Remains of Sir Walter Raleigh ...

CHAP. II. Great care to be had in the choosing of a Wife.

THe next and greatest care ought to be in the choice of a Wife, and the onely danger therein, is beauty, by which all men in all ages, wise and foolish, have been betrayed. And though I know it vain to the reasons or arguments, to disswade thee from being captivated therewith there be∣ing few or none, that ever resisted that Witchery; yet I cannot ••••me to warn thee, as of other things, which may be thy ruin and destruction. For the present time, it is true, that every 〈◊〉〈◊〉 prefers his fantasie in that 〈…〉〈…〉 be∣fore all other worldly des〈…〉〈…〉 〈1 page duplicate〉〈1 page duplicate〉

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the care of honour, credit, and safety in respect thereof; But remember, that though these affections do not last, yet the bond of Marriage dureth to the end of thy life; and therefore better to be borne withall in a Mistress, than in a Wife, for when thy humour shall change, thou art yet free to chuse again (if thou give thy self that vain liberty.) Remember secondly, that if thou marry for Beauty, thou bindest thy self for all thy life for that, which perchance will neither last nor please thee one year; and when thou hast it, it will be to thee of no price at all, for the degree dieth when it is attained, & the affection perisheth, when it is satisfied. Remember, when thou wert a sucking Child, that then thou didst love thy Nurse, and that thou wert fond of her, after a while thou didst love thy Drie∣nurse, and didst forget the other, after that thou didst also despise her; so will it be with thee in thy liking in elder years; and therefore, though thou canst not forbear to love, yet forbear to link, and after a while thou shalt find an alteration in thy self, & see an∣other far more pleasing than the first, second, or third Love: yet I wish thee above all the rest, have a care thou

dost not marry an uncomely Woman for any respect; for comelinesse in Children is riches, if nothing else be left them. And if thou have care for the races of horses, and other beasts, value the shape and comelinesse of thy Children, before alliances or riches: have care therefore of both together, for if thou have a fair Wife, and a poor one, if thine own estate be not great, assure thy self that Love abideth not with want; for she is thy companion of plenty and honour, for I never yet knew a poor Woman exceeding fair, that was not made dishonest by one or other in the end. This B••••••sh•••••• taught her Son S••lomon; Favour is de••••••tfull, and Beauty is ••••an t••••: she saith further, That a wise woman ove••seeth the ways of our Houshold, and cat••th use the bread of ••••lenesse

Have therefore ever more care, that thou be beloved of thy wife, rather than thy self besotted on her; and thou shalt judge of her love by these two observations: first, If thou perceive she have care of thy estate, and exer∣cise her self therein; the other, If she study to please thee, and be sweet un∣to thee in conversation, without thy instruction, for Love needs no teach¦ing,

nor precept. On the other side, be not sower or stern to thy wife, for cru∣elty engendereth no other thing than hatred: Let her have equall part of thy Estate whilest thou livest, it thou find her sparing and honest; but what thou givest after thy death, remember that thou givest it to a stranger, and most times to an enemy, for he that shall marry thy wife, will despise thee, thy memory, and thine, and shall possesse the quiet of thy labours, the fruit which thou hast planted, enjoy thy love, and spend with joy and ease what thou hast spared, and gotten with care and travel: Yet always remember that thou leave not thy wife to be a shame unto thee after thou art dead, but that she may live according to thy estate; especially, if thou hast few Children, and them provided for. But howsoever it be, or whatsoever thou find, leave thy wife no more than of necessity thou must, but onely during her wi∣dowhood; for if she love again, let her not enjoy her second love in the same bed wherein she loved thee, nor fl••e to future pleasures with those feathers which death hath pulled from thy wings; but leave thy estate to thy house and children, in which thou livest up∣on

earth whilest it lasteth. To con∣clude, Wives were ordained to con∣tinue the generation of men, not to transferre them, and diminish them, either in continuance or ability; and therfore thy house and estate, which liueth in thy son, and not in thy wife, is to be preferred. Let thy time of marriage be in thy young and strong years; for believe it, ever the young wife betrayeth the old husband, and she that had thee not in thy flower, will despise thee in thy fall, and thou shalt be unto her but a captivity and sor∣row. Thy best time will be towards thirty, for as the younger times are un∣fit, either to chuse or to govern a wife and family; so if thou stay long, thou shalt hardly see the education of thy Children, which being left to strangers, are in effect lost, and better were it to be unborn, than ill bred; for thereby thy posterity shall either perish, or re∣main a shame to thy name and family. Furthermore, if it be late ere thou take a wife, thou shalt spend the prime and summer of thy life with Harlots, de∣stroy thy health, impoverish thy estate, and endanger thy life; and be sure of this, that how many Mistresses soever thou hast, so many enemies thou shalt

purchase to thy self; for there never was any such affection, which ended not in hatred or disdain. Remember the saying of Solomon, There is a way which seemeth right to a man, but the issues there∣of are the wages of death; for howsoever a lewd woman please thee for a time, thou wilt hate her in the end, and she will study to destroy thee. If thou canst not abstain from them in thy vain and unbridled times, yet remember that thou sowest on the lands & dost mingle the vital bloud with corruption, and purchasest diseases, repentance, and ha¦tred onely. Bestow therefore thy youth so, that thou mayest have comfort to remember it, when it hath forsaken thee and not sigh and grieve at the ac∣count thereof: whilest thou art young thou wile think it will never have an end; but behold, the longest day hath his evening, and that thou shalt enjoy it but once, that it never turns again, use it therefore as the Spring time, which soon departeth, and wherein thou oughtest to plant, and sow all pro∣visions for a long and happy life.