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THo'art the impatientest Ass I have convers'd with.
Right.
What though this project fail, are there no more shall we give up the Cardes, ere, we have play'd a trick.
A trick.
I tell thee I [have a brain, never barren of invention.
No, no.
Though I have mis'd the first (as wonder 'tis) think'st thou my Sconce, quite empty of fegaries.
Fegaries.
Yes tricks, inventions, and fegaries, you Slave enough to undo a generation of Matchevils, for all my first comes off with a hiss, thou shalt applaud me ere, I come to my Exit.
And we shall be sure of Cloaths, neat, rich and all things correspondent.
Well do but follow my Counsel, i'l make true my words i'l warrant thee.
peece upon peece.
Why thou despairing varlet: if thou wert not a Captain I would beat thee to pin dust, thou dost put me to more vexation, then my own unhappiness.
Was that Mony, came Jingling by us in Cheapside.
Why who should it be else prethy.
I scarce knew him i'th old stamp, I have not seen him, in Trunks a long time— tother was Credit, was it not,
Marry was it.
He's chang'd too, he was in a Gentile habit not long since, now he's become a Citizen again.
Why I, he was no company for you Gallants long, and when he saw his simpleship abused, he made return unto his City friends, where I faith the Merchant's hugg him.
Where doth he keep house.
Within the compass of the City Walls, hic & ubique.
Think you, he would smell a courtier in such disguize as this.
O Pox, I he'l know him by his hard words (man) he will trust no body, but those he understands, without Security, which is more then thou understand'st I am sure, (besides) thou hast been one of his notorious abusers, and he will be cheated in the way of Friendibility, (as your word is,) no more, but a Pox on this incre∣credulous Mercer, that will trust no body, without Money or Cre∣dits self, these are fellows, whose compositions are, a Grain of Conscience, a Dram of Suits (and I was about to say) a Scruple of Religion, but i'l leave that out, 'tis an unusal Drugg, yet it
may in, 'twil scarce be tasted amongst a pound of Lies, as much of Oaths besides odd ounces of equivocating protestations— as I am an honest man,— and such like— may they live to see their Sons made courtiers, that's enough I make no question then, but that they will come into our order (or worse) and curse the next o'th brood, as we do.
Yet you were confident, sure (as you said) of Cloaths, rich, neat, and all things else correspondent— raiz'd me from a shallow desperation to lay me deeper.
Give ear to me now Ben. (let me see) we are not in such extraordinary rich cloaths but that we may pass for Servingmen.
Had you said for Sharks, we might have both gone toge∣ther.
Right, We must Shark our Melancholy Mounsiere (but as I was saying,) I left off at Serving-men.
Yours have left off, i'm sure.
As Serving-men, to Money and Credit.
I'l be hang'd, if they give such bad Liveries to their Lackeys.
Thou run'st before me still, hang Liveries, hear me out, by this means we will have access unto the VVenches, this is the house, i'l knock and to e'm straight, whilst the conceit is hot.
I is this your project, prethy come away, and leave your Fooling.
Stay but a minute, see me in and hang thy self.
Thank you heartily.
How now, who's there.
Stand to your business (you Rogue) all's mard else.
Not unlikely.
Is Mr. Clutch, within I pray Sir.
Within yes, what of that.
What of that, Why we would speak with him.
Modesty good Ben. this is one ef Plutres Damme's, we must through Hell to the Heaven, we hope for.
I think you come to rob him, do you not.
What a Rogue's this, my valour do's begin to rise at him do thou speak now, I shall beat him like a Dog else.
Thou art a most valiant Rascal—
I thought so.
Yes Sir, my name is, Mr. Callumney.
Good Mr. Callumney, you are my near Kinsman my father was a malice, and my mother a mischief, I am sure we give both one arms the three furious tongues in Sables, i'st not so Sir.
Yes, an envies head in the crest.
Very proper.
And the Motto is, avoid honesty.
Very right Sir,— I see I am a Gentleman— Sir i'l call my master instantly.
Do sweet Cozen.
Go thy ways, thou hast held a Candle before the Devil.
A ha, what think you now Ben.
Speak with me, who are they.
I know not who they are Sir, there they be.
Would you speak with me Gentlemen.
Sir, my Mr. Master Mony.
And mine Sir, Mr. Credit.
Commend their loves to you.
You are welcome, heartily Welcome.
You have two daughters Sir.
Their wives that shall be.
True Sir, we have Letters to them from our Masters to the same purpose, we were withall commanded to be speedy in the delivery.
I stay you too long then, in, in Gentlemen— Callumney Lead um in.
Well.
Now are the Woodcocks spring'd,— my plots run fine Surfeit my Soul, Money and Credits mine.
With grief I do believe you Sister, you must impute it to his Avarice, that sinks all goodness to oblivion.
That is the drugg, (whose philterous, effect, stronger then poppey, or Mandragora) charms all his vertues in a lasting sleep, oh that my prayers, could wake his deep drencht soul my words should carry a far louder sound, then does the Midnight Bell, whose ring reports to the Inhabitants some fatal fire.
Well, but you will not have my Ningle Money.
No as I hope to embrace a noble spirit.
And your mind is fixt upon that nobler spirit, you speak of.
On him or no man, — But you will have Credit will you not.
Oh, my head we are contracted woman.
Sure you but jest.
In earnest we have exchang'd sound protestations.
Protestations, how sound I pray.
Why he swore Cadeedlo to me, and I the like to him, with many other to the same purpose.— (moreover) he calls me Spouse (already) and I call him head, but the younster (Sister) the youngster.
Prethy do not talk of him, thou wilt put me to impa∣tience.
Come i'l plot for thee, I have a conceit in this unhappy pate of mine, shall bring him, flying to thee,— how now who have we here.
My father and some strangers,
How now daughters so earnest, I have good news for you,— you Girls worth Gold,
Or is it new coyn'd Sir.
Note, that she harps upon your masters name already.
She's a wit I protest Sir.
A notable girl, a notable girl.
Fairest my master Mr. Money commanded me.
Oh me my sister sinks.
Hey day I hope he hath kill'd the Gentlewoman and brought me to hang for company with him— would I were out again,
She swound for Joy, she swounds for Joy, how i'•••• daughter, how i'st daughter.
She comes again, Sister look up, here's Mr. Money.
Mistriss, Mistriss,
Oh my lov'd stranger.
Feminia, come hither, come hither, what doth she mean by stranger.
She calls Mr. Money, her stranger, sir.
Does she so, does she so. He shall be more familiar with her, mine own Girl still sure, her mother gave me leave to get this child of obedience my self.
Quickly good Ben.
Sir, shall I speak a word with you in private.
With me sir.
Yes, and your servant Calumney.
with all my heart sir, Calumney attend me sirrah.
Now I have made all clear for him, if he should transgress with both the sisters, and make the father and I his Bauds, 'twould trouble me.
What is your errand sir.
'Tis love sweet Creature.
Oh my soul, 'tis he— Love sir, (what shall I do)— I want the womans art, dissimulation— whence comes your love I pray.
But from this bosome sweetest, there is a heart fill'd with as innocent love, as is the Vestal Virgins to her Goddess, you wear the Cupid, beauty, thy Ivory bow sent your white shafts
of vertue to my breast,
Ther's a touch.
And all this is, you love me,— is it not.
And thrice so much can but confess a truth.
Pardon me Sir, I am no Infidel.
He harbors infidelity that thinks it.
This is the spark,
Is this your way to raise your Fortunes think you after your fluent prodigality, (presuming on your person) to undo some weak ey'd Virgin, by your Vows and Oaths, all but to satisfie your appetite with Coyn, to game or such unthrifty Revells.
I vow she preaches— talks—talks hand somely what a fool was I to come hither, I am taken with her, if I have not al∣most a mind to this honourable peice (mischief) marriage, good Company forsake me, there is a new guest come to this Inn, (cal'd honesty, commands like a Prince, and I must observe his laws) (the mor's my grief) I will be gone, one minute more un∣does me, all happiness dwell with you Lady.
Pray stay and hear me Sir, although from womans fear, my words proceed, yet (trust me) I conceit so well of you, I could nor easily be won to think what my faint fears have uttered.
She talk's again, think's well of me her tongue a Cupid, and each word an Arrow, she has an excellent ayming eye, a good face fine complection, handsome breasts, a neat middle, and i'l warrant a good Foot and Legg, she wears an hundred Cupids,— and now they all discharg'd, at me together— and now they
carry me captived to her—and now I begin to speak, hum—hum—
Hey da see if I do not talk like one of your mad Poets already.
I do not think but the youngster has Hero and Leander, at his Fingers ends I would I could hear a little more, O this.
Pray you do not you spend your serimonius jests upon so weak a wit, if you must needs love tell me so— I love the plain way best.
By thy own chaste thoughts, which were they mix'd with mine, cannot be tainted, I infinitely honour thee.
Honour, is that another term for love Sir.
It is, and by this tempting fruit, I love and honour you.
Why do you swear so rashly indeed I will not take your oath, till you advise your self.
Give me it again then ile think upon it.
Maides where are your hearts become look you what here is, look you what here is— whats there a couple of Turtles a billing, is that such a
I can conceal no longer, love growes great, the more I labour to deliver it— guard me my blushes.
But cannot you affect me, my Election.
Who is that behind you sir.
A Gentlewoman, what is she more sweet Lady.
Do you observe her sir.
I doe.
She is one (pray fix your eyes upon her) she is one, that can tell, that with unfeigned zeal, my soul affects you.
Indeed—shee's worth the noting—pray Lady (then take notice, with what integrity of pure affection I seal me hers for ever.
Withall my heart, your very nimble Gallants,
What shall we doe, my Father will suspect if you stay longer.
My Friend expects me too.
Is he not your Brother Sir.
No Lady.
He is somwhat like you, and a handsome Gentleman.
I know your need, here is some Gold Sir.— make but your habit appear glorious, you may as freely have Admit∣tance, as any of our Suitors.
I have hard so much, farewel my best one.
Remember Oathes.
As I will do my Soul.
Oh 'tis well, you are coming, I had spoyl'd all else — what have you, done now.
As I could wish my Boy.
Say you so, get you gone, then ile try what I can do.
Doe.
But which is your Mistress.
That Gentlewoman.
That Gentlewoman (good) I must then direct my Ser∣vice to the other, pretty Rogues both— de hear Lady, are you my Frinds Mistris.
Did he tell you so Sir.
Cunning Gipsey, yes he did tell me soe forfooth.
I hope you dare believe him.
Marry doe I, is this your Sister fair one.
Yes Sir.
Can she love think you.
Faith Sir, she can best resolve you.
You say true, and ile to her, does she love verse or prose.
I think she is indifferently affected.
So then ile think upon somthing.
Ye busie Eyes, where do you carry me, why should this Stranger be your object so, yet I'me too blame to chide you, ye behold, a man proportioned for a Princess, how pretily this bluntness does become him, he makes this way, sure he would speak with me.
What is your name sweet Lady.
Feminia Sir.
You are a woman.
I think so Sir.
'Tis true, my little peice of modesty, you can but think so, yet by your name you are.
And I think you are a man.
But think I am a man, do you not see a mark upon my forehead.
No truly Sir, me thinks it is a Cupid,
Cupid, oh blindness, Sit lazie Cupid upon a Soldiers Brow.
Cupid is Mars Coequal.
Then they are both there together— I thought so, for I could love and fight both at once, love a Mistres, and beat him, that durst abuse her and (now I think on't) are you married.
Not yet Sir.
Then theres some hopes, but if I know how to court her I am a Jew, de ye here Lady what said my Friend to ye, when he came in the way of Marriage.
Troth I have quite forgot Sir.
You have an excellent memory.
Why doe ye Question me of marriage Sir.
The Rogue has a mind to be talk'd too — pox, she might put forth her self a little more, for my brain is out of tune I am somwhat stupid, oh Sack, nothing like Sack it calls up a Parliament, of Rable in the Soul of a Poet— and too much makes em speak fustion as fast, Oh how she smirks
I would give my golden Rapier to be at her, to be at her— Ile speak to her least she talkes me to silence, She sayes shee's a woman, Cupid thou little Cub of Venus assist me, can ye love Mars my fair Sithera.
Yes if he have a Cupids Soul.
Yes he has a Cupids Soul.
Where is he.
Here in this Doublet— but hang circumstance can you vouchsafe affection, if you can tell me, ile strive to conquer my usurping nature, perhaps I may run mad, or so, if I do come but and see me in Bedlam, and I am answered.
Are you so swain sir, is love so powerful in you at first sight.
Troth and he saies true, and now I am resolv'd, pack hence my blushes then, fly unto those conscious of crimes, and let them there disclose their corrupt nature, love so pure as mine requires, not your assistance.
The times unfit for tedious discourse, resolve your self when ere my Sister makes your friend her Bridegroom, you shall as surely call Feminia bride.
A kiss O that, Sirrah couldst not thou obtain so great a blessing, from thy Father, as four or five peieces contain, to be∣friend a poor Gentleman.
That would discover all— noe— go but to Mr. Credit, call your self my brother, you shall be furnished with all those necessaries, that can acouter a compleat Gentleman.
Is he so highly taken say you,
At every sigh he breathes Felixina.
Hee's my Father — isht.
Feminias name inspires his foul with raptures.
Let him but see a beauty, though as fair as Poets painted Hellen, he will say she come but short of his Felixina.
He dotes, he dotes, oh my most happy issue.
If I could stay, Ide reckon up a thousand of these things, but sweetest fair, time will not now permit me.
Return my best affection▪
I will.
My Master sir expects me, else I would fill up your soul with wonder.
Farewell Lady.
Ile take my leave Sir, and of you fair Lady.
Tell him your self, if he infringe his Oath I am undone farewel Sir.
Entirely welcome Gentlemen, Callumney attend them out.
These are a couple of entire Rogues, or else I wear false spectacles.
What think you of your sweet hearts now my Girls.
As of the noblest Creatures nature fram'd.
They are superlatively excellent.
You are obedient Girls, but come attend me I must in∣struct you, in some unknown lectures.