Five new plays ... as they were acted by His Majesty's servants at the Theatre-Royal / written by the Honourable Sir Robert Howard.

ACT II.

SCENE I.

Enter Teg.

Teg.

I' Faith my sweet Master has sent me to a Rascal, now that he has; I will go tell him so too: He ask'd me why he could not send one That cou'd speak English. Upon my soul, I was going To give him an Irish knock; the Devil's in them all, They will not talk with me; I will go near to Knock this man's pate, and that man, Lilly's

One cries Books within. Enter.

Pate too,—that I will: I will make them

Prate to me, that I will. How now, What Noises are that?—

Book-sel.

New Books, new Books, a desperate Plot And Ingagement of the bloody Cavaliers:

One cries Books without.

Mr. Saltmarsh's Alarum to the Nation, after having Been three days dead, Mercurius Britannicus, &c.

Teg.

How's that? now they cannot live in Ireland After they are dead three days!

Book-sel.

Mercurius Britannicus, or the Weekly Post, Or, The Solemn League and Covenant.

Teg.

What is that you say? Is it the Covenant, have you that?

Book-sel.

Yes, what then, Sir?

Teg.

Which is that Covenant?

Book-sel.

Why, this is the Covenant.

Teg.

Well, I must take that Covenant.

Book-sel.

You take my Commodities?

Teg.

I must take that Covenant, upon my soul now, that I must.

Book-sel.

Stand off, Sir, or I'll set you further.

Teg.

Well, upon my soul, now I will take That Covenant for my Master.

Book-sel.

Your Master must pay me for't then?

Teg.

I'faith now, they will make him pay for't After I have taken it for him.

Book-sel.

What a Devil does the fellow mean?

Teg.

You will make me stay too long, that you will; Look you now, I will knock you down upon the ground, If you will not let me take it?

Book-sel.

Stand off, Sirrah.

Teg.

I'faith I will take it now.

He throws the fellow down, and takes away the Paper, and runs out.

Book-sel.

What a Devil ails this fellow? He did not come to rob me certainly, For he has not taken above two Penniworth of lamentable Ware away; But I feel the Rascal's fingers; I may light Upon my wild Irish again, and if I do, I will fix him with some Catchpoles that shall Be worse than his own Country Bogs.

Enter C. Careless, C. Blunt, and Lieutenant Story.

Lieu.

And what say you, noble Colonels, how and how D'ye like my Lady? I gave her the Title of Illustrious From those Illustrious Commodities which she deals in, Hot Water, and Tobacco.

C. Car.

Prithee how com'st thou to think of Marrying?

Lieu.

Why, that which hinders men from those Venereal Conditions, prompted me to Matrimony, Hunger and Cold, Colonel.

C. Car.

Which you destroyed with a fat Woman, Strong Water, and stinking Tobacco.

Lieu.

No, faith, the Woman conduc'd but little, But the rest cou'd not be purchas'd without.

C. Car.

She's beholding to you.

Lieu.

For all your mocking she had been ruin'd

If it had not been for me.

C. Car.

Prethee make but that good?

Lieu.

With ease, Sir, why look you,—you must Know she was always a most violent Cavalier, And of a most ready and large Faith; abundance of Rascals had found her soft place, and perpetually Wou'd bring her News, news of all prizes, They would tell her news from half a Crown, to a Gill of hot Water, or a Pipe of the worst Mundungo: I have observ'd their usual rates; they wou'd borrow Half a Crown upon a story of five thousand Men up In the North; a shilling upon a Towns revolting, Six pence upon a small Castle, and consume hot Water And Tobacco, whilst they were telling news of Arms, Convey'd into several parts, and Ammunition hid In Cellars; that at the last, if I had not married, And blown off these flies, she had been absolutely consum'd.

C. Car.

Well, Lieutenant, we are beholding to you For these hints; we may be reduc'd to as bad: See Where Teg comes. Goodness, how he smiles.

Enter Teg smiling.

Why so merry, Teg?

Teg.

I have done one thing for thee now, that I have indeed.

C. Car.

What hast thou done, Man?

Teg.

I have taken the Covenant for thee, That I have upon my Soul.

C. Car.

Where hadst it thou?

Teg.

Hadst it thou; I threw a Fellow down, that I did, And took it away for thy sweet sake; here it is now.

C. Car.

Was there ever such a fancy? why didst thou think This was the way to take the Covenant?

Teg.

Ay, upon my Soul that it is; look you there now, Have not I taken it; is not this the Covenant? Tell me that then I prethee.

C. Bl.

I am pleased yet, With the poor Fellows mistaken kindness; I dare warrant him honest to the best of his understanding.

C. Car.

This Fellow I prophesie will bring me into Many troubles by his mistakes: I must send him on No Errand but, How d'ye; and to such as I wou'd have No answer from again:—Yet his simple honesty Prevails with me, I cannot part with him.

Lieu.

Come, Gentlemen, some calls; how now, who's this?

Enter Obadiah, with four Persons more with Papers.

C. Car.

I am a Rogue if I have not seen a Picture In hangings walk as fast.

C. Bl.

'Slife Man, this is that good Man of the Committee Family that I told thee of, the very Clerk; How the Rogue's loaded with Papers; Those are The winding sheets to many a poor Gentleman's Estate: 'Twere a good deed to burn them all.

C. Car.

Why, thou art not mad, art? well met Sir; Pray do not you belong to the Committee of Sequestrations?

Obad.

I do belong to that honourable Committee, Who are now ready to sit for the bringing on the work.

C. Bl.

O Plague, what work, Ras—

C. Car.

Prethee be quiet, Man; are they to sit presently?

Obad.

As soon as I can get ready, my presence being material.

Exit.

C Car.

What, wert thou mad; wou'dst thou have beaten The Clerk when thou wert going to compound With the Rascals his Masters.

C. Bl.

The sight of any of the Villains stirs me.

Lieu.

Come, Colonels, there's no tristing; Let's make haste, and prepare your business, let's not lose This sitting, come along, along.

Exeunt.

Enter Arbella at one Door. Abel at another, as if he saw her not, and starts when he comes to her, as Ruth had taught him.

Arb.

What's the meaning of this, I'll try to steal by him.

Abel.

Pardon, Mistress, my profound Contemplations, In which I was so hid that you cou'd not see me.

Arb.

This is a set Form,—they allow it In every thing but their Prayers.

Abel.

Now you shou'd speak, Forsooth.

Arb.

Ruth, I have found you; But I'll spoil the Dialogue.

Aside.

—What shou'd I say, Sir?

Abel.

What you please, Forsooth.

Arb.

Why, truly, Sir, 'tis as you say; I did not see you.

Enter Ruth as over hearing them, and Peeps.

Ruth.

This is lucky.

Abel.

No, Forsooth, 'twas I that was not to see you.

Arb.

Why, Sir, wou'd your Mother be angry if you shou'd?

Abel.

No, no, quite contrary,—I'll tell you that presently; But first I must say, that the weighty affairs lie Heavy upon my Neck and Shoulders.

Shrugs.

Arb.

Wou'd he were ty'd Neck and Heels?

Aside.

This is a notable Wench; look where the Rascal peeps too; If I shou'd becken to her she'd take no notice; She's resolv'd not to relieve me.

Aside.

Ab.

Something I can do, and that with some body; That is, with those that are some bodies.

Arb.

Whist, whist,

Beckons to Ruth, and she shakes her head.

Prethee have some pity? O unmerciful Girl.

Abel.

I know Parliament-men, and Sequestrators; I know Committee-men, and Committee-men know me.

Arb.

You have great acquaintance, Sir?

Abel.

Yes, they ask my opinion sometimes.

Arb.

What weather 'twill be; have you any skill, Sir?

Abel.

When the weather is not good, we hold a Fast.

Arb.

And then it alters.

Abel.

Assuredly.

Arb.

In good time—no mercy, Wench.

Abel.

Our profound Contemplations Are caused by the constervation of our Spirits For the Nations good, we are in labour.

Arb.

And I want a deliverance. Hark ye, Ruth, Take off your Dog, or I'll turn Bear indeed.

Ruth.

I dare not, my Mother will be angry.

Arb.

O hang you.

Ab.

You shall perceive that I have some power, If you please to—

Arb.

O I am pleased! Sir, that you shou'd have power; I must look out my Hoods and Scarfs, Sir, 'tis a most time to go.

Ab.

If it were not for the weighty matters of State Which lie upon my shoulders, my self wou'd look them.

Arb.

O by no means, Sir, 'tis below your greatness: Some luck yet; she never came seasonably before.

Enter Mrs. Day.

Mrs. Day.

Why how now, Abel got so close to Mrs. Arbella, So close indeed; nay then I smell something: Well, Mr. Abel, you have been so us'd to secresie In Council and weighty matters, that you have it At your Fingers ends: Nay, look ye Mistress, look ye, Look ye; mark Abel's Eyes: ah, there be looks. Ruth thou art a good Girl, I find Abel has got ground.

Ruth.

I forbore to come in, till I saw your honour First enter; but I have o'r heard all.

Mrs. Day.

And how has Abel behav'd himself, Wench, ha?

Ruth.

O beyond expectation: if it were lawful, I'd undertake He'd make nothing to get as many Womens good Wills as he speaks to; he'll not need much teaching, You may turn him loose.

Arb.

O this plaguy Wench!

Mrs. Day.

Sayest thou so Girl, it shall be something In thy way; a new Gown, or so, it may be a better penny: Well said, Abel, I say, I did think thou wou'dst come Out with a piece of thy Mothers at last:— But I had forgot, the Committee are near upon sitting. Ha, Mrs. you are crafty; you have made your Composition before-hand. Ah, this Abel's as bad As a whole Committee: Take that Item from me; Come, make haste, call the Coach, Abel; well said, Abel, I say.

Arb.

We'll fetch our things and follow you.

Exit Mrs. Day and Abel.

Now Wench, canst thou ever hope to be forgiven:

Ruth.

Why, what's the matter?

Arb.

The matter; coud'st thou be so unmerciful, To see me practic'd on, and pelted at, by a Blunderbuss Charg'd with nothing but proofs, weighty affairs, Spirit, profound Contemplation, and such like.

Ruth.

Why, I was afraid to interrupt you; I thought It convenient to give you what time I cou'd, To make his young honour your Friend.

Arb.

I am beholding to you, I may cry quittance.

Ruth.

But did you mark Abel's Eyes? Ah, there were looks!

Arb.

Nay, prethee give off, my hour's approaching, And I cann't be heartily merry till it be past: Come, let's fetch our things, Her Ladyships Honour will stay for us.

Ruth.

I'll warrant ye my Brethren, Abel is not in order yet, He's brushing a Hat almost a quarter of an hour, And as long a driving the lint from his black Cloaths, With his wet Thumb.

Arb.

Come, prethee hold thy peace,

I shall laugh in's Face else when I see him come along: Now for an old Shooe.

Exeunt.

A Table set out. Enter the Committee as to sit, and Obadiah ordering Books and Paper.

Obad.

Shall I read your Honours last Order, and give you The account of what you last debated?

Mr. Day.

I first crave your favours to communicate an Important matter to this honourable Board, in which I shall Discover unto you my own sincerity And zeal to the good Cause.

1.

Proceed, Sir.

Mr. Day.

The business is contained in this Letter, 'tis from No less a Man than the King; and 'tis to me, as simple as I sit Here: Is it your pleasures that our Clerk should read it?

2.

Yes, pray give it him.

Obad.

Reads.

Mr. Day,

We have received good intelligence of your great worth, And ability, especially in State-matters; and therefore thought Fit to offer you any preferment, or honour, that you shall desire, If you will become my intire Friend: Pray remember my Love and Service to your discreet Wife, and acquaint her With this; whose wisdom I hear is great: so recommending This to her and your wise consideration, I remain

Your Friend, C. K.

2.

C. K.

Mr. Day.

I, that's for the King.

2.

I suspect who brought you this Letter.

Mr. Day.

O fie upon't, my Wife forgot that particular.— Why, a Fellow left it for me, and shrunk away when he had Done, I warrant you he was afraid I shou'd have laid hold On him: You see Brethren what I reject; but I doubt not But to receive my reward: and I have now a business To offer, which in some measure may afford you an occasion.

2.

This Letter was counterfeited certainly.

Mr. Day.

But first be pleased to read your last order.

2.

What does he mean that concerns me?

Obad.

The order is, that the Composition arising out of Mr. Lashley's Estate, be and hereby is invested and allow'd to The honourable Mr. Nathaniel Catch, For and in respect of his sufferings and good service.

Mr. Day.

It is meet, very meet, we are bound In duty to strengthen our selves against the day of trouble, When the common Enemy shall endeavour to raise Commotions in the Land, And disturb our new built Zion.

2.

Then I'll say nothing, but close with him, we must Wink at one another; I receive your sense Of my services with a zealous kindness. Now, Mr. Day, I pray you propose your business.

Mr. Day.

I desire this honourable Board to understand, That my Wife being at Redding, and to come up in The Stage Coach: It happened that one Mrs. Arbella, A rich Heir of one of the Cavalier Party, came up also in, The same Coach; her Father being newly dead, and her

Estate before being under Sequestration: My Wife, who Has a notable pate of her own; you all know her; Presently cast about to get her for my Son Abel; And accordingly invited her to my House; where, though Time was but short, yet my Son Abel made use of it: They are without, as I suppose; but Before we call them in, I pray let us handle Such other matters as are before us.

1.

Let us hear then what Estates besides Lies before us, that we may see how large a Field we have to walk in.

2.

Read.

Obad.

One of your last Debates was upon the Plea Of an Infant, whose Estate is under Sequestration.

Mr. Day.

And sit to be kept so till he comes of Age, And may answer for himself; that he may not Be in possession of the Land till he can promise He will not turn to the Enemy.

Obad.

Here is another of almost the like nature; An Estate before your Honours under Sequestration: The Plea is, That the Party died without any— For taking up Arms; but in his Opinion for the King: He has left his Widow with Child, which will Be the Heir; and his Trustees complain of wrong, And claim the Estate.

2.

Well, the Father in his Opinion was a Cavalier.

Obad.

So it is given in.

2 C.

Nay, 'twas so I warrant you, and there's a young Cavalier in his Widows Belly; I warrant you that too; For the perverse Generation encreaseth; I move Therefore that their two Estates may remain in the hands Of our Brethren here, and Fellow Labourers, Mr. Joseph Blemish, and Mr. Jonathan Headstrong, And Mr. Ezekiel Scrape, and they to be accountable At our pleasures; whereby they may have a godly Opportunity of doing good for themselves.

Mr. Day.

Order it, order it.

3.

Since it is your pleasures, we are content To take the burthen upon us, and be Stewards to the Nation.

2.

Now verily it seemeth to me That the work goeth forward, when Brethren Hold together in Unity.

Mr. Day.

Well, if we have now finish'd, give me leave To tell you, my Wife is without, together with The Gentlewoman that is to compound: She will Needs have a Finger in the Pie.

3.

I profess we are to blame to let Mrs. Day wait so long.

Mr. Day.

We may not neglect the publick for private Respects. I hope Brethren, that you please to cast the Favour of your Countenances upon Abel.

2, 3.

You wrong us to doubt it, Brother Day. Call in the Compounders.

Enters Mrs. Day, Abel, Arbella, Ruth, and after them the Colonels, and Teg; they give the Door-Keeper something, who seems to scrape.

Mr. Day.

Come, Duck, I have told the honourable Committee That you are one that will needs endeavour To do good for this Gentlewoman.

2.

We are glad, Mrs. Day, that any occasion brings you hither.

Mrs. Day.

I thank your honours. I am desirous of doing Good, which I know is always acceptable in your Eyes.

Mr. Day.

Come on Son Abel, what have you to say?

Abel.

I come unto your Honours, full of profound Contemplations for this Gentlewoman.

Arb.

'Slife, he's at's lessen, Wench.

Ruth.

Peace, which Whelp opens next? O the Wolf is going to bark.

Mrs. Day.

May it please your Honours, I shall presume To inform you, that my Son Abel has setled his affections On this Gentlewoman, and desires your Honours favour To be shewn unto him in her Composition.

2. C.

Say you so, Mrs. Day? why the Committee have taken It into their serious, and pious consideration; together With Mr. Day's good service, upon some knowledge That is not fit to communicate.

Mrs. Day.

That was the Letter I invented.

Aside.

2 C.

And the composition of this Gentlewoman is consign'd To Mr. Day, that is, I suppose, to Mr. Abel, and so consequently To the Gentlewoman. You may be thankful, Mistress, For such good fortune, your Estate's discharg'd, Mr. Day shall have the discharge.

C. Bl.

O dam the Vultures!

C. Care.

Peace Man.

Arb.

I am willing to be thankful when I understand the Benefit. I have no reason to compound for what's my own; But if I must, if a Woman can be a Delinquent, I desire to know my publick censure, Not be left in private hands.

2 C.

Be contented, Gentlewoman, the Committee does this In favour of you; we understand how easily you Can satisfie Mr. Abel; you may, if you please, by Mrs. Day.

Ruth.

And then good night to all.

Aside.

Arb.

How, Gentlemen! are you private marriage Jobbers, D'ye make markets for one another?

2 C.

How's this Gentlewoman?

C. Bl.

A brave noble Creature.

C. Car.

Thou art smitten, Blunt; that other Female too, Methinks shoots fire this way.

Mrs. Day.

I desire your Honours to pardon Her incessant words; perhaps she doth not imagine The good that is intended her?

2 C.

Gentlewoman, the Committee for Mrs. Day's sake Passes by your expressions; you may spare your pains, You have the Committees resolution, you may Be your own Enemy if you will.

Arb.

My own Enemy.

Ruth.

Prethee peace, 'tis to no purpose to wrangle here; We must use other ways.

••. C.

Come on, Gentlemen, what's your case?

Ruth.

Arbella, there's the down-right Cavalier That came up in the Coach with us. —On my Life there's a sprightly Gentleman with him.

C. Care.

Our business is to compound for our Estates.

While they speak, the Colonels pull the Papers out and deliver 'em.

Of which here are the particulars, Which will agree with your own Survey.

Obad.

The particulars are right.

Mr. Day.

Well, Gentlemen, the rule is two years purchase, The first payment down, the other at six months end, And the Estate to secure it.

C. Car.

Can you afford it no cheaper?

2 C.

'Tis our rule.

C. Car.

Very well, 'tis but selling the rest to pay this, And our more lawful debts.

2.

But, Gentlemen, before you are admitted, You are to take the Covenant; You have not taken it yet, have you.

C. Car

No.

Teg.

Upon my Soul but he has now; I took it for him, And he has taken it from me, that he has.

Ruth.

What sport are we now like to have?

2 C.

What Fellow's that?

C. Car.

A poor simple Fellow that serves me. Peace, Teg.

Teg.

Let them not prate so then.

2 C.

Well, Gentlemen, it remains Whether you'll take the Covenant?

C. Car.

This is strange, and differs from your own Principle, To impose on other Mens Consciences.

Mr. Day.

Pish, we are not here to dispute, we act According to our instructions, and we cannot admit any To compound without taking it; therefore your answer.

Teg.

Why was it for no matter then that I have taken The Covenant. You there, Mr. Committee, Do you hear that now?

C. Car.

No, we will not take it, much good may it do them That have swallows large enough; 'Twill work one day in their Stomachs.

Cl. Bl.

The day may come, when those that suffer for their Consciences and honour may be rewarded.

Mr. Day.

I, I, you make an Idol of that honour.

C. Bl.

Our Worships then are different, you make that Your Idol which brings your Interest; We can obey that which bids us lose it.

Arb.

Brave Gentlemen.

Ruth.

I stare at 'em till my Eyes ake.

2 C.

Gentlemen, you are men of dangerous Spirits, Know, we must keep our rules, and instructions, lest we Lose what providence hath put into our hands.

C Care.

Providence, such as Thieves rob by?

2. C.

What's that, Sir, Sir, you are too bold?

C. Car.

Why in good sooth you may give losers Leave to speak; I hope your Honours out of your bowels of Compassion, will permit us to take over our departing Acres.

Mr. Day.

It is well you are so merry.

C. Car.

O, ever whil'st you live, clear souls make light hearts; Faith, wou'd I might ask one question?

2 C.

Swear not then.

C Car.

Thou shalt not covet thy Neighbours Goods; There's a Rowland for your Oliver; my question is only, Which of all you is to have our Estates: or will you Make Traitors of them, draw 'em, and quarter them.

2 C.

You grow abusive.

C. Bl.

No, no, 'tis only to entreat the honourable persons That will be pleased to be our House-keepers, to keep them In good Reparations; we may take possession again Without the help of the Covenant.

2 C.

You will think better on't, and take this Covenant.

C. Car.

We will be as rotten first as their hearts That invented it.

Ruth.

'Slife, Arbella, we'l have these two men; There are not two such again, to be had for love nor money.

Mr. Day.

Well, Gentlemen, your follies light upon your Own heads; we have no more to say.

C. Car.

Why then hoist Sails for a new World: D'hear, Blunt, what Gentlewoman is that?

C. Bl.

'Tis their witty Daughter I told thee of.

C. Car.

I'll go to speak to 'em, I'd fain convert That pretty Covenanter.

C. Bl.

Nay, prithee let's go.

C. Car.

Lady, I hope you'l have that good fortune, Not to be troubled with the Covenant.

Arb.

If they do, I'll not take it.

C. Bl.

Brave Lady, I must love her against my will.

C. Car.

For you, pretty one, I hope your Portion will Be enlarged by our Misfortunes; remember your benefactors.

Ruth.

If I had all your Estates, I cou'd afford you as good a thing.

C. Car.

Without taking the Covenant?

Ruth.

Yes, but I would invent another Oath.

C. Car.

Upon your Lips.

Ruth.

Nay, I am not bound to discover.

C. Bl.

Prithee come, is this a time to spend in fooling?

C. Car.

Now have I forgot every thing.

C. Bl.

Come, let's go.

2.

Gentlemen, void the Room.

C Car.

Sure 'tis impossible that Kite Shou'd get that pretty Merlin.

C. Bl.

Come, prithee let's go; these Muck-worms will have Earth enough to stop their mouths with one day.

C. Car.

Pray use our Estates husband-like, and so our Most honourable Bailiffs, farewel.

Mr. Day.

You are rude: Door-keeper, put 'em forth there.

Keep.

Come forth, ye there; this is not a place for such as you.

Teg.

Ye are a Rascal, that you are now.

Keep.

And please your Honours, this profane Irish-man swore An Oath at the door, even now, when I Wou'd have put him out.

2 C.

Let him pay for't.

Keep.

Here, you must pay, or lye by the heels.

Teg.

What must I pay, by the heels? I will not pay by

•••• h••••••s, that I will not, upon my soul

〈…〉〈…〉.

Here, here's a Shilling for thee, be quiet.—

Exeunt.

〈…〉〈…〉.

Well, I have not curs'd you now, that I have not: 〈…〉〈…〉 〈…〉〈…〉 I had cursed then?

Keep.

That had been Six-pence.

Teg.

Upon my soul now, I have but one Six-pence, that I •• ••ave not: Here, though, I will give it thee for a Curse; there Mr. Committee, now there is Six-pence for the Curse before-hand, Mr. Committee, and a Plague take you all.

Runs out.

Ruth.

Hark ye, Arbella, 'twere a sin not to love these men.

Arb.

I am not guilty, Ruth.

Mrs. Day.

Has this honourable Board any other Command.

2 C.

Nothing farther, good Mrs. Day: Gentlewoman, You have nothing to care for, but be grateful And kind to Mr. Abel.

Arb.

I desire to know what I must directly trust to, Or I will complain.

Mrs. Day.

The Gentlewoman needeth not doubt, she shall Suddenly perceive the good that is intended her, If she does not interpose in her own light.

Mr. Day.

I pray withdraw; the Committee has pass'd their Order, and they must now be private—

2 Com.

Nay, pray, Mistress, withdraw—So, Brethren, we have Finish'd this day's work; and let us always keep The Bonds of Unity unbroken, walking hand in Hand, and scattering the Enemy.

Mr. Day.

You may perceive they have Spirits never to be Reconcil'd; they walk according to Nature, and are Full of inward darkness.

2 Com.

It is well truly for the good people, that they Are so obstinate, whereby their Estates may Of right fall into the hands of the chosen, which Truly is a mercy.

Mr. Day.

I think there remaineth nothing farther, But to adjourn till Munday: Take up the Papers there, and bring home to me their Honours Order for Mrs. Arbella's Estate: So, Brethren, we separate our selves to our Particular endeavours, till we join in Publick on Munday, two of the Clock; And so Peace remain with you.

Exeunt.