ever be the less ac∣counted of thereafter; whereupon it wa•• ever the counsel of wisdom to avoid de∣basing, by entring upon equal Marriages which Pittachus, being asked by one, whe∣ther he should marry a rich, or a sutabl•• Wife? answered, by turning the Inquirer to the Boyes then at play, and the Cry tha•• was from them to each other, which was Take thou thy like, which the Civilians ac∣cord to in their rule, Like to like do well i••

marriage; for whatsoever is unlike, discords. And this our Law commends as necessary; and thereupon Magna Charta, c. 6. & 20. H. 3. c. 6. Command Wards, who are usually men of great Blood and Estates, shall be married without disparagement. That 〈◊〉〈◊〉, not to people beneath them, villano 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Burgensi, or to others unmeet for them, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Sir Edward Cooke enlarges upon it: for 〈◊〉〈◊〉 marriage be the merry age of persons that are willingly, and with a vertuous ••••ncerity of condition and humour brought ••nto that Estate, then to be defeated of ••••eir aim, makes the Estate marriage, the ••••ne of all content, and the depth of mi∣••••ry. For as a Glass set out with Gold and ••earls avails nothing, unless it represent 〈◊〉〈◊〉 true likeness. So saies Plutarch, is there •• comfort in marriage, if there be not a ••••ness of conversation and concord of Hu∣••••ur. For marriage, in Philo's words, is a ••ind of pitch'd field, wherein the soul and ••••••son of man musters up its vertues, to op∣••••se their contrary Vices, in it Prudence op∣••••ses Folly, Constancy Wavering, Frugality ••••xury, Fortitude Rashness and Fear. And 〈◊〉〈◊〉 to these Noble designs there ought ••o be care preceding.

I know it is often seen, that as men of ••••eat parts, spirits, and forecast, do err in

point of Conduct, as did the Emperour Charles the fifth, who, notwithstan∣ding Francis the first of France, his dis∣grace at Pavia, and his imprisonment in Spain, would pass thorough France to Flanders upon a safe conduct of King Fran∣cis, and H. 3. of France, when he slew the Cardinal of Guese, beloved of the Nobi∣lity and Commons, having neither Money, Army, nor strong place after to make good the fact. I say, as men of great parts often are ove-ruled by providence of discovery or punishment to over-shoot themselves in other affaires. So in the great affaires of marriage, in which pas••••sion is an ill guide, and men conducted to love by the fire of youth contracted in the burning-glass of the eye, and thence intending it self in the action formed according to the engaged mind Idea, may be deceived into a captivity to an unmeet object; and yet in all othe•• actions be prudent. Yet because this i•• the Master-choyce of life, and is in fluential on all the after-actions and de••grees of a mans condition: No man re••taines a good reputation, that degene••rates in this from the merit of advise and prudent; not that any man can avoi•• what is concluded by God to be his por••tion:

nor is the force of resolution and caution vigorous enough to dispel the impedencies of Fate, which is (according to nature) as inseparable from the subject it attends, as the effect is from the cause. But then men are causal of their own woe, and detractive from their wel-doing and happy enjoying, when they delight to be solely privy to their actious, and refra∣gate all counsel, which is better from a stranger than their engaged selves, whose judgement is drowned in their resolved pertinacy; so true is that of Tertullian, in this case, which he uttered in another sense, No man can be built up by that which is his ruin, nor enlightned by that which is his Ecclipse. And yet so great is the sedu∣ction of man, and so stone-blind his error, that he is less curious and advised in this, that is the great secret and sacred concern of his life and well-doing, then he is in trivial matters, which do neither make him happy in having, or miserable in wan∣ting; while in this that is the Heaven of Earth, and the Haven of life, there is not so much the honour of God, which Philo calls the cement and indissolvable bond of conjunctive benevolence, as sudden thoughts, and transient humours consul∣ted with, which the very man that uses

them in ayd to marriage, would not be guided by in a purchase of Land, drift of a bargaine, loan of money, bodily distemper; no not almost in the choice of a servant, while in chusing a wife, (to which, as the best of mercies when good, and the worst of curses when bad, all others are triffles,) men go passionately & without judgment to like, court, present to, and marry, consi∣dering not the consequence of it. When as God knows in the lesser things of mo∣ment, there is no care thought too great, no counsel too much, to be taken. They will have their Clothes made by the best Taylors, their Evidences drawn by the knowingest Conveyancers, their Bonds signed by the solventest Obligers, their Children taught by the best Masters, their breed of Horses from the best Strain, their store of Lambs from the best Flock, their seed for Corn from the best Vein of Land, their Guns and Bows from the best Ma∣kers, their Plants from the best Nurseries: only in their Wives they are not so cu∣rious, because either they love them not, or they care not to breed upon them; or that their breed should be blessed, and brave after them; but think any thing that is of the producing sex will serve for exercise of their Manhood, and to bring

Children of Charge and Trouble into the World, to wedge and force them out of it; a Mistriss forsooth they I have choyce and spruce, bligth and bright, and to her they'l pay kindness full and frequent; their Lands, Jewels, Persons, Lives, are Presents too little for her to accept of: But the Wife who deserves as far beyond the Mistris, as the Sun transcends a pi∣tiful Rush light, must be chosen for In∣terest, addressed to by halfes, humoured not at all, presented to but coldly, accom∣panied with but seldom; and all this, be∣cause not equality of temper and condi∣tion byassed the choyce, but some sinister Regents, which after had, are no longer in season and favour. Which Philo reports, most contrary to the rule of nature; for that teaches to accept Wives as the best bles∣sing of life, and to account the Children of them the most Noble and preferrable to rule; and so the Persians of old thought and did, saies that Author.

Indeed every man when he marries, being to lay the foundation of his poli∣tique life, should consider, the conveni∣ence, discouragements, and other acci∣dents annexed thereunto, or contingent thereupon, and whatever he resolves to pardon, and dispense with the absence of,

not to admit failer of love; and that upon the surest basis of it, both piety and likeness, which are the sine qua non's to concord. Likeness, do I say, not ever of person (though the common opinion is, that the stronger and most radique loves are those of visual likeness) nor of mind, as to the specifique adunation of mind; but likeness of shade and compli∣ance, likeness upon fixation of resolution, and testimony of Matrimonial Oneness; likeness of proportion to the Ornament, and convenience of the marriage Fa∣brique; though not likeness of articulate Figure, yet of resolved humour and fide∣lity. This is so absolutely necessary, that where ever it is wating, marriage is abu∣sed and debased; which Francis sonne to Iohn the fifth, Duke of Brittain, probably meant, when he being to marry Isabel of Scotland, & told, that she was very wise? & comely, but had some imperfection in her Speech, replied, I marry my Wife for Posteri∣ty, not for Eloquence; wise enough is a Wife, and worthy enough to be beloved, if she can distinguish between the Shirt and Snapsack of her Husband. Intending, without doubt, that the most wively vertue, next to pro∣duction of Children, is care of and tender∣ness to her husband, at home in kindness,

and abroad in fidelity. For sure it is that greatness of mind is not arguable from little or great, high or low growth; but it is denominated from the determinations of the mind, which are great & lasting where a great soul is; according to Epictetus.

This is that which I make the undoub∣ted felicity of Marriage: For though I know that God can, and sometimes does, by a special overflood of bounty correct contrary dispositions, and make them harmonize in some expedient, equivalent to sameness, and prosequutive of the same Noble issue, content: yet this is no ground for men to relax their care upon such a presumption, that God can do, be∣cause his power and will, though they be one and the same in him, yet are not ever concurring in the declaration of them to us. God may, and ever has power to do that which perhaps he wills not; and so in this case it may be, which denies pru∣dence to venter on the Seas of casualty in a schiff of presumption; nor is God fre∣quent in his gratifications of so bold and presumptuous adventures, where there are safe passages to the Port, to affect de∣vious waies, is to provoke God to leave men to wander and naufrage.

And therefore, if any man of Honour and Worship would be a wise chuser of a

Wife, and be a happy Husband in her, let him look up to God, in an humble peti∣tion, to have his counsel and conduct; and then let him look to the Stock, the Breeding, the Relations, the Company, the Complexion, the Years, the Humour of her he wives, and consider the agree∣ableness of them to his own condition, according to the Sympathy or Antipathy whereto he may conclude himself happy, or otherwise: For Gold and Copper, Silver and Tinn, Oyle and Water, Light and Darkness, do not kindly cooperate in a mixture; nay, matrimonially do not mix at all: for consent being of the essence of mar∣riage, & that not permanently using to re∣side in unsuitable dispositions & qualities, their corporal junctions are but the out∣works of marriage, & their souls yet unen∣gaged by tyes of affection, wander from each other to more adamated objects; w^ch errancy of nature from its true central conjugal loyalty, arrives the proceed of it at Ideotism, Bigottry, Leudness, & unplea∣sing deformity of soul, or body, or both.

Which ought well to be considered by the Nobles and Gentry of England, whose glory it has ever been, and ever I hope will be, to be Couragious, Beauteous, Ci∣vil, Sage, Noble Englishmen; and as to

marry their equals in Birth and Blood (or in that which is as true Nobility, express and notable vertue, which most often is associated with Honour of descent, and Worship of parentage, wherby not seldom great Fortunes, and additions to Families come (as is instanceable from the learned Cambden, and is otherwise to be supplied to a greater number) every Family of the high and low Nobility having more or less Land and Arms from Matches with Heirs Females, with whose per∣sons sons their Families, Lands, and Coat Ar∣mours come to their Husbands and Chil∣dren, and their Descendants.) I say, the Nobles and Gentry of England, whose Ho∣nour it ever hath been, and may with Gods blessing further be, as to marry their equals, so will it be their Honour also to be vertuous Examples to, and va∣lewers of, their own Wives, their own Children, and their own Paternal, or o∣ther acquired abodes; and to live with and in them; which they will most con∣tentedly do, when they love whom they chuse in marriage, and devote conscien∣ciously their most generous spirits and kindnesses to them, and to them onely; the fruit whereof, besides peace of con∣science, salve of Honour, increase of For∣tune,

and popular Renown, will be con∣tented and kind Wives, (who like Alceste, the loyal Wife of King Admetus, will die to redeem his life; and like the renow∣ned Queen Philip wife to Edw. 3. whose three petitions of the King declare her a Noble Lady,) Beauteous and obser∣vant Children, in whose faces, and on whose bodies the Sculptures of conjugal Chastity are fairly and symmetriously wrought, by the Master-hand of Nature; and to whose minds God the Naturater of Nature has assigned suitable Vertues, of Holy softness, pure Modesty, unprovoked Patience, humble Meekness, commenda∣ble Thrift, couragious Grandeur, dome∣stique Ingenuity, resolved Fidelity, inde∣fatigable Goodness: These having an In∣dian wealth, and a felicity of Paradise, associating and attending them, will be good seconds to the narrow Fortunes of younger Children; as well as great Con∣tributers to the preferment of elder Chil∣dren: For no Greatness will stick to marry into a Stock that is worthy: in Pa∣rents, Great, Grave, and Good, and in Children worthy, them to bring into, and breed, and bestow in the world: For, if a Gentleman that has courage to serve in Arms with a Prince, be a brother in Arms

to him; a Gentlewoman that has Vertue to deserve, and Prudence to guide it, may is well be a Sister, nay a Wife in Arms to a Prince, to whom she may perform as good service to perpetuate his posterity by the fruit of her body, and the fervour of her prayers answered by Gods grace in, and blessing upon them; as by all o∣ther means that reason of State, and worldly Interest can imagine, set a foot, or bring to pass, to make him happy.

This I the rather press, because one of the great mistakes and mischiefs of our Age, is dis-esteem of wives, and that upon conceit that any thing, if woman, serves for a wife, if she have but money, be she never so otherwise incompleat, they think all is well: when if men of Honour and Fortune would well weigh the vanity and fallacy of this conception, they would abhor the ••ucacity, & resolve against the prevalence of it; for if any thing be valuable in this world, it is a Wife; and if any thing be in a Wife contributive to a perennity and principality of glory, 'tis in a worthy and wise wife: not such an one as that of ••arnard Newmarch, the famous Norman, (who when her only sonne by Newmarch, called Mabell, reproved a young Gentle∣man that was too familiar with his mo∣ther,

took it from her sonne so heynously, that to be revenged of him, she took a publique solemn Oath, that Mabell was not the sonne of Newmarch her husband, but got by another in Adultry: This Oath she took before H. 3. which act of hers, she grievously paid for; for within few years after she was cast into prison, and fami∣shed there:) But in such a Wife as does not only adorn life with all friendly and con∣tenting Domestique comforts; but con∣veyes to Posterity the fruits of Piety, Cha∣stity, Kindness, Constancy, Frugality; and that not only by imparting so much of her soul and body to them as is Emanant from Motherhood, wherein her partici∣pations are concludable to be more, from her long fostering them in her, then they can be thought from the father, from whom they pass in a Whirl-wind: but also from those actions of vertue which she will breed them up to know and ex∣ercise: And if men of great value and place would not debase themselves by vi∣ces, and deeds of clancularity in the Gins and Traps of which they are by vulgar persons snap'd and ecclipsed, they would find their Honours more valuable, their Posterities more proveable, their Lives more Exemplary, their Deaths more Chri∣stian;

for poor Spirits advanced do know neither Moderation nor Gratitude; nor do they think any thing below them, whose souls are so lowly minded to be vi∣cious; nor are Great Personages by any thing more diminished, then when they forget unlikeness, the Curse, and Disparage∣••ent the Cross, of Marriages.

Notes

• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. Muso∣nius in lib. an Philoso∣phiam impe∣diunt nuptiae. apud Stobae∣um. Serm. 186.
• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. In Oratione contra Ne∣aeram.
• Turkish History p. 351.
• Unde melius nobilitati col∣legam quaeri∣mus, quam de vena nobilium, qui se promit∣tunt abhorrere moribus quam refugit sangui∣ne vilitatem. Cassiod. Var. Ep. 12. lib. 1.
• Basilicon Do∣ron. 2 Book p. 172.
• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Laertius lib. 1. Par pari jungatur con∣j••x quicquid impar dissidet. Reg. Iuris.
• Stat. Merton. c. 6. Instit. upon Littleton Sect. 107. p. 80, 81. 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Plutarchus in Nuptial praeceptis. 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Philo lib. de Prae∣miis & pae∣nis p. 918.
• Perit judicium cum res transit in affectum. Scholastie. Surius in Com∣mentarium re∣rum gestarum ad Annum 1539.
• Quae Fato ma∣nent non facile vitantur. Tacit.
• Nemo inde s••rui potest unde destruitur, nemo ab eo illumi∣natura aquo con¦tenebratur. lib. de Praescrip. advers. Haere∣tic. c. 12.
• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. Philo lib de de victimas offerentibus. p 856.
• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. Lib. de Specialib: legibus p. 778.
• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. Hier••∣cles in lib. de nuptiis apud Stobae∣um. Serm. 186.
• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. Dictum My∣tele••norum Thucydid. lib. 3. p. 177.
• Talem volo po∣steritatis causa, non Eloquentiae, satis prudens est uxor si penu∣lam & interu∣lam mariti dignoscere pos∣sit Aegidius Corrozetus lib. de dictis & fa∣ctis Memorab.
• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. Arianus Epictetus. l. 1. c. 12.
• Thorough out every Shire of his Britannia.
• Holingshed p, 404.
• Nullum majo∣rem haeredita∣tem, possunt filiis parentis tradere quam rerum bene ge∣starum gloriam, & integritatis ante actae vitae, Iodocus Chi∣cthoneus. tract. de Nohilitate c. 5. & 7.
• 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. Epictetus Euchirid. c. 62.
• Cambden Brit∣tania, p. 620.
• Quid jactitas genus tuum? quem teipsum facis? vaga & incerta est ho∣minum genera∣tio, & quan∣doque putatur filius Principis qui filius est culinarii Hi∣strionis. Petrus Blesens. Ep. 3. ad Nobilem.