Nugæ venales, or, Complaisant companion being new jests, domestick and forreign, bulls, rhodomontados, pleasant novels and miscellanies.

WITTY SAYINGS OF A FRENCH JESTER.

THat a Physician was naturally bro∣ther to the Wormes, because he was engendred out of Mans Cor∣ruptions.

He adviseth all men to be kind & cour∣teous to Hemp: being askt the reason, quoth he, it is the most revengeful thing in the World: for if a man beat it, especially in Bridewel, it is a hundred to one, but it will be the death of him shortly after.

Standing by some Swearing at Play, he said, He that swears when he loos∣eth his Money by Gameing, may chal∣lenge Hell by way of Purchase.

He said a Prodigal was like a Brush, which spent it self to make others go

handsome in their Apparrel.

Seeing a man in the Pillory; he said, That certainly there must be a great deal of pleasant Oratory in it, or else men would not have their Eares nailed to it.

He said, That Antiquaries love every thing as Duch-men do Cheese, for being mouldy and Worm-eaten.

He contradicted one for saying, That the Players in Paris had but an idle employment; sure Sir (said he) you are mistaken, for their whole lives are nothing but Action.

Being asked by one, how he should use Tobacco that it might do him good, he answered, You must keep a Tobacco shop, and sell it, for certainly there are none else find good in it.

He said, That Poetry and Plain deal∣ing were a couple of handsome Wench∣es, and he that wedds himself to either, shall dye a Beggar.

He compared Women to Quich sands, which seemed firm, but if a Man came upon them, he fell in over Head and Shoulders.

Of all Trades he said, A Tooth∣drawer was the most unconscionable,

because his Trade was to take away that, whereby every man gets his living. And that a Hangman's Profession was the most contemplative of all others, because he never was to work, but he was put in mind of his own end.

Seeing some Reapers in Harvest time, he told them, That Corn was a quarrelsome Creature, because it rose by the Blade, and fell by the Ears with those that cut them.

That Colliers and Mine-workers should be well acquainted with all Philosophical Secrets of the Earth, because they have deeper knowledge in it then any others.

That Drawers and Tapsters should be men of great esteem, Because they are men not only of an high Calling, but also of a great reckoning.

Of all Knaves (he said) there was the greatest hope of a Cobler, for though he be ever so idle a Fellow, yet he is always mending.

One time seeing a tall Man, he said, That for certain he must needs be a great Polititian, because he had an ex∣traordinary reach.

He said a squint eyed Man could not

but be very Circumspect, since he looked so many ways at once.

That Glasiers might be chosen, and concluded good deciders of Contro∣versie, or Arbitrators, For they spend most of their time in composing of quarrels.

That Carpenters were the Civiliest and honestest of all men, For they never do their business without a Rule.

That Physicians of all men had the best on't, For if they did well, the World did proclame it, if ill, the Earth did cover it.

That Vintners are very rash fellows, because they draw upon all occasions: and so expert at their Weapons, that they let very few go away scot-free.

That Fidlers are very unfortunate in their occupation, For they never do any thing, but it is against the hair.

That Trumpeters are ever subject to Distempers, For commonly when they are most in health, they will fall a sounding.

That Ostlers and Horse-coursers are happy men, For let the World go how it will, and let there be never so much alteration in times and persons,

yet they are still to be accounted Stable-men.

A person Drunk one day, railing at him, he told the Company he matter∣ed not any thing what he said in his Cups, For he spake nothing that he could stand to.

He said, some Taylors were like Wood-cocks, because they lived by their long Bills.

That a Prison is a good Instrument of Reformation, for it makes many Rogues and Lewd Fellows, staid men. Discoursing of a Common-wealth, he said, That in that of Fishes there are many Officers, Herring is the King; The Sword-fish his Guard; Lobsters Al∣dermen; Crabs Constables, Dog-fish Serjeants, and their Yeomen; and Poor John, or Stock-fish, the common sort of people.

That Coblers might be said to be good men, because they set men up∣right, and are ever employ'd in mend∣ing Souls.

He said, that a Tavern and Houses of Entertainment were the only place for men to thrive in, For he said, He had seen many a score made there.

That Carriers are wise men, for they will not meddle with any thing, but they will know of what moment and weight it is.

That Painters were cunning Fellows, For they had a Colour for what ever they did.

He said, that Court-gallants had rea∣son to be good Schollars, By reason they were deep in many Books.

One was saying to him, that some Letters in the Hebrew Alphabet were longer then any other whatever: That's not so, said he, for in ours we have one, an L long.

That Glovers get a great part of their living, by cutting Purses, and are never punish'd for it.

Seeing on a time a man with a great Nose and thin Beard, he said that the shadow of that mans long Nose hinder∣ed the growth of his Beard.

Hearing of a Wench (that was bred on the Alms of the Parish) who had left one of her Bastards to be kept by them also, I commend her, said he, for her gratitude; having done like the grate∣ful Stork in Holland, for it is reported of them, that they never depart but

leave one of their young behind them, in recompence of the kindness they re∣ceived from their Land-lord.

He was wont to say, that the Portu∣guise seems a Fool, and is so; the Spa∣niard seems wise, and is a Fool; the French seems a Fool, and is wise; the Englishman is wise, but cannot show it; and the Dutchman would be wiser, were it not for his Liquor.

Well, said he, may sick persons be called Patients, since they suffer so much by their Physitians.

He said, that Soldiers in Peace, were like Chimneys in Summer.