Dialogues of the dead relating to the present controversy concerning the Epistles of Phalaris / by the author of the Journey to London.

DIALOGUES OF THE DEAD.

INTRODUCTION▪

Charon and Lycophron.

Lycophron.

WHY, Charon, what did you bring hither last Week?

Charon.

Ay what indeed! I am like to lose my place for it. I hear there is such a stir among the Criticks, that the three Judges have much adoe to ratifie Bonds of Arbitration between 'em. But pray tell me what I have done, for I am ignorant of my own Crime.

Lycophron.

Why you brought over young Schrevelius, and he had with

him the Works of the Snarling Cri∣tick Bentivoglio.

Charon.

I can't tell whose Works they were, but I am sure they were confounded heavy. They had like to have sunk my Skuller—But I hope the Troubles are compos'd on this side the Water.

Lycophron.

No, worse than ever; it is a Mercy that no Blood can be spilt among them; and having no Weapons they can't come to Daggers drawing.

Charon.

Pray what may be the reasons of their Dissentions?

Lycophron.

Why some are of your Opinion, that indeed Bentivoglio is a Heavy Writer; and say further, That he is too Bulky, and too Tedious, that he argues upon Trifles only with great Gravity, and manages Serious Things with as much Lightness. That he has pillag'd Authors to gain a Repu∣tation, but has so manag'd his Con∣trivance that he has lost his end. In short, there are mighty Disputati∣ons whether he has least Wit, Judg∣ment, or Good-manners; Rhadamanthus

is their Umpire, who finding the case difficult, has taken a considerable time to deliberate concerning it.

Charon.

But pray, Sir, what do you say as to this Affair?

Lycophron.

Why indeed I am not wholly Impartial in this matter, for Bentivoglio has very much oblig'd me throughout his Works. He has imi∣tated me even without reason, for as it was my choice, so his natural Ge∣nius leads him to be unintelligible. A Man may as soon understand his La∣tin as his English, and his English as my Greek; his Prose is as Fantastick as my Verse; and my Prophecies carry more light with 'em than his demonstrations

Charon.

Why then he may have more Worth and Learning in him than the generality of Mortals can ea∣sily comprehend.

Lycophron.

That is possible, but it is harder to search for 'em than to dig in the Mines of Potosi. The Great Dionysius has found his worth; I mean the same Dionysius, who from being Ty∣rant of Syracuse, became a School-master, and a Pedant. He, upon reading Benti∣voglio's

Dissertation upon Johannes An∣tiochenus, wherein he had started a new Obse••vation about the measures of Anapaestick Verse; has call'd a hun∣dred little Youthful Shades, that had formerly mispent their time thro' the negligence of their Fathers, and the fondness of their Mothers, to come all under his Correction, where Brandishing his Wodden Authority, he commands 'em to scan Anapaestick Verses; and if they find any Verse ending with a short Syllable, they are immediately, right or wrong, to Cor∣rect it, under the severe Penalty of committing two Pages of Bentivolio's Works to their Memory. Buchanan, who was likewise a School-master of great Sense and Parts, though of much Passion, has sent for a Detach∣ment of School-boys from Grotius; and another from Scaliger, which with some Numbers from his own Country, and the Moderns, he has drawn up against Dionysius: and this latter Squadron affirm, that the last Syllable of an Anapaestick Verse may be short, notwithstanding Bentivog∣lio's

Dissertation. Proserpine only knows the event of these Troubles; for till this matter be decided, Poetry must lye still since in such dubious times no Person can make an Anapae∣stick Verse with any s••fety.

Charon.

Very true▪ Sir, a mistake in such a quantity may be of fatal consequence.

Lycophron.

But, Charon, the heat of my Discourse had almost made me forget the very business I had with you. I have some Requests to you from the Emperor Claudius, he is ex∣treamly enamour'd with the Works of Bentivoglio, and has set forth his Edict concerning some important Matters, which, if you please, I will read to you.

Claudius.

To the Lovers of the Belles Lettres, Greet∣ing:

All the World know how much I was concern'd, and what brave and valiant Things I acted for the Grandeur of the Roman Empire; but my greatest Glory was the adding of Letters to the Roman Alphabet, and it shall be the utmost of my endeavours to esta∣blish

the purity of Languages, and the exactness of Spelling throughout all Nations. Therefore considering the great Service which the most fa∣mous Bentivoglio has done his native Country by raising the credit of several admirable Proverbs: I do order all Persons to use the same as often, or oftner than they have occasion; for nothing can be more Edifying than the following Max∣ims. That Leucon carries one thing, and his Ass another. A Man of Cou∣rage and Spirit should not go with Fin∣ger in Eye to tell his Story. A bungling Tinker makes two holes while he mends one. I likewise by the same Authori∣ty order, That in all Books and Pre∣faces whatsoever, such words be us'd as have receiv'd the stamp of that Great Author; for I do declare and Concede, that we ought to Repudiate whatever is Commentitious, but that to Aliene what is Vernacular is the Putid Negoce of a Timid Idiom. I have moreover, taken into my se∣rious consideration the duty of true Spelling, and do Order and Com∣mand,

That no School-Mistress, Writing-Master, Gentleman, Young Lady, or Others, do by vertue, or under pretence of any Metathesis, Syncope, Metastoichie, Synecdoche, or any other Figure whatsoever, pre∣sume to write Cruds for Curds, Delphos for Delphi. Ynuph for Enough, Yf for Wife; but more particularly, that no one presume to use Cotemporary for Contemporary, the Letter n being in that place of the utmost importance: but he may with Delight and Pleasure to his Readers transgress the Rules of Orthography, and use the word Co∣gratulate in a Jocose Sense, as it is apply'd in the Writings of the most excellent Author beforemention'd. All this I establish under the Penal∣ty of Bentivoglio's irresistable Cri∣ticisms, and the utmost Displeasure of

Claudius.

This Edict Claudius desires may be set up beyond the Stygian Lake, that

the Shades may know how to act when they come hither.

Charon.

Sir, your Request shall be comply'd with, but I must make hast away, for you know I am expected with impatience. If these are the Disputes of the Persons of Belles Let∣tres, I am sure an Honest Skuller loses precious Time and Tide, whilst he stays to hear 'em.

Notes

• Vide Dis∣sert p. 32 from thence to p. 145.
• Dis. p. 75.
• p. 39.
• p. 75.
• p. 85.
• Farnaby's Rhetorick. Dis. p. 92.
• Dis. p. 86.
• Ibid.