The works of F. Rabelais, M.D., or, The lives, heroic deeds and sayings of Gargantua and Pantagruel with a large account of the life and works of the author, particularly an explanation of the most difficult passages in them never before publish'd in any language / done out of French by Sir Tho. Urchard, Kt., and others.

CHAP. XXVII. How Pantagruel set up one Trophee in memorial of their Valour, and Panurge another in re∣membrance of the Hares. How Pantagruel likewise with his Farts begat little Men, and with his Fisgs little Women. And how Panurge broke a great Staff over two Glasses.

BEfore we depart hence, (said Pantagruel) in remembrance of the Exploit that you have now performed, I will in this Place erect a fair Trophee. Then every Man amongst them with great Joy, and fine little Country-Songs, set up a huge big Post; whereunto they hanged a great Cuirasier Saddle, the Fronstal of a barbed Horse, Bridle-bosses, Pully-pieces for the Knees, Stir∣rup-leathers, Spurs, Stirrups, a Coat of Male, a Corslet tempered with Steel, a Battel-axe, a strong, short, and sharp Horseman's Sword; a Gantlet, a Horseman's Mace, Gushet-armour for the Arms-pits, Leg-harness, and a Gorget, with all other Furniture needful for a triumphant Arch, or Trophee. And then Pantagruel for an eternal Memorial, wrote this victorial Ditton, as followeth:

Here four bold Champions had a Rubbers With sixty, and six hundred Lubbers; Destroy'd 'em all, yet when they fought 'em, Had not their Arms, but Wits about 'em:

So play'd the Skoundrels such a Trick, Old Scipio never knew the like. Learn hence, Kings, Dukes, all, great and little; 'Tis Wit, not Strength, that wins the Battle.

For Victorie, As all agree, Hangs on the Beck Of Pow'rs above, Who surely move The Proud to check.

The Strong are baffl'd, without question, Or doubt of any that's a Christian. And he ('tis only he) can have it, Who has the Grace, and Faith to crave it.

Whilst Pantagruel was writing these foresaid Verses, Panurge halved, and fixed upon a great Stake, the Horns of a Roe-buck, together with the Skin, and the right Fore••oot thereof; the Ears of three Levrets, the Chine of a Coney, the Jaws of a Hare, the Wings of two Bu∣stards, the Feet of four Queest-doves, a Bottle full of Vineger, a Horn wherein to put Salt, a wooden Spit, a larding Stick, a scurvy Kettle full of Holes, a dripping Pan, a Skillet to make Sauce in, an earthen Salt-cellar, and a Goblet of Beauvais. Then in Imitation of Pantagru∣el's Verses and Trophee, wrote that which fol∣loweth:

Here four brave Topers sitting on their Bums, With Flaggons, nobler Noise than Drums,

Carows'd it, bows'd it, toss'd the Liquor, Each seem'd a Bacchus-Priest, or Vicar: Hares, Coneys, Bustards, Pigs were brought 'em, With Jugs and Pipkins strew'd about 'em; For Trophee-Spoils to each good Fellow. That is hereafter to be Mellow.

In every Creed, 'Tis on all hands agreed, And plainly confest; When the Weather is hot, That we stick to the Pot, And drink o' the best.

First note, that in your Bill of Fare, Sawce be provided for the Rare. But Vinegar the most extol; 'Tis of an Hare the very Soul.

Then (said Pantagruel), Come, my Lads, let us be gone, we have stayed here too long a∣bout our Victuals; for very seldom doth it fall out, that the greatest Eaters do the most Martial Exploits. There is no Shadow like that of fly∣ing Colours, no Smoke like that of Horses, no Clattering like that of Armour. At this E∣pistemon began to smile, and said, There is no Shadow like that of the Kitchin, no Smoke like that of Pasties, and no Clattering like that of Goblets. Unto which answered Panurge, There is no Shadow like that of Courtains, no Smoke like that of Womens Breasts, and no Clattering like that of Ballocks: then forthwith rising

up he gave a Fart, a Leap, and a Whistle, and most joyfully cried out aloud, Ever live, Panta∣gruel. When Pantagruel saw that, he would have done as much; but with the Fart that he let, the Earth trembled nine Leagues about; wherewith, and with the corrupted Air, he begot above three and fifty thousand little Men, ill favoured Dwarfs; and with one Fisg that he let, he made as many little Women, crouching down, as you shall see in divers places, which never grow but like Cows Tails downwards, or like the Li∣mosin Radishes, round. How now, (said Pa∣nurge) are your Farts so fertil? by G— here be brave farted Men, and fisgued Women; let them be married together, they will beget fine Hornets and Dorflies. So did Pantagruel, and called them Pigmies. Those he sent to live in an Island thereby, where since that time they are increased mightily: but the Cranes make War with them continually, against which they do most couragiously defend themselves; for these little Ends of Men and Dandiprats, (whom in Scotland they call Whiphandles, and Knots of a Tar-barrel) are commonly very teasty and cho∣lerick. The Physical Reason whereof, is, be∣cause their Heart is near their Turd.

At this same time, Panurge took two drink∣ing Glasses that were there, both of one bigness, and filled them with Water up to the brim, and set one of them upon one Stool, and the other upon another, placing them above five Foot from one another: then he took the Staff of a

Javelin, about five Foot and a half long, and put it upon the two Glasses, so that the two ends of the Staff did come just to the Brims of the Glasses. This done, he took a great Stake, and said to Pantagruel, and to the rest; My Masters, behold, how easily we shall have the Victory over our Enemies; for just as I shall break this Staff here upon these Glasses, with••out either breaking or crazing of them; nay, which is more, without spilling one drop of the Water that is within them, even so shall we break the Heads of our Dipsodes, without receiving any of us any Wound or Loss in our Person or Goods. But that you may not think there is any Witchcraft in this, hold (said he to Eusthenes) strike upon the midst as hard as thou canst with this Log. Eusthenes did so, and the Staff broke in two pieces, and not one drop of the Water fell out of the Glasses. Then said he, I know a great many such other Tricks, let us now therefore march boldly.