Advice to a daughter as to religion, husband, house, family and children, behaviour and conversation, friendship, censure, vanity and affectation, pride, diversions : to which is added The character of a trimmer, as to the laws and government, Protestant religion, the papists, forreign affairs / by the late noble M. of H..

BEHAVIOƲR and CON∣VERSATION.

IT is time now to lead you out of your House into the World. A Dangerous step; where your Vertue alone will not secure you except it is at∣tended with a great deal of Prudence. You must have both for your Guard, and not stir without them. The Ene∣my is abroad, and you are sure to be taken, if you are found stragling. Your Beha∣viour is therefore to incline strongly towards the Reser∣ved part; your Character is to be immoveably fixed upon that Bottom, not excluding

a mixture of greater freedom, as far as it may be innocent and well-timed. The Extra∣vagancies of the Age have made Caution more necessary; and by the same reason that the too great Licence of ill Men hath by Consequence in many things restrained the Lawful Liberty of those who did not abuse it, the un∣justifiable Freedoms of some of your Sex have involved the rest in the Penalty of be∣ing reduced. And though this cannot so alter the Nature of things, as to make that Criminal, which in it self is Indifferent; yet if it maketh it dangerous, that alone is suf∣ficient to justifie the Restraint. A close behaviour is t•••• ••••ttest

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to receive Vertue for its con∣stant Guest, because there, and there only, it can be secure. Proper Reserves are the Out∣works, and must never be de∣serted by those who intend to keep the Place; they keep off the possibilities not only of being taken, but of being attempted; and if a Woman seeth Danger tho at never so remote a Distance, she is for that time to shorten her Line of Liberty. She who will allow her self to go to the utmost Extent of every thing that is Lawful, is so very near going farther, that those who lie at watch, will begin to count upon her.

Mankind, from the double temptation of Vanity and De∣sire,

is apt to turn every thing a Woman doth to the hopesul side; and there are sew who dare make an impudent Ap∣plication, till they discern something which they are willing to take for an Encou∣ragement. It is safer therefore to prevent such Forwardness, than to go about to cure it. It gathereth Strength by the first allowances, and claimeth a Right from having been at a∣ny time suffered with Impu∣nity. Therefore nothing is with more care to be avoid∣ed, than such a kind of Civi∣lity as may be mistaken for Invitation; and it will not be enough for you to keep your self free from any criminal Engagements; for if you do

that which either raiseth Hopes or createth Discourse, there is a Spot thrown upon your Good Name; and those kind of Stains are the harder to be taken out, being dropped upon you by the Man's Va∣nity, as well as by the Woman's Malice.

Most Men are in one sence Platonick Lovers, though they are not willing to own that Character. They are so far Philosophers, as to allow, that the greatest part of Pleasure lieth in the Mind; and in pursuance of that Maxim, there are few who do not place the Felicity more in the Opinion of the World, of their being prosperous Lo∣vers, than in the Blessing it self,

how much soever they appear to value it. This being so, you must be very cautious not to gratifie these Camele∣ons at the price of bringing a Cloud upon your Reputation, which may be deeply wounded, tho your Conscience is uncon∣cerned.

Your own Sex too will not fail to help the least Appear∣ance that giveth a Handle to be ill-turned. The best of them will not be displea∣sed to improve their own Value, by laying others un∣der a Disadvantage, when there is a fair Occasion given for it. It distinguisheth them still the more: their own Credit is more exalted, and, like a Picture set off with

Shades, shineth more when a Lady, either less Innocent, or less Discreet is set near, to make them appear so much the brighter. If these lend their Breath to blast such as are so unwary as to give them this Advantage, you may be sure there will be a stronger Gale from those, who, besides Malice or Emulation, have an Interest too, to strike hard upon a Vertuous Woman. It seemeth to them, that their Load of Infamy is lessened, by throwing part of it upon others: So that they will not only improve when it lieth in their way, but take pains to find out the least mistake an Innocent Woman commit∣teth, in Revenge of the In∣jury

she doth in leading a Life which is a Reproach to them. With these you must be extreme wary, and neither provoke them to be angry, nor invite them to be Inti∣mate.

To the Men you are to have a Behaviour which may secure you, without offend∣ing them. No ill-bred affe∣cted Shyness, nor a Roughness, unsuitable to your Sex, and unnecessary to your Vertue; but a way of Living that may prevent all course Railleries or unmannerly Freedoms; Looks that forbid without Rude∣ness, and oblige without In∣vitation, or leaving room for the sawcy Inferences Men's Vanity suggesteth to them

upon the least Encourage∣ments. This is so very nice, that it must engage you to have a perpetual Watch upon your Eyes, and to remember, that one careless Glance gi∣veth more advantage than a hundred Words not enough considered; the Language of the Eyes being very much the most significant, and the most observed.

Your Civility, which is al∣ways to be preserved, must not be carried to a Compliance, which may betray you into irrecoverable Mistakes. This French ambiguous word Com∣plaisance hath led your Sex into more blame, than all other things put together. It carrieth them by degrees in∣to

a certain thing called a good kind of Woman, an easie Idle Creature, that doth nei∣ther Good nor Ill but by chance, hath no Choice, but leaveth that to the Company she keepeth. Time, which by degrees addeth to the signi∣fication of Words, hath made her, according to the Modern Stile, little better than one who thinketh it a Rudeness to deny when civilly requi∣red, either her Service in Per∣son, or her friendly Assistance, to those who would have a meeting, or want a Confident. She is a certain thing always at hand, an easie Companion, who hath ever great Compassion for distressed Lovers: She cen∣sureth nothing but Rigor,

and is never without a Plaister for a wounded Reputation, in which chiefly lieth her Skill in Chirurgery; She seldom hath the Propriety of any par∣ticular Gallant, but liveth up∣on Brokage, and waiteth for the Scraps her Friends are con∣tent to leave her.

There is another Character not quite so Criminal, yet not less Ridiculous; which is that of a good-humour'd Woman, one who thinketh she must always be in a Laugh, or a broad Smile, because Good∣humour is an obliging Qua∣lity; thinketh it less ill man∣ners to talk Impertinently, than to be silent in Company. When such a prating Engine rideth Admiral, and carrieth

the Lantern, in a Circle of Fools, a cheerful Coxcomb com∣ing in for a Recruit, the Chat∣tering of Monkeys is a better noise than such a Concert of senceless Merriment. If she is applauded in it, she is so en∣couraged, that, like a Bal∣lad singer, who if commend∣ed, breaketh his Lungs, she letteth her self loose, and o∣verfloweth upon the Compa∣ny. She conceiveth that Mirth is to have no inter∣mission, and therefore she will carry it about with her, though it be to a Funeral; and if a Man should put a familiar Question, she doth not know very well how to be angry, for then she would be no more that pretty thing

called a Good humour'd Wo∣man. This necessity of appea∣ring at all times to be so infi∣nitely pleased is a grievous mistake; since in a handsom Woman that Invitation is un∣necessary; and in one who is not so, ridiculous. It is not intended by this, that you should forswear Laughing; but remember, that Fools being always painted in that posture, it may fright those who are wise from doing it too frequently, and going too near a Copy which is so little inviting, and much more from doing it loud, which is an unnatural Sound and look∣eth so much like another Sex, that few things are more of∣fensive. That boisterous kind

of Jollity is as contrary to Wit and Good Manners, as it is to Modesty and Vertue. Besides, it is a course kind of quali∣ty, that throweth a Woman into a lower Form, and de∣gradeth her from the Rank of those who are more refi∣ned. Some Ladies speak loud and make a noise to be the more minded, which look∣eth as if they beat their Drums for Volunteers, and if by mis∣fortune none come in to them, they may, not without rea∣son, be a good deal out of Countenance.

There is one shing, yet more to be avoided, which is the Example of those who intend nothing farther than the Vanity of Conquest, and

think themselves secure of not having their Honour tainted by it. Some are apt to be∣lieve their Vertue is too Ob∣scure, and not enough known, except it is exposed to a broader Light, and set out to its best advantage, by some publick Trials. These are dan∣gerous experiments, and ge∣nerally fail, being built upon so weak a foundation, as that of a too great Confidence in our selves. It is as safe to play with Fire, as to dally with Gallantry. Love is a Passion that hath Friends in the Gar∣rison, and for that reason must by a Woman be kept at such a distance, that she may not be within the dan∣ger of doing the most usual

thing in the World, which is conspiring against her Self: Else the humble Gallant, who is only admitted as a Trophy, very often becometh the Conquerour; he putteth on the style of victory, and from an Admirer groweth into a Master, for so he may be called from the moment he is in Possession. The first Reso∣lutions of stopping at good O∣pinion and Esteem, grow weaker by degrees against the Charms of Courtship skil∣fully applied. A Lady is apt to think a Man speaketh so much reason whilst he is Com∣mending her, that she hath much ado to believe him in the wrong when he is making Love to her: And when

besides the natural Induce∣ments your Sex hath to be merciful, she is bribed by well chosen Flattery, the poor Creature is in danger of being caught like a Bird listening to the Whistle of one that hath a Snare for it. Conquest is so tempting a thing, that it of∣ten maketh Women mistake Men's Submissions; which with all their fair Appearance, have generally less Respect than Art in them. You are to remem∣ber, that Men who say ex∣treme fine things, many times say them most for their own sakes; and that the vain Gal∣lant is often as well pleased with his own Compliments, as he could be with the kindest answer. Where there is not

that Ostentation you are to suspect there is Design. And as strong perfumes are seldom used but where they are ne∣cessary to smother an unwel∣come scent; so Excessive good Words leave room to be∣lieve they are strewed to co∣ver something, which is to gain admittance under a Dis∣guise. You must therefore be upon your Guard, and con∣sider, that of the two, Re∣spect is more dangerous than Anger. It puts even the best Understandings out of their place for the time, till their second thoughts restore them; it stealeth upon us insensibly, throweth down our Defences, and maketh it too late to re∣sist, after we have given it

that advantage. Whereas rai∣ling goeth away in sound; it hath so much noise in it, that by giving warning it bespea∣keth Caution. Respect is a slow and a sure Poison, and like Poison swelleth us within our selves. Where it prevaileth too much, it groweth to be a kind of Apoplexie in the Mind, turneth it quite round, and after it hath once seized the understanding, becometh mortal to it. For these rea∣sons, the safest way is to treat it like a sly Enemy, and to be perpetually upon the watch a∣gainst it.

I will add one Advice to conclude this head, which is that you will let every seven years make some alteration in

you towards the Graver side, and not be like the Girls of Fifty, who resolve to be al∣ways Young, whatever Time with his Iron Teeth hath de∣termined to the contrary. Unnatural things carry a De∣formity in them never to be Disguised; the Liveliness of Youth in a riper Age, looketh like a new patch upon an old Gown; so that a Gay Matron, a cheerful old Fool may be rea∣sonably put into the List of the Tamer kind of Monsters. There is a certain Creature call'd a Grave Hobby-Horse, a kind of a she Numps, that pretendeth to be pulled to a Play, and must needs go to Bartholomew Fair, to look af∣ter the young Folks, whom she

only seemeth to make her care, in reality she taketh them for her excuse. Such an old Butterfly is of all Creatures, the most ridiculous, and the soonest found out. It is good to be early in your Caution, to avoid any thing that com∣eth within distance of such despicable Patterns, and not like some Ladies, who defer their Conversion, till they have been so long in possession of being laughed at, that the World doth not know how to change their style, e∣ven when they are reclaimed from that which gave the first occasion for it.

The advantages of being reserved are too many to be set down, I will only say, that

it is a Guard to a good Woman, and a Disguise to an ill one. It is of so much use to both, that those ought to use it as an Ar∣tifice, who refuse to practise it as a Vertue.