A new family-book, or, The true interest of families being directions to parents and children, and to those who are instead of parents : shewing them their several duties, and how they may be happy in one another : together with several prayers for families and children, and graces before and after meat : to which is annexed a discourse about the right way of improving our time / by James Kirkwood ... ; with a preface, by Dr. Horneck.

Concerning the Duty of Parents when God removeth their Children by death.

THe Death of Children as well as Aged Persons, falls out so very often, that it cannot but be seasonable to a great many Parents to suggest to them some plain and easie Considerati∣ons, which they may sometimes reflect upon, and imprint on their minds, that so they may not be surprised with the death of their Children, nor swal∣lowed up of excessive and immoderate grief.

Parents ought to consi∣der, when their Children dye, first, that it is the Lord who does it: He who is Lord of Life, who gave Life to themselves and to their Chil∣dren, is also Lord of death, and re∣moves out of the World whom, and when, he sees fit, He is the great Pot∣ter; and Man is the Clay, which he hath formed and fashioned into a curi∣ous

and beautiful shape; and animated with an immortal Soul: When he sees fit to break this brittle Vessel in pieces, and to separate the Soul from it, who can stay his Hand? Or who dare say unto him, what dost thou? May not he do with his own, what he thinks good? Or must he give an account of his Actions, unto the work of his own Hands? He is infinitely great and pow∣erful; and therefore will do accord∣ing to his own good pleasure: He is infinitely wise, and knows what's best and fittest to be done: He is infinitely good and kind, and therefore will order all things for good: And he is infinitely just and righteous, and there∣fore can do no wrong. It's fit there∣fore that Parents, when God removes their Children from them by Death, submit chearfully to the will of him, who is infinitely powerful, wise, good, and just; and that they adore him, and say with Ely, 1 Sam. 3. 18. It is the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good. And with the Royal Psalmist, Ps. 39. 9. I was dumb, I opened not my Mouth; because thou didst it.

Secondly, they should consider that their Chil∣dren were born Mortal, frail by Nature, subject to a necessity of dying, by their very composition and frame; and also by the Decree of Heaven, Heb. 9. 27. It is appointed for all Men once to dye. And therefore when God sees fit to remove them by Death, to make the House of Clay fall down about their Ears, Parents ought not to be surprised. This is nothing but what falls out daily: Some are going out of the World, and some are coming into it: Some are a great while upon the Stage, and some but a very short while; some no sooner enter upon it, but presently they are gone, and are seen no more; some take a few turns, and then they are withdrawn; some tarry longer, and Act a great part on the Stage, for a considerable time, and give hopes of yet greater Actions and Performances; but on a sudden they are gone likewise, as a shadow; and all their own designs and projects, and the hopes and expectations of others fall to the ground. All this happens every day in the Course of things here

in the World; and therefore Parents have no reason to think it strange when they see their Children dye. The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done, is that which shall be done; and there is no new thing under the Sun, Eccles. 1. 9.

And as it is with Men, so it is with all things else, which live upon the Earth, or grow out of it: Some live longer and some a shorter while than others of the same kind: Some pro∣sper and thrive, and others decay and perish. Some things grow up in the Morning, and are withered e're Night: Some things grow apace till they are very near the time of ripeness and perfection; and then somewhat hap∣peneth, which prevents the perfect growth, and makes the goodly appear∣ance come to nothing: Now, what are Men? Moses in his Prayer (Ps. 90. 5, 6.) tells us, In the Morning they are like grass, which groweth up; In the Morn∣ing it flourisheth and groweth up: In the Evening it is cut down and wither∣eth. And to the same purpose the Psalmist David speaketh, Psal. 103. 15, 16. As for Man his days are as grass, as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth, for the Wind passeth over it,

and it is gone, and the place thereof shall know it no more. Likewise Esa. 40. 6, 7. it is thus written, The Voice said Cry. And he said, What shall I Cry? All flesh is grass, and all the goodli∣ness thereof is as the flower of the field. The grass withereth, the flower fadeth, because the Spirit of the Lord bloweth upon it: Surely the People is grass. By all which it appears what Man is by Nature, to wit, a very weak and vanishing thing, soon nipt and brought to nothing; like the tender Grass, and the Flower of the Field, which is more exposed to the Winds and other inconveniences, than the Flowers of the Garden, which the Gardiner preserves and secures.

The Consideration of these things, will tend mightily to quiet the minds of those who calmly and wisely reflect upon them, when God removes their Children, or other Relations from them by Death. Their case is not singular, it is that which is common and usual amongst Men; it is accord∣ing to the course of Nature for a mor∣tal thing to die. Plutarch reports of Anaxagoras, an Ancient Philosopher, That when he was Discoursing to his

Hearers concerning the Causes of Na∣tural Things, One brought him the news of his Sons Death; upon which, after a little pause, he said to those who were present, I knew I begat a Son that was Mortal. The Considera∣tion of this did quiet the Thoughts of this Heathen.

But what if the manner of the death of your Children be somewhat extra∣ordinary, by some sudden and unusual Accident, or by some strange and odd Distemper; are you on this account to allow your selves in the excesses of Sorrow and Mourning? No, in no ways: You are not therefore to be transported into immoderate grief and mourning. Shall you be vexed and disquieted, because a Worm did eat up your pleasant Fruit, or because the stormy Wind did blow away your love∣ly Flowers? Are you therefore to be enraged and mad with anger against the Worms, or against the Winds? What would it mend the matter, if you should give way to your passion and anger never so much in such a case? This would only multiply your losses, by making you lose not only your Fruit and your Flowers, but your selves too:

Which they all do, who lose their Pa∣tience, in which it is that we possess our Souls.

When therefore your Children are removed from you by Death, in some unusual and extraordinary manner, you ought to look beyond Diseases, or Ac∣cidents, unto the Lord of Life and Death; who by his Providence order∣eth not only their death, but the man∣ner of it. If the Sparrows fall not to the Ground, that is, die not, with∣out your Father: You may be sure your Children do not die by chance, or without the particular disposal of their heavenly Father. As to the par∣ticular grounds and reasons, for which God does after such a manner see fit to put an end to your Childrens days, you are not to be too curious and in∣quisitive. The Counsels of God are a great deep: His ways are in the deep waters; and none by searching can find him out unto perfection, Job 11. 7. Up∣on such occasions all ought to remem∣ber the words of our Lord, when they told him of the Galileans, whose Blood Pilate hath mingled with their Sacrifices, Luke 13. 2, 3, 4, 5. Suppose ye that these Galileans were Sinners above all the Gali∣leans,

because they suffered such things? I tell you, Nay: But except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. Or those eighteen upon whom the Tower of Si••oe fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all Men that dwelt in Jerusalem? I tell you, Nay: But except ye repe••t, ye shall all likewise perish.

We see what was Aarons Carriage, when God removed his two Sons Na∣dab and Abihu by a very extraordinary stroke. Levit. 10. 2. There went Fire from the Lord and devour'd them, &c. And v. 3. 'tis said, That Aaron 〈◊〉〈◊〉 his peace. He did not murmur against the Justice of God, or complain as if he had been too severe. No, he was si∣lent; He submitted to the Will 〈◊〉〈◊〉 God, and considered that the Honour of God ought to be dearer to him tha•• the Lives of his two Sons.

In like manner we see how Job car∣ried himself, when God removed 〈◊〉〈◊〉 seven Sons and three Daughters, all at one blow, in an extraordinary manner, Job 1. 18, 19. Thy Sons and thy Da••gh∣ters were eating and drinking Wine 〈◊〉〈◊〉 their eldest Brothers House; And 〈◊〉〈◊〉 there came a great Wind from the Wil∣derness, and smote the four Corners 〈◊〉〈◊〉

the House, and it fell upon the young Men, and they are dead. This was sad news to the good old Man, who had ••••rd so much ill news before. But yet for all this, you see how patiently ••e hare his Affliction. He fell down ••pon the Ground and Worshipped, and said, Naked came I out of my Mothers Womb, and naked shall I return thither: The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken 〈◊〉〈◊〉, blessed be the Name of the Lord, Job. 1. 20, 21. This good Man was so far from Cursing God, which Satan said ••e would do, that he humbly adored and worshipped him. He was so far from Blasphemeing God, and from en∣tertaining any dishonourable Thoughts of him, as if he had done any thing which he ought not to have done, that, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the contrary, he approved of all, he acquiesced in the Divine pleasure; he considered, that all that he once en∣joyed, was a free and undeserved gift from God, which he so gave, as still to reserve to himself the Supreme Power of disposing of it, as he should think good; and therefore, when all was taken away from him, he blessed the Name of the Lord; he did not quarrel with the Divine Providence,

but was heartily thankful, not only for the former Mercies, but also for th•• present Correction and Chastisement which he knew to proceed from Infinite Wisdom, Goodness, and Justice.

To the abovementioned instances from Scripture, might be added several Examples of the patience and compo∣sedness of Spirit, which some Heathens discovered, when their Children were suddenly snatched away by a violent and untimely Death. I shall only men∣tion two, related by Plutarch.

The 1st is, of Dio of Syracuse, who, as he was busie in consulting with his Friends about matters of importance, heard a great noise and tumult in the House, which occasioned his enquiring what the matter was; and being told that his Son was dead by a fall from the Roof of the House, he received this sad news without discovering any perturbation of Mind; and having gi∣ven Orders that the dead Body should be delivered into the hands of the Women, that they might take care of it, and that it should be buried in the accustomed manner; He went on in his Design, to consult with his Friends about the business that was before him.

The other instance, is, of Xenophon, who, when he was employed in offer∣ing Sacrifice, received the news of his Son's being killed in Battel; at the hearing of which he pull'd off the Garland from his Head, wherewith it was then covered, and having askt the manner of his Son's Death, and being told that he died fighting valiantly for his Country, he quickly brought his Mind, which was a little disturb'd, in∣to subjection to his Reason, and again putting on the Garland, he went on with his Sacrifice, and told those who brought him the news of his Son's Death,

I never pray'd the Gods to make my Son Immortal, or very long liv'd (it being very uncertain if that be expedient) but to make him an Honest Man, and a Lover of his Country: And now, said he, I have my desire.

Thirdly, Consider from whence, and whither they are gone. They were here in a life of Vexati∣on and Trouble; subject to innumerable Vanities, Temptations, Snares, and Dangers: They were compassed about with great

and terrible Enemies, the Devil, the World, and the Flesh: They were sub∣ject to daily necessities and wants. I•• they had lived never so long, they would only have seen the same things in a con∣tinual succession and revolution: As for Example, heat and cold, fair weather and foul, might and day, Summer and Winter, health and sickness, plenty and poverty, peace and war, prosperi∣ty and adversity, succeeding one to a∣nother: All things going round. But now they are delivered from all these; they are at rest, they are subject to no more necessities and wants; oppressed with no more troubles and vexations; exposed to no more enemies, tempta∣tions, or dangers; but exalted to a state of perfect Peace, Joy, Love, and Glory. They are as well and better than you can desire: You are not a∣ble to comprehend the Happiness that they are admitted to. Will you then be in continual sorrow and grief for your Children, when they are exalted to a state of Rest and Glory; when they are where you would rejoyce to be; when their Gracious Father hath freed them from the vain company of the World, and Translated them in∣to

the blessed Society of Angels, and of the Spirits of Just Men made per∣fect; when he hath put an end to their Toil and Labour, to their Fight∣ing and Wrestling against their Ene∣mies, and bestowed on them a Crown of Glory, and an Everlasting Inheri∣tance; when he hath broken their Bonds asunder, wherein they were held and kept in Captivity and Slavery, and hath put them into a state of perfect and glorious Freedom? The conside∣ration of these things should mitigate and asswage your Sorrow and Grief, and fill you with unspeakable Comfort and Gladness.

But some are apt to say, I should re∣joyce, if I thought that my Children, who are dead, were in Heaven: But this I do not know. As to this, you are not to trouble your thoughts about it; for God does not see fit to ac∣quaint you with such things. Secret things belong to God; and things revealed to us and to our Children, Deut. 29. 29. If your Children, while they were a∣live, minded good things; and if you did your part to instruct them, and to make them what God requires them to be, you are not to be any further

solicitous about their Everlasting state: You are to hope that they are very happy, and you are to comfort your selves with these thoughts.

Others are apt to say, I am afraid that my Children are not in a happy state; they did very bad things, and used bad Company; and therefore I have cause to fear, and to be troubled about them, now that they are dead. As to such Parents, who have had wretched Children, they ought not to suffer their minds to be disordered, and oppressed with Grief and Sorrow, because their Children, who died, were wicked. If they did their Duty to make them better; if they advised and ad∣monished them; if they reproved them, and, as was fitting, chastened them; if they desired others to deal with them, to see what they could do towards the reclaiming of them; if they prayed to God for them, and gave them a good Example: They are not any further to be troubled and disquieted concerning them, when God takes them into his own hand; He is wise and good, holy and just, he does all things well, for excellent and glorious ends; and there∣fore Parents ought to leave them to

his Disposal, who is the Supreme Go∣vernour of the World, and Judge of the whole Earth. Whatever he does, whether in Mercy or Justice, is always best. The Inhabitants of the other World, who are translated into a state of Heavenly Glory, are not under the power of such passions and partialities, as govern us here below. The glori∣fied Parents of damned Children, are not under any uneasiness on that or any other account: The Will of God and his Glory is their all; they know that whatever he does is most perfect∣ly just and good, and for his Honour; and therefore all things afford them great Pleasure and Delight, true and lasting Joy and Satisfaction of mind. There's nothing able to interrupt the happiness and joy of those in Glory: They are perfectly and eternally deli∣vered from all sort of evils, both of sin and punishment: They are placed above the reach of whatever may ren∣der them in the least uneasie.

But there is a third sort; of those who are troubled, not only because their Children were bad and prophane, but because they were so through their example or neglect. As for such, I

have already in general shewed them what they ought to do. I shall only add; That since they have been so faulty and defective in their Duty to∣wards their Deceased Children, they ought to be the more careful of those who are yet alive, and to do all that is possible to make them what God re∣quires them to be. As to those who have no more Children left them, it would be very fit for them to take into their care one or more Children, upon whom they may bestow all that pains and care which they should have bestowed in the right Education of their own; and endeavour, by God's help, to make them truly Pious and Religious, and Patterns of all sorts of Virtue to others. This is an Office which will be very acceptable to God, and one of the best demonstrations which Parents can make of the sincerity of their Repentance, for their not ha∣ving done their Duty to their own Children.

Fourthly, Consider, that there will be a Resurrecti∣on of all those that are dead. The mighty Power of God, which made all

things out of nothing, will also gather together the scattered dust of those who are deceased, and will reform and rebuild, as it were, their bodies which are fallen down, and consumed. He will raise them up again in a more ex∣cellent, perfect, and glorious manner. Then shall you meet with your Chil∣dren and Friends who died in the Lord, and behold them after another manner▪ than you saw them here in this World. Instead of weak and dis∣eased bodies, you shall see them strong, vigorous, and lively bodies: Instead of frail and dying bodies, you shall see immortal and incorruptible bodies: Instead of filthy and vile bodies, you shall see pure and glorious bodies: And you shall see them so as to be with them for ever, so as never any more to be separated from them by death, or any other thing; for you and they shall die no more: 1 Cor. 15. 42, 43, 44. So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption; it is sown in dishonour, it is raised in glory. It is sown in weak∣ness, it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body: And, vers. 53. This corrupti∣ble

must put on incorruption, and this mor∣tal must put on immortality.

How gladly would poor People part with their dearest Children, if they could be assured of seeing them again in an honourable state and condition, exalted to great Dignity and Honour? And will not you, who have the hopes of a glorious Resurrection, be com∣forted in the absence of your Chil∣dren? When their merciful God and Father takes them away from you unto himself; not to do them hurt, but good; to make them happy and bles∣sed with himself for ever; to bestow upon them what Eye hath not seen, nor Ear heard, nor which hath entred into the Heart of Man to conceive? Consi∣der the words of the Apostle to the Thessalonians, 1 Epist. 4. 13, 14. But I would not have you to be ignorant, Bre∣thren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope: For if we believe that Je∣sus dyed and rose again, even so them, which sleep in Jesus, will God bring with him.

Fifthly, Your giving way to excessive Grief and Mourning, can do you no good, but will certainly do you a great deal of hurt and mischief in many respects. It cannot bring back your Children that are dead. Though you should break your Hearts into a thousand pieces, by your weep∣ing and mourning, and waste and con∣sume your years in constant heaviness and sorrow; tho' you should never henceforth allow your selves one mo∣ment of relaxation of mind; after all, you must go to them, they shall not return to you. Now what a folly is it for Men to consume, to dis∣quiet, and to torment themselves, where it is to no purpose at all to do so?

And not only do you thereby no good at all to your selves, but you do your selves a great deal of mischief and prejudice. You provoke God to anger against you, to bring upon you yet heavier and more grievous punish∣ments, and to deprive you of other Mercies and Comforts, which you still enjoy.

You do thereby no small hurt to your Bodies; you bring upon your selves very dangerous distempers, which will make you unfit for the actions of Life, and the Duties of your Calling. You likewise do unspeakable mischief to your Souls; you deprive your selves of that vigour and chearfulness of Spi∣rit, that is needful to make you fit to serve God acceptably. You thereby weaken your Memory, and darken and disorder your Reason and Understand∣ing, and so expose your selves to all the sad consequences of a disordered and distracted Mind.

Your Example does also a great deal of hurt to others: Your impati∣ence and immoderate sorrow and mourn∣ing teacheth others to do so upon the like occasion. Hereby you bring no small reproach upon our holy Religi∣on, as if it were not sufficient to sup∣port and fortifie us against our crosses and afflictions, and to comfort us a∣midst the uneasie things which God sees fit to exercise us with in this World.

What an excellent Example is Da∣vid unto you in this matter? When God struck his Child, so that it was

very sick, he fasted and prayed; but when the Child died, he arose from the earth, and washed and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and c••me unto the House of the Lord, and worshipped: Then he came to his own House; and when he required, they 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Bread before him, and he did eat. Then said his Servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? Thou didst fast and weep for the Child, while it was alive; but when the Child was dead, thou didst rise and eat Bread. And he said, While the Child was yet alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, Who can tell, whether God will be gracious unto me, that the Child may live? But now he is dead, Wherefore should I fast? Can I bring him again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me, 2 Sam. 12. 15, 16, &c. Thus ought all Parents to do, who fear God. When the Lord layeth his hand upon your Children, you ought to pray to God for them, and to use all lawful means for their recovery: But when he ••ees fit to take them a∣way by death, you ought patiently to submit to his Will; This is your wisest course; It is the way to make your selves happy, and to enjoy comfort

and satisfaction of mind under your crosses. This is the likeliest and rea∣diest way to obtain new Mercies and Favours from the Lord, instead of those you are deprived of: Thus you see the Lord dealt with Job: Jam. 5. 11. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord: That the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mer∣cy. And, Job 42. 12, 13. The Lord blessed the latter end of Job, more than his begin∣ning. And, vers. 16, 17. After this li∣ved Job an hundred and forty years, and saw his Sons, and his Sons Sons, even four Generations. So Job dyed, being old and full of days.

But if God see it more fit to with∣hold from you the blessings of the Womb, and to bestow no more Chil∣dren upon you; he can and will make up this want, with much grea∣ter and better Blessings. What you want in Temporals, you shall have in Spirituals. As Elkanah said to Hannah, 1 Sam. 1. 8. He will be better to you than ten Sons. He will give you a Name better than of Sons and Daugh∣ters, even an everlasting Name, that shall not be cut off. Isa. 56. 5.

Notes

• 1. They ought to consider that it is the Lord who does it.
• 2. They ought to consider that their Children were born mor∣tal.
• 3. They should consider from whence, and whither they are gone.
• 4. They should consider that there will be a Resurrection.
• 5. They should consider that their giving way to exces∣sive Grief and Mourning, can do no good, but will certainly do a great deal of hurt.