The second book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick treating of the heroick deeds and sayings of the good Pantagruel. Written originally in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English. By S.T.U.C.

CHAP. XXVIII. How Pantagruel got the victory very strangely over the Dipsodes, and the Giants. (Book 28)

AFter all this talk, Pantagruel took the pri∣soner to him, and sent him away, saying, Go thou unto thy King in his Camp, and tell him tidings of what thou hast seen, and let him resolve to feast me to morrow about noon; for assoon as my galleys shall come,

which will be to morrow at furthest; I will prove unto him by eighteen hundred thou∣sand fighting men, and seven thousand Gi∣ants, all of them greater then I am; that he hath done foolishly and against reason, thus to invade my countrey, wherein Pantagruel feigned that he had an army at sea; but the Prisoner answered, that he would yield him∣self to be his slave, and that he was content never to return to his own people, but rather with Pantagruel to fight against them, and for Gods sake besought him, that he might be permitted so to do: whereunto Pantagruel would not give consent, but commanded him to depart thence speedily, and be gone, as he had told him, and to that effect gave him a box full of Euphorbium, together with some grains of the black chameleon thistle, steeped into aqua vi••ae, and made up into the condiment of a wet sucket, commanding him to carry it to his King, and to say unto him, that if he were able to eate one ounce of that without drinking after it, he might then be able to resist him, without any feare or appre∣hension of danger.

The Prisoner then besought him with joynt hands, that in the houre of the battel he would have compassion upon him: whereat Pantagruel said unto him, After that thou hast delivered all unto the King, put thy whole confidence in God,

and he will not forsake thee; because, al∣though for my part I be mighty, as thou mayest see, and have an infinite number of men in armes, I do neverthelesse trust neither in my force nor in mine industry, but all my confidence is in God my Protectour, who doth never forsake those that in him do put their trust and confidence. This done, the Prisoner requested him that he would afford him some reasonable composition for his ransome: to which Pantagruel answered, that his end was not to rob nor ransom men, but to enrich them, and reduce them to total liberty; Go thy way (said he) in the peace of the living God, and never follow evil company, lest some mischief befall thee. The Prisoner being gone, Pantagruel said to his men, Gentlemen, I have made this Prisoner believe that we have an army at sea, as also that we will not assault them till to morrow at noon, to the end, that they doubting of the great arrival of our men, may spend this night in providing and strengthening themselves, but in the mean time my intention is, that we charge them about the houre of the first sleep.

Let us leave Pantagruel here with his A∣postles, and speak of King Anarchus and his army. When the Prisoner was come, he went unto the King, and told him how there was a great Giant come, called Pantagruel, who had overthrown, and made to be cruelly roasted

all the six hundred and nine and fifty horse∣men, and he alone escaped to bring the news: besides that, he was charged by the said Gi∣ant, to tell him, that the next day about noon he must make a dinner ready for him, for at that houre he was resolved to set upon him: then did he give him that boxe wherein were those confitures; but assoon as he had swallow∣ed down one spoonful of them, he was taken with such a heat in the throat, together with an ulceration in the flap of the top of the winde-pipe, that his tongue peel'd with it, in such sort that for all they could do unto him, he found no ease at all, but by drinking only without cessation, for assoon as ever he took the goblet from his head, his tongue was on a fire, and therefore they did nothing but still poure in wine into his throat with a fun∣nel, which when his Captains, Bashawes, and guard of his body did see, they tasted of the same drugs, to try whether they were so thirst-procuring and alterative or no: but it so befell them as it had done their King, and they plied the flaggon so well, that the noise ran throughout all the Camp, how the Pri∣soner was returned, that the next day they were to have an assault, that the King and his Captains did already prepare themselves for it, together with his guards, and that wiah carowsing lustily, and qu••ffing as hard as they could, every man therefore in the army

began to tipple, ply the pot, swill and guzzle it as fast as they could. In summe, they drunk so much, and so long, that they fell asleep like pigs, all out of order throughout the whole Camp.

Let us now return to the good Pantagruel, and relate how he carried himself in this busi∣nesse, departing from the place of the Tro∣phies: he took the mast of their ship in his hand like a Pilgrims staffe, and put within the top of it two hundred and seven and thirty poisons of white wine of Anjou, the rest was of Rowen, and tied up to his girdle the bark all full of salt, as easily as the Lans∣kennets carry their little panniers, and to set onward on his way with his fellow-souldiers. When he was come near to the enemies Camp, Panurge said unto him, Sir, if you would do well, let down this white wine of Anjou, from the scuttle of the mast of the ship, that we may all drink thereof, like Bri∣tains.

Hereunto Pantagruel very willingly con∣sented, and they drank so neat, that there was not so much as one poor drop left, of two hundred and seven and thirty punchons, ex∣cept one Boracho or leathern bottle of Tours, which Panurge filled for himself, (for he cal∣led that his vade mecum,) and some scurvie lees of wine in the bottom, which served him in stead of vineger. After they had whitled

and curried the canne pretty handsomely; Panurge gave Pantagruel to eate some devil∣lish drugs, compounded of Lithotripton, (which is a stone-dissolving ingredient,) ne∣phrocatarticon, (that purgeth the reines) the marmalade of Quinces, (called Codiniac) a confection of Cantharides, (which are green flies breeding on the tops of olive-trees) and other kindes of diuretick or pisse-procuring simples. This done, Pantagruel said to Car∣palin, Go into the City, scrambling like a cat up against the wall, as you can well do, and tell them that now presently they come out, and charge their enemies as rudely as they can, and having said so, come down ta∣king a lighted torch with you, wherewith you shall set on fire all the tents and pavil∣lions in the Camp, then cry as loud as you are able with your great voice, and then come a∣way from thence. Yea but, said Carpalin, were it not good to cloy all their ordnance? No, no, (said Pantagruel) only blow up all their powder. Carpalin obeying him, departed suddenly, and did as he was appointed by Pantagruel, and all the Combatants came forth that were in the City, and when he had set fire in the tents and pavillions, he past so lightly through them, and so highly and pro∣foundly did they snort and sleep, that they ne∣ver perceived him. He came to the place where their Artillery was, and set their mu∣nition

on fire: but here was the danger, the fire was so sudden, that poor Carpalin had almost been burnt; and had it not been for his wonderful agility, he had been fried like a roasting pig: but he departed away so speedi∣ly, that a bolt or arrow out of a Crossebowe could not have had a swifter motion. When he was clear of their trenches, he shooted a∣loud, and cried out so dreadfully, and with such amazement to the hearers, that it seem∣ed all the devils of hell had been let loose: at which noise the enemies awaked, but can you tell how? even no lesse astonished then are Monks, at the ringing of the first peale to Matins, which in Lusonnois is called Rub∣balock.

In the mean time Pantagruel began to sowe the salt that he had in his bark, and because they slept with an open gaping mouth, he filled all their throats with it, so that those poor wretches were by it made to cough like foxes. Ha, Pantagruel, how thou addest great∣er heat to the firebrand that is in us. Sudden∣ly Pantagruel had will to pisse, by meanes of the drugs which Panurge had given him, and pist amidst the Camp so well and so copiously, that he drowned them all, and there was a particular deluge, ten leagues round about, of such considerable depth, that the history saith, if his fathers great mare had been there, and pist likewise, it would undoubtedly have

been a more enormous deluge then that of Deucalion; for she did never pisse, but she made a river, greater then is either the Rhosne, or the Danow, which those that were come out of the City seeing, said, They are all cruelly slain, see how the blood runs along: but they were deceived in thinking Panta∣gruels urine had been the blood of their ene∣mies; for they could not see but by the light of the fire of the pavillions, and some small light of the Moon.

The enemies after that they were awaked, seeing on one side the fire in the Camp, and on the other the inundation of the urinal de∣luge, could not tell what to say, nor what to think; some said, that it was the end of the world, and the final judgement, which ought to be by fire: Others again thought that the sea-gods, Neptune, Protheus, Triton, and the rest of them did persecute them, for that in∣deed they found it to be like sea-water and salt.

O who were able now condignely to re∣late, how Pantagruel did demean himself against the three hundred Giants; O my Muse, my Calliope, my Thalia, inspire me at this time, restore unto me my spirits; for this is the Logical bridge of asses: here is the pit∣fall, here is the difficultie, to have ability e∣nough to expresse the horrible battel that was fought; Ah, would to God that I had now

a bottle of the best wine that ever those drank, who shall read this so veridical hi∣story.