Ignoramus a comedy as it was several times acted with extraordinary applause before the Majesty of King James : with a supplement which, out of respect to the students of the common law, was hitherto wanting / written in Latine by R. Ruggles ... ; and translated into English by R. C. ...

The First SCENE of the Second ACT

The ARGUMENT.

Theodore being satisfied of his sons going to sea, returneth home with his servant Bannacar, whom of a Mahometan he had made a Christian.

Theodore, Bannacar.

Theo.

MY Son (God blesse him) is gone to Sea, I saw him shipped, and the Ship under sayl and lanched forth; I have since dispatched some Affairs in the City, according to my own mind. Now I go home with an untroubled heart; Banna∣car, thou knowest how I received thee into my own House, being a poor Vagabond, and wanting all things, and what is most of all, I made thee a Christian who wert before a Mahometan.

Ban.

Sir, I must acknowledge I owe unto you not only my life,

but my soul also, I will persist therefore in the diligent perfor∣mance of whatsoever service you shall command me.

Theo.

Go in! I shall immediadiately find an Imployment for you.

Exit Ban.

He that will thrive must be to work inclin'd; For sloth corrupts the body and the mind.

The Second SCENE of the second ACT.

The ARGUMENT:

Trico in a Boat overtakes the Ship, and brings back Antonio, they enter into Counsaile for the gaining of Rosabella, Trico promi∣seth to effect it by the means and help of Cupes, a Hawker, or running seller of Pamphlets; Trico in the mean time receiveth the ten pound in Gold which was given to Antonio by his Father for his Journey, and repaireth to a Broker.

Antonio, Trico.

Trico.

STay a little, whiles I look round about me, Here is no body! Come forth here is not one stirring, not one as I can see.

Anto.

The Phrygian Troops I circumspected have.

Trico.

What say you Master? Am not I Trico tbe great?

Anto.

Trico the most wonderful.

Trico.

When I saw your Father go towards the Ship, I stole privately after you and followed close, like a sneaking Dog with his Tayl between his Leggs; As soon as he was departed, I presently threw my self into the next Boat, and with wind and sayles made up unto you; comming to the Ship I pretended that your Mother and her Family were newly arrived, and therefore your Father sent for you again that you might not lose your Journey; Thus in one Boat we both came back. The ship steer'd on her course for London. But what saith your Father to his Neighbors now? My son Anto. is now sayling to London, God speed him well; my servant Trico, my excellent servant Trico is toyl∣ing

and sweating poor man at my Country House? this shall be your Country House that I will be at this day, Master Theodorus.

Anto.

As yet, it moveth handsomely; but what shall I do now? wherefore have you brought me back, shall I enjoy Rosabella.

Trico.

Trico (as I hope shall bring that to passe also.

Anto.

I would he could.

Trico.

Did not you see me speak with one just now?

Anto.

Yes, yonder Hawker, who cryeth and selleth pamphlets up and down the City.

Trico.

The very same, his name is Cupes, and you hardly will believe it, he is a greater knave then I am.

Anto.

No, Torcol is the great knave.

Trico.

To one great knave, there must be put two half knaves, such as I and Cupes are. Give him but a little money before hand, and he will do wonders.

Anto.

Here are ten pieces which my thrifty Father gave me for my journey, I have no more.

Trico.

'Tis enough. Give them me; with these will I suborn Cupes, and afterward discover the whole design unto you; I must now addresse my self to the Broker to furnish our selves with Cloaths for the play, and this design we will carry on very hand∣somely. Do you bestow yourself in some private Friends house hard by, and there conceal your self that your Father may have no notice of it; As soon as I can, I will attend you, and laugh at me, if I effect not your desires.

Anto.

Say you so, If you make me so happy I will—

Trico.

No more but be gone.

Anto.

Let me not live if I fail to—

Trico.

Why do you stay so long?

Anto.

I go my Trico.

Tri.

Cupes this day promised to assist me, I have told him all; see where he comes with his basket of books in his hand.

The Third SCENE of the Second ACT.

The ARGUMENT.

They plot how to disguise themselves so handsomely as to personate Torcol, and the servant of the Lawyer Ignoramus, and to be sure to remember the Horn if Ignoramus comes himself▪ Cupes ha∣ving received eight crowns to make his scolding wife more tracta∣ble, doth promise most solemnly his utmost diligence▪ Trico go∣eth to provide Ornaments, and disguises for Cupes and his VVife Polla.

Cupes, Trico.

Cupes.

BOoks, Books, who buyes my books, new books, witty books, witty and new, new and true, come who buyes my books, new books new!

Trico.

You! books, books!

Cupes.

O Trico, I will come to you presently. As I live, I have most pitiful books here to day.

Trico.

Why so?

Cupes.

I cannot sell one of them; prethee stay a little.

Trico.

Make hast then.

Cupes.

Come! who buyes my books, here is the Eele or Grigg of Equivocation, or of the Art of lying confidently cum privilegio, by the Reverend Father in the Divel Andraeas Belzebub, and Jo∣hannes Cyd••nius; come who buyes my books? who buyes Bel∣zebub?

Trico.

No body.

Cupes.

I will sell them to you almost for nothing? for three souce, two souce, one souce, half a souce, a un-grand Diable.

Trico.

Have you the Divels club?

Cupes.

The Divels club —let me see —there is such a book, but it is prohibited, what would you do with it?

Trico.

With that Divels Club I would bea•• out the braines of Andreas Belzebub the Divel of Divels.

Cupes.

Tut, you could not hurt him.

Tric.

Why?

Cup.

His Head and Face is all of steel; Come who buyes my Books; who buyes my book of the way how to hold the Eel of Equivocation by the tayl.

Tri.

By the tayl, by the neck as well; I will buy it, by and by.

Cup.

Come my fine Books. Pellio the Skinner, versipell Pellio or the way of turning the skin by Pellio himself.

Tric.

Prethee name that Pellio no more, lest he spoil our Co∣medy, as heretofore he did the Comedies of Plautus, It makes my heart ake to think of him.

Cup.

I am no body to day.

Tric.

I would I had his skin stuffed with straw.

Cup.

Straw! Hold thy peace. I tell thee Strawes make saints now a dayes; will you have the Apology for Garnet: There is a conceited straw for you.

Tric.

Cupes; There is some hope that you and I may be saints also.

Cup.

What hope Trico?

Tric.

Because we are such very reprobates.

Cup.

Come, my brave books. The Canonizing of Saint Gar∣net, of Saint James Clement, of Saint Rauiliac, all three from the Vatican Library; Here is Schioppius, the Night Owl, Come who buyes Schioppius.

Tric.

Not one buyer all this while—O wonderful!

Cup.

The flatterer or Schioppius, the art of flattering; A manu∣script.

Tric.

Let me see that book: Fie upon't! how it smelleth of the sloven that did compose it? he wrote it with his own Urine.

Cup.

Come who buyes, who buyeth it, I am undone.

Tri.

Enough—you now have read over all your rank poysons.

Cup,

Would these pamphlets were all burnt for me, what have I done? what have I said? that they should undoe me with these paultry pamphlets.

Tri.

Take heed how you trade in them for the time to come; O Wretched writers! O Generation of Scriblers, Incendiaries, Disturbers of the World, Insuarers of the People; Destroyers of the Nobility, Murderers of Kings, and Advancers of the Pope.

Cup.

Away with them all? the Annalls of Volusius, mais quoy

vanno via manniconia; but I have some books here worth any money; Here is the Prologue Caballin, or the Metamorphosis of Messe Davy, also his milleloquy at supper. The tilting of Messe Davy, and his Syn-Coriatical peregrinations.

Tri.

Both he and his books deserve to be tossed together in a blanket.

Cup.

But now, behold my books. Cupes of the art of drink∣ing, inlarged, revised and purged from a hundred faults▪ toge∣ther with an Addition to it, and a Commentary on it. Cupes de cupediis.

Tri.

Doth so poor a man as you love Delicats?

Cup.

I hate these grosse fed Parasites, when I have money, I feed on nothing but choice meats, and daynties.

Tri.

But Cupes, Cupes, long not for Phesants you have scarce two Farthings to buy a half penny Loaf.

Cup.

Why, I may have a good mind to them for all that.

Tri.

And why so Cupes? Are you a Cupedinarian?

Cup.

I was one heretofore, I have been of a thousand professi∣ons; when I was a young man at Paris I was a player.

Tri.

Thou hast made me happy then; for this day thou art to act the part of many persons.

Cup.

At Venice I served a Confectionary; there I made Wafers, Marchpans, Macaroons, Suckets, Dry and VVet, and all manner of Sweet-meats.

Tri.

There you could lick your Fingers.

Cup.

But that which I most affected was at Tholouse, where be∣ing servant to a Vintner, I fragally sipped every day three or four Gallons only of Wine, till at the last my master broke; af∣ter that I ran away into Holland where I carried about an Ape with a Gay Coat on his back; at Rome I was leader to a blind man.

Tri.

He gave you therefore but blind obedience.

Cup.

At Rome? why? He who is most obedient there, is most blind.

Tri.

What did you do in England?

Cup

O la bonne terre d' Angleterre; I first was there a Sowgel∣der in the Country; afterwards I was an under Butler in the Inns of Court amongst the Lawyers.

Trico.

Were you ever in Spain?

Cup.

Never.

Tri.

VVhy not?

Cup.

I cannot be contented with three Raisins for my Supper Trico.

Tri.

'Tis well, but do you remember, what I told you of, even now?

Cup.

I do, and I promise to perform it, by putting on a dis∣guise to personate one Torcol.

Tri.

But with a crooked and a distorted Neck.

Cup.

Why thus▪ how do you the posture?

Tri.

Admirably.

Cup.

Afterwards I am to counterfeit the servant of a Lawyer.

Tri.

But if Ignoramus comes himself, be sure you do remember the Horn.

Cup.

Remember it, I will warrant you; not any one of them knows me.

Tri.

And thus disguised you will be the more unknown; but you must teach your wife also how to personate Rosabella, she is apprehensive I know, and will be apt to follow your instructions.

Cup.

She is, but I am affraid I shall not be able to perswade her to it, she is so unreasonably obstinate, and alwayes scolding, nay she will beat me also.

Tri.

VVhat is she a Fury?

Cup.

A Fury Trico; she is all the Furies in one.

Tri.

If I had three such VVives I would give two of them to the Divel upon a Condition.

Cup.

VVhat condition Trico?

Tri.

That he should take away the third.

Cup.

Let him take her.

Tri.

But I will give both her and you, that which shall over∣come you both, look you, here is eight pieces in Gold.

Cup.

Give it me, and I will bring my Dame.

Tri.

I conjure thee Cupes by thy bowels.

Cup.

You have conjured me by that which is most dear unto me.

Tri.

That you will be careful in the performance of this.

Cup.

It shall be done.

Tric.

I will go and procure the cloathes and properties for you and your wife. Be you alwayes waiting here to prevent all in∣conveniences, and to provide a Remedy upon every Emergency.

Cupes.

I will, but this night we will sup together; it shall be a night of mirth.

Tri.

Your words are full of Hospitality, may all things prosper with you.

Cup.

Farewel, I will now call forth my wife and overcome her with gold; for without that she will do nothing: I know she will scold as her usuall manner is; she is alwayes mutte∣ring and murmuring, like a Weesil crushing the bones of a Mouse; Polla! wife Polla! why Polla I say.

The Fourth SCENE of the Second ACT.

The ARGUMENT.

Polla at the first rants it, but having received the gold, she flatters her Husband; And if Cupes, in the mean time, will bring no Wenches into his House, she promiseth that in other apparrell she will personate another woman, and so be delivered to one whose Name is Pecus.

Polla, Cupes.

Poll.

POlla, Polla! what a hooping and a hollaing is here? what are you got drunk again?

Cup.

I would I were, my Polla, I have not drank one drop of wine this day?

Poll.

Why dost thou stand so idle here thou swilling-tub? Hast thou sold any Pamphlets this day? Hast thou got any money thou drunken Sot, thou?

Cup.

Not a farthing.

Poll.

How! I shall—

Cup.

Would the pamphlets were all burnt, and the writers of them hang'd for me.

Poll.

And thou hang'd with them, sometimes thou pawnest my

Books, sometimes my Cloaths to the Vintners in their Taverns.

Cup.

'Tis true my Phillis, I have done it, and thou hast soundly Cudgelled me for it.

Poll.

I have, and will soundly Cudgel, and Cudgel thee again. Shall I sit spinning with an empty belly all day at home, when you in the Taverns are all in a hoyt, dying the pavements with Claret Wine and Muskadine; but if ever I see you set but your foot again within a Tavern.—

Cup.

What? not so much as my foot.

Poll.

I have said it.

Cup.

Then kill me without any more adoe; But clear thy brow, my Dear, what wilt thou drink Sweat-heart! ••ell me my Love!

Poll.

Away with these flatteries; If my Cloaths be not redeem∣ed—

Cup.

Sweet Love, they shall be redeemed, look thee what here is—

Poll.

What Gold! where didst thou get that Gold sweet Man?

Cup.

Now I am your sweet Man. O Gold what canst thou not do? will you have half of it?

Poll.

Yes my dear Soul.

Cup.

Dear Soul! O thou most dissembling Woman! well, you shall have half, if you will do me one small courtesie.

Poll.

What is it?

Cup.

Nothing, but a little to put thy self forth to a Friend of mine to use thee.

Poll.

O wicked man; what wilt thou put forth thy wife to use, thou thy self knowing it?

Cup.

You do not rightly understand me?

Poll.

What, if I should now make thee a Corn-elius of a Cupes.

Cup.

I would then make thee again a Corn-eli•• of a Poll••.

Poll.

Tell me what sayst thou? hadst thou rather be Publius Cor∣nelius, or Cornelius Tacitus?

Cup.

Oh, Cornelius Tacitus by a great deal, but I think no Man will make a Whore of such a pittiful Jade as thou art, Ha, Ha▪ He.

Poll

Pitiful Jade; Dost thou laugh at me, thou ugly Tankerd-bearer?

Cup.

No lovely and fair; I do not laugh at you, you do much mistake me.

Poll.

What dost thou mean by it, tell me then?

Cup.

Canst thou in another Habit personate another Wo∣man.

Poll.

Is that all? very easily.

Cup.

And make a surrender of thy self to one Pecus; he will neither tempt nor force thy Chastity, never fear him?

Poll.

Fear him? shall I fear any one Man who have beaten a thousand?

Cup.

Me, I am sure on't, you have full often.

Poll.

Well—give me the Gold, and I will warrant thee my Cupes; Never doubt it?

Cup.

Look you here then? here are two pieces for you; af∣ter you have effected your businesse, I will give you two more.

Poll.

Agreed, but on this condition, that in my absence you bring none of your Wenches into my House as your usual man∣ner is.

Cup.

O vainly Jealous! Why I sleep always with you, all night long?

Poll.

You sleep indeed, I had rather that you should wake by half, but if I take any of your Wenches in my house; by Earth and Air, and the Heights above, and the Deeps below—

Cup.

O swear not downwards.

Poll.

I will drag them out into the streets by the Hair of their Head▪ where I will so belabour them, that they shall not be able to stir a Foot.

Cup.

You shall never find me with any.

Poll.

On that condition, I will assist thee according to thy ex∣pectation.

Cup.

Let us go in my Phillis, where I will give thee more full instructions.

The Fifth SCENE of the Second ACT.

The ARGUMENT:

Antonio, and Trico do borrow cloaths of a Broaker, and for a pawn they give him a Brasse King with a counterfeit stone in it, Cupes goeth to make himself ready.

Antonio, Trico, Pyropus, Cupes.

Anto.

THe plot you told me of pleaseth.

Tric.

Pyropus, the Broaker will be here presently.

Ant.

But what pawn shall we give him for the cloaths we are to have?

Tri.

You say well.

Ant.

I have given you all the Money I have.

Tri.

Have you no Rings, nor Jewels?

Ant.

None at all.

Tri.

But Trico, Master, hath a Ring.

Ant.

A Brasse one peradventure.

Tri.

But double-gilt with a brave stone in't.

Ant.

Some Counterfeit I believe.

Tri.

Pure glasse Sir, finely cut and painted; it sparkles so, that any may may be deceived with it.

Ant.

Trico, Let me see it.

Tri.

Put it on your finger, and pretend that you value it at a very great rate; It is ten to one, but he will swallow it: St, no more words▪ here he comes himself—s••ve you Pyropus.

Pyro.

Save you Sir; Come hither Boy, and show the Gen∣tlemen the Cloaths you have brought.

Ant.

Quickly; for I am in great hast at this present.

Pyr.

Come—sirrah, dispatch; what a fu••bling do you make; Give them me; Look you Gentlemen, There is no man in all Burdeaux that can shew you better, or hath more choice.

Tri.

Master This is a very good suit to travel in.

Pyr.

But observe the fashion, and the workmanship of it.

Tri.

Cupes shall wear these, and Pollo these; And this shall serve for the other.

Pyr.

I have brought all you told me of.

Ant.

Well, well, go too— give us the price?

Tri.

But onely for one dayes wearing.

Pyr.

Shall I be at a word with you verily.

Ant.

Dispatch then.

Pyr.

Shall I be at a word, verily shall I be at a word with you?

Ant.

You kill me with delayes.

Pyr.

Well— Verily and indeed la, you shall give me Forty shillings.

Ant.

Forty shillings.

Pyr.

You cannot give me lesse verily.

Tri.

Verily saith well Master.

Pyr.

Yes verily.

Tri.

Pray Sir then make short with verily.

Ant.

Well— I will give it.

Pyr.

I do value them all at fourscore pound.

Tric.

The man verily saith well.

Pyr.

If you cannot spare so much money, let me have but a sufficient Morgage.

Tric.

And Verily▪ what needs that, my Master being one of the chiefest Merchants son in all the City?

Anto.

What do you doubt me?

Pyr.

No Sir; but the Custome of our trade expecteth some security.

Ant.

I have a Ring on my finger which I value at a very high Rate.

Tric.

What, that Master, with the rich precious stone in't?

Anto.

The very same.

Tric.

'Tis worth at least three hundred pound.

Pyr.

Let me have that?

Ant.

What, a Ring of so great a Value; How shall I be sure to have my Ring again?

Pyr.

I have a shop verily.

Tri.

He hath verily.

Ant.

You will not trust me being a Gentleman, why shall I trust you being but an ordinary Trades-man?

Pyr.

I know not what to say more—; pray give me my Goods again!

Tri.

Master you may trust him, The Man is an honest Man ve∣rily, I have known him along time.

Pyr.

Do you know me verily?

Tri.

Yes verily.

Ant.

Upon your word I will trust him with it.

Pyr.

Verily how it shines, and glisters, and sparkles?

Tri.

It doth verily flammas{que} imitante Pyropo.

Pyr.

Gentlemen, God be with you?

Tri.

Let your Boy first convey these things for us into the next Lane, and leave um—

Pyr.

At what Sign?

Tri.

At the Sign of the Anchor.

Pyr.

He shall verily.

Tri.

Farewel my Fine City-wit verily.

Ant.

I hope now that all things will answer our expectation; But what if Ignoramus should now come himself—

Tri.

We will fright him hence; Be you but vigilant and lie close, and we shall doe wel•• enough.

Ant.

I will be all eyes my Trico.

Tri.

And •• and Cupes will lie in Ambush here.

Ant.

But what if I light upon my Father?

Tri.

I presently will instrust you how to circumvent him. Go and make your self ready.

Ant.

I am gone.

Tri.

If any thing falls out crosly, you must with patience en∣dure it; for Fortune sometimes will faulter.

Ant.

Be no bad Prophet Trico.; Fortune I hope will assist us, but make what hast you can unto me; for without you I am but a blind-man without a Guide.

Tric.

I will be with you again immediately. Doe you hear Cupes, Cupes, Take these Cloaths, and presently attire your selves.

Cup.

It shall be done in an instant.

Tric.

But whom see •• here? my best and familiar Friend Milsalis▪ He promised to assist me; I peradventure may drain something from him as often heretofore I have done.

The Sixth SCENE of the Second ACT.

The ARGUMENT.

Musaeus complaineth of Ignoramus, and what a slavish life he leads with him. He propounds him in a Riddle unto Trico, and in∣forms him, that Ignoramus is coming with six hundred Crowns, Trico sends Musaeus to Antonio, and Cupes, to acquaint them with it.

Musaeus, Trico.

Musae.

I Would my parents had broke my neck when they first placed me to this Fool Ignoramus; Let me say, or doe what I can to please him, he is alwayes exclaiming against me; How ill favouredly doth he carry himself? This is my fine schollar; he neither knows how to put a Bridle on a Horse, nor to ride him, being bridled, nor mend a broken Girt; where are your Syllogismes now, you Vniversity-Coxcomb?

Tric.

Musaeus how do you?

Musae.

Well Trico, were it not ill with me in having so bad a Master; I would he had his due for me.

Tric.

What is the matter?

Musae.

He doth so torment and confound me with his babling.

Tric.

Why, Is he not fluent, accurate, and eloquent?

Musae.

There be others indeed that are so, but he is nothing lesse; he doth all things so perversly, he puts his Cap on his Feet, and his shooes on his Head.

Tric.

O most ridiculous!

Musae.

Trico I will read thee a Riddle, and do you solve it?

Tric.

Let me hear it.

Musae.

What is that which liveth by Right, and by Wrong, which hath a great Heart and no Heart, which is both an Ambidexter, and a Bifront, which speaketh Much, and speaketh Nothing; which is Jest in Earnest, and Earnest in Jest; which speaketh English, Dutch, French and Latine, yet speaketh neither English, nor Dutch, nor French, nor Latine; which writeth Lawes that they may be mis∣prisions, and which writeth misprisions that they may be Lawes,

which maketh a Finite Infinite; Truth, no Truth, and no Truth, Truth.

Tric.

Which maketh Truth no Truth, who should this be, but Belzebub Cydonius?

Mus.

It is he, and it is not he.

Tric.

Who loves to speak in an unknown Tongue— It is A Popish Priest.

Mus.

It is something like him, but not the same.

Tri.

What a Blockhead am I? now I have it.

Mus.

What, or who is it?

Tri.

It is your Master Ignoramus.

Mes.

You are an Oedipus.

Tri.

Who was Father to this Monster?

Mus.

Francus Soloicophan••s, his Mothers Name was Barbara Latina.

Tric.

Where was he born?

Mus.

In great Puritania.

Tri.

In what City?

Mus.

Either Aurelia, or Argentina.

Tri.

What doth he feed upon?

Mus.

The Common Law.

Tri.

Is he not Learned? Doth he not know the seven Liberal Arts?

Mus.

The Seven Arts! why, I tell you, he knows all letters.

Tri.

Good God! what all letters?

Mus.

Why—There are but four and twenty Letters in all.

Tri.

He is a Man of a Thousand!

Mus.

Certainly there are but few such as he is; Every Order neverthelesse hath both good and bad, both wise men and fools; In good corn there are some bad ears, and in bad some good ones; It were foolish therefore and inhumane (although many are guilty of it) to inveigh against whole Societies and Orders, and the studies of many Men for the extravagancies of some few persons; If need were I could number up many excellent Men of this Order so transcendent for Wisdome, Learning, and Piety, that they are hardly to be parallel'd, who have both learnedly expounded, and sincerely delivered the Laws of their own Coun∣try, then which there is nothing more just, or righteous: These

Men we alwayes prosecute with deserved honour; for they pro∣ceeded from us, and are for us. No man is an Enemy to Learn∣ing but Ignoramus; Let Ignoramus therefore and such as he are, who desire the Ruine of the Church and Universities—

Tric.

Be for ever banished.

Mus.

Nay, let them go into Morbonia.

Tric.

They will be angry with you.

Mus.

Ignoramus will, but no man else; but what he thinketh or thinketh not, is all one to me.

Tric.

To bring such a man upon the Stage were dangerous.

Mus.

Not at a jot, why all the world is but a Stage where e∣very mans a player.

Tric.

Come Musaeus we grow too serious, Tell me what is thy Master Ignoramus now about?

Mus.

He is coming unto Torcol; He hath told the Money just now.

Tric.

I am undone.

Mus.

I came on purpose to acquaint you with it▪

Tric.

And why with a pox no sooner? make all the hast you can to Cupes, and bid him be sure to remember the Horn.

Mus.

What Horn?

Tri.

VVhat is that to you; He knows already what is to be done, let him immediately acquaint Antonio with it, let them be both in a readinesse.

Mus.

I fly, may some evil fall on Ignoramus, I heartily do wish it.

Tri.

If he comes not immediately away,—the whole plot is spoyled, Woe is me, Ignoramus is come already.

The Seventh SCENE of the Second ACT.

The ARGUMENT.

Ignoramus brings the six hundred Crowns which he bargained for Rosabella, Trico the more to delay the time untill they can be dressed in their disguises propoundeth a ridiculous case in Law to be pleaded by Ignoramus, which when he insists upon longer then ordinary, Trico, to requite his patrons courtesie, acquaints him what Antonio hath contrived against him, and that he had sworn to geld his Rival Ignoramus wheresoever he could find him.

Ignoramus with his Money, Trico.

Igno.

HEre is the legem pone, Here are the six hundred Crowns, which just now I intended with Torcol, for my Sweet∣heart Rosabella.

Tri.

He hath brought the Money, I am undone.

Ign.

If I live, Rosabella my stella▪ d••nsab•• veteres mensuras, I will Dance my old measures with thee.

Tri.

They have watched him well—

Ign.

This is the Indenture, and the Obligation of Roderigo Torcol, I will go to him in propria persona.

Tri.

Out upon't,—what makes them stay so long? I must detayn him with some discourse or other—Save you Sir.

Ign.

Sirrah who are you, Hah.

Tri.

A poor man Sir,, that hath spent all his Estate in Law.

Ign.

Oh, oh; In forma pauperis, Abi via, Abi via, Away, Away.

Tri.

Sir I crave your Counsel.

Ign.

My Counsel Knave, Legem pone, Legem pone.

Tri.

We must give a Sop to Cerberus, what shall I do? I have some brasse money about me, I will sling it away on him; Sir I am a very poor man.

Ign.

A poor man — That signifies nothing.

Tri.

But because Sir, you are well vers'd in Causes, I must be∣seech you to hear my Cause, And what Money I have left is here at your service.

Igno.

Oh well, well, Have you joyned Issue?

Tri.

Issue—What shall I say now?—yes Sir, Issue, Issue.

Igno.

Declare?

Tri.

My Grandfather Grunnio, the son of Bore, had an Uncle called Hog.

Ign.

Quondam Uncle.

Tri.

You say right Sir Quondam Uncle, but the Quondam Un∣cle of the Sister of my Quondam Grandmother, who was Cousin German, to the Grandmother of my Quondam Father.

Ign.

Well said Quondam; Allo••••s.

Tri.

Did bequeath unto me a black Horse; the truth is, he had but a short come off: why shall I dissemble? he had no Tayl, but what then? should any man put a Nettle under it?

Ign.

In Tayl speciall, In good Earnest by Right he could not do it.

Tri.

He did neverthelesse, but he did. VVince and Kick, and fling his leggs aloft.

Ign.

Take heed of that.

Tri.

And he kill'd the Deer and Phesants.

Ign.

O Dammage Faisant Here must be a demur.

Tri.

And certainly the Kalendar lyed abominably; for I well remember it did Hayle.

Ign.

A good circumstance, and which maketh for you.

Tri.

Slow man of Burdeaux▪ what not yet—Sir? And he not only put a Nettle under his Tayl, but he repleated all his mouth with pepper.

Ign.

Repleated? a replevit will not serve in this case.

Tri.

So I thought, but he having before his eyes the Figure or copy of a white Horse.

Ign.

O—What Copses too, it is in tertio Richardi primi potest Copitias Toppare, Loppare, & abscoriare, He may Top them and Lop them, and do what he will with them.

Tri.

He did not though—I lost him that year, who can help it—what do you think of it Sir—Snayles! we are undone.

Ign.

What do I think of it? was not that black Che••all your Chattle personal?

Tri.

Chattle, yes Chattle indeed, but I am affraid of the pep∣per Sir.

Igno.

You say well and there is the point indeed; for this is your case, If John an Oakes in••eoffat John a Stiles de Black Acre, and John a Stiles capit Black Acre & VVhite Acre, in this case Tout is void, All▪ All.

Tri.

I think they are asleep—But the pepper being snuffed into his Nose did make him stand an end on his Leggs before, and break wind backwards.

Ign.

Snuffing, and Leaping, and petting is a good Tenor doubt it not.

Tri.

But I am still affraid of the pepper.

Ign.

What need you fear. But take out a subpena for him, and if he doth not return black Cheval, and white Chevil cum costis ad pinguebus dammagis, with costs and ••at dammages, say that Ignoramus non habet Lex.

Tri.

I thank you Sir.

Ign.

Farewel, For I have some businesse must be dispatched.

Tri.

But Sir, For the good Counsel you gave to me, I have some good Counsel, to requite your love, for your self, And what much concerns you. If you are Ignoramus, make all the hast you can away, Fly and be gone.

Ign.

Hah—Fly wherefore?

Tri.

You love Rosabella that liveth here hard by.

Ign.

VVhat then?

Tri.

Antonio also is deeply in love with her, and in my hear∣ing did swear most seriously that He would dismember Ignoramus wheresoever He could light upon him.

Ign.

It was but in Jest.

Tri.

But do you get you gone in Earnest, and have a care of your self; for that most dissolute Cutter hath gelded very many that I know of.

Ign.

You have put me in a bodily fear, and because I am in a strange place, I am in a greater doubt; look yonder Fabula est in lupus.

Tri.

He comes at last.—

The Eigth SCENE of the Second ACT.

The ARGUMENT:

Antonio Enters full of threatning, Cupes within sounds a Horn, as if he were a Sowgelder, Ignoramus hides himself, but being discouered he had much to do to escape the ••ffront of being gelded; but having sworn that he would never come to Rosabella again, he was permitted to depart. Antonio goeth to a Painter, to paint him a little Mole on his Cheek, which his Father observing may conceive thereby that he is not Antonio, but Antonine newly come from London unto Burdeaux.

Antonio, Cupes, Ignoramus Trico.

Anto.

WHere is that old Whoremaster Ignoramus, who would defraud me of my Love? If I serve him not as I would a Hee-goat—

Tric.

Do you hear now?

Igno.

Doth he use to be as good as his word?

Tric.

He never breaks it.

Igno.

He is not Compos mentis, I will have a Breve for him.

Anto.

I have brought the Sowgelder along with me, he will be here presently.

Igno.

Client Trico, I am in a great fear Client.

Cup.

Trin—Tran▪

Cupes within sounds his Horn like a Sowgelder.

Tri.

I hear him now.

Cup.

Trin—Tran.

Igno.

Client Trico, Tremblo, tremblo, I tremble all over, what shall I doe?

Anto.

I hear him.

Cup.

Trin—Tran.

Tri.

Hide your self here behind me, lest they discover you quickly, quickly, and as covertly as you can, quickly I say.

Cup.

What do we stay for? I have all things here in a readi∣nesse, Look you here else.

Anto.

Friend, do you hear? Did you not see a Lawyer herea∣bout?

Igno.

Say I am gone to London?

Tric.

He is gone to London.

Anto.

I heard he was here but just now.

Igno.

Say I am gone home—then.

Tric.

He is gone home.

Anto.

He shall no•• so escape Ile warrant him.

Igno.

Client, go sidelong, that I may make an escape.

Tric.

Close, close.

Cup.

Something goes yonder, what is it?

Ant.

Here he lies, Lawyer! How dare you be so bold?

Igno.

Shew me your Testatum est latitare.

Ant.

But you shall have but little to show before I have done with you, Let us go in with him.

Cup.

Come to the Court Lawyer.

Igno.

I command you in the Kings Name to keep the peace.

Anto.

You prattle in vain.

Tri.

He is my patron, I beseech you Gentlemen.

Ant.

You pray in vayn.

Igno:

What do I pray? what will you not look upon the Al∣manack first?

Ant.

Why so?

Igno.

Why? Upon my Honesty you will find the Sign in Scorpio.

Tric.

'Tis full of Danger then.

Igno.

Take heed what you doe, If I die within a year and a Day—

Ant.

Your words move us not.

Igno.

What will you judge me non audita querela?

Cup.

No, no, you shall be judged by your peers.

Tric.

I beseech you Gentlemen, I beseech you for him.

Anto.

If we should let him go, he would presently come snea∣king hither again.

Igno.

Client Balliato me, pray bail me Client.

Tric.

I will engage for him that he shall come no more.

Igno.

I swear most solemnly, If ever you find me here again—

Tric.

What do you run away?

Cup.

Follow him, follow him, whither runs he▪

Igno.

I am safe and sound now, titillabo vos, monstrabo tricum de lege, I shall tickle you for this isaith, and show you a trick of the Law; but because I have sworn, I will not go my self, but send my Clark Dullman for Rosabella.

Cup.

He is gone, he he.

Tric.

Ha, he, he.

Ant.

Ha, he, he.

Tri.

You are gallant Watchers, How well did you attend his coming?

Cup.

I was ready, and at hand, and heard all your discourse till I was ready to burst with laughter.

Tri.

He is now possessed with such a fear, that he will send his servant, do you Cupes therefore and your wife attire your selves in such habits, that you may be taken for Torcol, and he for Rosabella.

Cup.

I go, it is done me thinks already.

Tri.

Master, and let us be jogging too, I will tell you in the way the rest of the fallacy, I must go now to the painter, and take you along with me.

Ant.

What shall we doe with him?

Tri.

He shall paint a little Mole in your Cheek, Let us go, I wil tell you what you shall doe if peradventure you shall meet with your Father in the way.