Proteus redivivus, or, The art of wheedling or insinuation obtain'd by general conversation and extracted from the several humours, inclinations, and passions of both sexes, respecting their several ages, and suiting each profession or occupation / collected and methodized by the author of the first part of the English rogue.

CHAP. XII. Of Acquaintance and Conversation.

SOciety is that which is coveted, and desired by all Creatures, nothing in the Creation is averse to it, but the Melancholick, the malig∣nity of whose humour and solitary inclination renders him unfit to live, being so incongruous to the sociable Inhabitants of the Vniverse. Rather than be absolutely alone, Ovid said it was something to live with sharp and cruel winds.

Scilicet est aliquid cum Saevis vivere ventis.

But how dangerous a thing it is to venture in∣to a general acquaintance, every one knows that hath been accounted a Company-keeper. It is not the Multitude of Acquaintance, but the goodness thereof should be coveted, and it is impossible but he must be soil'd with Vice, who runs into all Companies: this was it which made Seneca thus complain; Avarior redeo, ambitiosior, imo crudelior, & inhumanior quia in∣ter homines fui.

But what cares our Wheedle with whom he associates, they cannot be worse than himself; he cares not what their Vices are, so that he can extract the best benefit from them; and the

larger his acquaintance is the better for him, ha∣ving more variety of subiects to work upon, and his comfort is, he cannot want them, since there is nothing easier than to create them; the meer being in company once doth it, and this shall be reason sufficient for him, if he meet the Person some years after, to shake him by the hand, and with a counterfeit countenance of joy embracing him, invite him to the Tavern, where ten to one he makes him pay the reckoning for this unex∣pected salutation: if he will be borrowing money of him, there is no better way for that Person that would be rid of him, than to lend him some; for, this shall keep him at a greater distance with his Creditor, than if his constant Companions were Pox, Pestilential Bubo's, and a thousand Car∣buncles: not but that he will borrow mony some∣time for no other end than to pay it exactly ac∣cording to time prefixt, that by his honest pun∣ctuality he may have a better opportunity of borrowing a greater Sum, of which he never intends to pay a farthing.

Acquaintance is the first draught of those whom he designs to make his friends, and lays them down often before him, as the foul Copy before he can write perfect and true; from hence, as from a Probation, he takes his degree in Mens respects, till at last he wholly possess them: by this means he impropriates, and encloses to

himself what before lay in common to others. The ordinary use of acquaintance is but some∣what a more boldness in Society, a Copartner∣ship in discourse, News, Mirth, Meat, and Recreation; but our Wheedle makes a further advantage by making all these subservient to some design, according to the nature of them. For, as to discourse, the gingling words of others don't delight him so much as their giddy brains; and no talk so pleasant, as that which detects the intrigues of other men; he is then all Ear, and if he speak it is but to provoke others to talk on for further discovery: if he talk himself, it is with submission to the company, and concludes that condescention with Your faithful friend, and Servant, and being gon never thinks of any of them, but when he must use them, or stands in need of their assistance. Next as to News, he finds it more beneficial to him than an Office of Intelligence to others, and picks thence more beneficial matter, than if he had pickt up in the Street Rings, Watches, &c. so often mentioned in the Gazette to have been casually dropt, and lost: as to meat, drink, mirth and recreation he makes them not only satisfy Nature, and please the Senses, but he makes them also instrumental in cloathing the body, and that not meanly, as oc∣casion shall require; and this is a thing so easi∣ly to be done, that in this case, I judge it

needless to demonstrate it in what manner.

Friendship, like Children, is engendred by a more inward mixture, and coupling together; wherefore when the Wheedle intends an invasion on the Secrets of other mens hearts, he first dis∣covers some of his own (of no great consequence) with a thousand injunctions, and engagements not to discover the least tittle thereof to any Soul living; by this he engages the other to a bold discovery of his own faults, Passions, and Vicious inclinations, his fear, shame, and, it may be, something that may tend to the ruin of the Rela∣tor, if it be discovered, which the Wheedle vows shall never be so done by him till death, nor then neither; yet, for this unadvised folly he will be sure to make him his slave all the days of his life, and fear shall so shackle him, that he must neither displease, nor deny him any thing that lyes within the Verge of his estates ability. A Secret, when discover'd, no longer is our own, but his that hears it, and is no longer his than there is a compliance with the humour of that Person: at length being prostituted by two ma∣ny owners, it becomes the shame, and infamy of the first imprudent Guardian.

Much more might be said of Acquaintance, the subject being very large; now to avoid pro∣lixity I shall skip from this, and fall upon the next branch of this Chapter, viz. Conversation,

which renders men sociable, and makes up the greatest commerce of our lives, and therefore we cannot take too much care to render our dis∣course pleasing, and profitable.

It is not my intent to discover the means con∣ducible to make every man (justly) succesful in conversation, but I will only declare (as briefly, as I may) what course the Wheedle undertakes to make his designs hit, according to the nature of those Persons with whom he hath converse. He hath (or ought to have) a Memory inricht with variety of matter, in conjunction with such a Judgment, that may both regulate his speech, and engage him to view with circumspection what he is obliged to observe: for Example sake; would it not be ridiculous instead of amorous courtship to entertain a young Lady with School-boy questions, as what is Latin for a Dripping-pan, and Greek for a Pair of Tongs; or to talk of nothing for an hour together to a Quaker, but what rare sport there was the other day at the Bear-Garden, or, to tell him what excellent Scenes there are in Macbeth, and the late rectified inimitable Tempest? Things as incon∣gruous to some company I have seen brought in by head and shoulders in discourse, but the Whee∣dle taking notice what great offence it gave, and how tedious, and intollerable such talk was to those whose humours were at enmity with such

Conversation, keeps aloof from this dangerous way of speaking, and takes a course not to dis∣please, by talking well upon that subject he un∣derstands, (it not, to be silent) and likewise by taking special notice of the Time, and Place wherein he doth discourse, and in that, as all men ought to have a regard to Truth, he does not, yet loves it well in others: he holds this as one principal Article in his Creed, that none can thrive apace, and prosper without a continual dissi∣mulation, and profession of never speaking his thoughts aright; so far he may be excused, that if he is about some good Employ, or some advantagious design by Bargain or Sale, &c. I hold it not re∣quisit, nay ridiculous, if he proclaim his preten∣tions, or discover the means he intends to use for advantage; for should he be so indiscreet he then would give light to others to anticipate, and pre∣judice his projections. A prudent dissimu∣lation is allowable, especially of some dangerous truth, when the effects of it will be only an unsea∣sonable exasperation, and perhaps draw upon our selves, Envy, Hate, or Contempt. It is the continuallying and dissimulation that must be con∣demn'd, and hated, if for no other Reason, than that in process of time no man will believe its constant Practiser; for though he caress well, promise much, be civil, and obliging; yet, by his frequent lying, he will at length be found

out; then will all his actions be narrowly scan'd, and by them found to be as an Hireling in a Play-house; who says what he thinks not; whose only care is to acquit himself well of that part he hath undertaken to Act, knowing he shall not (when the Play is ended) go without his Re∣ward, with future encouragement.

As he can in other discourse lye, reserve, and equivocate for his own benefit, so by the help of Nature, and his own Labours, he hath treasured up in his Memory, a great number of choice things, which makes him restitution, when he hath occasion to make use of them, which is a great and necessary succour to him when he intends to delight, and win upon the company by his Railery, which by its designed delicacy and fineness, heightens conversation when it is flagging, and infinitely obliges in Society. When he jests himself, he speaks so indifferently, and is so seemingly unconcern'd, that onewould think he understood not what he said; but this is his cunning, that thereby he may the more pleasingly surprize, and by his silence make room for others laughter; but when others jest, there shall be nothing wanting in his face which may not ex∣press a more than common satisfaction. He studies Jokes, Repartees, &c. to no other end than to please in Conversation; for, nothing con∣tributes more to delightful diversion, than returns

which are facetiously surprizing; wherefore he takes special care to muzzle all his biting jests, and never lets them show their Teeth, till he is too Satyrically overwitted, and then, to the rescue of his reputation, he freely lets them run without constraint.

Sometimes the Wheedle (perswaded by his good cloaths, and pusht forward by his confi∣dence) gets admittance into the Society of such as are much above him, where if he hear any vain, effeminate, and impertinent person, eagerly discoursing the conduct of some amorous Fe∣male Conquests, as the Wife of Mr. Fribble, my Ladies Woman, or an Actoress, I say, if it be his chance, or design, that cast him into that Company, he will give all attention imaginable, and with as much astonishment, as at the de∣scription of some Bloody Siege, if in the Rela∣tion, the Amorish borrows Metaphors from War to illustrate the Infamy of that Victory.

To please this Lump of Brutality the more by his words and behaviour, he makes him be∣lieve, that in such an adventure he ought to e∣steem himself the happiest of Lovers, by mag∣nifying his Victory, not depending on Chance, or the weakness of the Sex vanquisht; but to his irristible Person, Wit, and Eloquence, ad∣ding other commendations which may make his Masculine Vigour and Courage look big in his

own Eye, so that he may believe himself to be in no capacity of fear for any Competitor, and an absolute Conquerour when e'er he intends to attaque any Maiden Fortress, or well forti∣fied Old Garrison.

Having possest him with so good an Opinion of his own excellencies in general, he then sin∣gles him out, and for further proof of his pro∣digious Valour, whispers him in the Ear, where lies the perfect pattern of all Beauty, and its concomitants, insinuating withal the greatness of her Virtue and severe Continence; that this admired piece deserves his trial, having tyred all her Assailants by the long continued Siege, and none could ever yet make a breach in her Walls; that if he could (coming last) storm, or enter this Cittadel by a voluntary surrender, he might then conclude the total conquests of all other VVorlds of Women, and sit down at length with Alexander, and weep there are no more to conquer.

The Gallant thus prickt on, and animated to make this bold attempt, is impatient till he enter the Lists; the Wheedle shows him then where this Inchanted Castle lies; what Avenues there are to it; what inestimable Treasures it contains; how guarded and defended by two mighty Gyants, Chastity and Temperance; two Angels her constant Centinels; how deeply

Moated and Intrenched; two Ivory Pillars stan∣ding at the Entrance of the Gate, &c. all these do rather encourage, than dishearten the bold Knight, who without any help (nay, not so much as his Squires) boldly makes an Onset, and in the attempt, surpriseth the Centinels, destroys the Gyants, dams up the Moat, enters the Tren∣ches, and with his single hand makes himself Commander of the place, but endeavouring to find out where the Treasure lay hid, was blown up by a Mine of White-Gun-Powder, which though it made no Report, yet did Execution to his great dammage and dishonour.

But to return to our purpose; let the Wheedle be where he will, and in what company soever, he is very cautious how he speaks to the disad∣vantage of another, but to the advantage; and though some impute this way of speaking to flattery, since it is advantagious, he holds it excusable; thus some are of opinion, That if a lye bring dammage to none, and is of profit to some, it may be dispenced with, if the nature of the Sub∣ject forbid it not.

Superiours, and those from whom he expects some kindness, he seldom or never contradicts, fearing to offend, and so lose them; and the truth of it is, contradictions are seldom grateful and acceptable to any. The opinions of others, though in themselves very extravagant, he glibly

swallows as approved Maxims in appearance, and the little follies, indiscretions and levities, which are committed in his company, he is so far from reproving, that he reproves himself thereby, by approving seemingly of them, and by considering wherein they may be profitable to him, whether for the present entertainment, or future accomplishment of any other design.

There is no remedy but that there must be some indulgence to flattery, but not in all its kinds: for great flatteries sometimes succeed worse, than if there were used none at all; be∣cause, he who is so flatter'd, is apt to enter into an opinion that there is an intention of de∣ceiving.

To sum up all, as well Princes as other men are composed of the four Humours, and are thereby inclined in their affections, according to the degree of the humour which is most pre∣dominant in them, regarding their change by Age, Affairs, and Conversations, so the manner of the Wheedles procedure changeth too, and answers the inclinations of both Sexes, which are various, and almost infinite. To the Volup∣tuous, he is a Pimp to serve his pleasures; with the Drunkard he will drink, so that he may ad∣vance himself thereby, as a mean Scab was pre∣fer'd before many Noblemen of Rome to the Questure, because he had pledg'd Tiberius a whole

Amphora of wine; with the falacious Nero he will be Tigilinus, or a Petronius to be Arbiter of the elegance of his Luxury. I need not pro∣duce more instances how he Insinuates into all humours, but conclude, that he who will (like the Wheedle) gain the favour of all men, and make advantages of them in all respects, must comply with, or second their Inclinations and Passions.

Give me leave to add some few Observations concerning the Age, and Fortune of Men, and I shall conclude the Theorical part of the Art of Wheedling.

He that intends to be skilful in this Art, must well observe the exterior conditions of Persons, which are subservient to the judging of the interi∣or, and whence they proceed, viz. from Age, or from their Fortune; the Age of Man, in which the difference of manners are principally to be observed, are Youth, Man-hood, and Old Age.

The young man is soon led away, ready to execute his desires, ardent in the prosecution, and not easily satisfied in the enjoyment of Plea∣sures, Inconstant, soon Cholerick, Profuse, or Prodigal, as having never tried what want means, Having never had the Black Ox tread on his Toe. he is simple for want of Observation and Ex∣perience, which were enough to lay him too open to the subtlety of the selfish Insinuator,

if the foregoing qualities were left out.

Moreover young men having never been de∣ceived, nor cheated any way by the Wheedling Crafts-Masters of the Town, knows not what it means, and being puft up with Hope, they pro∣mise to themselves Mountains, and are buoyed up by the fair promising pretences of these Town∣shifts, till they have an opportunity to effect their ends. These young mens hopes are great, and being Cholerick to boot, they readily en∣terprise any thing, and the hopes they have of effecting what they propose to themselves, makes them affraid of nothing, and do easily enter in∣to a confidence of themselves and others: Danger is never nearer than when security lies at the Door: and following rather splendid Vani∣ties than what is profitable, they either by the subtle instigations of the Wheedle disable their flight, by singing their wings at the flame of a (glittering) Candle, or being suffocated with Sweets, lie Buried in a Hony-pot.

Love and Friendship is more strong in youth than any other Age, and both of them (without great caution) prove equally destructive.

Old men are of a quite different humour; for by their long aboad in the world, and con∣verse with men of divers sorts, they have been frequently cheated and deceived, and therefore are suspicious and distrustful; the effects of that

fear which freezes their hearts, and the expe∣rience they have of the infidelity of men, makes them love none, and are jealous of all; where∣fore the premises considered, I know not what advantages can be made of him (if he be cove∣tous too, which is natural to all aged people) unless, like the Hog, after decease to feed his Relations, whom in his life time he half starved by his boundless Avarice.

From these two Extremities it is easie to de∣scribe the Age of Manhood, who is at an equal distance from the presumption of the Young, and timerousness of the Ancient; and if there be adjoyn'd unto it all the advantages which are separate from young and old Age, and the de∣fects and excesses of Ages more moderate, so that Age becomes less lyable to the prejudices the Wheedle doth design against it.

From the Ages of man I should proceed to their different Fortunes and conditions, but that is a work I design for the following Section, where I shall endeavour to give you a faithful account of several private and publick Practicers of this mysterious Art and Science.