The maze: contrived, digested, and couched in these distinct subjects: representatives for these present times to admire: presidents for future ages to decline. 1. The traitors tryall. 2. The plaintiffs appeal. 3. The state-monkey, or, The disloyall favourite. 4. Pembrokes plea. 5. A cordiall for Britannicus, &c. 6. The old father lasher to the moderate. The senates ansvver to the Scotch chancelor. A funerall oration delivered at Darby-House. Animadversions upon the fourth section. Orderly marshall'd with these poems: 1. Castles catastrophes; or, Garrisons gaol-delivery. 2. Three state-tarriers coupled up with three tart satires.

THE TRAITORS TRIALL.

EUPHORMION and MENIPPUS.

Euphormion.

GOod-morrow to the Loyall Genius of pre∣gnant Menippus; with my blessing to the weak remainder of his Sequestred Fortunes. Let me incounter thee with the Dialect of these daies: the Salute of these times; What Newes abroad?

Menip.

Hah, hah, hah. What Newes, my noble Euphormion? why? thou shalt finde every corner full of them. New, new, new, every blind Alley eccho's withall.

New Fates, new Faiths, new Foes, new Faces, new Fashions, new Creeds, new Crimes: all things new, saving that old relique of Honesty, which will never be renewed.

Euphor.

Goe to Sirrah; such wormwood Lecturers as you, usually convert your Pens into Needles, your Paper into Nettles. But in good sober earnest, tell me what becomes of the Ca∣pitoll?

Menip.

The Senat of Saints, you mean. I will tell thee, Eu∣phormion, there is not in that Saintly Sanctuary, so much as a Goose left for Centinell to guard that Antinomian Assembly. Their day-work is done, I can assure thee; for their Shop's shut

up. Nay, some roguish hand or other, has distinguish'd it with rubrick Letters, and a Pest-house Posie, LORD HAVE MERCY UPON US.

Euphor.

It was so long infected, I ever thought, it would break out into Spots ere long.

Menip.

Spots, Euphormion! Nay, Carbuncles on my consci∣ence. The mad Parliament was a Sage Synod to this. Such a Self-hanging phrensie was never heard of.

The Devill never play'd his part with more active Subtilty: nor presented Pageant with more Artifice nor shrowded Policy since he was a Tempter.

For he has made fooles of them, whose aime and art it was to befoole the State.

Euphor.

But are They in such a desperate condition?

Menip.

Yes, Sir, I can assure you; They are never likely here∣after to transgresse out of the Line of Communication. They who could not all their time indure the Gregorian Letany, are very like, with a Gregorian line, to close their Tragedy: WHARTON has rightly casten up their Nativity.

Euphor.

Be they impeach't already?

Menip.

They are; and this very day to receive their Judge∣ment. The Crimes objected against them, are notorious and hainous. Pillaging, and plundring the State; obstructing Traf∣fick; making Seats of Justice, Butchers Shambles.

Euphor.

Excellent Reformers!

Menip.

Long and heavy Quarters, grievous Taxes, numerous Excizes: All these have drawn up a Bill of Arreares together; And the Bill is found: The whole Jury returne them guilty. Ha, ha, ha. Hemp, by all likelyhood, was never in more request, nor liker to be highlier honoured. I must tell thee Euphormion, low Necks and Collars, are not for these Nouzes.

Euphor.

As I live, this will be rare sport for By-standers. Me thinkes I see what wry mouthes these sleek Orators will make at their Confession!

Menip.

Nay, at their Suspension! Never found more Funerals dryer eyes.

Euphor.

I am sure, they have made the State weep suffici∣ently; But such rogury was ever likely to close with such a

Catastrophe. But pray thee, Minippus, what Judges may we have to sit upon them?

Menip.

A question that deserves resolving, trust me. All the world knowes, Euphormion; we have but two judiciall Consuls left us of all the old Covey; And the One is a meer Triviall nifter; as barren of Sense, as he is cram-fed with Substance. The Other, sometimes a Reverend Sage, had not this timing compliance made him an Asse, and fool'd his Judgement. His ominous Name boads, he must not die a natural Death.

I must tell thee, my Euphormion, though Justice ride on her foot-cloath, yet She goes on Stilts. There was never such an hal∣ting Age since Vulcans time. She, who formerly stood like a Beacon to give others aime; is now become such a Dark-lan∣thorne, it will scarcely afford it self light.

Euphor.

All this while, Menippus, thou resolves me not who these Judges be.

Menip.

But I shall in good time, Euphormion: And first, give me leave to tell thee, that these, who are prickt out to sit upon these Corrupt Members; were no Sergeants of the last Call, for those wear a Parliamentary Coife; and for all their violet Livery on their shoulder, are very likely to be degraded of their honour. No; these be old Benchers, who have stuck close to their restrained Justinian all this while. That Levelling Democracy bandied them into a desperate hazard: Being sent away in such Shoals, as the whole Isle of Antycera could scarcely receive them. But by a writ of Revocation most of them were cal∣led back from banishment; and begin already to out-strip those Party-colour'd Turn-coats both for Practice and Reverence. Now out of all those, be these three cull'd for this great Goal delivery; Argestes, Bonarges and Calazius. The first, a pert pregnant fel∣low; One, who can take a Ball at the first rebound: being of a quick apprehension, and present dispatch. The Second, a rough, rigid, down-right Justice: One, whose hands and eares hold an∣tipathy with price and prayer. The Third, of a more coole and remisse Spirit: yet prompt enough to denounce judgement, where he meetes with an incorrigible Delinquent. These be they that must doe the feat.

A shout within.

Away with them, away with them, They deserve not to live: They have been the ruine of us, and our Families.

Euphor.

What meanes this shout within?

Menip.

Hah, hah, hah. They come, they come, they come, we shall hear rare sport presently. † See, see, see; those be the Judges of Oyer and Terminer: and these the Traitors, who ha∣ving been upon their Trialls, found the only Canker-wormes of the Common-wealth; and such whose egregious abuses deserve exquisite punishments; are this very day to receive their Doomes.

Euphor.

Be there no more of this fry?

Menip.

O yes, Euphormion! This very instant is Antipas im∣peacht of High Treason by Venaticus: But he's to be try'd by a Councell of Warre. Both our Higher and Lower Hives swarm with them: but these were the Principall Instruments of crea∣ting and fomenting all our mischiefes.

Euphor.

What may that Grand Senior be, who with his wall-eyes lookes like one of Machiavels familiars?

Menip.

Who he, Euphormion! Why? That is Misarcus, a Protean Polititian; One who can present as many shapes to acquire his own ends, as any Cloud-walking Tiberius in the whole world. He can play the Fox, and make use of the poor Pusses foot to get himself the Chesnut. He has been in strong labour of Anarchial Plots this twenty years at least: and having now at last brought forth such usefull Principles of un-kinging; as Brutus and Cassius could not be of quicker dispatch, had his Agents been as secret as they were desperate. Hee's held the onely Sinon in all Albania. In a word, he breathes not that knowes better how to mint, mince nor shroud Treason then he does. All the rest are but Apprentices to him in that trade, the Velvet-Varlet can carry it so nimbly and neatly.

Euphor.

Who is he, that lookes for all the world, like the Promethean Satire; or some Antique piece of decayed Arras?

Menip.

That is Montanus; a confident Agitator: but comes far short of the former. For this Fellow Acts but what the other Plots. He has indeed, been successefull in some underta∣kings;

which makes him infinitely arrogant: yet for all his suc∣cesse, he has purchas'd himself no good Opinion; being in no lesse capacity of Censure for cowardize or remisnesse by his own Party; then He is by the other part of ingratitude and disloyalty, The man desir'd much to become popular; which in the end un∣did him. Such Baites are dangerous for these frisking Fishes to nible at. His Father, that Physiognomist of Queen Besse, was another kind of Creature. He could have taught him the guize how to sculk in a distemper'd State; and to fish without excep∣tion in troubled Waters. There is small question, but that he had once some weakling unsetled▪ thoughts to become Honest: But private interest begot such obstruction to his resolves; as those fair purposes were stifled in their infancy. So as, he held it his onely safe course to keep in Consort with those who accounted no part of Musick, comparable to Division. No Allegeance to arbitrary Obedience.

Euphor.

But what makes that Mellancholy Don so imbrim his face; and cast down such a forlorne and dejected a look?

Menip.

Not without cause, Euphormion. That is the white-liver'd Clinius, who lately perform'd that fearlesse feverish Combat with Damaetas; and to divert danger, (though they fought at sufficient distance) made their equall retreats; the one to a Saw-pit, the other to a Marle-pit.

Euphor.

Is this the Man?

Menip.

Yes, if thou please to call him so; but there is as little Man in him, as in any of all the Bunch.

Now to resolve thee, why his Look makes this setled contract with the Earth; Thou must know, he has been so basely baffled, jeer'd, and buffound in every quarter, as he consorts with no Society, where disgrace do's not meet him; telling Him, how his very Memory will be a lasting staine to his Fame: a dishonour to his Family. Doe not blame him then, for looking down∣ward: Thou knowest well what the Poet sometimes so divine∣ly sung;

God gave Men lookes to view the azure Skyes, While Beasts look down with earth-dejected Eyes.

Yet in some points, I must tell thee withall, that there is no Valiant loyall Spirit within the whole Island that may compare

with htm for some dangerous attempts: For he has the boldnesse to pocket more Treason, then would hang a Legion: yet with pro∣tests of Honour and Reputation, incredibly salves it: and secures himselfe by it. But feeding on the better side oth' Bush, and for∣tifying his weake Cause with strong complies (for he gloried in no∣thing more then in the style of Machiavels son:) he never fea∣red a change: nor to be brought to such a fearfull charge.

Euphor.

Who is he, that stalkes along with such a shaking pace?

Menip.

That is Lentulus; one of the Lower Siedge; and could shake his tongue in his time: and blast the temper of a wel-composed State with the distemper of his breath. But I beleeve, his Rhetorick has left him, since this State-palsey seized on his tongue. I partly understand what the summe of his Petition might be; if his God-fathers would afford him an hearing: He has more then a moneths mind to be out of the Pallace yard: and to be no Inhabitant under the Line. For he holds nothing more condu∣cing to his safety then distance: which he might have procur'd without flight, had he acquainted his Tongue with lesse speech, and more silence. But the Inds must not save him: though he has mined sufficiently for his time. The Moale is now to be unmolded. — O how happy a thing were it rather to be tongue-tide, then tide in a nooze; and for a little loose lip-labour, summe up his Daies worke in a Halter!

Euphor.

Who is he, who carries those Papers in his hand, as if he were Sollicitour Generall for the whole Synodall?

Menip.

And so he is, I must tell thee: and for himselfe too: for he's very likely to lick oth' whip as any of them all. Shall I di∣splay him to thee? This is Metaxus; a fellow of infinite con∣fidence: and unto those that fall under his Test, of a dominee∣ring insolence.

His first fame came to him by a Sea-case: since which time, he has incomparably thriven by a Land-case: having by his meanes and other Officials, brought the whole Land into that pitti∣full case, as none can live well, unlesse they live ill like Land-sharks: who prey upon the Fry of the Gentry: and by their ir∣remissive cruelty so soake them; as places of Hospitality become Nests for Owles: or Cages to Imprison Vindicators of their

Countries Liberty and their owne Loyalty.

This same Advocate is a close youth, I must tell thee: One, who desires nothing more then to imposture a State with colou∣rable and plausive pretences of sanctity: as if his Nature held such correspondence or Analogy with his Name; as the one could not hold up without the other. But watsoever he pre∣tends, he is more Core then Cordiall, He might for a time gull private eyes with peculiar interests: and by laying his oylie hand on his hypocriticall heart, delude the easie Vulgar: But being now to act his part on the publique Stage; there were some (and those unconcerned spectators) who had not like those Lamiae, left their eyes at home in a boxe: but had the art to discover his posture: and how his Action suited with his Person.

Euphor.

Who may that Malevole be; who walkes like a de∣bauch't Prostitute; that has stakt his honour for as much as it will give?

Menip.

That, my brave Boy, is Hircanus; A Goatish Gamester, whose profuse lust seared with an assiduate heat, has caus'd him to sue forth a divorce betwixt him and his naturall Perriwigge. The Mounted Scale-drake has dropt all his fethers in his Cornelian Bath.

His mouth us'd formerly to be furr'd up with obsceane tales, and his passages of Brothelry: and herein (which may seeme a Para∣dox) he did the least hurt. For since, he became a Member (and such a one as the Bordella's cannot shew a corrupter) he has ac∣quainted his forlorne tongue with no other discourse but Trea∣son. Now some there be (and such who are not altogether un∣knowne to his crazy saplesse constitution) who stick not to avouch that he's infinitely weary of his life: and cares not much for being dispatcht out oth' way; for his dainty Duggs and Doxes hold him so inconsiderable and contemptible a creature, as they jeere him to his face: That he does well in hatching his egges in the House: for he can Sit better then he can Stand. Some there be that report, how he very lately had a desire to travaile as well as any of the Tribe: hoping by that meanes (having sent before Gold his Harbinger to store him for provision against Winter) to escape the lash. But this report admits no beliefe: for should He travaile by Land or Water, those that know him would wit∣nesse

with him, that he stood in more need of a Bone-setter then an Harbinger. So as, should he now chance to be hang'd (as there's small question to be made on't) he would quarter him∣selfe: and like an over-ripe Medler, drop peece-meale from the Tree, long before the rest of his fellows.

Euphor.

It seemes, Menippus, these three you described last are in their quality inferiour to the former.

Menip.

'Tis true, Euphormion; but though their Siedge be lower; it is generally held that their Sconces be no wayes infe∣riour: Nor the revenues of their Places lesser; as their late Cen∣tury lists fully discover. Those three indeed whom we display'd before; were drawn forth from the Higher Hive; these three last from the Lower. But this Lower has infinitely trenched upon the Priviledges of the Higher; and presumed to be as active too; for else had the coast been clearer, and the Storme calmer then now it is.

Themophilus.

Clear the Barre there; and give way to the Prisoners.

Euphor.

Let us observe their processe of Judgement. — Ju∣stice never till now (since the first foundation of this perennially-trienniated Synod) found any eyes to see with.

Menip.

Content, content; we shall heare shortly, how abus'd honour must be adjudg'd to collar with an halter.

Themoph.

Call Misarchus, Montanus, and Clinius to th' Bar.

Argestes.

You know Misarchus, what an honourable (and in your respect, immerited Tryall) you have had by your Peeres: how you have been found guilty of High Treason. How active for your part, you have approv'd your selfe, in the speedy pur∣suance of your cruellest designes: which, as they were with much disloyall subtilty hatched: so no lesse speedily to be acted, had they not been by the power of an Higher hand divested. Meane time, how little sensible were you of this shaken and shattred Kingdome? Your owne interest tooke up all your care: while our heart-sick State became desperate of cure.

Sir, The recollection of these must needs beget a remorce in you: with an earnest desire of your reconciliation to Him, whom you have so highly, and hainously offended. Which must be done

seriously, and seasonably, lest the hand of death arrest you, which is now approaching near you, before your peace be made. Your abuse to Soveraignty; your violation of our Liberty; your disturbance of Unity; your indangering of our publique Safety: All which with joynt voice and vote have contested against you. These should reteine in you such a deepe impres∣sion, that unlesse you be an enemy to your selfe, they must needs beget in you, both living, and dying, a sensible compassion.

Misar.

I must confesse, my Lords, that humane policy had too strong a seizure o're my thoughts. I shall wish my fall may be a caveat to others, of falling upon the like designes; lest they be∣come liable to the like unfortunate ends.

Argest.

Your resolves are faire, Sir; may these close with as faire an evening.

Bonar.

For you Montanus; what could in reason move you to take up Armes against your Soveraigne? Was it desire of Change? What estate could you aspire to higher, or for your con∣dition better then what you injoyed? Catiline had some reason to plead for Treason; because his profuse course had brought him to a shaken fortune. But you were no such man. Well; I shall not aggravate it. Let Death be the Guerdon of your Crime: Onely, let me tell you, your houres are few; employ them then onely for eternity.

Monta.

My Lord, I thanke you: my aimes are fixt that way.

Calazius.

You are only left me, to speak to Clinius. Nor shall I need to present to you the horror of those actions for which you are to suffer, I am perswaded, you are no lesse consciencious in repenting for them, then you were conscious in committing of them. Onely let me advise you not to be more fearfull of death, then you may be hopefull of a future life; So you neglect not time, but make an usefull benefit of your just doome.

Clinius.

All my desires (my good Lord) shall be summ'd up in this; that by the Princes clemency, my censure of death may be so much sweetned, as it may be changed into banishment.

Calaz.

Sure so I thinke it might, Sir; our State needs little feare you; you were never yet held any dangerous Plotter: only

a State-shadow, whose designes had their period in desires: but you could pocket Treason, and conceale it; nay, with protests of honour strive to salve it: being no lesse then if you had con∣triv'd it. This renders you in that qualification, as your Crimes admit no lower punishment.

Euphora.

So! I see these younkers of the higher Siedge must be untruss'd.

Menip.

No; Thou art deceiv'd Euphormion; they must be truss'd. — Let us observe the rest. These Grand Seniors presse here in clusters.

Themoph.

Clear the Bar there behind. — Call Lentulus, Metaxus, and Hercanus to th' Bar.

Argestes.

Now, Lentulus; you lately heard what heavy Charge was laid against you: and how by the joynt verdict of an unin∣teressed Jury you were return'd guilty. Now then it behoves you, in this little space, nay pace of time, which must be afforded you, to take a serious Survey of all your actions and speeches. You could no lesse immodestly then indiscreetly taxe a Member of your House, of an unmannerly posture, for laying his sinnew-shrunk leg before him for his ease; saying, more reverence was due to that place. But what Answer gave this Member? Mr. Spea∣ker, I could wish that you would begin as soone to sit upright in your Chaire, as I should do in rectifying this uncivile posture, as you call it. What I doe, is for mine owne ease: whereas you abuse your place for sinister ends. How inconscienciously you have pursued the States ruine for your owne ends! What a timing Prolocutor you have been to foment Sedition: and confine the Soveraignty of a just Prince, to the irregular sway and swinge of Faction! It was your hint to Propose: Others to Say the Proposition's good: and by strength of prepared Votes, or absence of opposing Voices, to seale whatsoever was propos'd or said. But see to what shame and dis∣honour, a tongue tipt with the guilt of dishonest lucre may bring the Speaker! your fame and fortune perish in one Bottom. That gaine which you so much lov'd, must render rewards to those whom you most hate. While a poor Shroud, after an ignominious death, shall be only left you to shadow your shame.

Lent.

Good my Lord, give me leave to speake.

Argestes.

No Sir, you have spoke too much: your Lips are be∣come

your Snares. No Poyson of Aspes more full of Venome, then a Tongue infected with the witchcraft of Sedition. —Jay∣lor looke to your Prisoner.

Bonarges.

How now Metaxus! what meane those Papers? your present condition stands in more need of a Manual of Prayers. Your State admits no dispute.

Bestow now your Sollicitancy for heaven. So long as you stu∣died your Case, and pleaded the Commons Cause for removing publique aggrievances from our Realme; it got you repute: all which you have now lost by playing the foolish Faune, and soo∣thing Sycophant to a corrupt State. —Withdraw the Prisoner.

Metax.

I am ta'ne in my owne Gin: being therein lost, wherein I held my selfe most secure.

Menip.

So—there will be worke enough for a Sollicitor in Limbo.

Themoph.

Draw nearer there to the Bar with Hircanus.

Menip.

Trust me, He's near enough already. —Pox on his Rogueship; this Palliard smels ranker then any Welsh Goat. He that holds not this Tege for a Mortified Member; He has small skill in Chyrurgery.

Euphor.

I wonder much those Grave Judges use not their Po∣mander!

Menip.

They are the honester men, Euphormion, to prefer Justice before Sense.

Calaz.

For you, Hircanus; though last, not least, but worst of that Anarchicall Crue; I must tell you, that of all others, your inbred and indurate impudence had so glazed your forehead, and by the bladder of popular ayre blown you up to that height of shamelesse boldnesse, as you durst affront Majesty, cry downe Monarchy, spurne at Authority, and lay a gappe open to that irregular Track, wherein your selfe so long trode, of licentious liberty. Command was with you a word of too strict acception: Loose lives desire ever to be lawlesse. Riotous-awlesse minds give freest admittance to easie reines.

Hircanus.

Yet do me right, my Lord, your Honour knowes how I have ever maintained, That if there were a necessity for us to have a King (with which Title my desires could never cordially close) my voice should passe for Him whom we already had, because we knew best how to trust Him.

Calaz.

Go to, Sir; you meant by that particle Trust, to asperse distrust upon your Soveraigne. — No more; we will not rub too much upon your perfidious folly: Be it your care, if you intend your inward cure, to bestow your few houres (for many you must not have) in bemoaning your numerous crimes; Dangerous Sins exact Deep Sighs. By how much slower you were in paying Tribute to your Earthly Caesar; be so much speedier in rendring your last dues in these your last daies to your Heaven∣ly Maker.

Enough, enough; — Two dayes onely are afforded you for your Preparation. The Third appointed for your Execution.

Themophilus.

Roome for the Judges. — Make way there, for the Prisoners.

Exeunt.

Menippus.

Hah-hah-hah! Roome and make way sound equall to the eare, Yet in construction severall senses beare: Giants and Pigmeys be of liker stature, For th'first refers to Judge; the last to Traitour. Though some there be, and who have Judges bin Deserve a Slip for slipping from their King. For Scarlet never looseth more his die Then when a Traitor weares that livery.

Thus, Those who poor petitioners suspended Find quick dispatch: So our petition's ended. May corrupt Members who returne deniall To mens just Suits, receive like TRAITORS TRIALL.

—Come lets away, let's away, Euphormion; when these come crowding to Charon's Boat; He'le verily think, that Hell's broke loose: and that these were some of those Pick-locks who broke the Gaole: but being got againe, are to be wasted over to their old Lodging.

Haeccine perfidia comitantia praemia—?

Notes

• †

  Enter Judges, Clark of the Assize, &c. at one door. En∣ter Traitors, mannacled, by th' Marshall, and other offi∣cers attended at the other door.